Wednesday, Jan 8
The word Classified is scribbled across the top. Fifth-graders are so unoriginal these days. I peek my head back out Kayli’s door and down the hall. The coast is clear. She must be downstairs eating breakfast. But I can’t open this, right? She’d kill me. I hold the folded note up to her bedroom light, searching for any glimpse of the words hidden inside. No such luck. I’m just going to have to ask her about it. I slip the note in my back pocket and toss the rest of the tissues and wrappers scattered across her desk in the trash. How can she get any work done in this mess?
“Hi, Mommy!” Ryn startles me, popping her head through the slightly opened door. But her cheerful face instantly brightens my mood. That, and the fact she’s already out of her pajamas and into her favorite purple leggings and teal penguin hoodie. I’m not even bothered by her dripping-wet hair. I actually can’t thank her second-grade teacher enough. Since he taught her class about hygiene, she’s been showering every morning.
“Morning, sweetie. Don’t you look nice today?” I smile, patting the back of my pants to double-check the note’s still there. “You know where Kayli is?”
“Kitchen.” She scoots around me to snatch two hair ties from a dish on Kayli’s desk. Prancing back out, she looks over her shoulder and playfully blows me a kiss. I can only shake my head as I go downstairs. She’s lucky her fun-loving personality makes it easier for her older sister to tolerate an occasional unauthorized borrowing of accessories.
Turning the corner into the kitchen, I slow my pace. Although Kayli’s fully dressed and her hair is done, she’s madly working on something amidst a sea of papers, folders, and pencils scattered across the island. I brace myself for any impending panic. She doesn’t have a ton of time before the bus comes.
“Morning, hon.” I play it cool, giving her a quick squeeze before getting my coffee going. “Still finishing up your homework?”
“Nope. All done.” She closes her workbook and looks up, sounding oh-so-certain as she adds, “Just wanted to check my math answers one more time.”
“Got it…great,” I reply. No nagging or reminders are necessary. I don’t know what I’m worried about. Kayli hardly ever has an issue with getting her schoolwork done. Waiting for my coffee to finish, I help stack her papers and folders into a pile. I feel my pocket one more time and take a deep breath. Now is as good a time as any.
I take out the note and casually set it in front of her. “Oh, hey, I found this on your desk when I was cleaning up…I didn’t open it, though. Promise.” I do my best to look exonerated as I retreat back to the coffee maker, fill up my mug, and silently pray this isn’t round two of mean girl drama.
“Ugh,” she groans, leaning back in her stool. “The boys in my class are so dumb.” She unfolds the note, flattening it out on the counter. “Look.” She gestures to it with a flick of her hand and then crosses her arms.
Heading back over to the island, I tread lightly. My heart pauses while I pick up the note and read the question across the top. “Does Kayli Have Man Hands?” Below it, there are two checkboxes: the box next to the word Yes is checked, and the box next to the word No is empty. Man hands? I didn’t even know that was a thing. Is this supposed to be mean?
“See?” She tosses her hands up and then crumples the note, grumbling, “They’re such idiots. Man hands…I mean, why would anyone care what my hands look like?”
I breathe a sigh of relief. Ever since Kayli escaped the clutches of her queen bee classmate this past fall, she’s been hanging out more with the boys in her class. They tend to avoid the gossip and cattiness and usually play some game or sport during recess, which is right up Kayli’s alley. But a survey about man hands? That doesn’t seem right.
“Hmm…that doesn’t seem super kind, though. Did this upset you?” I cautiously wade in.
“No.” Kayli flippantly brushes it off, giving me one of her signature eye rolls before shoving her papers and folders into her backpack. “It’s probably Gavin or Brody. They’re so stupid sometimes.”
“But still…” I try to get a better view of her face to confirm this doesn’t mean anything. She looks okay, though. Maybe I shouldn’t press her on it.
“Mom.” She glares, then tilts her head back in annoyance. “It’s not a big deal. I swear.”
“Okay, okay.” I hold my hands up in innocence, backing away from her and turning to grab my coffee. Don’t worry, I want to reassure her. This past fall, I learned my lesson the hard way. I need to be much more careful not to insert myself or swoop in and problem-solve for her. It’s better for both of us when I let her navigate this stuff on her own.
Cradling my coffee mug to my chin, I inhale its glorious aroma before I take a sip and follow Kayli to the front door. Mm…I can actually feel those first few drops travel through my body as they work their way into my veins, energizing and calming me at the same time.
As Ryn thunders down the stairs, Kayli starts to layer on her winter gear. She looks so tall and strong lately…so grown up. Such a difference from last fall. She seemed so fragile then, as we took that roller-coaster ride through mean-girl land. I literally wince, thinking back to what that did to her self-esteem, never mind our relationship and my ability to trust her. She’s like a different person now. So much more confident. And even though she’s starting to incorporate a little more sass, she’s a lot more open and honest with me, too.
As Ryn darts past us into the mudroom to grab her coat and backpack, she hollers, “Did you remember to sign my math homework, Mommy?”
“Ugh.” I set my coffee down and race back to the kitchen to grab a pen.
