So This is Love?

by Krystal Armstead

Genres: African American Urban

Synopsis

Chrystal’s life has been turned upside down, but she will do anything to stay loyal to the people she loves.

This can’t be life is Chrystal's first thought when she wakes up to find herself in a smelly, dark room, shackled to a bed next to her two best friends, with no memories of how she got there.

The last thing Chrystal remembered was going to that party to distract Fancy so that Blue and his crew could rescue Niyah’s kids. Her plan was an epic failure; that party was a setup.

Chrystal has gaps in her memory, leaving her to wonder: Where was Blue? Was he okay? Did he know where she was? Was he coming for her?

Take a journey with Chrystal on her road to discovery of what it means to really have someone's back at all costs.

Release date: November 24, 2026

Publisher: Urban Books

Print pages: 288

Sample

I couldn’t handle any more of Blue that morning. Blue was always so fuckin’ complicated. Everything about him always came as a fuckin’ surprise. Niyah Rogers had been a thorn in my side since we were kids. I couldn’t stand that bitch. And it was only because she always did whatever, whenever, wherever, and however for that nigga. I knew she loved him, and Blue was always blind to the fact. She was always trying to impress that boy, and he straight-up ignored her. Why he decided to play with her emotions while she was with Kavante, I had no idea. But he should have left her alone.

The first time I saw Niyah in Maryland was Christmas 2008, the day that Kylie’s mom ran me over with her car. I was pretty drugged up and out of it when I saw her pass my room door, so I wasn’t even sure whether it was her. But then, three weeks later, on my last day in the hospital, when Kylie was wheeling me out to her mother’s car in a wheelchair, I saw Niyah putting two kids into a shiny blue Jaguar. She looked like she had been crying. Kylie called out to her. When I asked Kylie how she knew Niyah, she told me that she had two children with that nigga Kavante Price, a guy she described as someone she just went to college with. I hadn’t had the joys of knowing the Prices at that time. Had no idea how manipulative, conniving, chauvinistic, and egotistical they were until I started turning up with the crew that summer before I started college. Anyway, I didn’t see Niyah again until around April, the month that I’d gotten my GED. A few girls I went to class with wanted me to meet them for drinks at Club Pop It. I was chillin’ at the bar, laughing with my classmates, when I happened to catch sight of Niyah arguing with Kavante in the hallway entrance to the club. He slapped the shit out of her in front of everyone and no one—not even I—did a damn thing. Niyah was a tiny, shapely little thing. He may have slapped her, but she got some licks in too. I stood from the chair, watching Kameron pull the two apart. Niyah caught sight of me watching the three of them. She shook her head at me before leaving the club, cursing Kavante out for putting his goddamn hands on her. That was the night I also met the Sparks Boys. I found out that they were her stepbrothers, but you couldn’t tell they weren’t blood by the way they defended her. They didn’t play about their sister. Of course, Kavante had a group of niggas waiting for them. But trust and believe, those four gave Kavante and his crew a run for their money. That was the last time I saw Niyah.

“Chrystal!”

I heard Blue’s voice approaching me from behind as I stormed out the front door of Tyrese’s trap house toward Robyn’s white Mercedes.

I didn’t want to look at that muthafucka. I couldn’t believe that he straight-up lied to me. I may have hidden a lot of things that I shouldn’t have from him, but I never lied to him. I just got this dude back in my life, and just when I thought things could maybe work out between us, here comes Niyah’s ass. I couldn’t give two fucks about Kylie. Blue didn’t give a fuck about that stuck-up bitch, but Niyah? She wanted him, and the sad part about her that separated her from all the other bitches I chased away from him was that she was actually worthy of him. She always went hard for Blue. And I always hated that about her.

“Leave me the fuck alone, Blue,” I snapped at him, stomping down the sidewalk, eyeing Robyn shaking her head at me.

Blue caught up with me, snatching me up by my arm. “Nah, yo, you need to stay with me. We need to stick together!”

