White Lies and Secret Wishes

by Cathy Bramley

Genres: Friendship; Small Town & Rural; Women's Fiction; Contemporary Romance

Synopsis

What happens when you only make half a wish? Strangers Jo, Sarah and Carrie find themselves unexpectedly drawn together... Jo wishes she could get her business back on track and conquer her fear of heights. Or at least that's what she'll say when asked. A little over thirty, she has things to prove and finding love can definitely wait. Sarah has everything she ever wanted: a beautiful baby and the perfect job. She just needs to get that promotion and then all those missed bath times will be worth it. But she can't stop to think about it for too long or she might drop something. All Carrie wants is to look good in a bikini this summer. So she's said, every year. But it's not the only weight she's carrying, as dark secrets from her past are threatening to surface. The three unlikely new friends set themselves a deadline to get their lives in order; juggling men, babies and bikini bottoms along the way. There's nothing to stop them from achieving their dreams - except those little white lies we all tell . . . *Published in the UK as White Lies and Wishes * *** Readers are captivated by Cathy Bramley's heartwarming stories: 'Funny and sweet and as satisfying as a homemade apple pie' Milly Johnson 'As comforting as hot tea and toast made on the Aga!' Veronica Henry 'A delicious tale of friendship, family and baking... I loved its warmth and charm' Cathy Woodman 'Delightfully warm with plenty twists and turns' Trisha Ashley

Release date: March 21, 2019

Publisher: Orion

Print pages: 333

Sample

It was the last Monday in January. ‘Blue Monday’, according to the newspapers. The most miserable day of the year. The sky was miserable, too: charcoal clouds scudded angrily over the rooftops and a mean wind rattled at window frames and snapped weak branches from trees.

How apt, thought Jo, rubbing her hands together for warmth.

Frédéric Lafleur’s funeral had already cast a shadow over the day but now, at three o’clock, the thin light was fading from the afternoon and the little village of Woodby in rural Nottinghamshire was descending into gloom. Jo shuddered, dragged her gaze away from the steamed-up window of the village hall and blinked away tears that had been gathering since before the service.

Coffee. She needed coffee. It would warm her up and give her something to do. She pushed her way through the crowd towards the refreshments and was vaguely aware of a petite young woman with a cloud of pretty red curls hopping up and down, trying to hang a brightly coloured coat on a peg out of reach.

The room was muggy and Jo felt hot and restricted in her tight black skirt suit. She undid the button of her jacket and grimaced at the noise around her. The conversation, at first a respectful whisper, had risen to a more sociable hum as the mourners, with pinched faces and frozen fingers, thawed over tea and sandwiches.

A searing flash of fury gripped her and she had an urge to scream.

For God’s sake, it’s not a bloody party.

She took a deep breath and reminded herself that this was how people dealt with death in England; a nice cup of tea and a muted chuckle over shared memories. The hall was packed; tons of people had come to see him off, there was bound to be noise. Besides, Fréd had been a noisy bugger; he’d have hated a quiet wake.

She braced herself as Abi stumbled blindly into her arms.

‘Hello, you,’ said Jo, returning the hug.

Abi had lost so much weight this past year; Jo could feel every bone in her spine.

If anyone were to ask Jo how she was, she would probably smile through gritted teeth and reply that she was fine. She wasn’t, though. Jo was angry. So furious, in fact, that she wanted to punch something or someone really hard. God, probably.

This was all wrong. Funerals were for old people. Abi and Fréd were still young. Or was, in Fréd’s case. They should be popping out more babies left, right and centre, enjoying life, planning for their future. Fréd should be here, arm draped round his beautiful wife, knocking back the red wine and making jokes about English food.

Jo could feel her breath rattling against her ribcage, her throat burning with the effort of keeping her own emotions in check. She kissed Abi’s hair and released her, dabbing the tears from her friend’s face with a tissue that had seen better days. What do you say to your thirty-four-year-old friend who has just lost her husband to cancer?

‘Thanks for doing the reading in French, Jo,’ Abi murmured.

