All That Was

by Tanya E Williams

Genres: Coming of Age; Epistolary Fiction; Friendship; Historical Fiction; Women's Fiction; Humorous gen fiction

Synopsis

Separated by a century. Bonded by loss. Will examining all that was invoke comfort or calamity?

Seattle, 2015. Emily Reed refuses to dwell on her emotions. When the first-year attorney is assigned a church archival project, she dives into the records to hide from her own heartache. But when she discovers her parents were married in this very chapel, she is forced to confront the grief she buried a decade ago.

After she died in 1935, Elizabet Thomas was devastated when her beloved husband wasn’t waiting for her on the other side. A lost soul, she’s wandered their church for the past eighty years, desperate to find him. And now she must persuade a young, living lawyer that the historic building needs to be preserved rather than sold and torn down.

Discovering a diary among the disarray in the building’s basement, Emily is first engrossed and then moved by the dead woman’s words. And as the fate of her home unravels, Elizabet realizes she and the grieving archivist have more in common than she ever would have guessed.

Can Emily and Elizabet save themselves and their cherished sanctuary?

All That Was is an uplifting standalone women’s literary fiction novel deeply woven with historical elements. If you enjoy dual-perspective storylines, complex female characters, and the rekindling of lost hope, then you’ll love Tanya E Williams’s soul-stirring tale.

 

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Release date: October 20, 2020

Publisher: Rippling Effects

Print pages: 324

Sample

Sunday, February 8, 2015
Emily

The warm air of the home envelops Emily in a long overdue embrace as she and her boyfriend step inside. The appealing aromas coming from the kitchen lift the corners of her mouth as she slides her coat from her shoulders. Inhaling deeply, her stomach growls in anticipation. Anxious or hungry? Emily contemplates the question for a fleeting moment as she places a hand over her stomach to quell the gurgling sound. An unsettling feeling has followed her since she flipped the calendar to February eight days ago.

“We’re here,” Emily calls out, looping her purse strap over the bannister railing.

“In the kitchen,” Veronica calls back over the hum of the oven fan. “Dinner is almost ready.”

Ryan, Emily’s boyfriend of two years, is a short step behind her as they enter the recently renovated, farmhouse style kitchen. A knowing glance over her shoulder tussles her brunette waves while confirming Ryan’s delight as the sight of Sunday dinner comes into view. He licks his lips as he watches Veronica pull an extra-large casserole dish of bubbling lasagna from the wall oven.

“Smells good.” Ryan steps forward to close the oven door behind Veronica before placing a peck on her cheek.

“I know it is your favorite.” Veronica beams at Ryan as she fans the air with her oven mitt then turns her attention toward Emily. “Hey, Em. It’s good to see you.”

Veronica steps forward and folds Emily into a warm embrace, both of them leaning into one another momentarily before Emily grabs the salad tongs and begins tossing the greens in Caesar dressing.

“Anything I can do?” Ryan asks, stepping out of the way. Veronica and Emily move about the kitchen, both of them in time with the familiar dance of preparing a meal together.

“Hey, Ryan.” Colin enters the room, a bottle of red wine in one hand. Though his button-down collared shirt is missing its weekday jacket and tie tonight, Colin’s erect posture oozes the confidence of a man at ease in front of a crowded courtroom. His athletic build tells tales about his age, and only his broad smile causing crinkles near the edges of his eyes gives away his fifty years of life experience.

Ryan extends his hand for a friendly shake before Colin crosses the hardwood floor, wrapping Emily in a fierce hug. “Hey, kiddo. How are you doing?”

Emily’s face lights up as she returns his hug.

“Em, you’ve got the salad?” Veronica pivots, surveying the granite kitchen island. The shimmering silk of her navy blouse ripples as she moves, its hem tucked into her dark skinny jeans. “Okay, I think we are all set. Let’s eat.”

The four of them settle into the dining-room chairs. The new plush chairs add an elegant contrast to the antique dining table, Emily thinks as she takes her place beside Ryan. Veronica, with the seasoned hand of a woman who entertains frequently, dishes lasagna onto the men’s plates while Emily reaches for a piece of crusty garlic bread before filling her own plate with the cheesy casserole.

