Prologue
“So, the guys,” he said, looking over at the group of knuckle-headed boys surrounding the bonfire, “think I’m a virgin.”
I stared at him for a minute, trying to follow his logic.
“They do,” he insisted. His tone was a little desperate. His dark brown eyes were really desperate.
“Justin,” I said. “You are a virgin. Welcome to the club.”
“Shhh!” he hushed me. “They could hear you.”
“Dude, they know!” I yell-whispered back. “It’s not a big deal. Losing your V-card takes time, you know.”
At least, it had for me. I was picky. So sue me.
He moved off the log next to me and settled in the sand at my feet. His big hands wrapped around my calves as he rested his chin on my knees. “It’s embarrassing. They talk about sex all the time and I’m just…I don’t know. Not ready.”
“That’s fair. You shouldn’t feel pressured to do something you don’t want to.”
“Right,” he said, eyes darting to the ground. “It’s just that this community isn’t very open-minded and I haven’t exactly figured out where I fall, identity-wise. I’d rather wait to make any major announcements.”
Justin was my best friend. He lived in a small residential community near the beach. Traditional. Old. Kind of poor. Pretty religious. I felt bad for him because I knew how stifling it could be to live here. I barely survived it myself when my parents lived in Oceanside. I had the chance to get out when my parents divorced. The scrutiny by some of the locals was so bad after my dad bailed and left me and my mom on our own.
We tried staying in Oceanside. Like, really tried, but this was my dad’s hometown, and when he left and the rumors started and I wasn’t doing so well…
Yeah, we didn’t last long before moving one town over, hoping for a fresh start.
Things weren’t much better there. We were still kind of poor but at least people didn’t talk about how we were sinners and what my mom did to run off my dad. It was better, even though I never quite fit in socially. Which is why, as soon as I got my license I started coming back to Oceanside to hang with my only real friend.
I sighed and stared at Justin, thinking life shouldn’t be this hard. People should be free to be who they are, love who they want, experiment on their own terms. Right?
Justin always stuck by my side, and I wanted to pay him back. He helped me through my rough spot and never told anyone my secret. Shouldn’t I help him keep his?
“Well, what are you going to do?” I asked.
He looked up with puppy dog eyes and pushed out his bottom lip. “Well, I had this idea...”
I narrowed my eyes and brushed a lock of hair off his forehead. “What kind of idea?”
He lifted his eyebrows suggestively, “I thought maybe you and me…we could, you know...fake it?”
I pulled back. “Fake what? Because look, Justin, I love you and all, but I draw the line at being your fake girlfriend. In fact, I drew the line years ago being your real girlfriend.”
There was a while, around fifth grade, where I had a super big crush on Justin. Why not? He was cute, tall, and had the best smile. He wasn’t a jerk like the other boys in class. But I never acted on it. He was my best friend and I thought he had a crush on me, too. Then he asked me to the fifth-grade dance and later if I wanted to be his girlfriend. Despite my crush, I said no. It felt wrong. The risk was too high.
He chuckled nervously and tightened his fingers around the denim covering my legs. “No, not that. What if you like, kissed me or something? In public. To get the guys off my back.” He ducked his head. I wondered if he thought I was going to hit him.
“You want me to kiss you?” I’d kissed Justin before, when we were thirteen, and even then, only on a dare from Paul. I looked across the beach at Paul, who had his tongue shoved down the throat of some girl with dark hair pulled back in a ponytail. Fucking horndog. No one cared who he kissed, even if it was a different girl every week. His dad was an elder in the church. Everyone looked the other way.
“Or something,” he mumbled into my knees, bringing my attention back to him.
“What do you mean ‘or something’?” I had a horrible feeling in my stomach, because if a fake kiss was all he wanted, he would have just asked. We could get this over with now.
Justin looked up and I knew. I knew I was making a deal with the devil, but he was my best friend. My oldest friend. He needed my help, and I knew that before this was all over, I was going to cave to whatever it was he wanted.
I was the world’s biggest sucker.
* * *
My mom and I moved to Allendale in the 6th grade. She thought a fresh start before middle school would be a good idea. Of course, it was a terrible idea and the next three years were the worst of my life. Why? Because middle school sucked. Hard.
During that time, things got rough. My anxiety, which had always been a problem, grew and grew and grew until some days it felt like there was nothing else in my life. Then things got dark. Scars on my legs and arms dark. I still only wear long-sleeved shirts.
The weekend passed and my conversation with Justin still weighed heavily on my mind. He wanted to have sex with me. Well, fake sex at least. He wanted Paul and Davis and the other guys to think he’d done it so they would leave him alone. I got it—I did—but I wasn’t sure if I was the right girl for the job.
Justin was convinced this would work. We had always been very close, and for us to suddenly have a relationship wouldn’t be questioned too much. It’s not like I had a boyfriend that would care or that even the kids at my own school would find out. He just wanted to put on enough of a show to be convincing.
