PROLOGUE

“That right there is my favorite sound in the entire world,” Paul said, watching his daughter, Leah, run through the meadow giggling. 

“Man, ain’t that the truth,” Brad said, shifting positions and crossing his arms over his chest. “Who knew being a dad would soften us up?”

“Soften? You’re the biggest softie I know!” Paul responded. “Shall I let the ladies in on what happened at senior prom?”

“Um, no. Let’s not go there,” Brad said, a slight blush forming on his cheeks. 

“Fill us in on what?” asked Lucia, Paul’s wife, as she walked across the field to where they were standing.

“Nothing,” Brad yelled quickly. A chorus of laughter erupted at his declaration.

“Boys will be boys,” Tammy said, and linked her arm through Lucia’s, leading her toward the weeping willow tree in the corner of the meadow. “Come on. Help me set up the blanket under the tree.”

As Lucia pulled the pink lemonade out of the picnic basket, she glanced up at Caleb and Leah playing in the meadow. She tapped Tammy on the arm and nodded for her to look at the kids. 

Leah twirled round and round, her pale-yellow sundress twisting in the wind. She wore a delicate headband to keep the wisps of hair from falling into her face. She flitted around from flower patch to flower patch like a little bee, trying to find the perfect flowers for her crown.

“Caleb,” she called out. “Wanna be my king?”

She motioned to the crown she had started to make for herself, and Caleb stood up and ran across the meadow to her. Before he sat down to make his own crown, he put her sweater over her shoulders.

 “You don’t want to catch a cold now,” he said, smiling at Leah while their mothers smiled back at them. 

“Ahh, young love,” Tammy said to Lucia. “Should we start planning the wedding now?”

The meadow was on Dooley Butler’s family farm, and while he hated to admit it, he always seemed happy it would be his one day. He loved teaching all the kids how to ride. “A cowboy in New England,” was what Paul and Brad always called him, then they’d tease him about needing a cowgirl by his side.

That particular Sunday, after everyone finished setting up the picnic, Dooley came barreling out of the barn with a bucket of beers. His goofy grin was on full display, as always. 

“Howdy, fellas! Anyone want a beer?” he asked, as he tried not to roll down the hill. 

“Took you long enough,” Brad teased. “I thought maybe you met a girl or something.”

“Funny you mention that. I actually did meet a girl. Her name is Becky and she’s working with my mom in the garden. Trying to help her with some hybrid flower to win over the judges at the Spring Festival.”

“What? Why didn’t you tell us?” Tammy asked, swatting him on the arm.

“Well, it’s still really new and I wasn’t sure if it was going to go anywhere, so I didn't want to jinx myself,” he admitted.

“Makes sense,” Paul said. “What’s she like?”

“See for yourself,” a voice called out from the barn. 

Out came a petite brunette carrying two bottles of champagne. She had a smile that matched Dooley’s, and they looked like the two missing pieces to a puzzle.

“Hi! I’m Becky,” she introduced herself, handing a bottle to Lucia. “Dooley told me you ladies like pink lemonade, so I thought I’d spice it up a bit.”

“Thanks! It’s so nice to meet you. Dooley has told us nothing about you,” Lucia said, teasing Becky back. 

“Hey, now! Good things come to those who wait. We can’t all meet the love of our life at an airport,” Dooley shot back.

“An airport?” Becky asked. “Now this, I’ve got to hear.”

“That’s a story for another day,” my dad said. “It’s very nice to meet you, Becky. I’m Paul Abernathy and this is my wife, Lucia. Our daughter, Leah, is over there making crowns with Caleb, Brad and Tammy’s son.”

Brad walked over and put his arms around Tammy’s waist and nodded. Everyone was happy to see Dooley finally have someone. His heart of gold matched his goofy personality, and he deserved to find someone, too. Dooley gave Becky a peck on the cheek, and her skin darkened a shade of pink. 

“Let’s eat!” Dooley shouted. “I am starving.”

