Moonchild

Book 1: Moonchild

by Kate L. Mary

Genres: Post-Apocalyptic Fantasy; Dystopian; YA Dystopian; YA Science Fiction; young adult; dystopian; ya dystopian; post apocalypse

Synopsis

From an award-winning author and master of world building comes a future fueled by greed and corruption, where airships rule the skies and coal mines have been turned into prisons...

Scarlett Moon has one goal: Survive. Being tough and looking out for herself is the only way to stay alive, but when her best friend, Rory, is arrested and returned to the mines, all of Scarlett's carefully built walls threaten to crumble.

After being rescued by an airship full of pirates, led by the sexy and irresistible Asher Kimura, Scarlett finds herself surrounded by cons and fugitives, and thrust into the middle of a coal-smuggling business. When they take her to Columbus, the one place she never wanted to set foot in again, she wants nothing more than to get away. And her discomfort only grows as she becomes increasingly drawn to Asher.

But everything changes when she discovers there may be a way to rescue Rory. Enlisting the pirates' help, Scarlett sets out on a mission to save her friend, praying that her overwhelming attraction to Asher doesn't mean the end to her freedom—in more ways than one.

The past meets the future in this post-apocalyptic dystopian novel readers are calling “unlike anything I've read” and a “much needed breath of fresh air.” Award-winning author Kate L. Mary has created “yet another post apocalyptic world in which to immerse ourselves" with Moonchild, which is sure to suck you in with “its captivating setting, riveting plot, and heart-pounding action.”

Release date: June 21, 2016

Publisher: Twisted Press, LLC

Print pages: 301

Sample

Chapter One

The city of Athens is as silent as it is dark. Ominous, even. The ruined buildings that used to make up this town are nothing more than shells now. Skeletons left over from a world that no longer exists. They watch me with empty sockets as I make my way down the deserted street, keeping a close eye on the ground so I don’t stumble. Rubble litters the roads and sidewalks, barely visible in the dark night. Above me, the moon is tucked firmly behind the clouds, making it difficult to see what I’m doing. But I don’t need it. Six years I’ve been living on the streets of Athens—ever since escaping the coal mines. I could probably find my way through the city blindfolded.

When I turn the corner, the faint scent of ash tickles my nostrils. I press my handkerchief more firmly against my nose as I move faster, hopping over debris. From the smell of it, I’ve found the right spot. Last night, the boom of gunfire practically shook the roof over my head, and when I made my way to the roof the orange glow from the burning building lit up the streets of Athens. 

The remnants of the building come into view, and the acrid smell of smoldering wood grows stronger. Whatever this building used to be, they did a hell of a job of destroying it. Not that it’s been in working condition anytime in the last hundred years, but at least it had walls before the pirates and enforcers got ahold of it. Now it’s nothing more than ash and dust. Like the rest of the city. I don’t have any sentimental attachment to Athens, but it still gets under my skin when I think about how reckless those damn pirates are. No matter how much destruction they leave in their wake, it never seems to be enough for them.

Not that they’re the only ones fighting. These days, it’s the way of the world.

I kick at a piece of charred wood and it crumbles into what seems like a thousand pieces. Ash rises up, swirling around me in a circle until I feel as if I’m caught in a tornado of dirt. The earthy scent of soot fills my nostrils, and I press my handkerchief more firmly against my mouth when a slow burn spreads through my lungs. Almost as if the ash has managed to work its way through the fibers of the cloth to invade my body. My throat constricts, and I squeeze my eyes shut, trying to keep the memories away. It’s no use, though. The darkness, the filth, and the suffocating feeling of being trapped underground all come screaming back until I find it difficult to breathe. Even when I manage to get a mouthful of air, it’s thick with ash and dirt, making the memories more vivid. Two months. That’s how long I spent in the mines. Even now, all these years later, I feel like I’m never going to be able to escape completely. 