I was most skeptical about that.
First of all, I had little experience. Okay, I had no experience. I wasn’t exactly a prude or naïve. Other than a few make-out sessions with Justin’s friends (I had regrets) the reality was…I just hadn’t gone there yet with anyone, and I wasn’t sure how good I was going to be at convincing a bunch of sexually experienced, douchebag townies that I made Justin a man.
Second of all, because of the anxiety, I liked to keep a low profile. Tricking an entire school of people didn’t seem low-profile. It seemed like the opposite of low-profile. High attention. People in my business. I didn’t like people in my business.
I mulled all this over as I walked into Chemistry, slipping through the desks and dropping my books on the slick, black top of my lab table. Mostly I was thinking about how I, Heaven Reeves, could ever convince anyone I wasn’t a virgin. Not that I had official data, but I was pretty sure non-virgins walked different. They moved differently.
Right?
I observed the girls entering the classroom. Mallory Keats walked through the door and I immediately honed in. She’s my polar opposite.
Her: blonde, blue-eyed, tiny hips and feet.
Me: reddish-brown hair, greenish eyes, curvy hips and monster feet.
She told everyone in 9th grade that she slept with her cousin’s best friend on their annual summer vacation. Her non-virgin status was basically school legend. Covertly, I studied her movements. Her demeanor, her stature. Her hips shifted a little with every step. Her chest was pushed out and her lips pouted just a touch.
Damn it—there was no way I could pull that off.
I sighed and rested my forehead on my desk, closing my eyes. Best friend or not, this seemed like a really bad idea.
The chair next to me scraped across the floor and I heard a thump next to my head. My lab partner had arrived. Great. Figuring out what to do about a possible fake lover while sitting next to my desired nevergonnahappen lover made my life more like a joke than ever.
I had a huge, real, unrequited crush on Anderson Thompson.
“Reeves,” he greeted, easing into his seat.
I opened an eye, the one not pressed against the cool, hard table. Anderson was adorable in that totally-out-of-my-league-way. He had floppy dark brown hair and bright green eyes. His eyelashes and cheekbones could rival any CW actor, and once, I saw his competitive swimmer body shirtless at the pool and almost died.
Literally almost died.
“Thompson,” I replied, playing it cool.
He tipped the chair back, balancing his knees on the table. “Something wrong?”
I sat up and stretched, pulling out my books and a pen, ignoring the stupid smirk on his face. Anderson and I were school friends. Lab partner friends. That’s all friends. Not that I was complaining. It’s just that he knew nothing about my life or my issues. I certainly had no plan to tell him now. “Nope, I’m good. What did you do this weekend?”
He shrugged. “Hung out with the guys. Graced the town with my awesomeness. You know, same old. You?”
“The guys” were Hayden Pierce, Jackson Hall, and Oliver Baldwin. The three hottest guys in school, other than Anderson. Best friends, almost brothers, and ridiculously intimidating. They were nicknamed the Allendale Four. Loyal. Impenetrable. And incredibly exclusive.
They weren’t exactly popular—more like legendary.
Oliver and I were friendly, sort of like me and Anderson. School only. I think mostly because I was quiet, didn’t flirt with them or make any efforts to break into their little circle.
So when he asked, I told him the (vague) truth about my weekend. “It was interesting.”
He cocked his head and smiled in amusement. My heart twisted a little like it always did. “Interesting good, or interesting bad?”
“You know, I’m not sure yet.”
Mr. Baker walked down the aisle, ending our conversation while he passed out lab sheets and began discussing our assignment. Anderson placed the paper between us and leaned over. “Well, let me know when you figure it out, okay?”
I nodded, inhaling his intoxicating scent. I knew there was no way Anderson would ever figure out what I was referring to and I sure as hell wasn’t going to tell him. I may be a sucker, but I wasn’t a fool. The only reason I was even considering it was the fact that Justin went to another school and had an entirely different set of friends. What happened at the beach stayed on the beach. That was the rule.
Chapter 1
“Okay so, once we get inside, I’m going to kiss you.”
I scrunched up my nose. “Really?”
“Oh my god, Heaven! Do I repulse you that much?” Justin actually threw his hands in the air. Fucking drama queen.
I groaned and pressed my face into my palms. “Of course not. But give me a chance to freak out a little. I’m only going to lose my fake virginity once.”
Justin leaned his head back and smiled. “I love you.”
“You better. Now, let’s get inside and kiss. And then, you better get me a drink to go through with the rest of this.”
Justin followed my directions, helping me from my side of the car, holding my hand on the way to the front porch and pushing me against the door, his lips firmly pressed against my own the minute we saw a couple of his friends. The good news is that Justin really was pretty hot. He was tall and worked out a lot. His muscles seemed to have muscles so yeah, not repulsive. Just weird.
I wrapped my hand around his arm, feeling the hard, tight muscles under his shirt. His dark hair and eyes made his teeth white and pretty. If I turned off my brain, it wouldn’t be so bad. Right?