‘Yeah, cheers for that,’ said Jo, twisting her mouth into a smile. ‘As if I wasn’t stressed enough, you make me wheel out my rusty old French.’

At least now the service was over she could start to breathe normally again.

‘It was brilliant; you still sound fluent.’ Abi swallowed.

Jo shook her head. Abi was amazing, even now she managed to see beyond her own pain. ‘Old Maman Lafleur didn’t think so, she was giving me daggers.’

Abi winced. ‘Sorry about my mother-in-law, I think she still blames you for introducing us at uni. If it’s any consolation, she looks at me like that all the time.’

‘Poor you.’ Jo smiled in sympathy. Her eyes roamed the room until she located Fréd’s parents queuing for food. ‘Fréd’s dad Henri is lovely, though. Handsome devil. Obviously where Fréd got his looks from.’

Abi’s face crumpled.

Shit, wrong thing to say. Jo pulled her friend close again, cursing her own stupidity, as Abi cried softly into her neck. At the buffet table the French relatives were examining a pork pie as if it were a suspicious parcel, curiosity and distrust on their faces. Henri picked up a slice, sniffed it, then nibbled the edge. Showing every bit of his Gallic origins, he shrugged and pulled the corners of his mouth down. The others shook their heads and moved along.

Abi pulled away and rubbed her face dry with the back of her hands. ‘Anyway, it meant a lot to me. You read at our wedding and Fréd would have liked the poem. I miss hearing his voice, hearing him swear in French.’

They looked at each other and shared a smile; Fréd had been bilingual but he always swore in French.

Jo nodded. A sudden longing for the day to end, to leave all this sadness behind, sent guilty shivers through her body. She ran a hand through her short, blonde hair distractedly. At times like these it was so much easier being single – no ties, none of this heartache.

Abi looked round the hall. ‘I suppose I’d better go and mingle.’

Jo gripped her hands. ‘Bugger them. You do exactly as you like. People don’t expect you to make polite conversation. Get yourself a coffee and let them come to you. And make sure you eat something.’

Abi nodded half-heartedly. ‘What about you?’

Jo wrinkled her nose and pulled a single, slightly bent cigarette out of her bag. ‘Not hungry. I’m going out for a fag.’

Abi frowned. ‘Thought you’d given up?’

Jo shook her head, gave Abi a swift kiss and wiped away a smear of red lipstick on her cheek with her thumb. ‘Not today.’

Carrie set down the heavy teapot, shook out her arm and wiped the sheen of perspiration from her brow. It was going well so far. Perhaps ‘well’ was the wrong word under the circumstances.

She bit her lip, flushing in case people could hear her thoughts. What she meant was that everyone had had a hot drink, and no one had asked for something she didn’t have. In theory, they could help themselves from now on. She supposed she would have to come out from behind the table at some point. But not yet. She felt safer here, less conspicuous. Or at least as inconspicuous as someone of her size could ever be.

Still, she had been really good today. She’d only had one sausage roll all afternoon, even though her mouth was watering and her stomach wouldn’t stop rumbling. Her eyes scanned the trestle table. There had been plenty of food in the end; she needn’t have worried. Not very French, though, unless you counted vol-au-vents. And quiche, maybe. That sounded French. Doing the catering on her own had been hard work, but it had been the least she could do for poor Abi, plus, if she was honest with herself, she had enjoyed being busy, feeling useful for once. Was that really self-centred?

A blonde middle-aged woman in a long navy raincoat brought her teacup over for a refill.

‘Lovely spread, Carrie.’

‘Oh gosh, Linda. Thank you.’ Carrie blushed and looked down shyly, noticing crumbs on her chest. How did they get there?

‘Did you do the altar flowers too?’

She nodded. ‘Not bad for supermarket flowers, are they?’

‘Goodness!’ Linda pulled the corners of her mouth down in surprise. ‘No, not bad at all.’

