Some Like It Wicked

Book 1: Hellion's Den

by Alexandra Ivy

Genres: Historical Fiction; Sagas; Regency Romance

Synopsis

An indecent proposal for an infamous rake leads to undeniable passion in this sexy Regency romance by the New York Times bestselling author. A successful businesswoman, Miss Jane Middleton goes to London in search of a husband—and finds herself virtually ignored by the ton. But she soon concocts a daring proposition: she will pay the notorious rake "Hellion" Caulfield to strike up a flirtation with her, thus bringing her to the attention of Society's eligible gentlemen. The last thing she expects is a deliciously skillful seduction. . . The toast of the ton, Hellion has eluded marriage for years. But when Jane bursts into his life with her outrageous scheme and captivating appeal, Hellion is stunned to realize that his jaded interest is piqued. Soon his pursuit of her feels all too real. Has the ultimate bachelor finally found his match—between the sheets and beyond?

Release date: March 6, 2014

Publisher: eClassics

Print pages: 267

Sample

From the diary of Miss Jane Middleton, April 21st, 1814:


Miss Jane Middleton was frankly miserable.

She hated London. She hated the thick, black air. The narrow, crowded streets. The endless noise. The arrogant, utterly shallow Ton. And most of all, she hated the painful, torturous humiliation of what was politely termed the “Marriage Mart.”

Who could have suspected that it would prove to be as delightful as having a tooth drawn?

Without a mother to warn her of the pitfalls, she had simply presumed that all maidens traveled to London and were introduced to a number of gentlemen anxious to discover a wife.

She possessed no great expectations.

She knew she was plain of feature and far too outspoken for a maiden. She was also three and twenty, well past the age of a proper débutante.

But she did possess a sizeable fortune as well as an unentitled estate in Surrey that would surely be a temptation. It seemed reasonable that she could discover a kindly disposed gentleman who would welcome such material possessions.

How could she have suspected that she would be so swiftly judged and found wanting? Or that because she was not a Diamond of the First Water she was expected to politely remain in the corner, ignored and forgotten by the various gentlemen?

Really, it was enough to make any woman screech in frustration.

And it did not help to have her obvious failure made the source of amusement by those maidens who had achieved social success.

Shifting uneasily upon the hard, uncomfortable seat, Jane stoically attempted to ignore the two pretty maidens who had halted next to the clutch of wallflowers who had been thrust into a darkened corner.

Over the past few weeks she had endured any number of snubs, insults, and cruel taunts from Miss Fairfax and Miss Tully. They seemed to take particular delight in torturing those poor maidens already suffering beneath society’s disdain. She had swiftly learned the only means of enduring their rude taunts was simply to pretend that she did not notice them.

Almost on cue, the tiny, blond-haired Miss Fairfax loosed a shrill giggle as she pointedly glanced toward Jane. “Really, Marianna, is it truly not pathetic? To just imagine an entire evening spent without one gentleman asking for a dance or even bothering to make his bow in your direction. How utterly embarrassing it must be for them.”

The taller, raven-haired Miss Tully wrinkled her nose as if she had caught a whiff of some particularly nasty odor. “You would think that they would eventually realize that they are unwelcome.”

Jane clutched her fan until she feared it might snap. Inwardly she allowed a delightful image to form of the two maidens being tumbled into a large, putrid midden heap.

Or perhaps roasting over a fire. Slowly.

“If only it were possible to ban them. It would be for their own good, after all,” Miss Fairfax twittered. “Surely they cannot enjoy an evening of being snubbed and ignored?”

“Perhaps they do not possess the wits to realize that they are so ill-favored that they will never attract the notice of an eligible gentleman? After all, they are desperately persistent.”

“True enough, although I fear that persistence will not be enough to lure a partner to this dismal corner.”

Miss Tully gave an unpleasant laugh. “Well, perhaps Pudding-faced Simpson. Or poor, doddy Lord Hartstone. It is said he requested a potted plant to honor him with a waltz last week.”

Miss Fairfax gave a dismissive sniff. “Not even he is so doddy as to desire a dance with that lot.”

Jane bit the side of her lip until she drew blood. Oh yes, she definitely wanted them roasting over a slow, hot fire. With an apple stuck in their shrill mouths.

It was not that she often concerned herself with what others might say. After all, she had been flouting convention since her father had insisted that she be trained to take over his numerous business concerns. But the scandalous disapproval had never struck a nerve. She had known deep within herself that she was perfectly capable of performing as well as any man.

This, however . . .

This disdain struck far too close to the truth, she grudgingly acknowledged. After several weeks she still had not attracted the attention of a respectable gentleman. Or any gentleman, for that matter. If the truth be told, they avoided her as if she carried the pox.

At the moment it seemed more likely that she would sprout wings and fly than find a husband.