I pulled from him, pushing him in his chest, trying to glare up into his pretty blue eyes and not gaze into them. “Get your goddamn hands off me, Blue!” I screamed. “Why did you fuck with Niyah? Of all the hoes you had to choose from, you had to go and pick Niyah! A girl who has always been down for you! A girl who risked her life to be with you! Kavante is gonna kill that girl! Are you just gonna leave her in the hospital, or are you gonna go get her out of there?”

Blue exhaled deeply. “You know I’m gonna go get her out of there.”

I laughed a little, hurt by the entire situation. I sighed, not really wanting to get emotional with him, but I had to. “You’re mine. You’ve always been mine. We belong together, Blue. From that moment you kissed me the day you left Greenville, I knew that I was supposed to be kissing you for the rest of my life, Blue!”

Blue’s eyes glistened.

“I’m not trying to fight this bitch for you, but I will if I have to,” I said, forgetting for a minute that the girl was in a goddamn coma.

Blue shook his head at me. “I don’t want nobody else but you, Chrystal. You already know that,” Blue tried telling me, trying to pull me closer to him.

But I pulled away. “That’s not what it feels like, Blue. You didn’t even tell me about her. You stay breaking these girls’ hearts. You haven’t changed one fuckin’ bit. I don’t know why I thought I was any different. I don’t know why I actually thought you’d keep it real with me. When I asked you if you knew she was here, you said no. All you had to do was—”

Blue cut me off, tired of watching me cause a scene outside of Tyrese’s crib. “Tell you that I dissed the girl because she wasn’t you? Yeah, that’s sounds like something a nigga wants to admit. Yeah, I did some stupid shit trying to get over you.”

“Do you love her?” I had to ask.

Blue shook his head, hesitating a little before responding, “Nah.”

I disagreed. “No, Blue, I think you do. I think you pushed her away so you wouldn’t love her.”

“Chrystal, let me explain something to you loud and clear so you will see where I’m coming from.” Blue got up close and personal, in my face, grabbing my face in his hands. “You quit loving me when I left Greenville.”

I shook my head, looking up into his face.

Blue nodded. “You quit on me. Niyah had a crazy-ass nigga, but do you think she let him tell her where the fuck she could and couldn’t go? Hell nah. Shawty was at my crib just about every day, ready to ride with a nigga. I needed that shit. I needed you, but you weren’t there. Every time I looked at her, I saw you. She was everything I needed you to be. That shit ate me the fuck up, Chrystal. You have no idea what my heart was going through.”

I pushed his hands from my face.

“Don’t judge me for the choices I made, Chrystal, when you don’t know the options that I had to choose from. I had to let her go. I knew I was going to hurt her. I did what I did to protect her heart. There you go, Chrystal. There’s some honesty for your ungrateful ass. You’re over here, judging me, when you didn’t even tell me that we had a son just because you didn’t want me to see what you decided to do with your life. I accepted you hiding from me for eight fuckin’ years. I accept you with all your flaws, and you’re just willing to walk away from me for mine. I got tired of waiting for you, so I went for what was available. Niyah didn’t give up on me until I gave up on her. That’s the shit a nigga needs. Not someone who wants to walk away when shit gets a little hectic.” Blue pushed past me.

I grabbed his arm even though he pulled away from me and kept on walking. “You call this a little hectic, Blue? You’re willing to put your life on the line to save this girl.”

Blue stopped in his tracks, turning back around to face me as I walked up on him. “Damn right I am. And that’s because she’d do the same fuckin’ thing for me. Do I care about the girl? Yes, I do. Does she mean something to me? Yes, she does. When I needed you, she was there. If you feel some type of way about that, I couldn’t really give a fuck, Chrystal, ’cause your ass should have been there,” Blue growled at me before turning around, strolling his way over to where Robyn was parked alongside the curb.

