I toss and turn, falling in and out of sleep, I struggle to get comfortable. After trying several different positions, I finally get comfortable enough to fall into a deep sleep.
~
Me and Kelsey are out in the backyard playing hopscotch. There’s chalk on my hands and the number three is backwards. I wrote it and I’m proud of myself for knowing how to count to ten.
My hands are so tiny. I must be young if I’m proud of counting to ten and writing a three backwards. I don’t remember this.
I stand there admiring my work for a moment before looking around. There’s a jump rope lying on the ground next to me and a ball out in the grass that never got picked up earlier.
It’s my turn to go, so I throw the little rock and it lands on 4. I hop from one square to the next until I get there before picking up the rock and hopping back to Kelsey. She cheers for me, clapping and jumping. When I reach her, she gives me a high five and tells me I did a great job, just as my parents come walking out of the house.
My parents, (MY parents?) are dressed nicely and they smile affectionately at me. Mom has long blonde hair and green eyes that are in complete contrast to Dad who has light brown hair, and hides deep brown eyes behind his glasses.
I leap into Mom’s arms and she showers my face with kisses as I giggle and squirm. Dad steps over and they sandwich me in a hug and tell me they love me. I tell them I love them back and squirm to get down and keep playing.
They set me down and walk away, turning back to wave several times and blow kisses. Once they’re through the door, I go back to playing with Kelsey.
We play ball and swim in the pool. She chases me around as I laugh uncontrollably. I splash her in the pool and she helps me learn to swim. When we’re done swimming, we sit in the big lounge chairs and eat popsicles.
After my bath, she reads me a book in my bed and I try so hard to keep my eyes open and listen to every word, but it isn’t long before I can no longer hold my eyes open. I drift to sleep to the sound of her voice as she tells me a story about a lost dinosaur.
~
I wake up in my room and stare up at my solar system model hanging above my head. I throw off my blanket and jump from the bed, running down the hallway. Sprinting to the second door on the right, I throw it open with a smile, but the room is empty. The bed made. They’re not here?
I turn around and open another door. The bathroom is empty too. I run down the stairs and check the kitchen but that’s also empty. I run into the living room and find Kelsey asleep on the couch.
Where are Mommy and Daddy?
~
I’m sitting at the counter while Kelsey makes me lunch. My favorite, macaroni and cheese with dinosaur-shaped chicken nuggets. I color on a piece of paper while I kick the counter. Kelsey tells me to stop kicking, it’s getting on her nerves.
She keeps checking her phone and mumbling to herself. She seems worried but she keeps telling me she’s fine and there’s nothing to worry about. She’s cranky, too. She gets irritated with me for small things but she apologizes for snapping. I know something is wrong, I just don’t know what.
The doorbell rings and I jump down, running to the door. I hope it’s my mom and Dad with a surprise for me. They never leave without saying goodbye to me and they didn’t tell me goodbye this morning.
I swing the door open and two police officers are there. Kelsey puts her hand on my shoulder and tells me to go to my room for a bit. I mumble ok and head for the stairs, yet I stop and look back several times. They talk in low voices so I can’t hear what’s going on, but Kelsey looks scared and the officers look so serious.
Kelsey starts to turn to look at me and I run up the rest of the stairs and go to my room, throwing myself into my bed. Something is definitely wrong and I’m starting to get scared.
Mommy, Daddy, please come home!
~
Sometime later, a lady in a suit comes into my room as I’m playing with my dinosaurs. She tells me that I have to go with her now and starts to pack up some things for me. I tell her no, I’m not going anywhere, I live here. She says I don’t live here anymore, that I have to live somewhere else.
I tell her that I want my mom and Dad but she tells me they aren’t here. They’re gone. What does that mean, they’re gone? Where did they go? Why aren’t they coming back? Did I do something wrong? Don’t they love me?
She’s dragging me out of the house and I’m crying, screaming that I don’t want to go. I want my mom and Dad. Where are they? Why am I being taken away? Where are they taking me? I don’t want to go! What’s happening!?
Please, don’t take me away!
~
I jolt awake and sit upright in bed, panting and sweating. Staring at the wall across the room, with the poster of the galaxy on it, I focus on my breathing. In and out, in and out. I look down and find my hands fisted in the sheets. Slowly, I open my fingers. Each one stiff and sore from gripping the sheets so hard. How long was I doing that? The dream only felt like a few minutes.
I get up and stretch before shuffling to the bathroom across the hall to go take a shower and wake up before school. I turn the heat up until I can barely stand it. Maybe the heat will burn away the dreams if I stand under it long enough.
I walk back into my room and rummage through my closet and dresser for things to wear. A pair of jeans, my favorite t-shirt, some socks and of course, tennis shoes.
Sitting on the edge of my bed, I put on my socks and shoes. My foot thuds to the floor as I look up at the galaxy poster on the wall, trying and failing not to think about my dreams.
An image of the solar system model flashes through my head. Was that mine? I have always loved space, as long as I can remember. Why do I love space, though? Why am I so fascinated with it? No one else in the family is even slightly interested in it.
I don’t remember having dinosaur toys as a kid either. I recognized that toy though. Maybe I saw it at a friend’s house or something and remembered it. It’s probably a coincidence. I mean, one of my favorite movies is Jurassic Park. That’s another weird difference between my family and me.
I rub my hand through my damp hair as I try to think. I don’t remember ever living in such a fancy house. I think I’d remember if I grew up that privileged, wouldn’t I? Yet, it all seemed so familiar, it felt familiar. I don’t remember it, but I knew what was going to happen just before it did like it was déjà vu or a memory.
Memory? No, it was definitely a dream. The strangest dream I’ve had in a long time.
Who were those people? They weren’t my parents, my parents look nothing like them. But I still called them Mom and Dad. I know them. Know them? No, I knew them…
Who’s Kelsey? I’ve never had a sitter named Kelsey, I don’t even know anyone named Kelsey. Do I?
Who was I then? I felt like me and I looked like me, but I’m pretty certain those things never happened to me. I’ve lived here as long as I can remember. If I wasn’t dreaming that I was me, then who was I dreaming that I was?
How do I know these things are real if I’ve never actually experienced them? How did I know what would happen if I hadn’t been through it? Can you have déjà vu of someone else’s life or experiences?
I don’t know that I believe in that past life stuff, but I suppose if anything is possible, then it’s a possibility. It doesn’t seem right though. I sigh and drop my head into my hands. It just doesn’t make sense. I look up and stare into my poster until my eyes blur and lose focus. I get lost in the stars as I try to let it go and not think about it anymore.
It was just a dream, right? Dreams are weird and they don’t necessarily mean anything. Just brush it off. That’s what I do, I stand up and brush off my clothes as I mentally brush away all thoughts of the dreams. It was just that, a dream and nothing more.
That’s what I tell myself anyway as I pick up my school books from last night and stuff them into my backpack. I unplug my phone and check it. There’s a good morning text from Stacy that I quickly reply to before I shove my phone into my jeans pocket and then stare at the window.
I walk around my bed and open the blinds of my window. I stand there and stare down at the front yard. It’s a nice enough front yard. Neat lawn, well kept with a big tree on the other side of the driveway. There are a few succulent plants by the porch in a rocky garden but nothing fancy. Our backyard is no different.
I sigh as my gaze travels around the yard, eventually landing on my truck. I stare at it, trying to clear my head. After a few breaths, I grin to myself as the thought of driving my truck pops into my head. I love driving my truck. I mentally push a wall in front of the many thoughts about my dreams, blocking them back like a dam. I put a smile on my face and turn around, ready to face the day.
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