CHAPTER ONE
4 Years, 3 Months Ago
BRODY
“C’mon dude, work with me here. I swear I’ll be more selective going forward. GO LIMP YOU BASTARD!”
Okay so maybe taking Viagra wasn’t the smartest idea after all. Let me be clear that I don’t need it; I’m a healthy twenty-three-year-old guy. And I’m hung like Justin Bieber, only thicker. Yeah, I saw the pictures online—color me curious. But back to my predicament: My buddy swore the little blue pill is the ultimate sexual enhancer so I decided to partake. I’d like to point out that most guys don’t regularly get the chance to have a horizontal party with two hot sisters and said chance was presented to me on a silver platter. Before you get grossed out, they’re step-sisters so it’s not as weird as it sounds. And did I mention how fucking hot they are? We’re talking Pamela Anderson from the good ol’ Baywatch days. Not current Pam because let’s face it; a Susan Sarandon she is not. I mean seriously, could Suz be any sexier? She’s aged like fine wine—a vintage I’d drink like a motherfucking Slurpee. Great, now I’m thinking about banging hot MILF’s which certainly isn’t helping my boner situation. I’ve always had a thing for older women.
Anyhoo, I’m getting off track again. Where was I? Oh yeah, I’m sitting in the Emergency Room parking lot talking to my painfully hard dick. The commercials warn that you should seek medical attention if your erection lasts more than four hours. Well, here I am, EIGHT hours and TWO ROUNDS with the sisters later, with a fucking hard-on that won’t quit. If I didn’t know better, I’d swear I was being punk’d. Who would’ve ever thought I’d be complaining about my dick staying hard for too long? If you’ve never suffered this cruel fate, let me assure you; it fucking hurts. I think I may have actually broken the poor guy. He’s raw from way too much friction and don’t even get me started on how difficult it was to take a piss.
Think, asshole! Think! I close my eyes and concentrate on some of the most non-erotic things I can think of: Kittens. Grandma Ethel. Munchkinland. Damn it, that last one made me scream like a girl but my spaceship is still ready for liftoff. Don’t let anyone tell you otherwise; those creepy high-voiced fuckers are terrifying. TERRIFYING I TELL YOU!
I slam my head back into the seat, take a deep breath, and groan in frustration. I rip the keys out of the ignition and slide out of my truck as carefully as possible. With the front of my shorts tented in the most obvious way possible, I stroll through the automatic doors of North Seattle Memorial and walk up to the lady at the front desk. The look of revulsion on her face as she eyeballs my pocket rocket matches my level of embarrassment.
“May I help you?” she inquires with a side order of stink eye.
“Um…” I nod toward my bulge. “I think I should see a doctor about this.”
Her eyebrows reach her hairline. “What seems to be the problem, sir?”
“My erection-way won’t go own-day,” I whisper in mediocre Pig Latin. “I took some Iagra-vay and I think my ick-day may be oken-bray.”
“I see. So, your chief complaint is that you took some Viagra and you think you may have broken your penis as a result?”
I glare at her. “Lady, do you not know the purpose of Pig Latin?”
I swear to God her lips twitch. “I’m sorry, sir, but the purpose behind Pig Latin is not in the Employee Handbook.”
“Well it should be,” I mutter.
She ignores me and continues asking the customary check-in questions as her fingers fly across the keyboard. Thankfully, I’ve been here before, so it doesn’t take too long. A final series of tap, tap, taps later and she looks up from her monitor.
“Okay, you’re all checked in.” She guides me down to the triage area and gestures for me to have a seat in the small cubicle.
At least the triage nurse has the decency to act like he sees this sort of thing every day. After he finishes taking my vitals and assessing the urgency of my problem, he says, “Okay, we’re all set here. Please have a seat out front and we’ll call you back as soon as possible.”
I look behind me before facing him again. “You want me to wait out there? With all those people?”
He smirks. “Yes, sir, that is the waiting room for emergency patients. I’m sorry, but as you can see, we’re having a busy night. Someone will be with you as soon as possible.”