I exhaled deeply, turning around and walking toward the car where Blue was leaning over, peeping at who was in the car with Robyn. I was pissed, sure I was, but I really shouldn’t have been. I left the door open for Niyah. And I left the door open for him to get involved with Kylie. I thought he wouldn’t accept me for what I had done. I didn’t know how to accept Blue’s love. He always gave me tough love, but it was much-needed love. He was right. I did run from him. And while I was running in the opposite direction, there Niyah was, running into his arms. Blue always went hard for the things he loved. He couldn’t tell me that he didn’t love Niyah. I knew seeing that picture of Niyah beaten up in that hospital bed hurt him just as much as it did seeing Miss Tiffany lying in that pool of blood. The Prices waged war on his heart, and he wasn’t stopping until he saw them in a pool of blood.

“Hey, Professor.”

I heard Letta, Fancy, Robyn, and one of my stage mates, Katrina, aka Kitty, greeting Blue flirtatiously. I rolled my eyes, approaching them. “Lawd, please help these hoes,” I muttered to myself.

Blue frowned, looking inside the car. “What’s up, yo? Where the fuck you taking her at”—Blue looked at his watch—“when it’s not even seven in the morning?”

Robyn laughed out loud. “Boy, don’t worry about all that. Your niggas called Darius this morning, said you were about to wreck some shit. I just thought I would swing by and take my girl off your hands before she got caught up in this bullshit any more than she already is. Besides, Rain takes li’l Payton shopping every Saturday, but you wouldn’t know that. You should be spending your time getting to know him instead of trying to figure out ways to get revenge on stupid niggas.”

Blue looked at Robyn and then at the rest of the girls in the car. “Ummm hmmm. So, where the fuck y’all comin’ from? I see y’all look like y’all haven’t been to sleep. Got glitter and shit all in your hair.” He looked at Letta, whose plump lips were missing their usual gloss. Then he looked at Fancy, whose lipstick was smeared a little over her top lip. Blue laughed a little. “That nigga fucked the lip gloss off your lips, huh, Letta? And damn near yours too, Fancy. Y’all ladies—and I use that term real muthafuckin’ loosely—must have just finished poppin’ pussy, suckin’ dick, and fuckin’ niggas at Pop It, huh?”

My girls scoffed. I pulled on Blue’s arm, pulling him away from the car.

Blue pulled from me, turning to me. “Shawty, don’t get in the car with them. I’ll take you to get Payton. Don’t roll out with them. This whole entire situation is a muthafuckin’ setup. You already know that he knows I know Niyah is in the hospital. The nigga probably thinks I’m stupid enough to let you hop in the car with your girls and go back to one of their cribs. Nah, I’m not letting you go. They work for Kameron. There isn’t shit they wouldn’t do for his ass, and you know it.”

“Yo, Blue.” Tyrese stood in the doorway of his townhouse, calling out to Blue. “The rest of the crew is about to roll up in a minute, bruh. Hey, Justice, boo. I see you, Thickems,” Tyrese flirted with Robyn.

I looked back at Robyn.

Robyn rolled her eyes, gripping the steering wheel. “This muthafucka …” she muttered.

“Who the fuck is in the whip with Thickems, Blue?” Tyrese asked, stepping onto the front porch.

Blue looked back at the girls. “Letta, Fancy, and …” Blue didn’t know Kitty. “Who the fuck are you?”

Kitty sighed, letting the window down in the back seat so Tyrese could see her chocolate brown face. “I know you didn’t forget that naked lap dance I gave your ass the other night, Ty.”

I looked over Blue’s shoulder at Tyrese, who was making his way down the sidewalk, Glock tucked in his plaid Hanes, jeans saggin’, wife beater gripping his muscles. “Oh, shit, let me do a body count. Let’s see—we got Justice, Kitty, Fancy, and Candy.”

“Why the fuck you worried about who Rain is rollin’ with, nigga?” Letta scoffed.