“True enough,” Miss Tully drawled, and then thankfully she was distracted by a movement across the crowded dance floor. “Oh, oh. Look, ’tis Hellion.”

With a nerve-wrenching squeal Miss Fairfax was bouncing on her toes to catch sight of the current toast of London society, Mr. Caulfield, a devilishly handsome gentleman who managed to send every woman in London fluttering like a batch of witless butterflies.

“Are you certain?”

“I am hardly likely to confuse him with any other gentleman, am I?” Miss Tully demanded in tart tones.

“No,” Miss Fairfax was forced to agree with a dramatic sigh. “What other gentleman could possibly be so elegant or so handsome?”

“Or so rakishly charming.”

“How utterly delicious he is.”

“A pity he never pays heed to débutantes. That is the sort of husband I desire.”

The blonde slid her companion a sly glance. “My mother says that a clever female could capture his elusive attention. He is after all a man, and as capable of tumbling into love as the next.”

Predictably Miss Tully frowned in a sour fashion. It did not appear that friendship could be allowed to interfere in the all-important hunt for a husband.

“I suppose that you believe you are clever enough to win his heart?” she scoffed.

“We shall see.” Miss Fairfax gave a shrug before wrapping her arm through Miss Tully’s. “Come, he will certainly never stray toward these wretched creatures. Let us stroll closer to him.”

Together the two maidens set off in determined pursuit of Mr. Caulfield and Jane allowed herself to glare at their retreating backs.

Really, it was bad enough to endure being ignored, shoved aside, and at times given the cut direct. But to be taunted by two maidens without a breath of sense between them was beyond the pale.

She was in control of a vast fortune, she managed her own estate, and she had earned the respect of hardened businessmen who would have sworn that a female was incapable of caring for her own pin money.

It was unbearable that she should be judged less worthy than those twits simply because she did not possess a scrap of beauty.

In dire need of a moment’s respite from the choking heat and ill-disguised glances of disdain from the vast crowd, Jane rose to her feet.

Gads, she would give up half her fortune for the opportunity to return to the quiet peace of Surrey.

“A few weeks in the country would surely not be so dreadful, Biddles. There are certain to be a few odd companions rattling about and, of course, there is always the pleasure of avoiding such tedious balls as this.” The gentleman simply known as Hellion leaned against the wall in a corner of the crowded ballroom.

There were any number of rumors as to how he acquired the title.

Elderly gentlemen were convinced it came from his aggravating habit of shocking society with his outrageous antics. In the past ten years he had disrupted a ball at Carlton House by bringing with him a monkey that had promptly stolen Lord Marton’s wig and sent poor old Lord Osburn into a fit of the vapors. He had attired his mistress as a young blade and audaciously brought her to several gentlemen’s clubs. He had made an appearance in a particularly bawdy play and only last year appeared at his uncle’s wedding attired in the deepest mourning.

Elderly women were convinced the name came from his habit of ignoring respectable females and openly preferring the companionship of seasoned courtesans and wicked widows.

Young ladies, of course, believed it was his devilish beauty. He was, in truth, indecently handsome. Golden hair that shimmered like the softest satin was carelessly brushed toward features carved by the hand of an angel. His brow was wide and his nose aquiline. If there was a hint of arrogance in the high, prominent cheekbones and square cut chin no one had ever been heard to complain. Even his form was magnificent in its chiseled perfection.

And his eyes . . .

Those black, wicked eyes.

The eyes of a rake, a rogue . . . a sinner.

It was little wonder maidens sighed in rapture when he glanced in their direction. And young gentlemen futilely attempted to ape his elegance.

Only Hellion knew the precise day he had acquired the notorious title. It was a day that would be forever branded upon his mind. And one that he had no intention of revealing to anyone.

“My dear Hellion, have you taken utter leave of your senses?” The small, sharp-featured gentleman drawled softly at his side. “You know how I detest the country. All that fresh air and mud. It cannot possibly be good for a gentleman’s constitution. That is not even to mention the danger of all those filthy cows that are always lurking about. Who can say when they might decide to bolt and trample some innocent victim?” He gave a delicate shudder. “No, no. I fear that I cannot possibly leave London at the height of the Season.”

Hellion lifted a restless shoulder. He had no more desire than his companion to flee town during the fashionable month of April. Still, what could he do? His countless creditors were becoming positively vulgar.

“As enchanting as I find London to be, I fear it might not be quite so lovely from behind the walls of Newgate.”

Lord Horatio Bidwell, more affectionately known as Biddles, lifted a brow. “Surely matters have not progressed to such a dismal state?”

Hellion grimaced. In truth, he had managed to land himself in a devilish coil. Certainly not the first occasion, but by far the most tedious.

