Chapter One
Asher
“All her clothes are here, and I didn’t leave anything at my place, so there should be no reason to use the key, but it’s here just in case. The numbers for her pediatrician, audiologist, speech pathologist, and occupational therapist are all listed in the binder,” Sara, my ex—if you can call her that since we never dated—says as I make faces at Olivia, my daughter. “You should consider moving her to the room next to yours and giving the nanny the upstairs, but I’m sure you’ll ignore that suggestion. There’s also a bag with her school supplies. I put some of her favorite snacks in another bag as well as some other—Asher! Are you even listening?”
I turn to Sara, making sure Olivia can still see my lips. “Yes, I’m listening. Yes, I know all of this. Yes, I will make sure Olivia goes to school, brushes her teeth, puts pants on, and eats.”
“And the room?”
“I’m not moving her room. She loves her room more than the one at your house.”
Sara doesn’t look amused by my response. She turns to Olivia and signs while speaking the words so I can hear, which is what we do whenever having a conversation with Olivia. “Your father is a turd. Make sure he doesn’t miss your appointments and follows the schedule in the binder.”
Olivia smiles. “I love you, Mommy. I will take care of him.”
“Hey, I am a grown-up who can take care of everything,” I sign and speak back.
They both laugh. “Sure you are, Ash. Now, this binder has everything. I worked hard on it, so please make sure you follow it.”
She’s absolutely nutty with her demands for perfection and detail. I’d much rather let things go with the flow. She’s always been this way though, which is why we are much better off as friends who just happen to have a daughter.
We were a casual, fun thing. Neither of us wanted a relationship, but that’s exactly what we have now—a lifelong, co-parenting friendship. It works for the most part.
“You know, I am a really good father. I’ve taken care of her since she was born.”
Sara eyes me. “You’ve never had her like this. Not for months while I was out of the country.”
“We’ll be fine. We can’t mess it up with your binder in hand,” I say with a smirk.
She rolls her eyes and then moves to Olivia with tears forming. Great. This is going to be an hour-long goodbye that will make Sara late for her car and make it so the driver has to drive like an asshole to get to Philly on time for her flight. She’ll probably ask me for a police escort because she’s already cutting it close with her time.
Not that I blame her. I would be losing my mind if I had to leave Olivia for this long.
For the next five and a half months, Sara will be on assignment in Israel. She’s filming a documentary about something she mentioned, but I tuned out. I do know that it’s an amazing career opportunity for her, and that means my three nights a week are now full time. God help Livvy and me.
But we have the binder, so we’ll survive according to her mother.
Sara crouches in front of her. “I am going to miss you so much. I love you with my whole heart. Be good for Daddy.”
Olivia’s eyes shimmer with tears. “I will miss you. Can we video call?”
She nods. “As much as possible. I will be very busy, and there is a time difference, but I will try to call daily.”
“You’re going to miss your flight,” I remind Sara about that pesky thing called a plane schedule.
“It can wait.”
“Yes, but it won’t.”
Sara rises, wiping her cheeks. “I want daily updates either by text or email. I want to know how she’s doing and how you’re surviving. God knows you’ll only be alive thanks to the nanny.”
I clutch my hand to my chest. “I’ll miss you too, dear.”
She laughs. “Do you have your childcare all set? You went through the agency I told you about and made sure the nanny knows ASL?”
“Was that what I was supposed to do?”
She huffs. “Of all the men . . .”
“You were lucky enough to have a child with me. I know. You’re welcome.”
“I could’ve done worse.”
I take that as a compliment.
Her eyes well up with tears again as she looks at Liv.
“I can’t go,” she admits, tears now ready to spill over.
Time to be a dick and force her to leave. “Sara, leave now so you make your flight and you don’t make this harder on Liv.”
“You can’t tell me you wouldn’t be the same. She’s not”—Sara turns so Olivia can’t see what she says—“she’s special. What if the agency screws up? What if you forgot to tell them she’s Deaf and they send someone who can’t sign? I don’t want her to be stuck unable to communicate.”
“I didn’t forget to tell them that. I’m just as concerned as you are, and I would never go to work if they sent someone who couldn’t take care of our daughter.”
Olivia is completely Deaf because of complications with preeclampsia. With her hearing aids, she can hear certain sounds or pitches, but just barely, and she can’t make out any words. Sara and I learned ASL as soon as we discovered her hearing loss and fought to get the best care all around, but Liv is really good with reading lips.
Sara’s full-time nanny, Denise, who learned ASL as well, moved to Florida a week ago to get married. Great timing on that one.
I take Sara’s shoulders in my hands and breathe deeply until she does the same. “You have a flight to catch. I am a fantastic father. Olivia will be fine. The agency said they’d get someone who could sign, all will be well.”