Carrie could have kicked herself. Why did she always make a joke of things? Of course she had done the flowers. She had been to the wholesalers at five this morning to collect the blooms. Long-stemmed roses, masses of them: white for youth, red for courage and pink for love. Not chrysanthemums. She shuddered. She hated them: the symbol of death.

Linda leaned forward and lowered her voice to a whisper. ‘I think you’ve got jam on your chin.’

‘Oh? Thanks.’

How did that get there?

Carrie was still scrubbing at her face with a napkin as Fréd’s mother approached the table and handed Carrie her paper plate.

‘Thank you,’ said the elegant Frenchwoman, ashen-faced and stooped under the weight of her grief.

Carrie’s heart sank as she took in the barely touched food. Fréd’s mum had hated it. She should have listened to Alex, perhaps she should never have offered to do this at all; her cooking wasn’t up to catering standard.

‘I’m so sorry. For your loss. And for the food,’ she stammered.

Madame Lafleur didn’t smile, but nodded and swept away to rejoin her husband.

Carrie regarded the remains of the buffet with dismay. It struck her as rather macabre now; chicken drumsticks, sandwiches, cake … like some sort of sick joke. It looked like the sort of food you’d do for a birthday party, or a wedding anniversary.

Strange how you had a wedding breakfast but a funeral tea. Or was it? If your whole life were to be crammed into one day, you’d want your wedding in the morning, save the funeral for the end of the day.

But some people didn’t make it to the end of the day, did they? And some had their lives taken before they had even begun. A massive lump threatened to block her throat.

Today is not about you, Carrie Radley.

She shook her head to banish the memories, and without a thought of the calories she selected the largest slice of quiche and took a mouthful.

Oh my Lord! She had died and woken up in savoury pie heaven.

She took a second bite. The salty bacon, crumbly pastry and creamy custard disappeared in seconds.

She closed her eyes and then snapped them open, automatically checking to see where her husband was. He was easy to spot; Alex was one of the tallest men here. And the most handsome. As she brushed more crumbs from her bosom, he looked over and caught her eye.

‘All right?’ he mouthed.

She nodded. Damn. She felt guilty enough for eating without him catching her raiding the buffet. She couldn’t stick to her diet today. Today she was too het up.

Patches of sweat prickled under her arms and her face felt hot, it would be as red as a beetroot, she just knew it. Her dark hair would be a mess too; the steam from the hot-water urn would have turned it to frizz. Fresh air was called for, perhaps with a snack. She grabbed a couple of chicken drumsticks and made for the door to the car park.

After eventually managing to hang her coat up on a peg that was ridiculously high, Sarah had stayed in the corner of the village hall waiting for her blushing face to return to a more normal colour. She pressed a hand to her cheek – still warm – and groaned inwardly. That was possibly one of her worst foot-in-mouth fiascos ever: ‘I’d kill my husband if he did that,’ Sarah had said, trying to make conversation with two women who were moaning about their other halves. Only to find Abi standing right beside her. Everyone had glared at her, Abi had burst into tears and run off and now Sarah felt like a social outcast, like a rabbit with MixyMcwhatsit.

She glanced at her nails for something to do and noticed that she had burst a button on her emerald-green blouse. Great. That would just about top it off if she flashed her boobs at Fréd’s funeral. She was never going to make any friends in the village at this rate.

Had anyone seen? She whipped her head round to check. No, thank goodness. Shame Dave wasn’t here to appreciate a peek at her bra. Not that it was a racy number; feeding bras, she had learned, were built for smooth operations, not to make the wearer feel the least bit alluring.

It was nerves; that was what she put her blabby mouth down to. She was normally quite comfortable in other people’s company, but today she felt awkward and isolated and conscious that she really needed to be in two places at once.

Story of my life these days.

Supporting Abi and showing respect for Fréd was the ‘good neighbour’ thing to do, she told herself firmly, pushing aside the fact that she had inadvertently made Abi cry. But Sarah couldn’t help remembering her boss Eleanor’s sucked-in cheeks when she had asked for the time off. She’d only been back at the accountancy firm since the start of January. If Eleanor had had her way, she’d have come back in December. As it was she still felt like she’d cut her maternity leave short. Today was a massive day for the company – Sarah understood that – a big meeting with a potential new client. She sighed, twirled a lock of red hair round her finger and looked round for any familiar faces.