I squeeze my eyes shut and count to ten, pushing the growing panic down where I hide all the damaged parts of myself. Thankfully, it only takes a few seconds for my heart rate to return to something that resembles normal. These days, weakness will get you killed. Especially out in the open like I am now. 

At least I’m alone. The last thing I want is for someone to witness how close I get to falling apart when a flashback hits me full force.

I blow all the air out of my lungs as I once again start digging through the rubble. Odds are good that something useful is hidden in the debris. It’s the perfect opportunity for a scavenger like me to gather a few extra supplies. Anytime the pirates and enforcers go at it, I seem to come out ahead.

More dust puffs up around me as I sweep the top layer of charred wood away with my free hand, keeping the other pressed firmly over my nose and mouth. My gloved fingers brush against something solid just as the crunch of footsteps echoes through the stillness of the street behind me. I jump to my feet as my heart leaps to my throat. By the time I’ve swallowed it back down, my knife is out and I’ve backed into the thick shadows hanging over the building at my side. It could be pirates coming to stake out the area. Or worse, enforcers. Just the thought makes my stomach clench tighter than the fingers squeezing my knife. If it’s enforcers, they’ll be looking for fugitives, which is exactly what I am. I was only thirteen years old when I was sent to the mines, and I barely escaped the first time. There’s no way in hell I’m going back to that prison. Ever.

I lean against the wall at my back and watch as two people come into view. It’s hard to make them out in the darkness, but the one on the right is definitely too small to be an enforcer. The second one is only a head or so taller, but broader. Thick. Pirates? Or possibly other fugitives. Neither option helps me relax.

My body is as stiff as the cold stone against my back when I inhale, holding the air in until my lungs threaten to burst. It burns when I finally let it out. Even that doesn’t calm my nerves, though.

The people are nearer now. Maybe fifteen feet away. They haven’t spoken, but they’re standing close to one another, and something about it strikes me as off. It’s too intimate. 

The smaller of the two pauses to kick at the ground. A rock scuttles across the road, and a soft gasp echoes through the empty street. Everything in me freezes for an instant, then, quick as lightning, thaws. My muscles relax and I take a deep breath. The air is thick with ash and coal dust, and the gritty flavor of earth fills my mouth.

“Rory,” I whisper, taking a step away from the wall.

“Scarlett?” The couple pauses, and the smaller one—Rory—turns my way. “There you are.”

I swear under my breath as I shove my knife back into its hiding place on my vest. Of course Rory came looking for me. Like everyone else, she hates it when I go out alone.

The handkerchief is once again covering my nose when I step away from the building and dart across the street toward my friends. I hop over a pile of rubble just as a cool breeze sweeps across the ruined city, lifting my skirt so high that if anyone were around they’d get a good show. 

“You scared the shit out of me,” I whisper when I’m closer.

Slivers of moonlight have broken through the overcast sky, illuminating Rory’s smile. She flips her caramel curls over her shoulder as she nudges me with her elbow. “We were just out for a romantic stroll.”

Behind her, Turk’s grin is big enough that I’d be able to make it out even if it were pitch black. When he steps under the moonlight, his white blond hair shimmers like silver. He runs his hand down her arm, and Rory smiles up at him. The way their eyes lock makes me shuffle my feet. It feels like I’m interrupting a very intimate moment.

“Don’t let me stop you.” I let out a snort as I turn back to where I was digging a few minutes ago. 

I’m on my knees in the ash before either one of them has a chance to respond. The ground under my knees is rough and cold and soft at the same time, and I can only imagine how stained my skin will be when I get back. No way these stockings will stop the soot from painting my skin a lovely shade of black.

“What are we looking for?” Rory asks, kneeling at my side. 

Unlike me, she’s wearing pants, but she still doesn’t get down in the dirt. 

“Anything,” I mumble.

Rory sighs as she tosses a few pieces of charred wood aside, causing more ash to rise up around us. Turk stands a few feet away, kicking up debris. Neither one seems to be interested in looking for supplies. They obviously only came out to look for me—the idea of alone time was probably just a bonus. 