“You’re so infuriating with your constant calm attitude.”
I shrug. “It’s better than flipping out, especially in my job.”
Cool heads always prevail. At least that’s what I tell myself. I love being a small-town sheriff. There’s not much trouble in town other than the kids knocking mailboxes off with a bat or someone stealing a cow and moving it to another pasture for fun. It’s the same thing my brothers and I did growing up in Michigan, so I can’t be too mad at them.
Although, we weren’t big mailbox guys. I never saw the fun in damaging a neighbor’s property, and our mom would’ve had our heads if she’d ever found out.
I am also the newly appointed SWAT commander, which means I have to be steady and always look at the whole picture. That is what I’m doing now.
Now that I’m thinking about it, my trying to coax Sara to leave the house on time does seem like a hostage negotiation.
“I can do this. She’ll be fine. You’re a good dad, and you love her.” She looks down at Olivia and whimpers a little. “I have to go, sweet girl.”
Olivia waves to her.
They both sign. “I love you.”
Sara wipes at her cheeks and pulls me in for a hug. “I’ll be back in less than six months.”
“And it will be just like you left it—other than the matching tattoos we get tomorrow.”
“Asher,” she warns.
“Seriously, Sara, just go. I promise that I can handle this.”
I have no choice because if she comes back and Olivia isn’t in perfect condition, she might chop my balls off.
She grabs her bag, flings it onto her back, and heads to the front door. Sara’s tears are flowing steadily as she walks out without looking back.
I stare at the heavy oak door, waiting, and she doesn’t fail. She comes back into the house, scooping Livvy into her arms and kissing her cheeks. Then she punches me in the arm.
“Predictable.”
She flips me off. “Be good. Don’t get into trouble and don’t forget to feed her!”
“It was one time!” I yell back at her as the door shuts.
Once I’m sure she’s gone, I turn back to Liv. “I’m off today and the new nanny comes tomorrow, let’s make some trouble. Anyone we should invite?”
She grins. “Uncle Rowan!”
I laugh because, out of any of the Whitlock brothers, Rowan is definitely the most likely to cause trouble. “Get your sweatshirt. I’ll let him know.”
Olivia runs off, and I text my brother.
Me: I’m heading to the creek if you want to come fish with Livvy.
Rowan: I have to finish up on the farm, but I’ll be done in about an hour. Not in the mood to see you, but since you mentioned Olivia, I’ll come.
Such a dick.
Me: See you then.
As the oldest Whitlock, it was predetermined I would take over my grandparents’ farm, but they quickly realized that it was completely out of the realm of my capabilities. I hate the cows, and they hate me, so it was better for everyone that I was not in charge of anything livestock related. I gifted my brother the land and the bunk house on the back property for him to do what he wanted, and now he runs a dairy farm.
Rowan: Don’t forget to feed her before we go.
What the fuck is with everyone and feeding Olivia? I forgot one time and I’ll never live it down. Unreal.
Me: Fuck off. She’s fed.
Olivia runs in with her sweatshirt, and I let her know our plan. “Uncle Rowan has to finish work, so we can go to the farm and annoy him before we go fishing, does that sound good?”
She squeals and, without hesitation, goes out back toward the barn where we keep all our fun toys—including the fishing gear. Liv is more like me than Sara would like. She loves the outdoors and doing pretty much anything adventurous.
Which makes her paranoid mother nuts.
I refuse to allow her inability to hear to hinder her life.
I meet her in the barn, laughing because it’s really not a barn. It’s more of a shack of toys. I have two ATVs and dirt bikes, which Sara does not know about. There’s also hunting and fishing gear, tents . . . you name it, and it’s here.
Olivia turns to me. “Can we take your dirt bike?”
“Not until your mother is in Israel and can’t kill me.”
She grins. I love that she’ll cover for me.
“I forgot something,” Livvy informs me and then rushes back into the house.
I watch her go through the big back door, smiling at how the house has turned out. I inherited my grandparents’ house upon my mother’s death. It’s small, but I love it. They raised six kids in this three-bedroom house, so it’s plenty big for me.
I did a bit of remodeling when my mother died.
Originally all three bedrooms were on the first level, and in order to give me, Rowan, and Brynlee more bathrooms, I gutted the attic. I put two bedrooms and a bath up there—one for Brynn and one for Rowan. Grady was never coming back, so I didn’t give much thought about him.
When Olivia was born, she was in the room next to mine, but about three years ago, Brynn suggested putting her upstairs with her. I wasn’t sure, but she and Brynn are thick as thieves, so I went with it. My annoying sister moved out a year later, and I converted her room into a play area. When Liv is here, I usually crash on the couch in there.
Downstairs, I just extended the house a bit to make the master bigger and then converted the other bedroom to be a suite in case I had . . . company. That way, my daughter never sees a girl coming out of my bedroom.