This guy seriously needs a refresher in bro code. As I search for an empty chair, I wish I had brought a jacket with me so I could shield the Sperminator from prying eyes. It would’ve also been nice to pull on a pair of jeans instead of the loosest basketball shorts I own. I’m actually a pretty smart dude—you don’t get into Aerospace Engineering without brains—but obviously, I wasn’t thinking earlier. Don’t judge me; if you thought your dick might fall off, you’d be lucky if you remembered to put on any clothes before heading to the hospital.
I find an open spot and awkwardly fold my hands over my lap as I wait. I sit there for who knows how long enduring one dirty look after another. Almost every person has moved to the other side of the room. Except this one guy with awful hair that’s slowly, but surely inching his way in my direction. Right as Carl Comb-Over gets two chairs away, I hear the voice of an angel calling my name.
“Brody Harris?”
I practically run up to the woman standing in the doorway. “That’s me.”
Her eyes automatically fall to the officer in my pants. “Right this way, Mr. Harris.”
She leads me into a room down the hall that’s sectioned off by sliding glass doors. She gestures for me to have a seat on the narrow bed, then digs through a lower cabinet off to the right and grabs a thin piece of folded fabric. “I’ll step out so you can remove everything from the waist down. You can use this to cover your… yourself. Someone will be with you in just a few minutes.”
“Thanks,” I grumble as I take the sheet from her.
I remove my shorts and resume my place on the exam bed with the sheet cleverly arranged to conceal my problem as much as possible. I peek under the fabric and beg my dick one more time to snap out of this.
“C’mon, man. I will swear off threesomes forever if you just go back to normal. Right. The. Fuck. Now.”
I give him the full power of my glare but it’s to no avail. He’s still red and angry looking and if this were any other situation, I’d point out how much of him there is again. Oh, who am I kidding? I have a monstrous cock and I own that shit. The only complaints I’ve ever had are from being too big, if you know what I mean. Sadly, in this arena, there’s no one to impress with that fact. I take a deep breath and wait for the nurse to return so we can get this over with.
CHAPTER TWO
RAINEY
“Holy shit, Rainey. You’re going to be so glad you’re down here tonight after you see the guy in room three.”
“What are you talking about?” I ask April, my fellow nurse at North Seattle Memorial.
I’m normally stationed in Labor & Delivery, but the ER was grossly understaffed from some nasty stomach virus that’s been going around. Since there aren’t very many babies in need of birthing tonight, I volunteered to help. April and I have been friends since nursing school, but I don’t get to see her nearly enough since we work five floors apart. It’s crazy busy right now but there’s usually a lull in the few hours before shift change to catch up.
She smirks. “The guy in bay three is yours. You definitely don’t get to see cases like this when you’re staring up vaginas for twelve hours straight.”
“Those vaginas happen to bring beautiful new babies into the world, you know.” Which to be honest, is the only reason I chose that specialty.
“You know what I meant,” she rolls her eyes. “Just trust me on this one. You’ll thank me afterwards.”
“Uh huh, I’m sure,” I tease. “You know, if you needed a break, you could’ve just asked me to cover.”
“Oh honey, you’ll be eating those words. Have fun!” She laughs and gives me a finger wave as she heads in the opposite direction.
I make my way over to room three and grab the file off the wall. I take a quick glance at the patient’s name before knocking on the glass to announce my arrival.
“Come in,” a deep voice calls.
I slide the privacy curtain over a bit, so I can walk inside. “Good evening, Mr. Harris. I’m Rainey and I’ll be taking care of you. What brings you in tonight?” I walk over to the computer station and enter my login credentials, so I can pull up Mr. Harris’s chart.
“Uh…doesn’t it say that in my file?” he chokes out.
I paste on a smile and turn toward him for the first time. Jesus, Mary, and Joseph, he’s a good-looking guy. I don’t normally make a habit of checking out patients, but I am a woman and he is certainly a man. And as April so delicately mentioned, I normally stare at the V all night. I shake out of my stupor as I remember his question.
“It does, but I haven’t gotten to that part yet. I always like asking my patients directly to ensure we have accurate information in the system.”
“Oh…” he stumbles. “I guess that makes sense.”
I lift my eyebrows expectantly. “So…what brings you in tonight?”