The funeral was just such bad timing.

NO! No, no! She didn’t mean it! That made her sound like a monster! She almost gasped aloud with shame, took a deep breath and rearranged her thoughts. But try as she might she couldn’t stop thinking about work.

Finch and Partners’ new golden boy, Ben, would probably be given that client to manage now, even though Sarah had spent the last four weeks doing all the preliminary work. And she needed a biggie like that if she was going to make partner this year. At this rate Ben would be promoted before her, even though he had only been there five minutes and wasn’t even thirty. But instead of furthering her career, she was standing in a village hall like a lemon, in a shirt that was still far too tight, with no one to talk to.

But she was doing the right thing. Definitely. Very neighbourly.

Food. That would give her something to do. Sarah approached the buffet table and picked up a paper plate. Her hand hovered over the cheese sandwiches as an idea occurred to her. She chewed on her lip and mulled it over. What if she jumped into the car now? She could make it back to the office before the new client left, and at least say hello. Stake her claim before Ben got in there first.

But what about Zac? Her stomach flipped. She had promised to get home early to feed him and when was the last time she had done that on a Monday? Time with her six-month-old baby was so precious, early finishes so rare. Her heart swelled with love for her darling little boy.

Sod the office for once. She’d stay here. She plonked a sandwich on her plate. Decision made.

There were about a hundred people here, she reckoned, as she slipped a slice of vegetable quiche on to her plate. Black, black, black. Why did everyone insist on wearing black at a funeral? Sarah didn’t even own anything black. She liked happy colours. Her boss had once said that she would look more at home in the circus than in the boardroom. She’d thought it was a compliment at first until she had noticed two of the junior accountants sniggering.

She might as well try to meet people while she was here, assuming she could avoid any more social gaffes. She and Dave were still new to Woodby and with one thing and another – short winter days and dark nights, Zac arriving early and a new cottage needing a lot of attention – she hadn’t made any proper friends yet. Except Abi.

Sarah felt the heat rise to her cheeks. How selfish to be worrying about her own trivial work issues with everything that poor Abi was going through.

There was no one manning the teapot so Sarah helped herself. She would drink this and then go and apologize to Abi for her faux pas earlier. She scanned the room but couldn’t see where she was. She’d spotted her a few minutes ago hugging the elegant platinum-blonde woman who had done the French reading in church. Sarah recalled the woman’s immaculate suit, endless slim legs and flat stomach and ran a hand through her own corkscrew curls and got a finger stuck in a knot. God, she was a scruff-bag, there never seemed to be enough time to see to her own appearance these days.

A group of women of about her age was gathered at the stage end of the hall. One of them had even brought her baby, for heaven’s sake! She wouldn’t dream of exposing Zac to such misery. He could be scarred for life. A few of the faces were familiar from the mother and baby group and her heart sank. She had only managed to go a couple of times and although they’d been friendly at first, they had all stared at her like she had two heads when she announced that she was going back to work full time even though Zac was only tiny. Still, no harm in trying again. She attempted her best friendly smile and began to cross the hall.

At that moment, the baby started to wail. Oh no! Sarah cringed and pressed an arm to her chest.

Too late. It was as if she had pulled the toggle on an emergency life vest. She only had to hear a baby cry, even if it wasn’t Zac, and her boobs inflated, ready for action. She felt warmth flood her bra and hardly dared glance down. The sensation was ten times worse than needing a wee. She normally expressed milk at lunchtime if she wasn’t with Zac, but with the funeral service starting at one o’clock, somehow she had got out of sync.

Sarah abandoned her plate and hurried towards the ladies’ toilets, praying that her painful personal problem wasn’t visible.