Rory stops digging, but I stay focused on the ground in front of me. Just before they showed up, I found something. It was only in my hand for a brief second, but I have a feeling it was good. 

“You know where we are?” Rory whispers. 

The nostalgia in her voice is so thick it makes my fingers and everything else inside me freeze. Something tells me I’m not going to like where this is going. “No.”

“This is where Dex and I found you.”

I keep my eyes on the debris and dig like my life depends on it. “Oh.”

I remember when they found me, but it’s all the days and nights before that I don’t like thinking about. Running away from the mines and being on my own in a ruined city at the age of thirteen. Trying to stay warm at night. Trying to find food. The first few weeks were so terrifying that I started to believe serving out my prison sentence would be better. The mines were hard and dirty and there were any number of things that could happen to me, but at least I had regular meals and a roof over my head. On the streets, there was nothing to keep me going but my own willpower.

Slowly, though, I found my rhythm. Figured out how to get food—the enforcers who work in the mines have their own little village nearby, and getting in and out of their homes isn’t that hard once you know what you’re doing. Learning which buildings were safe to sleep in and which weren’t helped too. My existence wasn’t perfect, but it never was. I learned how to survive, and as far as I was concerned, that was the best I could ask for.

I did that for a year before Rory and Dex found me, and it was like having a family for the first time in years. We’ve been together ever since. Five years. Roughing it in Athens. Watching each other’s backs. Rory saved my life that day, and I should be able to look my best friend in the eye and tell her thank you. 

I’ve never been one to face my feelings, though. Good or bad, I run from them faster than I do from enforcers. It’s easier that way. If you don’t have feelings, you can’t get hurt. You can’t get your heart ripped out and stomped on when everything falls down around you. And in this world, there’s a one hundred percent chance that eventually everything will come crashing down.

My fingertips brush over something hard and smooth, and I pull it free. A rock. It may have helped David defeat Goliath, but it sure as hell isn’t going to do me any good against enforcers.

“Scarlett?” Rory’s voice is soft, and behind me, Turk shuffles his feet. 

I toss the rock aside and push my fingers deeper into the ash, ignoring Rory and the penetrating gaze she has most certainly turned my way. If I don’t find something, this trip will be a waste. Plus, digging will keep my mind busy. Will keep away the memories that Rory is trying so desperately to pull out of me. 

She nudges me again, and when my throat tightens, I have the urge to scream at her. Only I doubt I’d be able to get even a small sound out, let alone the shout of fury that is now clogging my insides. My eyes sting, and I press the cloth tighter against my nose as I blink away the moisture. It’s from the ash, not the memories. I. Don’t. Cry.

“Come on, Scarlett. You don’t have to pretend with me.”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” I mumble.

“I’m not one of the guys. You don’t have to act all tough when you’re around me.”

Rory gets me, but she doesn’t. She knows I put on an act, she just doesn’t understand why I do it. Showing weakness, especially in front of the guys, is the worst thing I can do, and crumbling to pieces isn’t something I can afford to let happen if I want to survive this world.

“I’m not acting.” I dig deeper, searching through the dirt in hopes of finding something that will distract her from the current conversation.

Again, my fingers brush something solid. This time when I pull it free, I’m rewarded with a throwing star. Just the sight of it makes my outlook on life brighter. Stars are my weapons of choice. They’re small and lightweight and easy to conceal. I found a hidden talent the day Dex introduced me to the deadly little weapons, and I can hit a man between the eyes from twenty feet away. Although I usually aim for the throat since it’s more likely to actually kill my target. 

“Take a look at that.” I hold the star out for Rory to see, but she doesn’t respond. 

When I venture a look her way, I find her sharp eyes narrowed on my face. I try to match the look, but she doesn’t blink, and within seconds my scalp is prickling under her scrutiny. 

When she doesn’t look away, I jump up so fast that my feet wobble and I stumble. Rory is behind me, and when she grabs my arm my insides crackle like wood being singed away by fire. She’s the only one who can break through my carefully constructed walls, and she knows it. 

