Dan the Adventurer

Book 2: Gold Girls and Glory

by Hondo Jinx

Genres: Dark Fantasy; Superheroes; Science Fiction

Synopsis

Skip class.
Kick ass.
Save the frigging world.

During Dan Marshall’s second year of college, the real world melded with a homebrew Towers & Trolls adventure. Dan got barbaric and battled giant spiders, an apocalyptic death cult, and an undead necromancer bent on flooding the universe with eternal darkness.

Luckily, Dan has two amazing women at his side: Holly, a grey elf druid from a powerful family; and Nadia, a streetwise shifter with heavy connections in the local thieves’ guild.

When Dan receives a cry for help from a long-lost friend, he sets out to investigate an eerie crevasse in the forest. After a clash with slavers delays his plans, Dan vows to defend a village of helpless elves. But how can he protect the elves and save his friend when he’s up against an army of vengeful slavers, mysterious creatures from another dimension, and a hot-blooded hobgoblin warrior woman determined to either kill or marry him?

Warning: Dan the Adventurer is an over-the-top adventure novel intended for readers 18 and older. It includes explicit sex, graphic violence, a harem of gorgeous ass-kicking girls, a murderous brother-in-law, monster girls, and bloodthirsty predators from another plane of existence. It does not fade to black.

Release date: August 26, 2018

Publisher: Independently published

Print pages: 346

Sample

Chapter 1: 

 

New Sword, New Problems

 

 

“Is that chicken or rat?” Dan asked the vendor, a broad-faced old woman wrapped in a mound of filthy rags.

 

“Oh, chicken, sir,” the rag woman said with a grin that all but guaranteed that he’d been drooling over barbecued rat. “Only the finest chicken.”

 

Dan laughed. “Oh yeah? Where did you catch these prize chickens? In the sewer?”

 

The rag woman wheezed laughter. “I’m sure I couldn’t say, sir. I don’t catch ‘em. I only cook ‘em up nice and tasty with my special sauce.”

 

Dan liked the old woman’s wheezing laughter. He was about to crack on her special sauce, but a skinny man whose breath smelled of onions stepped close and pressed a knife point into Dan’s belly.

 

At the same second, another knife point pricked his lower back.

 

“Come with us,” Onion-breath said.

 

The old woman scowled but said nothing, obviously afraid.

 

Onion-breath was skinny with close-cropped, gray hair, salt-and-pepper stubble, and wild eyes. He wore leather armor under a dark cloak.

 

Dan couldn’t see Onion-breath’s accomplice, who stayed behind him as they started walking down the alley.

 

“Nice and easy,” Onion-breath said. “Tell us what we want to know, and we won’t poke holes in you.”

 

“If what you want to know is where to find the best rat kabob in town,” Dan said, “I think we’re going in the wrong direction.”

 

“Very funny,” Onion-breath said. “But Gruss isn’t in a joking mood.”

 

To this point, Dan had assumed that this was a strong-arm robbery. With one word, Onion-breath had changed everything.

 

Gruss.

 

The mobster from Philly who’d been threatening Nadia and had a rep for chopping off body parts.

 

Within Dan, anger rose like flames, rapidly consuming things like his sense of humor, patience, and better judgment. “Are you Gruss?”

 

Onion-breath snorted. “Me, Gruss? Think I’d be down here with the filth, mucking around with scum like you if I was Gruss? Where’s Nadia?”

 

“What’s he want from her?”

 

“None of your business,” Onion-breath said with a nasty grin, “but whatever Gruss wants, he’ll take.”

 

“She’s right over there,” Dan said, nodding across the street and making his move.

 

He shoved his right hand across his body, batting away Onion-breath’s blade, and spun with the motion. Twisting around, he slammed his left elbow into the hooded head of the thug who’d been following silently behind him.

 

The cloaked thief stumbled, and a dagger clattered to the cobblestones.

 

Dan rolled with the attack, following the left elbow with a looping right hand that crashed into the side of the thief’s head and dropped the hooded figure to the ground.

 

Dan wheeled, meaning to draw his sword, but Onion-breath lunged forward, thrusting his dagger at Dan’s chest.

 

At the last second, Dan swiveled like a bullfighter. Instead of puncturing his heart, the blade sliced a burning line across his chest.

 

Onion-breath was coming back around with the knife, so instead of drawing his sword, Dan threw a two-punch combination. The left was an awkward, swatting shot, and Onion-breath hunched into it, shrugging off the blow.

 

The second punch, however, was a powerful right uppercut. Dan shifted his weight with the blow, driving the punch into Onion-breath’s tucked head. Dan’s knuckles slammed square into the man’s chin, and the jolt of impact buzzed up his wrist.

 

Onion-breath’s head snapped up, his legs went to jelly, and he sat down hard on the cobblestones with a grunt. His blade clanked across the stones. Badly rocked, he leaned on one arm, shaking his head, cursing and spitting blood.

 

Dan’s own blood was boiling now. Onion-breath had cut him, had tried to kill him, and was trying to kidnap one of Dan’s women.

 

“Tell Gruss to forget about Nadia,” Dan said, “or I’m going to come for him.”

 

“Fuck you, asshole,” Onion-breath said, but he wasn’t stupid enough to reach for the knife he’d dropped. He just sat there propped up on one arm, trying to act tough after having his ass handed to him. Probably dreaming about stabbing Dan in the back.

 

“This is for cutting me,” Dan said, and stomped down on Onion-breath’s arm.

 

There was a loud crack. Onion-breath wailed, clutching his broken arm and wallowing around on the cobbles.

 

The other thief was struggling onto all fours, so Dan punted the hooded head.

 

The unconscious thug rolled over, and Dan was surprised to see that his assailant was a woman. Her nose was broken, and she was snoring loudly the way some people do when you knock them out cold.

 

First time I ever hit a woman, he thought. Then he shrugged. Her gender wouldn’t have mattered to his kidneys if she’d shanked him. She was just as bad as Onion breath.

 

People crowded around, buzzing nervously. Gruss’s thugs obviously terrorized Calder Way.

 

“That was a mistake,” the broad-faced rag woman said, shambling into view.

 

“I’m chock-full of mistakes,” Dan said. “You don’t believe me, just ask my wife.”

 

Then, sick of Onion-breath’s whining, he kicked the thief in the head and put him to sleep.

 

The rag woman shook her head. “Gruss will have your hands for that, maybe your head.”  

 

“He’s welcome to try,” Dan said. “Tell him I live at-”

 

“Hey!” Nadia said, breaking through the throng with a panicked look on her beautiful face.

 

In her tight black bodysuit and hooded black cloak, Nadia definitely blended in with the Calder Way crowd better than Dan’s blond-haired grey elf wife, Holly, who followed right behind her, carrying a sack of provisions.

 

Holly’s purple eyes narrowed, scanning the crowd.

 

“Oh no,” Nadia said, grabbing his arm and pulling him through the crowd and away from the scene. “What have you done?”

 

“Knocked out a couple of assholes who wanted to take you to Gruss.”

 

Nadia groaned a string of curses and led them onto a well-lit street.

 

“What’s the big deal?”

 

“Forget it,” Nadia said. Practically jogging now, she kept looking back over her shoulder. “We’re leaving town. Not tomorrow. Right now.”

 

“It’s too late in the day,” Holly said. “We would have to stay the night in the forest. Remember my mother’s warning?”

 

Of course Dan remembered. Some mysterious monster had been eating anyone stupid enough to travel through Rothrock Forest at night.

 

“I don’t care if a frigging dragon is waiting for us,” Nadia said. “It’s still safer than staying here.”