She barged through the door feeling like she had two live hand grenades stuffed down her bra, but the only cubicle was taken and just as she contemplated expressing over the basin, an elderly lady entered. Sarah panicked and dashed from the toilets. The front of her blouse was definitely wet and the desire to relieve the pressure unbearable. With burning cheeks, she ran from the hall and into the car park. Heavy clouds dulled the sky and the wind took her breath away. She shivered but there was no time to go back for her coat; if she didn’t do something about this in the next five seconds, she was going to explode.

She dived round the corner of the building, out of sight, to a narrow sheltered pathway bordered with shrubs. She yanked up her blouse, ripping off a button in the process, and then in a practised manoeuvre, unhooked the bra cups and squeezed both breasts.

‘Ahhh!’ Thank God. She let her head fall back, closed her eyes and exhaled deeply. Relief as two jets of warm milk squirted over the pyracantha.

It took Sarah a few seconds to detect the smell of cigarette smoke. A prickle of mortification crept across her scalp and down her back. She opened her eyes and looked over her right shoulder. Two women were staring at her, open-mouthed.

Sarah swallowed a groan. Well, that had to be a new personal best of total humiliation. They didn’t tell you about this in the baby manuals. The look on their faces. She didn’t know whether to laugh or cry, but she certainly couldn’t stop yet.

‘Bloody hell,’ said Abi’s blonde friend, taking a long pull on her cigarette.

‘Should I call an ambulance?’ said the other woman, wiping her mouth with the back of her hand.

‘No, no, I’m fine, nearly finished.’

That short burst had eased the pressure. It would do until she got home. Sarah swiftly tucked herself back in and turned to face her audience.

Jo flicked ash into the shrubbery. She should probably look away but she was transfixed. She had never really given much thought to the practicalities of motherhood. Does everyone have to do that … that squeezing thing? A moment’s peace to get herself together with a crafty ciggie, that was all she had needed, but she had already been joined by the pretty plump buffet girl with her hands full of chicken drumsticks. And now this – the tiny human milking machine. She wondered where the baby was. Her thoughts flashed briefly to Abi having to bring up little Tom on her own. Poor love. For the second time, Jo’s commitment-free lifestyle looked quite appealing.

The woman tugged the lapels of her green velvet jacket across her chest, folded her arms and smiled. She reminded Jo of a curly-haired Kylie Minogue, only with bigger boobs. For someone who had just performed a full-frontal flash at strangers at a funeral wake, she seemed terribly calm.

‘Any other party tricks?’ said Jo with a grin, blowing smoke sharply out of the side of her mouth.

The woman shrugged. ‘There’s this thing I do with ping-pong balls, but not usually at funerals.’

Jo snorted with laughter. She dropped her cigarette to the floor, ground it out with the pointy toe of her shoe and picked it back up. She scouted round for a bin.

‘Here.’ The buffet girl stepped forward and held out her napkin. Jo dropped the butt on top of a pile of chicken bones.

‘Thanks. I’m Jo, by the way.’

‘Carrie.’ She smiled shyly. ‘Pleased to meet you.’

‘Sarah Hudson,’ said the one with the boobs, grimacing. ‘Look, I’m really sorry about that; I thought I was on my own.’

‘We all did,’ said Carrie, tucking the napkin behind her back.

Even in this light Jo could see how embarrassed Carrie was. She wouldn’t even meet their eyes.

‘Sarah, you’re shivering,’ added Carrie. ‘Let’s go in and have a hot drink.’

Sarah nodded. ‘Good plan.’

‘No milk for me,’ said Jo.

There were a few funny looks, Jo noticed, as the three women re-entered the hall together. Probably surprised at the sound of their laughter. The other two didn’t seem aware of the attention: Sarah was occupied with preventing her cleavage from making another appearance and Carrie was busy foisting tea and cake on anyone who moved. According to Carrie, Jo needed fattening up a bit, and as Sarah was breastfeeding, she had to keep her strength up. Carrie wasn’t the greatest advertisement for more cake, thought Jo, shaking her head to decline the offer of a slice of Battenberg.