“You okay?” Turk calls from a few feet behind us. 

I toss a wave over my shoulder but keep my eyes forward. 

Rory turns so she can reassure him. She’s good at stuff like that. “We’re fine.” Her hand is still wrapped around my arm when she turns back. “I’m glad we found you that day.”

How does she always seem to know when my walls are down? “Me too.”

Her hand drops from my arm and she kneels at my feet, brushing aside some rubble. She’s not digging for supplies. She’s giving me time. “It would be lonely without you.”

“Even if I am a pain in the ass sometimes?” I kneel at her side as I allow my head to bob in agreement.

She grins, and even in the darkness her gray eyes sparkle. “Sometimes?”

I let out a little laugh, making the ache in my chest less intense. 

“You two about done?” Turk calls. A little too loudly.

Rory shakes her head and rolls her eyes. I think. The clouds have once again swallowed up what little bit of moonlight there was a few minutes ago, making it tough to see. It’s times like this, when the blackness of the night threatens to swallow me, that I can’t help wondering what it was like before the world was polluted. Back when the sky wasn’t constantly clogged with gray clouds. It’s hard to imagine. 

“You trying to get caught?” Rory calls back. Also too loudly.

“This is why I like to go out alone,” I grumble.

Rory grabs my arm and hauls me to my feet. Her laughter is soft, almost childlike, and I can’t stop my walls from coming down a little bit more. Damn her ability to get to me. I’m supposed to be stronger than this. Emotion makes you weak. Gets you killed, or worse, captured. 

She wraps her arm around my waist and pulls me toward Turk, whispering in my ear as we go, “You know you love it when I come looking for you.”

“There are certain things I love about your company, but trying to scavenge with you is not one of them.” I press my lips together to stop the smile, though I doubt she would be able to see it with the moon hiding behind the clouds.

Only Rory can bring out my true smile. For some reason, when I’m with her, the pain of the past eases just enough to make me think things can be better. Why, I don’t know. There isn’t a lot to hope for these days. 

Turk falls into step beside Rory, and her arm falls away from my waist. Within seconds all her attention is focused on him. I do my best to ignore the painful sting in the pit of my stomach. You’d think after all this time I’d be used to abandonment. Well, not abandonment exactly. Mom and Dad didn’t leave me, they were killed. Disappointment? Yeah. That’s my life in a nutshell. 

I force my legs to move faster, leaving Rory and Turk in my dust, and they don’t even try to keep up. Behind me, the soft tinkle of Rory’s laughter echoes through the air, and the whispers that get carried on the breeze almost make it seem like they’re taunting me. Pointing out that I’m the third wheel in this little group. When I glance back, the slivers of moonlight peeking through the clouds highlight their entwined hands. This thing between them is too new for me to have adjusted to it yet, and the awkwardness probably has to do with the fact that they are the first couple in our group—if you don’t count Dex and me, which I don’t. Too bad the pang of jealousy that shoots through me gives away the truth. I miss my best friend and the way she used to focus her attention on me.

The sound of their giggles forces my legs to move faster, and I’m in such a hurry when I round the corner that it takes a few seconds for my brain to catch up to what I’m seeing. Then, all at once, the world around me stops moving and my feet become cemented in place as every ounce of air leaves my lungs in a burst.

Three enforcers stand less than twenty feet away, their backs to us. We can get away. We have a chance, but we have to act fast.

Still, I can’t make my legs work.

Snap out of it, Scarlett.

One pep talk is all it takes to get me moving. I glance over my shoulder at Rory and Turk and jerk my head to the side, motioning for them to go back the way we came. They move just as I start backing up, keeping my gaze on the enforcers while carefully picking my way across the rubble. A bead of sweat traces a line down the center of my back while my heart pounds in my ears. I have to work on controlling my breathing. On staying calm and focusing. 

We can make it. Just a little bit further. 

One step. Two. Five. Almost there. 