“It’s good to know that Sunday mass causes you to starve,” Tammy said and laughed. “We’ve got sandwiches today, kids. Chicken salad, egg salad, and tuna salad. Take your pick. I also packed some fruit, veggies and dip, and chips. And of course, brownies for dessert. Dig in.”

“You’re the chef, right?” Becky asked.

“Cook. I’ve never had any formal training, but I do own a small place in town,” Tammy responded. “Dooley really has told you a lot about us all.”

“That’s only cause I love ya.” He winked.

The group continued to eat and laugh and drink. Those were the days they lived for. Unconditional love between friends who had become family. The ladies packed up the food and blankets, and the men threw away the trash. As the men were walking back, Brad started to sweat and sway a bit. 

“You okay, buddy?” Paul asked.

Shaking it off, Brad kept walking toward his wife. “Yeah, man. I’m fine.”

Paul looked at Dooley and then over to Lucia. His eyebrows furrowed and his concern read clearly on his face. Brad was a stubborn man, and they all knew it, having grown up with him. Still, he said he was fine, and Paul wasn’t about to push him. 

“See you later, Dooley. It was so nice meeting you, Becky. We’ll have to have you over soon,” Lucia said.

“Definitely,” Becky answered.

Dooley and Becky retreated back to the barn, and the rest of the group headed in the other direction toward their homes. Caleb and Leah, as always, peddled up ahead on their bikes, laughing and singing. Their crowns were still atop their heads.

“Brad!” Tammy screamed. 

Caleb and Leah stopped and turned around to see Brad lying on the ground, clutching his chest. Tammy cried over him while Paul ran back to the barn, yelling to Dooley to call 9-1-1. Caleb dropped his bike and ran over to his parents.

“Dad! Dad! What’s happening? Why is he on the ground?” he cried.

Tammy couldn’t answer through her tears, and she grabbed Caleb to hold him close. He shoved her away, yelling, “Help him! Dad, can you hear me?”

“I love you, buddy,” Brad said to Caleb through forced breaths. “I love you so much.”

“I love you too, Dad. Help is here.”

The ambulance flew down the gravel road to where Brad lay, but he was already gone. Despite the speed at which they arrived, they weren’t able to revive him.

“Heart attack” and “pre-existing conditions” and a bunch of other words that Caleb and Leah didn’t understand kept coming out of the paramedic’s mouth. Tammy sat in the dirt and held Brad’s hand while Lucia held her. Paul and Dooley held each other and cried. Their best friend was dead. Becky stood next to the kids and tried to comfort them. 

Caleb cried as he looked at his dad lying on the ground. How was he going to live without his father? He was only eight years old. How could he take care of his mom now? 

“It’s okay, Caleb,” Leah said and hugged him tightly. “I’ll always be here with you. I’ll never leave you. I promise.”

CHAPTER ONE

 Okay, so if I could just get through this Vermont project for John, I’d be all set. And if I could secure Portugal, then I was definitely a shoo-in for the international division. I had worked my ass off to be considered, and I wasn’t about to give up hope.

“Leah?”

But that was a lot of time and a lot of work. It was totally worth it, but I could say goodbye to my social life! Not that I ever did much to begin with. My job had taken over the majority of my life already. 

“Hello? Earth to Leah,” Sara called, tapping on my desk. “What’s going on in there? Daydreaming about Josh again?”

“Hi, sorry. What’s up?” I responded, ignoring her question. I honestly couldn’t remember the last time I daydreamed about Josh. Was that bad? Probably, but I didn’t really care right now.

“What were you zoning out about?” Sara asked, always the nosy one.

“I cannot believe this project is almost done,” I said. “I feel like I’ve been working on it for years.”

“Feels good, huh?” Sara replied, and sat on the corner of my desk, weaving her fingers through the edges of her silk scarf. She had a way of making herself comfortable no matter where she was.

“You have no idea,” I replied, trying to hide my confusion over Josh. 

“One day, I’ll be as good as the almighty Leah Abernathy. I bow to you, my queen,” Sara teased, and dodged my swatting hand inches from making contact with her leg.

“You never stop, do you?” I laughed. “Now go away. I have work to do.”