Fork in hand, Emily chases a rogue noodle around her plate. She fills the air with chatter about her upcoming work project. “Mr. Holt says the archives haven’t been touched in decades. He says he’d be amazed if I am able to make heads or tails of them by the end of the summer.”

From across the table, Colin’s gray eyes beam at Emily as she pauses to take a bite of bread. “I’m sure you are just the person for the job, Em.”

“I hope so. I know it will be an insane amount of work, but I am really looking forward to the challenge. I’ve never worked with church records before, and I certainly don’t have any experience with documents as old as these. I guess I always imagined records of this age would be displayed behind glass, safely under lock and key in a library or a museum. I definitely didn’t think they would be sitting in a basement storage room, gathering dust.” Emily’s eyes search the ceiling as she thinks over the research projects she undertook as a law student at the University of Washington, trying to ascertain the most historical items she’s studied.

Veronica, seizing the lull in the conversation, places her knife and fork on either side of her plate. She takes a deep breath as she sweeps her thick ebony hair over one shoulder, any silver strands covered by frequent salon visits. “Emily, I was thinking of heading over to the cemetery next week. Flowers are always a nice addition when the sky is so dreary, and with the anniversary coming up, I thought—”

 

Emily’s shoulders stiffen slightly.

“I wondered.” Veronica tries again, a hesitation in her delivery. “Well, I thought you might like to join me. I could pick you up, make a day of it. Grab some lunch in one of those trendy cafes.” Veronica’s eyes shift quickly toward Colin, who is seated beside her, before settling once more on Emily. “We can go whichever day fits best with your schedule. I know how busy you are. Maybe Ryan would like to join us. I don’t think he has ever visited the grave sites. Have you, Ryan?” Veronica inclines her head toward Ryan as he looks up, a panicked expression settling over his boyish features.

Looking somewhere between a deer caught in the headlights and an unsuspecting party guest who has stumbled into the middle of an awkward conversation, a subtle shake of his head is Ryan’s only response. Busying himself while dropping his eyes away from Veronica’s, he scoops a heaping forkful of lasagna into his mouth and begins to chew slowly.

Clearing her throat, Emily buys herself some time to tuck her reaction safely beneath the surface, out of sight from those around her. Her mind whirs, desperate to switch gears in the conversation, and she kicks herself. She’d believed she could avoid this type of conversation tonight, but that had been wishful thinking. She considers the topic of the drab Seattle winter but shakes her head almost imperceptibly. The thought of such mundane conversation with those whose lives are deeply tangled with her own is disappointing at best. She hunts for words suitable to satisfy the questions behind the inquiring eyes of the couple across from her.

Colin bridges the gap with a disarming smile. “I can’t believe how fast the time has gone. Seems like only yesterday we were celebrating you passing the bar exam.”

Meeting his eyes, relief spreads across her face. Grateful for the life raft, Emily forces a smile. “The months are moving fast, but then again I don’t mind if winter speeds by us.” She cringes as the words leave her lips. Couldn’t leave the weather out of it, she scolds herself. They deserve more from her, and her inability to give them more only adds to her discomfort.

Taking a bite of lasagna, Colin nods in agreement. The gray peppered about his temples shimmers in the light of the dining room as his head bobs up and down. “We are in the thick of it now. I’ve always found February challenges my love for this city. The rain and dark. The sleet and wind.” He glances toward Veronica, an amused expression softening his features. “You’d think we would wise up and plan a sunny vacation for this time of year.”

“Where would you go?” Emily jumps at the opportunity to steer the conversation away from the cemetery, herself, and Seattle in February.

“The white-sand beaches of the Caribbean seem to call out to me when the gray sky dips low enough to kiss the ground.” Colin swirls his glass of red wine before taking a thoughtful sip.

“That sounds lovely.” Emily stabs a piece of lasagna with her fork.

“I could certainly get on board with a trip to the Caribbean.” Ryan adds, raising his own wine glass to Colin’s in a toast.

“You should know.” Veronica’s words are soft, but her message is straight as an arrow. “We would never leave Seattle in February, Em. Just in case.” The pause sends a shiver of nervousness down the length of Emily’s spine. “Just in case you needed us. You know?”