Rory and Turk disappear around the corner, and I only have a few small steps left to take before I join them. 

We’re going to be okay.

Almost at the exact instant that the thought goes through my head, I stumble on a piece of cement. My heart thumps right along with the clatter of wood and metal banging against one another, shattering the silence, and all three of the enforcers whip around at once. 

I have to bite down on the scream that bubbles up inside my throat. 

“Hey!” one of the men in front of me yells.

Every muscle in my body snaps to attention. I spin on my heel and haul ass, turning the corner Rory and Turk just disappeared around. We have a pretty good lead, and the advantage of knowing the ins and outs of the city. We can outrun them. I’m sure of it. My heart bangs against my ribs, and the pounding of the enforcer’s footsteps echoes in my ears. Taunting me.

Rory and Turk are only a few feet in front of me, and they’ve almost reached the end of the street when even more enforcers step out in front of us. My friends skitter to a halt, their eyes wild with desperation as they search for a way to escape. 

“This way!” I yell, turning toward a side street.

I don’t check to make sure the others follow. I just go. Adrenaline shoots through my veins like fire, forcing my legs to pump faster as I charge down the alley. I won’t let them catch me. They will not take me back to the mines. I take a few quick turns, dodging the rubble that clogs the alley. My mind focused on one thing: saving my own ass. 

“Turk!” Rory’s scream cuts through the air, piercing my heart. 

The fire in my veins turns to ice, and I spin around so suddenly I almost fall. They’re not behind me. The blood rushing through my body pounds against my temples as my head snaps back and forth, trying to decide. What do I do? Help my friends or save myself? 

Another scream shatters the air, and it’s the only motivation I need. I can’t leave Rory. 

I head back the way I came, my heart pounding faster with each step and every inch of me screaming for retreat. But I force myself forward. I can’t abandon them. I won’t be that person. 

When I round a corner my feet bang against a body, and I have to stifle a scream. Is it Rory? That’s all I can think as I leap over the body, barely making it over without falling. Two feet away from me, Turk stabs the blade of his knife into an enforcer’s stomach. The man grunts and falls to the ground, taking Turk with him. They land next to the body that almost tripped me up, and a sigh of relief forces its way out of me. It isn’t Rory. It’s just another enforcer. 

Behind me, someone grunts, and I spin around as a third enforcer shoves my best friend’s face into the wall. He pushes her body against the dirty brick as he twists her arm behind her at an awkward angle. Her painful gasps hit me like a punch in the gut. I rush forward and grab the collar of the enforcer’s jacket, yanking him away from my friend. He tries to push me back, but I knee him in the balls and slam my forearm into his neck, pressing all of my weight onto his throat until he bangs against the wall. His face turns red and puffy as he tries to get air, and panic fills his eyes. He claws at my arm, but I just push harder. My knife is in my hand before I know it, my gaze holding his as I thrust the blade into his stomach.

His arms drop to his sides, and warm blood covers my hand. When his eyes roll back I pull my knife from his stomach, and he slumps to the ground, his body slack as the life drips from him, covering the streets of Athens like so many other people before. 

My throat tightens, but I swallow against the pressure. Forget him. You had no choice. Focus on Rory. 

I turn away from the man and find Rory on the ground, with Turk kneeling at her side. A pinched expression twists his features as he examines her scratched and dirty cheek. 

“You okay?” I take a knee next to them, still trying to push the terrified expression in the enforcer’s eyes out of my mind.

“Yeah,” Rory says between gasps. “I just want to get out of here.”

That makes two of us.

I help her up while Turk continues to fuss over her like a worried mother. The muscles in my face are so tight I’m having a difficult time talking. This could have been bad. We could have lost someone. 

I push the thought down before my emotions bubble to the surface.

We’re okay. Rory’s okay. Turk’s okay. Nothing happened.

Rory brushes the dirt off her pants before grabbing Turk’s hand. I follow, turning to face the alley just as three enforcers step out. Blocking our way. I grab Rory’s arm as I spin around, ready to run back the way we came, but three more men close in on us from behind.