Jo’s gaze did a quick once-over of the room to check if Abi was OK and spotted her deep in conversation with a group of women. She seemed fine, considering. Jo accepted a cup of tea from Carrie and smirked at her blushing face as the rather delicious vicar joined their group.

‘Are you friends of the family?’ he asked, smiling round at them.

Jo watched with amusement as Carrie took his empty cup and, with a shaky hand, poured a fresh one. Jo had heard about this new vicar from Abi. Apparently he held most of the village in thrall. He could only be in his thirties, he drove a Lotus and had brought a whole new congregation into church – predominantly female. He also had the most amazing eyelashes. What was the dating protocol with vicars, she wondered. She’d never had a vicar.

‘Yeah, we’re bosom buddies,’ said Jo.

Sarah smothered a laugh, momentarily releasing the front of her blouse to cover her mouth. Jo noticed the vicar clap an eyeful of bra before looking Sarah in the eye. ‘I’ve seen you in the village, but we haven’t been introduced,’ he said.

‘Vicar, you naughty boy, she’s married,’ said Jo huskily.

Carrie’s eyes widened. Jo wasn’t bothered. A good-looking man was a good-looking man, man of the cloth or not.

The vicar choked on his tea and Carrie handed him a napkin.

‘I’m Sarah Hudson,’ replied Sarah, struggling to keep a straight face. ‘A friend. I live in the village.’

‘Ah yes, you’re Dave’s wife. You’ve got a baby boy, haven’t you? Planning on having him christened?’

Sarah’s eyes widened. ‘Oh, you’ve met Dave? Um, we haven’t really discussed it yet.’

‘My favourite thing, christenings — more fun than weddings, even. Are you married?’ he asked Jo.

‘Good God, no!’ Jo leaned in towards him with a wink. ‘I prefer dirty weekends to dirty socks. Much more fun.’

The vicar opened his mouth to speak and then closed it again. Carrie made a faint high-pitched squeak and tried to refill his cup a second time. ‘More tea?’

He shook his head and with darting eyes managed to make eye contact with someone across the room.

‘I should, er … circulate. By the way, Mrs Radley, delicious food.’

He smiled bravely and moved away. The women watched him and shared a look of appreciation.

‘Delicious bum,’ muttered Jo, whistling under her breath.

‘Did you do all this, then?’ Sarah asked, pointing at the buffet table.

Carrie nodded. ‘It was the least I could do. Poor Abi.’

‘You’re a caterer?’ asked Jo, dragging her eyes away from the vicar’s rear.

Carrie blushed. ‘Goodness, no! I’m just – just a housewife. And it’s only a few sandwiches.’

If Jo had been in charge of the food, it would have been a job lot from Marks & Spencer. This amount of homemade stuff must have taken hours. Jo opened her mouth to object, but Carrie jumped back in.

‘What do you both do?’ she asked.

‘Apart from being wife to Dave and mummy to Zac, I’m an accountant,’ said Sarah. ‘I work in the city centre, corporate mostly. Don’t say it, I know – boring.’

Jo raised a perfectly arched eyebrow. ‘After that floor show outside? I don’t think so.’

‘Not full-time, though, surely?’ said Carrie. ‘With a baby?’

‘Yes, what’s wrong with that?’ Sarah glared at her. ‘My job is very important to me and the company was desperate to have me back. Do you have children?’

Carrie’s face flamed. ‘No, I—’ she stuttered.

‘And I run a small family business,’ said Jo, changing the subject rapidly as Carrie shrank under the force of Sarah’s stare. ‘Badly, most of the time. And I’m married to it; till death do us part.’ She clenched her jaw, cross with herself for saying something so crass at a funeral. ‘How do you both know Abi and Fréd?’

‘We moved to Woodby last year, I didn’t really know Fréd but I thought I should come to support Abi,’ said Sarah.

‘And my husband is the General Manager at Cavendish Hall, where Frédéric was head chef,’ said Carrie.

‘And you obviously have some French connection,’ said Sarah. ‘That reading you did was amazing.’

Jo shrugged and swallowed her tea. ‘I did French as part of my degree. I spent a year in Paris, got to know Fréd. Abi came out to stay with me for a holiday and I introduced them. Un coup de foudre, as they say.’