He bunches the sheet on his lap into a large bundle, exposing his muscular calves. “No offense, but where is the first nurse that brought me in here? I really don’t think you’re going to help my situation. In fact, you’re making it…uh, worse.”
“I assure you, Mr. Harris, I am fully capable of ensuring you get the best care.” I try keeping the snark out of my tone, but I don’t think I succeed very well.
“I didn’t mean it like that,” he says. “I’m sure you’re fully qualified. I just meant, that…uh, my problem is one of a very delicate nature. And you’re a ginger. I’ve always really had a thing for gingers.”
Wow. This guy is a first-class PITA. That’s pain in the ass for those of you that don’t speak nurse slang. How could my hair color possibly be related to this guy’s problem?
“Well, why don’t you tell me about your problem and I’ll assess whether I’m the right person for the job?”
“All right, but don’t say you didn’t ask for it.”
Before I can question him further, he balls the sheet into his fist and drops it to the floor.
Oh. My. God.
Suddenly the fact that this guy could be a Hemsworth brother is lost on me because I can’t stop staring at his dick. Penis, I remind myself. We are in a clinical setting and dick is not a clinical word. Penis. Penis. Penis.
“Yeah…your staring really isn’t helping,” he groans. “That definitely won’t make him go down.”
I put the most unaffected mask I can muster in place, grab some exam gloves off the wall, and pull them over my hands.
“Mr. Harris, I wasn’t staring.” Yes, I was. “I was examining you from a strictly professional standpoint. Now please tell me, what brings you in this evening?”
He nods towards his d…er, penis. “A buddy of mine suggested that I try some of his Viagra as a booster for this…date I had earlier this evening. Trust me when I say I’ve done more than enough to make it go down.”
“How long have you had the erection?”
He looks at the clock on the wall. “A little over nine hours now.”
His penis jumps as I come closer. “May I? I need to take your vitals and examine you which will require some brief touching.”
“Go to town,” he mutters. “I don’t think this could get any more awkward.”
I take his temp, blood pressure, and pulse ox then chart his results before moving onto the physical inspection. I try ignoring his reaction but it’s a bit difficult when he’s repeatedly groaning and pulsing while my face is practically in his lap. I finish the exam as quickly as possible and throw my gloves in the trash right as Dr. Sexy Pants, AKA Adam Walker, steps into the room.
“Good evening, I’m Doctor Walker. Rainey, what do we have here?”
“This is Brody Harris. Twenty-three-years in age, experiencing an erection lasting over nine hours after sampling a friend’s Viagra. Otherwise healthy. Temp is 98.6 and BP is 112 over 70.”
He briefly inspects the patient before removing his gloves. “Well, the good news is that it doesn’t look too serious…probably just a standard case of priapism. You’ll need some ointment for the skin irritation but a dose of pseudoephedrine should clear up the rest. We’ll need to run a few tests first but if all goes as expected, we should have you out of here pretty soon.”
“Pseudoephedrine?” he shrieks. “Are you seriously telling me that I could’ve taken some Sudafed and avoided this trip altogether?”
“Mr. Harris, you did the right thing by coming in,” Adam assures him. “This could have been more serious. The pseudoephedrine exerts a constriction effect that will in turn, facilitate venous outflow.”
“Could you try that in English, Doc?”
Adam smiles. “Simply put, it will return the blood flow back to normal places.” He turns toward me. “Rainey, order a CBC and a PBG. Doctor Andrews is the urologist on call tonight so I’ll consult with her to determine if we should aspirate the penis.”
“What the hell does that mean?” Mr. Harris asks.
“We would remove a small amount of blood from the penile area with a needle. We’d use a local anesthetic so the pain should be minimal,” Adam explains.
His hands fly over his crotch. “You are not getting near my dick with a needle!”
Adam types some notes into the chart. “Mr. Harris, if it’s necessary, I assure you, we’ll make you as comfortable as possible.”
“Easy for you to say,” the patient mutters. “You’re not the one getting a needle in your johnson.”
I bite my tongue to conceal my laughter. “I’ll get right on those labs, Dr. Walker.” Jesus, I have to get out of this room before I lose it.