However, it’s been a long fucking time since I’ve needed to worry about that.
The house phone is ringing, and it’s incredibly loud because Liv can sometimes hear that noise, so I rush in to grab it because not many people call me on that line.
Yeah, I know, who the hell has a house phone anymore? Well, when you live somewhere where having reliable cell reception reminds you of being a kid holding the antenna with tin foil on the end to get a picture on the television, you do what you must.
“Hello?”
“Hi, Mr. Whitlock, this is Stephanie from the nanny agency.”
Good, she’s calling to confirm, and I can tell Sara to suck it. “Hi, Stephanie. I’m assuming we’re all set for tomorrow?”
She pauses, and my heart sinks. “About that . . . I know it’s a requirement to have a nanny who knows ASL.”
“Yes . . .”
“So, she just quit, and unfortunately, I don’t have another nanny with that capability. We could make it work. I’m assuming Olivia can write? She can jot down whatever she wants to say.”
Not a chance in hell. “No, thank you. I’ll figure something else out until you can find me someone who can use ASL.”
Stephanie sighs. “I’m really sorry, Mr. Whitlock. I have searched two counties and have come up short. I’ll continue to look, and if you find someone else, please let us know.”
Fuck, I’m sure there’s no solution for this in the binder.
***
“I’m sorry, Chief, I can’t make it today.”
“Asher, you’re the SWAT commander, you have to be here. There’s no one else who can take your place while Billingsly is on baby leave.”
I run my hand over my face, frustrated because I know this. I can’t call out, but I can’t leave Olivia with someone who can’t communicate with her.
I’ve called everyone. My sister is getting ready for finals and in the middle of a big case that she has to be in court for. Rowan said there’s some big cow crisis—also, I am one thousand percent sure that Sara would have my ass if I left her with him, and my other brother is at war, so he’s out.
I even went so far as to call her former nanny and ask her to leave her honeymoon and husband so she could come help me. That went over about as well as I thought it would.
My options are limited.
“I understand that, sir, but I can’t leave Olivia either. She comes first.”
He sighs heavily. “Yes, of course. You said the nanny quit?”
I re-explain everything about the service and Sara leaving. I have never called out. My job is not only something I love but also something I’m good at. When I was promoted to the SWAT commander, I took it very seriously. My men and women rely on me, and we’re a team. Olivia is my daughter, though, and I can’t leave her with someone who can’t understand what she’s saying. She doesn’t speak.
“Well, I have a solution for the both of us.”
“You do?” I ask, curious where exactly he’s going to find a nanny who knows ASL on short notice.
“Yes, actually, Phoebe came home two days ago from school, and she can sign.”
I laugh once. “No.”
There is not a chance in hell that Phoebe Bettencourt is watching Olivia. No way. Not after the last time.
“Why not?”
While he believes his precious daughter is great, she’s the worst babysitter ever. The last time I had her watch my daughter was six years ago, and I came home to find that Olivia had cut her own hair. Three-year-olds do not cut their own hair well.
“I think we both know why.”
“It was a long time ago, and she’s grown up since then.”
Yeah, and Sara lost her damn mind when I brought Olivia home with a new hairdo. “I’m sure she has, but I’m not trusting her with Liv.”
“Listen, she’s finishing her first year of grad school, she’s an audiology major, and she knows ASL. I don’t know what else you could want in a babysitter for Olivia. I know that Phoebe had that small mishap, but she’s a great kid.”
“I don’t need a kid watching my kid, Anthony. I need a trained nanny who will not get lost in her phone while my child burns the house down.” I might be a bit harsh, but it’s not like Phoebe has the best track record. That girl is a flighty mess with bad decision-making abilities. Take away the hair cutting incident, I can’t tell you how many times I pulled her over when she lived here. She drives like a maniac, but I couldn’t even ticket her because her father is my damn boss.
“Well, then you’re going to have to get another nanny who can communicate with Liv another way because you’re needed here. There is no one else who can manage the team if they’re called out. I gave you a solution to the issue. Give her a chance, Asher. You’ll be close if anything happens, but she’s not eighteen anymore.”
His solution really isn’t one, but I feel like I’m being torn apart. I can’t let Olivia or my team down. “If I do this, I need to stay in Sugarloaf so I can be close in case of any . . . issues.”
“If you’re required to go to another town, I’ll check in on Olivia myself. Look, you don’t know when you’re going to get a nanny, and Phoebe is home and not doing anything. This will give her a job, and it helps you out. I don’t want to see you lose the position you worked so hard for,” he says as a reminder.
I’m not sure another option is even out there. “Fine, but one screwup, and I’ll step away from SWAT, consequences be damned.”
And if that happens, I might lose my damn mind.
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