Regret raised its nasty little head. Her rehashing the decisions she’d made earlier in her married life wasn’t constructive. Her intellectual knowledge of the situation and her ability to control her reactions were two different things.
The biggest regret she faced had to do with her decision to wait to have children. Why did she feel it best to delay? Many of the decisions she’d made regarding starting a family with Hamish revolved around her fears.
He was ready to take on the responsibility of a family far sooner than she. If she didn’t get out of this alive, Hamish would have nothing and no one.
The thought of him alone with no one to love him caused her to bury her head in the pillow. Yes, he’d coaxed her into marriage. She wanted to wait on tying herself to anyone. Somewhere, in the bottom of her heart, Lori had been afraid she would find herself divorced and dealing with children on her own.
That realization caused her to groan out loud. She hadn’t expected the marriage to last. Her doubts had colored every decision they made. He appeared to agree with her on waiting to have children. It occurred to her the man would agree to almost anything to keep her happy.
Was his agreement given because he felt insecure? Was Hamish afraid of what she might do? Lori admitted to herself of the two of them, she fit the term "temperamental artist" far better than Hamish. He was the rock in their relationship, and she was more like a butterfly darting off at the merest hint of a need to be responsible.
Poor Hamish continually put up with being shat on by a butterfly. A picture flashed into her mind for a moment of one of the large rocks bordering the stream in the glen. A beautiful butterfly landed on it for a moment before darting off again. The picture caused a giggle.
If she got out of this horror alive, there would be changes made on her part. She hadn’t appreciated how much the man loved her. She had a good man who put up with her moods and did so with grace.
Thinking about getting out alive so she could show Hamish how much she loved him, let the dread creep back. Once it sunk its claws in, it didn’t want to let go. Lori wept. The tumult of emotion she experienced resulted from the pregnancy. Her hormones were out of adjustment.
That, coupled with the fear and horror of the kidnapping, caused her system to go wacky. All the mental observations regarding the reasons for her fear did nothing to beat it back. Lori couldn’t stop the tears.
After some time wallowing in misery, she decided this would not do. Hamish would not let them stop looking for her. For all she knew, the Coast Guard was searching for the boat now. Given the size of the stateroom and private bath, this vessel wasn’t some tiny little thing that could sneak around the west coast unnoticed.
Whatever the slick, slimy man wanted her to do, she would find some means to stall him off. There would be a way of dragging it all out, and she would find it.
Determination renewed, Lori waited for Juan to come to the stateroom. If she pestered him enough, he might tell her something.
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