I hear Kayli and Ryn giggling before Ryn shouts, “Good thing you have us!”
“Don’t I know it.” I return to the foyer as Ryn holds out her sheet of paper. I skim over what looks like hieroglyphics, frantically trying to spot any errors. It’s not going to be much longer until I won’t be able to tell the difference. “What about this one?” I point to a blank question.
She slumps over and whines, “That one’s too hard.”
“Honey…” I rub my forehead, closing my eyes as she turns to put on her coat. I do my best to make my voice sound calm. “Why didn’t you show this to me earlier?”
Kayli takes the sheet from me and quickly scans it. She smirks, then crouches down next to Ryn and patiently explains how to solve it. After Ryn scribbles in the answer, Kayli grins as she hands it back. “Problem solved.”
“Thanks, sweetie. You’re a lifesaver.” I sign my name and slip it into Ryn’s backpack. “Everyone’s got their snacks and water bottles?”
“Yes,” they reply in unison, both happy campers now.
The bus comes barreling down the hill toward our cul-de-sac. “Perfect. Have a good day. Love you.” I open the door, then maneuver behind it to protect myself from the cold gusts rushing in.
“Love you!” They both look back, wave, and then shuffle with the tiniest of steps down our driveway. It snowed several inches last night, and even though Ben shoveled before he left this morning, a thin layer of slippery frost remains. They’re adorable the way they grab onto each other’s arms to steady themselves over the icy spots.
I close the door and watch from the window as they get on the bus. When the door finally shuts behind them, I pick up my coffee and take another sip. Ah…and today, I can get back to my favorite routine of meeting up with my two best mom friends, Meg and Naomi, for our weekly morning walk. I finish my coffee, put on about a million layers, and practically skip out the door.
***
I can’t help but hum along to the radio on my drive to the trail this morning. It feels like I haven’t seen Meg or Naomi in forever. Unfortunately, our walks had to take a back seat for the past few weeks. There was simply way too much going on with family gatherings, hosting, and holiday parties for us to spend any real time together. Of course, there were plenty of text messages and occasional run-ins at school functions, but they aren’t the same as catching up on our walks.
I pull in next to Meg’s SUV and thank my lucky stars Ben makes me keep a shovel in my trunk. The plows still haven’t cleared the streets yet, and if they come through while we’re out walking, our cars will get blocked in for sure.
“Hey, guys!” I step out of my car and sink into the snow. “Magical day for a walk.”
Meg beams as she holds out her arms and tilts her head back. “Hey, Dawn! I know! It’s gorgeous, right?” She looks so excited, I’m almost expecting her to start twirling around.
“Do you think we’ll get plowed in?” Naomi looks over to our cars with concern. As she zips up her olive-green puffy jacket and tightens her scarf, her no-makeup face somehow maintains its warm, natural glow—an impressive feat, considering how cold and dry the winter air is here in Minnesota.
“I have a shovel just in case.” I look around for where the trail’s supposed to be. “And I’m all bundled up, so I’m fine with it.”
“Same.” Meg smiles, acknowledging her sporty white coat, baby-blue snow pants, and coordinating hat and mittens, all displaying labels typically reserved for the most elite skiers.
“Okay…” Naomi still sounds hesitant. “Since we haven’t seen each other in ages, I guess we can try it.”
“And we can turn around anytime,” I offer as we start traipsing through the snow, quickly realizing it’s going to be a much more rigorous trek than usual. “We don’t need to make it to our usual spot.”
Relying on the lines of trees and shrubs to guide us, we slog through the heavy snow as if ankle weights are attached to our boots. But with the trees all frosted and the ground only sprinkled with a few animal tracks here and there, the untouched beauty is worth the effort.
“So, how was everyone’s break?” I ask after we’ve found a good rhythm. “What’d your family think of Breckenridge, Meg?”
“So, so good.” Her cheeks are already rosy from the chill…and the workout. “Our condo was right at the foot of the snow school. Kevin and I could even watch James and Brooklyn’s lessons from the living room. Each day, we’d drop them off and then venture out on our own. After a day on the slopes, we’d then round ’em up, grab something to eat, and head back to the condo to play cards or board games before crashing. It was the perfect mix of alone time for Kevin and me and family time with the kids.”
“Sounds spectacular,” I say. “I swear, you should start a family travel blog or something. You’re always finding the best things to do.”
“Gosh no.” Meg chuckles. “My travel agent’s the real wizard behind the curtain. I simply tell her what we’re looking for, and she sets it all up. We’re very lucky.”
“I’ll say.” I turn toward Naomi. “How about you guys? How was your break?”
“Wonderful.” She looks up into the sky and closes her eyes for a moment. “You know, I love it when the kids are off from school. We sleep in, lounge around in our pajamas, and simply unwind. I make a big, healthy breakfast every morning, and the kids read, build things, write stories, or color all day. My parents came over for a few days right in the beginning, but then they left to go visit my sister in Arizona, and we soaked up the quiet family time.”
“Perfect.” I adjust my hat so less cold air can sneak in. “And Arizona is a great place to have relatives this time of year.”