Tyrese approached Blue’s side, leaning over, looking at Letta, who sat half dressed in the front seat. He eyed her thighs in that miniskirt and then looked into her face. “So we know which bitches to come lookin’ for if my man’s girl doesn’t make it back to him in one piece.” He snarled, “Don’t act like you don’t know how the fuck we roll, Candy. If she doesn’t make it back, all four of you hoes betta pick a burial plot and start diggin’. You too, Thickems, aka Darius’s baby mama. You ain’t exempt.” Tyrese looked Robyn over.

Robyn laughed in shock. She wasn’t used to Blue’s or his friend’s mouths, but I was.

Everybody Blue had always rolled with had a few screws loose. I didn’t have to know Tyrese to know that he was crazy. He was friends with Blue, so I already knew the deal. Tyrese was calm whenever I saw his ass at Club Pop It, but I’d heard enough about him and his crew to know them muthafuckas didn’t have it all mentally. Niggas like Tyrese would kill your mama in your face and keep the shit moving. Nothing ever shocked me about the way Blue or the niggas he rolled with approached us. Blue always carried a person how they carried themselves. I was a ho, and I knew his mind had a hard time figuring out how he was supposed to treat me.

“She doesn’t need to be around them, bruh. The only one in the whip I trust is Robyn, and that’s only ’cause she fucks with my nigga.” Blue turned to me and growled, “So back the fuck up from the car, Chrystal.”

Tyrese pulled his friend from me. “Nah, homie, let her go. Let her learn that everyone who claims they are riding for her are really riding for the nigga who pays ’em. Y’all pick a spot to meet up at. So, only the seven of us muthafuckas should know where that spot is. If anyone else shows up to the spot, we’ll already know the deal. That one or all of these bitches can’t be trusted.” Tyrese looked at Robyn and the others in the car.

Blue looked at the girls and then back at me. “Meet me at Reggie’s tonight at six. We might as well see what them Sparks niggas have to say to a nigga.”

I shook my head at Blue, taking a deep breath before Kitty opened the back door for me to hop in. Blue let me get in the car that morning, though I knew he didn’t want me out of his sight. I watched his image fade in the distance as we sped off out of the parking lot and down the streets of Annapolis.

“Hold up, hold up, hold up. So, who dropped these pictures off at your hotel room this morning?” Letta puffed a wine-flavored Black & Mild that surprisingly warm January morning as Robyn sped down Route 50.

I had started to tell the crew what was going on in my fucked-up world. There was so much to talk about and so much to explain. And it was hard explaining the situation to them without telling them who fed me and Blue the information. Tyrese knew the deal about Pookie, but even so, Pookie told us not to put her name in it, and I was trying my best not to. It was hard keeping secrets from Robyn.

Robyn looked back at my reflection in her rearview mirror just as I glanced up at her.

“First of all, you’re not supposed to be smokin’ that shit around Robyn.” I cracked the window to let some of the smoke out of the car. “Second of all, who gave us the pictures doesn’t even matter. What matters is the people in those pictures. Shit, I just told you that Quincy, that nigga who pimped me named Lawrence, Lawrence’s daddy, Larry, Blue’s adoptive mother, Miss Tiffany, and Niyah were in those pictures.”

“Niyah?” Kitty nudged me. “Wait a minute. Niyah as in Kavante’s baby mama Niyah?”

I looked at Kitty’s bright, round eyes peering into my face.

“Where have you been for the last fifteen minutes of this conversation, Kitty? Damn.” Letta put the Black & Mild out in Robyn’s ashtray. “I swear your ass is slow. I think it’s all that swinging upside down on that pole. The blood must’ve rushed to your brain too fast or something.”

“For real. Slow ass.” Robyn shook her head.

Letta refreshed Kitty’s memory. “She just said that Niyah’s brothers were going after Kavante and Kameron tonight. She just said that Niyah’s ass is in a coma in the hospital. She just said that Kameron was the one who killed Blue’s mama. That Quincy was meeting up with her goddamn pimp. And that it turns out that Blue’s adoptive mother is Kameron’s mother. Them niggas about to go to war and you’re back there asleep.”

