Family of Blue
Kaylee Rose
Chapter 1
LANCE
After seven months of intense hands-on training and classwork, I’m finally graduating at the top of my police academy class. Today I will finally become a sworn law enforcement officer, accepting all the responsibilities that come with the job. Tomorrow will be my first day with the Springhill Sheriff’s Department. I’m excited, and nervous because it will enable me to apply practical training to real-life situations.
Throughout lunch, my parents are quiet, asking vague questions, avoiding the elephant in the room. I only have a few hours before I need to leave and get ready for my graduation ceremony.
Dad stands and carries our dishes to the kitchen, giving me a moment to speak with Mom alone. Unable to waste any more time skirting around the subject of my career choice, I try to reason with her one last time. With or without her support the badge will be pinned on my chest. I will wear it with pride.
While facing my mother, I reach across the dining table and hold both of her hands in mine. Before I can say a word, her chest heaves with sobs, breaking my heart. Seeing the fear and sadness in her eyes gives me pause but doesn’t change anything. “Mom, please listen to me. I don’t want to hurt you, but this is my choice to make. I’ve always wanted the honor of wearing a badge just like Dad. I want to make both of you proud.”
Her first, desperate pleas for me to switch career path fell on deaf ears and nothing has changed since. She was inconsolable the day I joined the academy. I tried to prepare her, dropping hints for months, hoping she’d pick up on them, but denial kept her from seeing the truth. Dad knew about my plans and tried talking to Mom, but she wouldn’t hear of it.
“We are proud of you, Lance, but why can’t you choose something else? A job where I don’t have to worry about getting a knock on the door telling me my son is hurt or worse, dead. When your dad retired, I thought my nights of pacing the floors, drifting in and out of a restless sleep were over, and now, it will start all over again.”
“I know telling you not to worry won’t help ease your mind. It’s what moms do.”
My mother tears up again. “Don’t you remember how hard it was while you were young? I felt like a single mother most of the time. Do you really want that when you have a family of your own?” She’s grasping at straws, trying to find anything she thinks will make me change my mind.
I hear her words and everything she says is the truth, but the force is important to me. The days when Dad would miss my games due to work filled me with anger and resentment. It seemed work always came before Mom and me. Those memories almost kept me from even considering joining the force.
When asked the dreaded what do you want to do with the rest of your life question that plagues every young adult, I began researching what might interest me. Looking at my choices, I kept going back to law enforcement and added it to my shortlist of options. It wasn’t until I spent an evening with my dad and his partner on the job that my decision was solidified. Watching him interact with his partners and the public gave me a whole new level of respect for officers.
Especially the man who came home to Mom and me every night.
With his simple announcement of I’m home, I could see the tension lift from my mom’s shoulders. The relief she felt when Dad walked through the door was obvious to me even as a young boy.
Dad would continue down the hallway, into his bedroom and begin the process of changing from Officer Malloy into what I now think of as the man behind the badge. On autopilot, he’d remove his gun belt, place his weapon in the safe, change out of his crisp blue uniform and seek out my mom, who was most likely in the kitchen getting ready to serve dinner.
With a flourish worthy of an old romance movie, Dad would kiss her and whisper how much he missed and loved her. Every night the same thing. I think the routine gave us all a sense of comfort and control over the things we never wanted to imagine what could happen while Dad was on the job.
I release my mother’s hands before reaching into my back pocket for one of Dad’s monogrammed handkerchiefs. Gently, I place it in her hand, closing her fingers around the thin cloth. I always carry one with me. Mom buys him a new box each Christmas. By December they all seemed to disappear. He had a habit of giving them to anyone who needed it to dry their tears. When Dad retired, the tradition was passed on to me making me think Mom knew this day was coming.
Mom doesn’t look up. Her eyes are fixated on my larger hand enveloping hers. When her trembling hands relax, I stand, lean down and kiss her tear stained cheek. “I’m sorry, Mom, but I have to do this for me. I hope you’ll be at my graduation and pin the badge to my uniform, but I understand if you can’t come. I love you.”
With each step I take, my boots feel as if they are full of cement. I fight the urge to walk back to my mother, for one last hug, but I know it’s only delaying the inevitable, making it harder for both of us. I have no doubt that deep down in her soul she understands why I must do this.
Dad meets me at the front door. A plain blue t-shirt and faded jeans are his daily uniform now. He still looks like a cop, only his hair isn’t cut as short as it used to be.
“Stay home with Mom instead of coming to the ceremony. It’s really not that big a deal.” It is a big deal and I want them there more than I let on.
His brow wrinkles with concern. “I’ll try to talk to her again. She loves you. Remember what I told you. As hard as it is to be an officer, it’s even harder to be the one at home waiting. For an officer to handle the emotions and stress of the job, the weight of the badge must be carried by the entire family. It wasn’t easy when I wore my badge and it will be even harder for her to see you wearing yours. She’ll get there though. She’s prouder of you than you’ll ever know. We both are.” He pulls me into a strong bear hug like he used to when I was a kid.
“I won’t forget. I love you, Dad.” The mix of emotions I keeps me from saying anything more. Before opening the door to exit, I pause to look inside the curio cabinet and stare at the memory box displaying Dad’s badge and patches.
Filling my dad’s shoes won’t be easy, but I promise to work hard every day to make him proud.
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