Chapter 1
Trina
My lips vibrate as I hum along with the catchy music playing from the store speakers above my head. My little basket of ingredients hangs in the crook of my elbow as I casually stroll down the aisles. I know exactly what I want to make for dinner tonight, but it never hurts to stroll through the aisles for more that may pop out at you.
Today is a big day for me and my heart has been as light as a kite all day from the thrill. I’ve worked so hard over the last year to find myself, to fight through all the trauma I’ve endured in my life, and it’s slowly paying off. I have a good job, I’m learning to handle bills and take care of myself, I’m getting a lot of quality time with Izan and my sister. Life doesn’t get much better than this, does it?
Turning the corner, I head down the bakery aisle, pausing in my tracks when I notice a familiar man standing in the center of the aisle. I step closer slowly, trying not to stare directly too much as I pretend to look around me for something. As I walk closer, I realize who he is and grin to myself. It’s been just under a year since I saw his face, and it only now hits me how much I’ve missed him.
Wait, I’ve missed him? Is that right? I mean, he was one of the officers who helped free me from my abusive husband of 10 years, and he did protect me when I needed it, talking me through my emotional struggles. He was there for me during the trial and even checked in a time or two over the phone with me after all was settled. I haven’t heard from him in so long, I wonder what’s been keeping him so busy.
His eyebrows are drawn together, one arm crossed over his broad chest as his other rests on it, his fist under his chin. Some things never change, like his five o’clock shadow and the way he styles his short black hair to the side. He’s more handsome than I remember with his square jaw and soft brown eyes that remind me of pools of melting chocolate. That may be why he soothed me so well, he had me drowning in my favorite dessert.
I step forward, in front of him, as I reach for a box of plain fudge brownies. “You can never go wrong with simple fudge brownies, you know. They go with everything.” Gently shaking the box as I pull it from the shelf, I smile at him, setting it in my little basket.
He blinks several times, shaking his head as he focuses on me and drops his arms. His eyes widen, his lips parting and stretching into a happy smile. “Trina!? Is that really you?”
I nod my head, blushing as his eyes closely assess me. After a year, I know I look different. My hair is longer and layered for texture, a style that I’ve always wanted to try. Antonio made me keep it short and modestly styled to avoid drawing attention. Esme has taught me how to do modest makeup for my administrative assistant job, and dress like a proper woman with heels and all. I don’t always enjoy wearing them, but I can admit I look great. And let’s not forget the fact that I’ve filled out quite a bit. Esme feeds the family well, and after being starved to stay thin and brittle, her hearty meals have brought my body up a few pant sizes. I’m not complaining though, I feel amazing.
“Wow, you look… incredible. How are you? I’m sorry I haven’t checked on you in a while, it’s been crazy at work.” He rubs the back of his neck as his face pinkens, his eyes dropping to the floor. I get the sense that he’s not being entirely honest with me, but it’s not my business, so I brush it off.
“I understand. There are a lot of bad guys out there in the world. I’ve been doing really well. Estoy muy feliz. I have a job now, Esme and Andrés are helping me learn to handle bills, and I get a lot of game time with Izan. Therapy has helped me muy mucho, and I'm finally getting past some of the trauma.” I tuck some hair behind my ear as he watches me, his hands in his pockets.
It’s then, as my eyes lower to the floor, that I realize he isn’t dressed in his usual formal wear for work. He’s in jeans and a graphic t-shirt, a leather jacket on top. He looks like a sexy bad boy, and I have to swallow down that thought and look away. It’s too soon for me to be feeling this way about someone, isn’t it? I haven’t covered this in therapy yet, it never came up since there wasn’t anyone in my life.
“I’m really glad to hear that you’re doing well, that you’re in therapy and moving forward. You deserve to be happy after all you’ve been through.”
I nod, unsure of what to say as the silence stretches, growing awkward.
“So, what are you shopping for?” His voice is casual, trying to carry the conversation.
I chuckle and lift the basket in my hands. “Oh, this? I’m making a celebratory dinner tonight. A coworker told me about this recipe that sounds muy rico, so I wanted to give it a try. I think the brownies will be a nice dessert after, though. Thanks for drawing my attention to them.”
We both chuckle as I blush, peeking at him from under my lashes. He rubs the back of his neck, his eyes on the floor as he asks, “What else do you still need? We could shop and talk.”
My heart leaps in my chest as I grin. “¡Que dulce! I would love that!”
He chuckles and spreads an arm out, gesturing for me to lead the way as we fall into step together, side by side, chatting about daily life. I tell him all about my new job as an administrative assistant and how I’m enjoying working for once. It’s nice to have my freedom, to make my own decisions, to spend my own money. No reprimands or conditions for anything.
He asks about my family, my recovery, and I tell him about my progress with the therapist, that I’ve hardly had any flashbacks. It was hard at first to get comfortable with making my own decisions and getting out into the world. Harder still to fight the feeling that everyone is watching me, that people know the truth about me and see me as less than I am. I’m learning to love myself despite my trauma and all I’ve been taught to believe.