Carrie shook her head slowly, her eyes looking moist. ‘Such a lovely couple. So unfair. To have your life cut short like that. And that beautiful little boy.’

Jo’s heart grew heavy again and she felt guilty for enjoying the last half-hour. ‘I don’t know how Abi’s going to cope once the funeral’s over. She’s been focusing on that to get her through so far. I’ll come over when I can, but I’m based in Northampton.’

‘I’ve seen her a couple of times to sort out the arrangements,’ said Carrie. ‘But I haven’t wanted to intrude. I can certainly pop in now and again.’

Jo smiled her thanks.

‘I know it’s a cliché,’ said Sarah, with a sigh, ‘but you’ve got to make each day count. Cherish every moment.’

‘Carpe diem,’ Carrie agreed.

Jo looked round at the hall; some of the mourners had gone now. Someone had brought Abi’s son Tom along and he was sitting on his granddad’s knee, bouncing up and down and giggling. With his dark wavy hair, he was the image of his father. Jo wondered what was going through Henri’s mind. Probably looking at Tom and remembering Frédéric as a boy. It must be heartbreaking to lose a child, at any age, even if he was a grown man. Another good reason not to have kids. If she told herself this often enough, she might even start to believe it. She shuddered and tuned back into the conversation.

‘A bucket list. A list of things you’d like to do before it’s too late, like in that film with Jack Nicholson and Morgan Freeman? The Bucket List,’ Carrie was saying to Sarah.

‘I’ve seen that one,’ said Jo. ‘They’re both terminally ill and decide to do a load of mad things before they die.’

‘Exactly. Perhaps everyone should have a bucket list? So when you go, you’ll at least have done some of the things you always wanted to do,’ said Carrie ruefully.

Jo tried to read Carrie’s expression; there was something behind that shy smile, as if she had a whole list of regrets. Mind you, that probably applied to everyone.

She picked a piece of fluff off her black wool jacket. ‘Fréd’s dream was to open his own restaurant. He was waiting for the right moment. And now …’ She swallowed a lump in her throat.

‘We could … Why don’t we …? Oh, nothing,’ said Carrie, stirring her tea roughly. ‘Ignore me.’

‘Go on,’ said Jo.

Carrie bit her lip. ‘We could perhaps start doing the things we want to do. Make a list together. We can all add stuff to the list and tick them off when we’ve done them!’

‘Together?’ Jo gave a half-laugh. ‘We’ve only just met.’

‘And I’ve got a new baby, I can’t start skydiving or jetting off to Timbuktu,’ Sarah pointed out.

‘It’s probably a stupid idea. You’re both right.’ Carrie blushed and Jo felt sorry for her.

Her heart twisted suddenly. There was something in what Carrie said; perhaps she should start doing things she really wanted to do instead of spending nearly all her waking hours worrying about the business. No one knew how long they’d really got and she had to take something from losing Fréd so young. This could be the push she needed to live a little. She held Carrie’s gaze.

‘I might think this is crazy by tomorrow,’ said Jo, ‘but what the heck?’ She winked at Carrie. ‘I’m in.’

Carrie beamed but Sarah frowned. ‘Don’t you think it’s a bit morbid? Thinking about your own death?’

‘What about a wish list, then?’ Carrie suggested, eager to get her on board. ‘If a genie granted you three wishes, what would you wish for? I don’t mean an endless pot of gold, or anything like that. Real things, attainable goals.’

‘Oh God, that’s easy,’ Sarah said immediately, ‘eight hours’ continuous sleep, the ironing pile to have magically disappeared …’ She tugged at her skirt. ‘And my clothes to fit me again.’

The idea of a genie planted a seed of doubt in Jo’s head; why on earth was she going along with this madness?

‘Not a genie,’ she said hurriedly. ‘We have to make our wishes come true by ourselves.’

‘With help from each other,’ added Carrie.

Sarah shook her head in despair and her red curls bounced. ?