“Left!” Rory pulls her arm out of my grasp and takes off toward a side alley.

Every muscle in my body tenses as Turk and I follow, and I’m right on Rory’s heels when two more enforcers rush out. My friend turns to run, but she only makes it one step before an enforcer has managed to grab a handful of her hair. He yanks, pulling her back toward the alley, and Rory lets out a scream that nearly shatters my heart into a million pieces. 

The sudden pain knocks the air out of me. “Rory!” Her name comes out sounding like a gasp.

She twists and fights, but the enforcer doesn’t ease his grip on her. My heart thumps erratically as I whip out a throwing star and fling it at the man holding her. It hits him in the neck, and his face twists in agony. He grabs at the star, forgetting Rory. Letting her go. She runs toward us, but only takes two steps when four more enforcers come out of the alley. One grabs her arm and pulls her behind them. 

There are too many now.

“Run!” Rory’s scream vibrates off the buildings around me.

Panic builds in my chest until I have trouble breathing. This can’t be the end. Desperately, I search for a way to save her, but it only takes one second to realize that we’re surrounded, outnumbered, and seriously outgunned. I’m paralyzed when anguish rips through me, building in my chest and filling my heart until it swells against my ribcage. 

When Rory screams for us to run a second time, the sound of her voice snaps me back to reality. My survival instincts take over, forcing the pain down. I grab Turk’s arm and rush down the only street that isn’t blocked, pulling him with me. He fights, but I dig my nails into his arm and keep moving. We have to keep moving. We have to get to safety.

“Let me go!” he yells, trying to pull his shirt from my fist. 

“Move, Turk! She’s gone!” A sharp pain hits me in the chest, but I keep running. 

Get out of here. Get Turk to safety. It’s what Rory wants you to do.  

“No, no!” 

Turk fights, but I don’t stop. I have the advantage. He’s emotional, and it makes him weak.

Somehow, I find myself in front of an abandoned warehouse that I’ve hidden in before, almost like my feet have a mind of their own. On the first floor, nearly buried beneath some rubble, there’s a concealed storage area. The enforcers will never be able to find us here. 

I shove Turk through the door and push him forward. He’s stopped struggling, but he’s still crying. His sobs are like needles piercing my heart, and each sound makes my stomach twist painfully. If only he would stop. Give me a chance to pull myself together. If I fall apart, we’re screwed. It’s not like he’s going to get us out of this.

Fallen beams mostly hide the opening, but there’s an area at the bottom just wide enough for us to squeeze through. I push Turk onto his hands and knees, and miraculously, he moves. I shuffle in behind him, feeling my way through the darkness. Turk’s quiet cries echo through the room, my head, and my heart, and I have the sudden urge to cover my ears so I can block them out. Only I need to be able to listen. Need to know if the enforcers have followed us. 

I work to block out his sobs, focusing on the sounds outside this tiny room. As far as I can tell, there’s nothing but silence. We should be okay. There’s no way the enforcers will be able to sneak up on us in here, and I seriously doubt they’ll be able to find our little hole.

“We could have helped her,” Turk says between sniffs.

I dig my nails into my palms to distract myself from the throbbing in my chest. “Shhh! You want to get caught?”

Thankfully, he manages to rein his emotions in a little bit. 

I try my best not to let Turk’s quiet sobs get to me. It’s hard ignoring my own pain with him sniveling on the other side of the room, and the longer we sit here the bigger the pit in my stomach grows until the pain over losing Rory threatens to swallow me whole. How the hell will I go on without her?

“We have to go get her.” Turk’s voice penetrates the darkness, and I jump. 

“We can’t. You know that. They’re taking her to the mines as we speak.” My stomach rises up, knotted and twisted, trying to choke me from the inside out. I swallow and force it back down, tucking it away with all the pain from the past. Deep inside.

“Then we have to go into the mines.”

“You want to break into a prison?” I snort to hide the sob clogging my own throat. “Are you insane? We can’t, so just forget it.” 