“I assure you that I have found myself at point-non-plus,” he confessed in low tones. “I have never made a habit of living within my income, which to be honest is hardly adequate for a fishmonger, certainly not for a gentleman of fashion. My extravagances hardly mattered as long as I remained the heir apparent to the Earl of Falsdale. Creditors were delighted to court my favor and I was just as delighted to accept their generosity. But now . . .”

The flamboyantly attired Biddles lifted a dainty handkerchief to his nose. To all the world he appeared no more than another ridiculous fop that littered society. Only a select few were allowed to realize the shrewd, near brilliant wits behind the silly image.

“But now that the current earl has chosen to take a wife young enough to be his granddaughter, your role as heir apparent has become considerably less secure?”

Hellion struggled to maintain his air of casual nonchalance. Who would have thought his pompous prig of an uncle would choose to wed when he was near to sixty? Or that he would select a bride barely out of the schoolroom?

It would have been humorous to see the old windbag making a twit of himself over a mere child if it hadn’t made Hellion’s life a sudden grief.

“Quite odious of him, I must admit,” he retorted in determinedly calm tones. “He could at least have possessed the decency to choose a bride who was not quite so obviously capable of producing the next heir. Since the wedding I have been besieged by frantic bill collectors demanding payment.”

“The old earl cannot be trusted to take care of such nasty business?”

Hellion stiffened in distaste. He would flee abroad before he crawled on his knees to his uncle. “No.”

The pale eyes narrowed with swift comprehension. “I see. If your uncle cannot be depended upon then you must turn your attention to other means of acquiring the necessary funds. Gambling, of course, is far too unpredictable, unless one happens to possess a talent for cheating. And I have discovered to my own dismay that the lottery is not at all a reliable means of holding off the vultures.” There was a moment’s pause. “Ah, but of course. There is one certain means of repairing the empty coffers.”

“Indeed?” Hellion smiled wryly. “And how is that?”

“Why, all you need do is to turn your attention to the numerous débutantes. There seems to be an endless gaggle of them and more than one will bring with them a sizeable dowry. Some of them in fact possess an embarrassment of riches. You could be comfortably settled within a month if you wished.”

Hellion glanced about the elegant guests with a shudder. To his shame, he had briefly considered the notion of marrying a fortune. It would certainly put an end to his current troubles and ensure that his notorious appetite for the finer things in life would remain appeased.

But somehow the notion had made him shy away in unease. Since his parents’ abrupt death he had never intimately shared his life with another. He had no siblings, no close relations beyond his odious uncle. And in truth, he did not desire such an intrusion. Not when he was perfectly satisfied with the undemanding, transitory relationships he enjoyed with his mistresses and friends.

The devil take it, he was not about to become responsible for another’s happiness. Especially not a romantic, starry-eyed woman who would no doubt expect him to hand her his heart on a platter. It was unthinkable.

“I am not about to put myself on the block to go to the highest bidder,” he denied in firm tones.

Biddles eyed him with a faint smile. “A charming description of the Marriage Mart.”

“But accurate.”

“It would solve a number of your troubles.”

“And bring further troubles.” His lips twisted as he took note of the various chits giggling and flirting about the room. “How should you like to be leg-shackled to one of these goose-witted maidens for your entire life?”

“Egads, that is not humorous, Hellion. I must insist that you do not even jest about such a notion,” Biddles retorted in horror.

“Precisely. Which means I shall have to discover another method of acquiring the funds that I need.”

“Perhaps I can be of help.”

The soft, decidedly female voice came from behind the large urn, and both Hellion and Biddles stiffened in shock as a small dab of a girl abruptly stepped into view.

Hellion glared at the woman in embarrassment. Good God, did she possess no manners? Did she not realize just how vulgar it was to hide in shadows and pry into a gentleman’s secrets?

Not that he could entirely blame her for preferring the shadows, he unkindly concluded. She certainly possessed no beauty to put upon display. She was too slender and too dark for the current fashion with curls unbecomingly scraped from her gamine countenance and skin more olive than alabaster. Her only saving grace appeared to be the large blue eyes, although they met his gaze squarely rather than from beneath lowered lashes as was only proper.

“Who the devil are you?” he growled.

“Miss Middleton,” she retorted, not seeming to be at all intimidated by his simmering anger. “Forgive me for intruding, but I could not help but overhear your conversation.”

Hellion thinned his lips in displeasure. “Could not? How extraordinarily odd. Were you stuck to the floor? Or perhaps you forgot how to place one foot before the other so that you could politely move away?”

She at least possessed the grace to blush. Hellion noted the dark color did nothing to enhance her plain features.

“No, I was not stuck to the floor, nor did I forget how to walk,” she surprised him by admitting. “In truth, I deliberately remained to listen.”

Caught off guard by her honesty he furrowed his brow. “Why?”

She seemed to hesitate, as if debating within her own mind before slowly squaring her shoulders. “I believe that we may be of service to one another, Mr. Caulfield.”