Emily shifts in her seat. Sipping from her water glass, Emily averts her eyes. Unable to respond verbally, she only nods in acknowledgement of Veronica’s concern.

“Your parents would be so proud of you.” Colin’s words, though ushered in a demure and reminiscent tone, assault her as if they’ve been fired out of a cannon.

With another subtle movement of her head, Emily ignores the silence that has settled at the dinner table like an uninvited guest. She turns her attention back toward her dinner plate.

Emily’s overwhelming work schedule has meant missing Sunday dinner with Colin and Veronica since Christmas. She hates that her absence may have made her appear unappreciative. Colin and Veronica became her legal guardians after her parents’ accident left her orphaned and alone a decade ago. Guilt creeps up the back of Emily’s neck, spreading like a heat rash, yet her need to remain stoic wins out over a polite response.

Ever since the ball dropped on 2015, though she has kept her disquiet to herself, Emily’s trepidation over something she is unable to put her finger on has been nudging her from the furthest corner of her mind.

The tenth anniversary of her parents’ death is like a beacon, blinking with more intensity as the calendar draws near to that fateful February day. Entirely ignoring the significance of the month seemed achievable, at least within the confines of her mind. But being here with Colin and Veronica, the thought of ignoring the anniversary feels inappropriate and nearly impossible.

Suspecting the root of her wariness has more to do with shadows from the past, Emily has done what she always has. She squared her shoulders and plowed ahead. Moving forward is the only path worthy of her time and attention. This mantra has guided her thoughts and her actions for years. But her mantra has been required more often these past few weeks, and the strength it so readily provided has waned.

Feeling Veronica’s eyes watching her, Emily lifts her head, pasting what she hopes is a pleasant and convincing smile upon her face. “Thanks again for having us. This is delicious.” Scooping another forkful of lasagna into her mouth, Emily smiles again before reaching for her glass of water, shifting her gaze away from Veronica’s penetrating brown eyes.

“We would love to see you more often, Em.” Veronica pauses as her long lashes blink, matching the cadence of her words, handed out with cautious sincerity. “This is your home. You are always welcome here.” Veronica’s shoulders rise and fall in what Emily interprets as resignation. “You don’t even need to call ahead. You can pop over anytime you like.” Veronica smiles as Colin places his hand over hers and they exchange a look.

Perhaps sensing the rising tension, Colin clears his throat and returns his attention to his own plate. “So, Emily, back to your first research assignment as a lawyer.”

The conversation shifts and Emily breathes a sigh of relief as the familiar smile plays about Colin’s lips. “I remember those days.” A soft chuckle vibrates deep within his throat. “First-year lawyers, us old servants of the court know all too well. The grunt workers of every firm, am I right?”

Emily inclines her head in agreement, but a soft shrug of her shoulders tells him she isn’t worried about the workload.

“Anyway, which church basement will you be lurking in for the next several months?” Colin teases Emily about her upcoming project.

“First Church.” Emily sips from her water glass, having nearly finished her lasagna. “On Marion and Fifth.” Her tone is light and conversational once more, relieved to have found herself on safer ground with the return to work-related conversation.

Colin leans back against the solid frame of his dining room chair with a light thud. “Really?” His smile broadens as his eyes squint, a question seemingly burning behind them. His fork hovers in midair, its trajectory lost between his mouth and the dinner plate. “Your parents married there. In June 1983. I was the best man. Did you remember that?”

Emily inhales sharply at the mention of her parents. She hadn’t known about their connection to the church in which, until this moment, she was excited about beginning work. Colin’s question sucks the air from the room like a high-powered vacuum. Her inability to speak of her parents or their deaths grips her. Emily’s heart feels as if it has become lodged in her throat, blocking both her breathing and her voice. The realization of what this new information will mean for her shakes the resolve she barely had a grasp on. Out of reflex she stands, wrenching herself from the table. A glass topples, and cutlery clatters against a plate. Colin’s and Veronica’s faces deflate as Emily excuses herself to seek refuge in the bathroom down the hall.