I turned my chair back around to face my desk. This project wasn’t going to finish itself! A landscape of a picturesque Vermont winter stared back at me and I smiled. I hoped to visit one day if all went well with my proposal for John, the owner of the resort I was working with. My cell phone buzzed the second I stopped daydreaming and actually started to get some work done.

Josh: Hey, babe! I’m running late tonight. Still at the office working on this deposition.

Takeout at your place? I’ll pick up.

I sighed, mulling over my response. To be honest, I didn’t much care that he was running late, but I felt like I should care. It should bother me that I hadn’t seen my boyfriend in ages because he was too wrapped up in work, right? Rather than dwell on that emotion, I texted him back. 

Leah: That sounds wonderful. I’m still at work anyway. What did you have in mind?

Josh: Anything but pizza! LOL!

Leah: Funny. I’m going to Giuseppe’s on Friday with Sara. How about Chinese? We haven’t had that in a while, and I could go for some dumplings.

Josh: Sounds good to me. Your usual then?

Leah: Yes, please. I’ll see you in about an hour?

Josh: Give or take. Why don’t you pick out a movie or something?

Leah: Okay, see you soon.

I tried to focus on my work, but I couldn’t seem to get back into the groove, so I packed up my things to leave. It had been a while since I had a quiet night in with Josh. With all the hustle and bustle of both our jobs, if we weren’t out at a dinner or a meeting for work, we were grabbing a quick bite to eat before heading to our own apartments. Work was higher on the list of priorities for both of us, and while it left little room for typical romance, it was what we had agreed on. It had always worked for us, but lately, I was starting to wonder if we were outgrowing that arrangement. 

“See you tomorrow, Sara.”

“Later, Leah. Tell Josh I said hi,” Sara responded.

I smiled in acknowledgement and continued to the elevator. I pressed the down button and wrapped my scarf around my neck. I wasn’t sure if I was more excited to see Josh or to eat Chinese in my sweats, but either way, I couldn’t wait to get home. 

New York City winters were brutal, but I almost always opted to walk to my apartment instead of hailing a taxi. And since I had plenty of time to kill before Josh was set to arrive, I could take my time and enjoy the sights. The city around Christmastime was beyond magical. It still didn’t hold a candle to the Christmas Festival back home, but it did the trick. I smiled, watching as all the tourists lined the streets to get a glimpse at the massive Christmas tree in Times Square. I had lived here for seven years now, and I still wasn’t tired of its beauty. 

I popped a ten-dollar bill into a donation bucket a man was holding and sing-songed, “Merry Christmas!” before making my way down the sidewalk. 

By the time I got to my apartment building, I had already sung about ten Christmas carols to myself. I even sang my favorite, “O Holy Night,” twice. Thanks to the fresh air and Christmas cheer, I was on cloud nine when the door to my building opened.

“Good evening, lovely Leah,” the doorman, Walter, said with a smile.

“Good evening to you, Walter,” I replied. 

“Your gentleman is upstairs waiting for you. He arrived only a few moments ago,” he told me.

“Thank you,” I said with a wink, trying to ignore the feeling of disappointment that tugged at me. I didn’t want Walter to know that, deep down inside, I wasn’t really sure I wanted Josh waiting for me.

I decided to take the stairs instead of the elevator to get a little extra time alone before I saw Josh. The thought made me feel guilty. Something was up with me, but I didn’t know what it was. I sucked in a deep breath before I reached my floor. 

“Hey, babe,” Josh crooned when I came into sight. He was leaning against the wall by my apartment door, his jacket thrown over his right shoulder as he balanced our food in his left hand. How did he make holding Chinese food look so sexy?

I lifted myself onto my tiptoes and kissed him hello. He smelled almost as delicious as the Chinese. 

“Hey. The food smells amazing. This was such a good idea,” I said as I unlocked my door. 

“You want me to grab the plates while you get settled?” he asked, following me inside.

“You can grab one for yourself if you’d like. You know I like to eat straight out of the carton. I’m going to go change real quick,” I said. “Did you want to watch that Christmas movie about the family who adopted a dog and then went on a road trip? Sara said it was cute but not too cheesy.”