“Service?”

“I . . .” She glanced over her shoulder at the guests who even now were sending speculative glances in their direction. “I have a proposition for you.”

Hellion stilled.

A pox on the chit.

Did she think she could use his secret to force him into marriage? She would not be the first woman to use such despicable methods to try and acquire him as a husband.

“You are mistaken, Miss Middleton,” he stated in cold tones. “There is no proposition that a virgin could offer that would possibly interest me. I have no patience with débutantes or their tedious attentions.”

“I am well aware of your preference for more sophisticated ladies,” she retorted wryly. “Indeed, all of society is aware of your unfortunate . . . habits.”

“Then what do you want?”

“The proposition I wish to offer you is one of a business nature.”

Hellion did not believe her for a moment. What could this chit know of business? She must think him daft.

“Then once again I must disappoint you, Miss Middleton. My only business is pleasure,” he drawled.

Something that might have been distaste rippled over the tiny countenance, but startlingly the features swiftly hardened with determination. “I am willing to offer you five thousand pounds.”

Hellion gave a choked noise.

It was not often he was caught so completely off guard.

Five thousand pounds? It was a veritable fortune.

Certainly it would put an end to his most pressing creditors. And most importantly of all, allow him to avoid the painful necessity of turning to his uncle for charity. But even as the dazzling thoughts were spinning through his mind, his common sense was whispering that such a fortune never came without a price.

He folded his arms over his chest as he regarded the maiden with a brooding intensity. “Very well, Miss Middleton, you have my attention.”

She did not appear overwhelmed by his capitulation. Instead she once again glanced over her shoulder. “Perhaps it would be best if we conducted our conversation in a place that is less crowded.”

Hellion hesitated.

To be alone with a maiden could spell certain disaster. One scream and he would find himself hauled down the altar before he could bolt.

Still, he could not deny he was intrigued. If she were another seeking to trap him into marriage, she was at least the most original. And he had no doubt he was far too wily to be caught. No matter how clever the trap.

“Your notion has merit,” he agreed with a rather mocking smile. “One can never be certain when there might be a sly eavesdropper lurking about the shadows.”

The blush returned, but her pointed chin tilted to a determined angle. “Yes.”

“Then shall we repair to the gardens?” he suggested, holding out his arm.

She hesitated only a moment before lightly placing her fingers upon his sleeve.

Hellion deliberately glanced toward Biddles, who had all but disappeared into the shadows. With the slightest nod of his head the flamboyant dandy slipped through the crowd. He would be waiting in the garden to avert any unpleasant surprises.

In silence Hellion led his odd damsel toward the open balcony. He did not doubt his choice in companions would be the fodder for the gossips on the morrow. It did not trouble him unduly. He had been upon the tongues of the rattles for years.

Once on the balcony he continued down the curved staircase until they were at last in the relative privacy of the shadowed garden. Although Hellion had seen no hint of Biddles he possessed full faith he was nearby.

“Well, my dear.” He drew to a halt turning to regard her in the faint wash of moonlight. “This is as private as we dare.”

Her hand abruptly dropped from his arm and he heard the sound of her rasping breath.

So, she was not nearly so confident and self-assured as she liked to appear. The notion pleased him. He far preferred to be the one in command of any situation.

“Yes.” Her hands briefly fluttered, as if she were not quite certain what to do with them before clasping them together at her waist. “I . . . did you know we have been introduced before this evening?”

Hellion lifted his brows in disbelief. Surely to heaven she had not lured him out here to chastise him for forgetting a previous introduction? Hell’s teeth, he was introduced to an endless parade of débutantes every evening. Not even he was rake enough to recall them all.

“Then it appears I owe you an apology, Miss Middleton. My deepest regrets for my wretched memory.”

Surprisingly her lips twitched with a wry humor. “I did not reveal our previous encounter to badger for an apology, Mr. Caulfield. I simply wished to reveal my dilemma.”

“Dilemma?”

“You are not the first gentleman to have forgotten an introduction to me,” she confessed in low tones. “To be brutally frank no gentleman recalls my name. Or if they do, they attempt their best to pretend as if they do not.”

His brows rose. “Surely you must be mistaken?”

“Oh no, I am a practical woman, you see. I realize that I am old enough to be upon the shelf and that I have no claim to beauty. I suppose some might even consider me a fright. Even worse I have never developed the sort of silly charms that gentlemen seem to prefer. I do not giggle or flirt or pout. I am outspoken and prefer honesty to flirtation.”

Hellion was arrested by her blunt honesty.

What other woman would so baldly claim her lack of charm? Especially to an unattached gentleman. She was either the most original maiden he had ever encountered, or she was unhinged.

His attention fully captured he regarded the strange, elfin face. For the first time he noted the full sweetness of her lips and the pure lines of her features. No, she woul. . .