“Great,” he replies. “If those confirm a low-flow diagnosis, Mr. Harris should be ready for discharge shortly after receiving meds.”
I ready the blood draw supplies while Adam gives the patient a brief lecture on avoiding other people’s prescriptions and answers a few of his questions. “I’ll see you for that meeting later, Rainey,” he says with a wink before leaving the room to consult with his colleague.
I turn my face to hide my blush. Adam is the resident silver fox in this hospital. Have you ever seen that model Antonio Borges? Yeah, he’s that pretty.
“Was that guy really flirting with you in the middle of my dick crisis?”
“That was not flirting,” I lie.
“Oh, see you at the meeting, Rainey. Wink! Wink!” he mocks.
I roll my eyes. “He’s practically old enough to be my father.”
“Ha! Like that would stop him. Have you seen you?”
Okay, confession time. As of last weekend, Dr. Sexy Pants is actually my fiancé. Why are we acting like we barely know each other, you ask? Well, because his ex-wife happens to be the Head Nurse of Labor & Delivery. At this hospital. If you haven’t figured it out yet, that makes her my boss. According to Adam, their divorce was really nasty because she didn’t want it to happen. He insists that she’d do everything she could get away with to punish me for being with him. She’s a bit older than he is, and rumor has it she’s retiring early, so the secrecy is only temporary. My co-workers know that I’m engaged to a man named Adam…they just don’t know which Adam. I love working at this hospital so I’m running with it for now. I get to be with this amazing guy and have a drama-free workplace. It’s a win-win in my book.
I ignore Mr. Harris’s question, grab another sheet from the cabinet, and pass it to him. “Here, you might want this so you don’t get a chill while you wait.”
He lays the cotton over his lap. “Thanks.”
I roll the tray closer to his bed and uncap the needle once I find a viable vein. “This will pinch just a little.”
“Son of a bitch!” he shouts.
He jerks his arm with enough force to pull away from me as the blood begins flowing down the tube. “Mr. Harris, I need you to remain still, so I can get your blood sample.”
He looks down at his forearm. “Oh shit, I wasn’t supposed to see that.”
“See what?” I inquire as I switch vacutainer tubes.
“The b-blood. I don’t do so well with blood.”
“Hold tight, Mr. Harris. I’m almost done.”
His big body begins to sway. “Oh man, I don’t feel so good.”
I look up and watch the color drain from his face. I quickly cap the vial, remove the needle from his arm, and tape a cotton ball over the puncture site. Thankfully, I get a lot of practice with blood draws in L&D so I’m really fast. I lift the guard rails right as his head hits the pillow and his eyes roll back.
I grab a washcloth from the cabinet and run it under cool water before placing it on his forehead. He jolts awake and tries sitting up the moment his eyes open.
I press my palm against his chest, trying to ignore how chiseled his pecs are, and encourage him to lay back. “Easy there, big guy. You just fainted while I was drawing your blood. Give it a few minutes before you try jumping out of bed.”
“I don’t faint,” he scoffs. “I must have been taking a quick nap.”
“Really?” I challenge. “I didn’t see any notes about narcolepsy in your chart. Should I look into that?”
Mr. Harris glares at me and mutters, “Fucking needles.”
I suppress a smile as I transfer the patient labels to each tube before placing them back in my phlebotomy kit. “I’m going to send these in and ask for a rush on the results. You just lie back and rest for a while. Whatever you do, do not get out of bed without someone to assist.” I pull the call button closer to his hand. “If you need anything, press this button.”
CHAPTER THREE
BRODY
It’s been a half hour since the hot nurse left and Thor has yet to calm down. Yeah, you heard me right; I named my dick Thor. Actually, my high school girlfriend was the one who bestowed the honor, but I think her reasoning is self-explanatory. You’d think the needle talk would scare him back to Asgard but sadly, Thor is no pussy. Pun intended.
“Knock, knock.” The raspy, yet feminine voice precedes the tap on the glass door. Thor jumps at the sound, knowing who it belongs to.
“Come in,” I say.
Nurse Rainey slides the privacy curtain over as she enters the room. “I have good news, Mr. Harris.”