“Whatever you want is fine with me,” he said, placing the plates and silverware on the coffee table in front of us. 

I turned away from him and rolled my eyes, heading toward my bedroom. Hadn’t I just said no plate? You’d think after two years of dating he would know that I always eat my Chinese food with chopsticks. I took a deep breath and shook off my negative thoughts. What had gotten into me lately?

After changing quickly and throwing my hair up into my signature messy bun, I rushed back into the room and plopped down onto the couch. I moaned at the sight of all the food in front of me. Josh laughed and handed me the container of lo mein.

“How was your day?” he asked. “Are you getting excited about your presentation with John?” 

I swallowed a huge bite of lo mein and paused briefly before answering. “I am. I’m also a little nervous. I’ve never worked with a client of this caliber, and I’ve never had a project this big before. This could make or break my career, and I’m not sure I’m ready for either of those options,” I said, shoving another bite into my mouth. 

I was lying; I was ready for the next step. But instead of telling the truth, I said what I knew he wanted me to say. He wanted me to tell him I wasn’t ready so he could build me up and tell me how great he thought I’d do. Then he’d pat himself on the back for being such a great boyfriend despite the fact that he couldn’t even see I was making myself smaller in order to build up his ego.

“Sexy,” Josh teased and wiped a lone noodle from my cheek.

“Sorry, I didn’t have time to eat lunch today. I’m famished,” I said, not caring what he thought as I slurped up another noodle. 

“You’re cute even if you eat Chinese food like it’s the Last Supper,” he said.

I winked at him and grabbed a dumpling, but I wasn’t feeling as chipper as I was pretending. For some reason, our banter was feeling forced all of a sudden. 

“Your presentation will go great. I know it. There isn’t anyone more qualified to help bring his vision to reality. You should have more faith in yourself. You’re only twenty-five and bringing in these kinds of clients is a huge accomplishment. Be proud of yourself,” Josh said.

There it was.

“Thank you,” I said and kissed him on the cheek. 

He was always so good at making me feel like I was at the top of my game, and I always let him. When it came to work, I fought hard to keep up momentum and please all my clients. Josh was my main motivator and exactly what I needed to keep moving forward. I knew all my hard work would pay off with him by my side. I was afraid that was where it ended, though. If only he was what I needed in all departments. 

“Are you even watching the movie?” I asked.

“Nope. Too busy watching you eat.”

“Ew, that’s so creepy. You’re lucky you’re cute,” I said.

Josh laughed and collected his plate and empty containers. He grabbed mine on his way out of the room and put the dishes in the dishwasher. He was always on top of things.

“Hey, do you want me to take your garbage on my way out?” he offered. “It’ll probably stink up the place.”

“Oh, you’re not staying tonight?” I asked. Shocking. I wasn’t sure why I even bothered asking anymore. If we ever ended up getting married one day, we’d probably be sleeping in separate bedrooms. 

“No, I have to be at the office early tomorrow and I still have so much work to do tonight. I’m sorry, babe. Another night.”

“I understand. One of these days, we’ll have nothing to do and we can actually spend more than a few hours together,” I said. “Who am I kidding? No, we won’t.”

We laughed, knowing our jobs always came first and our social lives second. And maybe love came after that. It was surprising that we had even lasted this long.

Josh put on his coat and grabbed the garbage. He leaned over the arm of the couch and kissed me on top of my head. What a romantic send-off.

“I’ll text you when I get back to my place. Don’t forget to lock up,” he said and walked out of my apartment. 

I sighed, getting up to lock the door before making my way back to the couch. I grabbed a blanket and curled up so I could watch the rest of the movie alone. Sometimes—no, most times—I preferred it this way. No distractions. I could zone out and let the actors take over my thoughts. Just as I pulled the blanket up over my shoulders, my cell phone buzzed. Sara.

“Hey, girl. What’s going on?” I asked from underneath my blanket shelter. 

“You sound…cozy. Did Josh just leave?” Sara asked.