When I ask about him, he admits that he’s been incredibly busy, letting work consume his life. “I can’t even tell you how many nights I slept in the precinct. I didn’t go home for days at a time. Captain finally had enough, and sent me on mandatory vacation. So, I’m home for the week, to get some rest and remember I’m a human, or something. He said if he saw my face in the building, he’d fire me.” He chuckles, shaking his head. It must be an empty threat, but it sounds like he’s worked too hard. “It’s been hard for me to do anything but work. I don’t have much else out there for me. All my family is gone, so I decided that if I was going to be forced to be at home and enjoy it, I might as well indulge. I just didn’t realize how many kinds of brownies there were!”
We both laugh as I stop in front of the produce, my eyes skimming the bell peppers. “Well, since you’re alone and bored, would you like to have dinner with us tonight?” I look up at him, a sincere smile on my face as my cheeks heat. He could think this is a date, and maybe it is, but I’m enjoying his company and don’t want it to end just yet.
“Are you sure I wouldn’t be imposing? Your family doesn’t even know me.” He looks uncomfortable, unsure, as he shifts his feet, his eyes dropping to the basket on my arm.
“Por favor, mi familia will love you! They know of you, how you protected me, helped me when I needed it. They won’t mind at all. Please come?” I lift my eyebrows, my eyes widening as I aim for that puppy dog look I hear the younger girls at work talk about. Poking out my bottom lip slightly, he chuckles, his head dropping forward as he sighs.
“How can I say no to that face?” He chuckles as I smile smugly, wiggling in a victory dance. I win!
I shrug a shoulder before turning to the bell peppers, picking them up and checking each one for ripeness. The basket is lifted from my arm, and I jump, looking over as he offers to hold it for me so I can shop. Blushing, I let him take it from me and pick several peppers for dinner before we head to the dairy for cheese.
As we approach the check out, he stays right by me, setting the basket down for me and then walking around me to grab the bag. I pay and attempt to grab my bag, but he refuses to hand it over. “Are you going to carry that all the way home for me?” I give him an accusatory look, not believing he would do such a thing. “It’s not a long walk, I can carry it.”
He huffs, grinning as his cheeks blush, his head dropping as he peeks at me from under his lashes. “Can I give you a ride home? I drove here from the precinct, so I need my car anyway.”
He chuckles awkwardly, and I smile widely, nodding before letting him lead the way to the parking lot. It’s peaceful out, the weather a comfortable temperature as the sun sets. Walking around to the passenger side of his modest four door car, he opens the door for me, waving for me to sit. My lips pinch into a strained smile as I gently settle into the seat before he carefully sets my bag of groceries at my feet, shutting the door gently and walking around.
My heart rips open, and I can’t stop the tears from falling down my face. His door opens as he drops into the car. He freezes, seeing my face, and immediately panics. “Trina, what’s wrong? Did I do something?”
I shake my head, trying to get my breathing under control, but struggle as I’m overwhelmed by his generosity. I also feel ridiculous for bursting into tears over some niceties, but I honestly can’t remember the last time someone other than my family was so nice to me, so gentle and caring. Moments like this haven’t happened to me in months. I really thought I was getting better.
He reaches out, pulling me into his arms, and I fall over, grabbing his jacket and crying into his neck. His scent, the heat from his body, it’s all so familiar from my time in the safe house, and it soothes me just as much as it pushes me over, making me flashback to that horrific time. He was a rock for me in those extremely hard moments, the one thing that got through to me. Now I’m just wishing he’d been here this whole time.
I finally pull myself together, leaning back out of his arms as I swipe at my face, apologizing for my breakdown.
“Trina, what happened? If it’s something I did to trigger you, I need to know so I don’t do it again. I don’t want to ruin all the hard work you’ve done in the last year by pushing you over the edge.”
His words are like a knife to my heart, twisting as it tears me apart. I fight to keep my breathing even as the tears start to pour all over again. I hold up a finger to him as I pull myself back together so I can explain.
“No eres tu, it was the kindness you showed.” I peek at him from under my wet lashes, his eyebrows drawing in confusion, his lips set in a hard line as he clenches his jaw. “No one outside of mi familia has treated me as kindly as you have in the last few minutes. It’s a stupid thing to cry over, I know, but it meant more than I want to admit.”
Reaching across, he takes my hand in his, rubbing his thumb over the top of it. My heart settles in my chest, my lungs open up, and I take a deep breath as I meet his eyes.
“You don’t need to apologize for feeling overwhelmed with gratitude.” He pauses, his eyes skimming over my face. “I want you to do something for me, okay?” When he pauses again, I nod, worry creeping up my throat at what he might request. “I want you to stop looking back. Stop comparing your past life to right now. If these moments, these kind gestures, are a first for you, then start counting from right now. Don’t go back and try to remember the last time, just remember this one, remember the next one, and keep moving forward. I can promise you, your future is going to be so much better than your past. Just focus on that, okay?”
Sniffling, I nod my head as he smiles. His hand squeezes mine as he leans over, his lips pressing to my forehead. My eyes close as I inhale sharply, the warm, wet feel of his lips against my skin sets my nerves alight. We stay there a moment before he pulls away, clearing his throat as he adjusts in his seat, putting on his seat belt, and starting the car. I notice the pink tint to his cheeks, as if he didn’t quite mean to do that, but I don’t say anything.
“So, where to, my lady?” He grins at me as he pulls out of the parking space, and I chuckle, shaking my head as I ramble off the directions he needs.
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