“Brody,” I correct.
“Brody,” she repeats with a smile. My God, she’s fucking beautiful when she does that.
“So…did my results come back?”
“They did,” she nods. “And they confirmed Dr. Walker’s suspicion that we’re dealing with a case of low-dose priapism. In other words, no penis needle for you.”
“Thank God,” I groan. “Thor is very happy to hear that.”
“Thor?” She has the cutest little crinkle between her eyebrows.
“Uh…yeah, you know, Thor is known for his big hammer,” I nod toward my lap, waiting for her to connect the dots. I know the moment it clicks because her freckled cheeks turn an adorable shade of dark pink.
“Wow,” she laughs, “I think it’s probably best if I pretend I didn’t hear that.”
I shrug. “If it makes it easier for you to resist my charms.”
She rolls her eyes with another laugh. “Someone is in a much better mood now that the threat to his manhood has been immobilized.”
“You can say that again.”
She steps closer with a little plastic cup holding two red pills in one hand and a paper cup filled with water in the other. Now that I know my dick isn’t broken, I’m noticing just how amazing her rack is. Hey, you can’t blame me; being on this bed puts it at eye level and her scrub top is being stretched to its limit. If I had to guess, I’d say she’s sporting a pair of double-D’s. She clears her throat, probably because I’ve been ogling her tits for a few seconds beyond polite.
“Dr. Walker wants you to take these. We’ll wait until they kick in and then he’ll be back to examine you. Once your penis has become completely flaccid, you’ll be ready for discharge.”
I take the pills and swallow them quickly. “Whiskey dick is usually something I’d like to avoid on a date, but I’ll make an exception in this case.”
She smirks. “Well since this isn’t a date, I don’t think anyone will mind.”
“It could be,” I suggest. “It would certainly make an interesting story for the grandkids.”
She raises her eyebrows. “Are you asking me out?”
“Maybe,” I smirk. “Would you say yes if I was?”
“Wow…I have no words.”
“I tend to have that effect on women,” I wink. “So, is that a yes?”
“Mr. Harris—”
“Brody,” I remind her.
“Brody, have you forgotten the reason why you’re here right now?”
“Um, I’m pretty sure I will never forget the reason why I’m here right now.”
She steps away from me and starts typing something into the computer. “Okay…let me try phrasing it another way. We just met an hour or so ago. Because you had an emergency stemming from your most recent date with another woman. A date which I’m assuming went well since you mentioned that you did ‘more than enough’ to make your erection go down before you came here.”
“Women,” I correct. “There were two.” Oh shit, why did I say that out loud?
The disgusted glare she gives me tells me there was no chance she missed that. Is it weird that I think she’s even hotter when she’s pissed?
“Wow,” she scoffs. “Even better. So not only are you asking me out within hours of leaving two women in bed after marathon sex, but you also seem to be missing the point that we are in a hospital, not a nightclub. If that weren’t enough, you are my patient.”
“I won’t be your patient after I get out of here.”
“Well, you’re persistent, I’ll give you that,” she mutters.
“C’mon, Rainey. Look, I know the way we met isn’t exactly…conventional. But I’d like to think it was fate. Maybe the big guy put me in this colossally embarrassing situation so I could find you. You never know; we could be soulmates.”
“I’m fairly certain a guy like you doesn’t believe in the concept of soulmates,” she argues.
Okay, this obviously isn’t going well but I decide to go for broke anyway. There’s just something about her that makes me want to know her better. And not just in the naked sense.
“Look, I know you’re attracted to me. I saw the interest in your expression clear as day when you first walked into the room.”
“Now wait a min—”
I hold my hand up. “Let me finish. You’re attracted to me. I’m attracted to you. What’s the harm in seeing if there’s anything beyond that?”
She chews on her lip. “Are you done?”
“I guess.”
“I’m flattered, Brody, and at the same time, a little skeeved out that you’re asking me out right after having sex with someone else. Two someone elses. But that’s beside the point. I don’t date patients. Ever. I’m sorry.”
“There’s no chance I’m going to convince you to bend that rule, is there?”
She shakes her head. “Not even a little.”
Well, damn.
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