“Yup, he said he has more work to do for the deposition tomorrow. I guess this one is really important and will have a huge impact on his career. If he wants to make partner—”

“Then he has to leave his amazing girlfriend to go home and work. Blah, blah, blah,” Sara interrupted. “I’m telling you, girl, it’s always work. Don’t you get tired of being second to his job? I mean, I’m not saying you should always be first because his career is important, but come on!”

“Oh, stop. You know it’s not even like that. And it’s not just him. I’m always staying late at work to finish something up. You know I did that even before we started dating, so don’t start with me.” I laughed despite the fact that her words were burrowing their way past my excuses.  

“I’m just saying! I know this relationship is my fault, but I think you need to talk to him. Or, at the very least, take a long look at yourself and where you see this going because this isn’t normal. And I would really hate to see you waste your life in an unsatisfying relationship just because you’re comfortable.”

“Sara, I truly appreciate you looking out for me, but I’m fine. Josh and I are fine. This is what works for us. And I do like my alone time after he leaves so I can unwind from my own busy day,” I said. Honestly, at this point, I wasn’t sure if I was trying to convince Sara or myself.

“I love you, girl, but I could shake the shit out of you,” Sara teased. “You’re gonna marry this kid someday and end up sleeping in separate beds. I can just see it now.”

“Oh, shut up! But seriously, I was just thinking that same thing.” I laughed, not at all surprised that we had the exact same thought. “You’re just bitter because you’re alone.”

“Well, yeah. Maybe a little,” Sara said. 

“Speaking of which, how did your date go last night? I can’t believe I forgot to ask you about it today at work. I’m assuming by your lack of enthusiasm that it hadn’t gone as you’d hoped?” I asked.

“It wasn’t all that bad. He was…nice. But we had nothing in common except that we come from similar backgrounds. He’s the son of mayoral candidate George Reid. You’d think that having a father with that type of background would push you to become someone of importance. Nope. He literally dropped out of college to work for some start-up company, lost all of his investment, and now lives back home with his parents. He doesn’t work at all and has no desire to start looking for a new job or go back to school. He actually told me he was thinking about becoming a professional online poker player or trying to make money playing video games. I swear, I thought he was joking, but he was completely serious.” 

“Stop! Oh my gosh, that reminds me of that kid in college. What was his name? C.J.?” I replied.

“Yes! I totally forgot about him. But at least he graduated. I don’t know how, though.”

“Do you remember those god-awful cargo shorts he would wear? Shit, I’m going to Hell for this. Whatever, it was forever ago anyway.”

“If you’re going to Hell, then save me a seat on the train. And yes, I totally remember the shorts. And the stupid matching pants. Why on earth did he always wear a jersey of some sort? Seriously, a basketball jersey over a long-sleeve T-shirt is not the way to win over the ladies,” I replied.

“He was funny, though!”

“If I’m not mistaken, Sara, didn’t he ask you out?” I asked. “I feel like it’s all coming back to me now. He wanted to take you to that all-you-can-eat Chinese buffet, and you told him you couldn’t because you had to wash your hair every night for the next two years.” 

“I completely blocked that out of every corner of my brain. Leave it to you to unlock those doors. If it weren’t so late, I would say I’m coming over so we could drink and reminisce, but I’m beat,” Sara told me.

“Next time. I’m gonna watch a little more of this movie before I shower and go to bed. I’m not looking forward to waking up for work tomorrow.”

“Me neither, girl. Me neither. But I’ll bring you a latte. If you’re lucky, I’ll even throw in a lemon poppyseed muffin for you.”

“You are too good to me! All right, I’ll see you in the morning.”

“Sleep well, my friend. Text me in the morning if you want anything else,” Sara offered.

“I will, thanks. Night.” 

I had no idea what I did in my lifetime to deserve a friend like her, but I was so thankful to have her in my corner. Even if she did pry a little…or a lot. Okay, ALL the time.

After I finished the movie, I brushed my teeth and took a quick shower. I couldn’t stop thinking about what Sara had said about me and Josh. I knew that no relationship was perfect, but was this really not normal?