My thoughts were interrupted by Justin’s tongue pushing between my teeth and I pinched his side. “Watch it, okay?”
“Just trying to keep it real.”
I gave him my best bitchface. “Go get my drink.” With a slap on my ass, he ran off.
“Heaven!” I turned and found myself face to face with Sarah and Emily, girls who went to school with Justin. Emily assessed me, obviously taking in my ratty jeans and Allendale High sweatshirt. Yeah, I got dressed up for the event. She asked, “Since when are you two a thing?”
“Oh, you know us,” I laughed. “We just, you know, thought after all these years we would give it a shot.”
“Really?” Sarah asked. She had the most beautiful cheekbones. “I kinda thought he was gay.”
I laughed loudly. Too loudly. “Justin? Gay? Did you see that kiss? No way, girls. Boy has skills,” I purred.
I. Purred.
“Heav?” Justin emerged, holding up my drink and gesturing to the stairs that led to the second floor.
“Oh! Better go see what my man needs. He can be a little demanding, if you know what I mean,” I said, waving a hand at the two girls and giving them an exaggerated wink as Justin pulled me up the steps.
Emily’s jaw dropped and Sarah leaned in to whisper in her ear. And that’s how gossip works. One flirty kiss at a time. Familiar anxiety rose in my chest but it was met by something else. I kind of liked being noticed for once in my life. No one was ever jealous of Heaven Reeves.
No one.
But we weren’t done. Not by a long shot. Justin didn’t just want to prove he kissed a girl, no, he wanted to prove much more, so we wove through the throng of students, stopping only to take a swig of our drinks and for me to get my neck mauled by his hot mouth.
Playfully, I pushed him away. “Don’t make me explain a hickey to my mom, got it?”
His eyes widened. Yeah. Neither of us wanted that.
At the top, we stood outside his friend’s room. “Are you sure?” he asked, low and quiet. He was giving me an out. I nodded and fisted his shirt, pulling him closer.
“Yeah, I’m sure. Let do this, okay?”
He smiled, grateful and sweet. “I’m gonna rock your world, baby.” I rolled my eyes and let him lead me in the room, shutting the door on the handful of people on the other side, and gave them the show of a lifetime.
Chapter 2
The weird thing about being the subject to gossip and rumor is that when you’re the actual subject, you always seem to be the last to know.
Justin and I had fake, raunchy, party sex, saved his reputation, and all was right in his world. I left him safe and secure, in Oceanside with a new lease on life and no one in my life even aware it happened.
Whatever worked for him. I planned on business as usual at my own school—thirty miles away and a lifetime away from Oceanside drama. In Allendale I was firmly entrenched in the fairly-unseen part of the student body. Not popular, but not unpopular. I didn’t really like people (okay, my anxiety didn’t like people) and it seemed the feeling was mutual; people didn’t really like me. I was okay with this. No one seemed to notice me much one way or the other.
What I didn’t realize that night when Justin and I emerged sweaty and laughing from the bedroom was that there were some people taking photos at the party. What I also didn’t know at the time was these party-goers went home and immediately sent images out on social media describing our tryst in detail. Not just to Oceanside kids, but to pretty much every student at our school, too.
Oh, and to top it off? The photo with the most likes and shares was a picture of me and my overly (Justin-styled) sexed-up hair emerging from the bedroom.
That was what I didn’t know when I walked down the hallway with a creepy, eerie hush following me.
Maybe, I thought, tugging my bulky sweater down over my wrists, hyperaware of the scars underneath, I was wrong about being able to pull off a post-fake-sex walk. Could they tell what didn’t happen over the weekend?
My first hint was before English when a hand wrapped around my waist. “Hey, Heaven. It’s been a while.”
I spun and looked into the pimpled face of Mark Amerson.
I shifted, moving the unwelcomed hand off my hip. “Been a while since what?”
“Since you know, me and you...you wanna go out?”
Curious. We’ve barely ever spoken. “Sorry but...no?”
Where was this coming from?
“Think about it,” he winked. Ew.
I turned and left.
Craig Dickerson found his way next to me in the lunch line. “Hey girl, I’ve been thinking about you a lot lately.”
I picked up a bottle of juice. “Excuse me?”
“You. I’ve been thinking about you and, well, me.”
“You have?” I was no longer curious but downright suspicious.
I paid and moved out of the line. Craig shouted after me, “Can I call you later?”
No.
Alex stopped to talk to me on the way to Spanish. Spencer, with his skeevy long hair and too-thin goatee, waited outside the bathroom. Even Jackson Hall (Jackson. Hall. Best friend of Anderson and one of the Allendale Four) gave me a slight nod and skimmed my body with smoldering eyes while Hayden Pierce raised a smirky eyebrow in my direction before I slipped into Chemistry.
That was hands-down the most acknowledgement either had given me. Ever.
To be honest, a little attention from those two didn’t bother me so much, but it was still bizarre.
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