“You’re willing to just let her go? Just walk away and pretend she doesn’t exist?” Turk’s voice shakes harder than ever, only this time there’s anger and blame mingled together with the pain. All of it directed at me.

His accusations sting, but I can’t tell him we’ll try when I know it’s not true. There’s nothing I can say right now to make him understand, and I get it. I love Rory. Thinking about her going back to the mines makes my insides feel like they’re being ripped apart. She’s family to me, something I haven’t had since my parents died, and letting her go isn’t an easy decision to make. But it’s the right one.

“I’m sorry, Turk,” I say, forcing my voice to soften. “This is how it has to be. Rory and I talked about it a long time ago, and we agreed that if one of us got caught we shouldn’t go for the other. Shouldn’t throw our lives or freedom away on a fool’s errand.”

He doesn’t say anything, and his silence is louder than any accusation he could throw at me. It pierces the quiet and rings in my ears, making it difficult to think. But I have to push it away. I have to be strong. 

I focus on listening. Concentrating on the sounds of the world outside this room. There isn’t much. A noise here and there, the sound of an animal scurrying through the empty building. But eventually I’m greeted by the sound I’ve been waiting for. The distant hum of an airship’s engine as it flies across the sky. Taking the enforcers with it—and Rory, but I do my best not to think about that last part. 

Even after the sound has faded, I stay where I am. Each second that ticks by gives me the assurance I’ve been waiting for. 

“I think the coast is clear,” I whisper when I’m sure we’re safe. “Let’s go.”

I don’t wait for Turk’s response before I crawl through the opening and head out into the building. It’s black as coal, and as quiet as the abandoned city of Athens usually is, but I’m still on edge. Behind me Turk climbs out and follows me through the empty building. He’s silent, but the despair radiating off him gets louder and more intense with each step we take. 

My knife is clutched in my hand when we head back out onto the street, but just like I thought, the streets are clear. Still, I’m careful to keep my steps quiet as we pick our way through the city. It takes less than ten minutes for the building we’ve been squatting in to come into view. 

The instant I step through the door, some of the tension in my body melts away. I’m never completely relaxed, but being back is a relief. Even if we are one person short.

Turk drags himself up the crumbling stairs behind me, but I focus on the holes and rubble instead of him. I don’t need to. We’ve been living in this building long enough that I could probably navigate the littered halls and stairway with my eyes closed. But it helps keep my mind off Rory. 

When I reach the third floor, I stop in my tracks. Dex and Ryder, who are usually fast asleep by this time of night, are waiting for us. Dex paces the hall, his face crinkled with worry and his hands balled into fists at his sides. In complete contrast, Ryder is stretched out on the floor, casually leaning against the wall.

Dex stops pacing when our eyes meet. “Where the hell have you been?” 

“We got held up,” I say, keeping my eyes off Turk.

Ryder climbs to his feet and presses his lips together. His eyes go back and forth between Turk and me. “Where’s Rory?” His voice is strained. He already knows the answer.

I swallow the knife rising in my throat. “She didn’t make it.”

The silence hanging over us threatens to suffocate me. Turk stalks off, and I’m relieved to see him go. I ache for him, for all of us, but being around him drains my energy, and I need it to keep my own emotions in check.

Dex’s eyes are moist when he puts his hand on my shoulder. “Are you okay?”

“I’m fine.” I look away. 

I thought men were supposed to be tough, but these guys are wearing their emotions like a jacket, and I’m having a difficult time blocking them out. I need to, though. Need to keep my armor of indifference on if I want to survive this life.

“What happened?” Ryder asks.

I focus on a hole in the wall so I don’t have to meet his gaze. The cold fingers of misery squeeze my chest. An all too familiar feeling.

“I don’t want to talk about it right now,” I say, shaking Dex off. “I need to get some sleep.”

Neither one of them says a word as I hurry down the hall, but just like with Turk, I feel their silent accusations follow me. I should have done more to save her.