“Em, please.” Ryan’s plea is laced in a whisper as she bolts from the room, determination to control her emotions fueling her steps.

Several minutes pass as Emily hides away from what is surely to be an uncomfortable conversation in the dining room. After pacing about the compact room, she turns on both the hot and cold taps, opening them to full force. The sound of the water drowns out the frantic whispers coming from the three remaining in the dining room in addition to the silent but distraught words pushing from inside her throbbing brain.

Splashing her face with water, Emily peers into the large oval mirror. Her cheeks are mottling pink and pale, though no tears have dared to disobey her and fall. “Crying is of little use,” she reminds herself in a controlled whisper. She stares at her reflection, challenging her weakened state of mind with narrowed eyes and a determined expression. She will win this emotional battle, just as she has all the others.

Calming herself with a few deep breaths, Emily grasps for a shred of dignity. She pats her cheeks with both palms, encouraging her composure to reinstate itself. With a last look in the mirror, she tucks her hair neatly behind her ears, ready to face Colin, Veronica, and the rest of Sunday dinner. Unlocking the bathroom door, Emily steps into the hall to find Veronica leaning against the wall, an anxious expression painted across her face.

“Colin didn’t mean to upset you. Neither did I for that matter.” Veronica bursts forward. Her voice is quiet and soothing despite the nervous twitching of her arms. Emily assumes she wants nothing more than to reach out and embrace her in a firm hug.

“It’s fine. I’m fine.” Emily’s voice, clipped and guarded, rushes from her lips.

“If you were fine, as you say you are, you wouldn’t run out of the room every time someone mentions your mom and dad.” Veronica takes a tentative step forward.

Emily stiffens, her feigned composure dissolving like sugar in water.

“The offer is still open.” Veronica inclines her head, trying to draw Emily’s eyes upward. “Colin and I are happy to cover the cost of counseling. It’s been ten years, Emily. Don’t you think it is time?”

“There is nothing I can do to bring them back.” Emily’s voice quavers, contradicting the strength of her words.

Veronica nods. “True. But does their death have to be a life sentence for you?” Veronica’s words are gentle, but her point hits home. “Don’t you think the time has come, Em? It’s okay for you to be happy, you know.” Veronica steps forward, her arms reaching to wrap Emily in an embrace.

Emily steps back, her movements stiff and controlled. “Happy?” She scoffs. “You can’t possibly understand.” Throwing her hands in the air, Emily moves past Veronica, brushing against her shoulders in the narrow hallway. Emily pivots in an abrupt movement. “Don’t you get it? There is no happily ever after. Not for me at least. Not anymore.”

“Em, please.” Veronica’s voice bounces off the walls, rising with her mounting frustration.

Colin and Ryan step into the hallway from the dining room. Seeing Ryan firmly holding his cloth napkin, Emily lets out a long sigh. “Let’s just finish dinner. Okay?”

“We aren’t done discussing this, Emily. You can’t go through the rest of your life pretending everything is fine. You had parents, Em. And they loved you.”

“Thank you for pointing out the obvious, Veronica.” Emily’s voice trembles, evidence of the thoughts held tightly in her clenched fists. “I am well aware of everything I had.”

“I can only imagine how hard this is for you. But you are not alone, Em. You have us. You have Colin and me.” Veronica looks past Emily with a weak smile. “And Ryan. We can help you. We want to help you. You just have to open the door a little and let us in.”

Emily squares her shoulders and raises an eyebrow. A rare condescending demeanor takes over her usually polite features. “What exactly do you think I need help with? Haven’t I gotten a degree? Haven’t I managed to live on my own, afford my own life, start my own career?”

Not waiting for an answer, Emily tugs her winter coat from the hall closet before shooting Ryan a pointed time-to-go look. Shoving her feet into her low-heeled boots, Emily grabs her purse off the railing and opens the front door. “I think I am doing pretty well actually. I mean no disrespect, to either of you.” Emily inclines her head in Veronica and then Colin’s direction. “But, I think I’ve got it covered. Thank you for dinner.” Emily steps out the door and walks away, leaving Ryan to utter a flurry of apologies as he hurries to slide on his own jacket and shoes before following her out the door.