Kitty rolled her slanted eyes. “Bitch, bye. I’m high. Don’t pay me any mind. There must have been something in that liquor I drank last night.”

“Yeah, bitch, there was—liquor.” Letta huffed.

“So, if Niyah is in the hospital, who has her kids?” Robyn asked, peeping at me for a few seconds in her rearview mirror.

“Girl, you already know that nigga Kavante had her kids for a while. Remember he took her to court for custody? You remember when he brought the kids to Pop It that one day to eat lunch. Fancy gave them some of her famous honey-barbeque chicken strips.” Letta pulled down the visor to look her face over in the mirror. She looked over at Fancy’s reflection in her mirror.

Fancy was quiet as hell, not saying or doing a damn thing but rolling her eyes and smacking her lips. She seemed pretty irritated and uneasy about the entire conversation.

“What would make a nigga do that girl like that?” Robyn shook her head.

“What would make a bitch keep her kids from their daddy?” Fancy finally spoke up after not saying anything for at least twenty minutes.

Kitty and I looked at her. Letta damn near broke her neck trying to turn around and look at Fancy. Robyn glanced back at Fancy, looking at her like she lost her mind.

“The nigga was whipping the shit out of that girl for fuckin’ years from what I heard about their relationship, Fancy. She moved to Florida on his ass because she was sick of that nigga beating and I heard raping her in front of her kids,” Letta exclaimed. “The nigga is lucky to be alive. He’s lucky the Sparks Boys didn’t find out about that shit. I know she didn’t want anything to happen to her brothers, but that nigga would’ve been buried six feet deep if it had been me. What nigga rapes a bitch in front of her kids? Can you imagine the things those girls have seen? He has those girls scared shitless. They’d never testify against him in court. Poor girls. Someone needs to save them.”

My eyes widened. “Jesus.”

Fancy smacked her lips. “Well, I heard the bitch was cheating on him, and that third child isn’t even his. And that is the reason why he whipped that ass.”

I looked at her, my heart stammering.

“Hold up, wait, when the fuck did you hear this shit? Bitch, we were poppin’ it at the same club your ass was at last night, and we didn’t hear that shit. If bitches are talkin’ that much, we would have heard that shit too.” Kitty looked Fancy’s face over.

“So, anyway.” Fancy ignored Kitty, leaning forward, looking at me, eyebrows raised. “So, how did ol’ girl get to the hospital?”

I didn’t like Fancy’s tone. Everyone knew she was crushing hard on Kavante, but that was no reason for her to hate on Niyah, a girl who didn’t do shit to her. “I don’t know about all that. Blue wouldn’t tell me everything he knew. All I know is she’s barely hanging on. Kavante is gonna get what’s coming to his ass, believe that.”

“And who’s gonna come for him, bitch? Blue?” Fancy scoffed.

Letta took off her seat belt, turning all the way around, glaring at Fancy in her face. “The fuck is that supposed to mean?”

Robyn grabbed ahold of Letta, slamming her back in the passenger seat. “Bitch, sit’cha ass back down.”

“I don’t know. Why don’t you ask Rain? She seems to have all the answers.” Fancy folded her arms, leaning forward, rolling her eyes and her neck at me.

I started to come out of my seat belt on her ass, but Kitty blocked me, pushing me back in the seat, positioning herself so she was blocking me from hitting Fancy.

“No, bitch, you seem to know all the answers,” I hissed, wishing Kitty would move so I could grab the bitch by her throat. I was starting to see where Tyrese was coming from.

“You ain’t lyin.” Kitty looked Fancy over.

“All I’m saying is Kavante is waiting on your boy to make a move, so I suggest you tell ya nigga to stay the fuck away from UMMC,” Fancy snarled at me.

I just looked at her. I hadn’t even told the girls which hospital Niyah was in. Fancy knew too much already. I didn’t even get around to telling them that Larry was connected with the Prices and that he was p. . .