Naomi nods. “My parents love it there in the winter. They usually make it down a few times. Bruce and I are actually considering taking the kids down there over spring break.”
“That’s huge.” Meg’s eyes widen as she looks across me to see Naomi better. “Would that be their first flight?”
Naomi shakes her head. “We’ll drive if we go. We did it a couple of years ago, and it worked out okay. The only thing that makes it a little more nerve-wracking this time around is Lily’s phobia of throwing up. She’s been doing so much better, but long car rides are still a little tricky. She worries about getting carsick. We still have plenty of time, though, and Dr. Brinks, her therapist, thinks once we get going, she’ll be fine.”
“I’m glad to hear Lily’s still doing well.” I think back to how much she struggled with her anxiety this fall. “What a trouper. And maybe the road trip will be a good challenge for her.”
“That’s what Dr. Brinks says too,” Naomi replies.
Naomi and I are so far behind Meg in terms of family travel. At least Naomi has a few road trips under her belt. Ben and I have yet to take the girls anywhere outside of the state. However, this year is supposed to be the year. We made it our New Year’s resolution to travel somewhere over spring break. Now we just need to figure out where.
We finally reach my favorite old bridge, which spans the two main bays of the lake, and the display stops me in my tracks. The view from this spot is always gorgeous, but it’s even more so today. The flawless snow goes on forever, and the tiny line of snow-covered houses around the lake looks straight out of a scene from a movie. I stop, brush some snow off the railing, and look over the edge. “Isn’t this pretty?”
“Yeah,” Naomi replies, noticeably out of breath. “Do you think we should turn back?”
I shrug. Although the weight of my legs is much more apparent now that we’ve stopped, I could go a little longer.
“I can do whatever.” Meg playfully leans over the railing, enough so that her feet come off the ground. “This is actually kind of fun.”
“Let’s go back.” Naomi’s shift in her stance borders on impatient. “This snow’s fun, but I’m not sure I have the same endurance as you. Plus, I’m a little worried our cars will be buried.”
“Works for me,” I say as Meg returns to the ground and we turn back toward our cars.
“So, how’s Kayli doing these days?” Naomi asks as we begin to retrace our tracks. “Is everything good, now that things with Sienna have cooled off?”
“With the girls, yes.” I shake off the shiver running up my back. With all the lying, hiding, and manipulation centered around that girl this fall, I don’t know if I’ll ever stop being triggered by the name Sienna. “But I came across a little note or quiz-like thing from some boys in her class this morning that wasn’t super kind. Kayli’s also mentioned they’ve stolen her hat a couple of times at recess and have played keep-away with it. She claims it’s all nothing, saying the boys are idiots, have strange senses of humor, or whatever. But I don’t know…maybe I’m just uber-sensitized to that stuff now.”
Naomi looks over sympathetically. “That’s completely understandable with what you and Kayli went through. But, you know, those boys may be starting to form little crushes on her. I’ve heard notes and teasing like that are a growing trend in their grade.”
“Oh my gosh,” I sigh, feeling my shoulders relax. “I can’t believe that never crossed my mind…” I adjust my jacket. Innocent fifth-grade crushes have to be way easier to deal with than mean girl manipulation, right? I glance over to Meg to get her read. With James and his friends, she must have a good pulse on this. “Although, I’m pretty clueless about boys this age.”
Meg keeps her eyes straight ahead, her coat swishing to the rhythm of our steps. “From what I can tell, all the notes have been coming from the girls. I haven’t heard a single thing about notes coming from any of the boys. And I’m positive James and his buddies could care less about crushes right now.”
“Are you sure?” Naomi sounds unusually patronizing. “I’m almost certain I’ve heard about it coming from the boys too. Lily’s not into it either, but numerous parents have told me stories about finding notes in their kids’ backpacks after school.”
“Oh, I know all about those little notes,” Meg groans with even more irritation. “I’ve found several of them in James’s backpack—from the girls. The girls are miles ahead of the boys at this age. For boys, playing keep-away is something they do, even with each other. I wouldn’t read much into it.”
The crunching of our boots echoes through the frigid air as I try to read between the lines. Is Meg insinuating that Kayli’s the one instigating it? Or is she saying I should still be worried about more girl drama? Looking over and seeing her face all tense, I hesitate. Now doesn’t seem like the best time to clarify.
Naomi tilts her chin toward her chest, discreetly making eye contact with me as she lowers her voice. “I still think it’s a possibility.”
“Well, not with James and his friends,” Meg snaps, her volume overcompensating for Naomi’s. I never would’ve guessed this could be such a contentious topic. It’s like a snowball fight could break out at any minute. “He and his friends are so focused on basketball. Plus their homework. They don’t have time to think of anything else. Their team has seven tournaments over the next nine weeks.”
“Goodness,” Naomi exhales but presumably catches herself before careening into one of their more notorious parental divides on overscheduling. She then takes on a much more compassionate tone. “I thought you were hoping to maintain a better balance after everything that happened with James’s schoolwork this fall?”
“Yes…yes, I am.” Meg’s face softens, bringing her volume back to normal as she moves out of the way to let a cross-country skier pass. “And things have gotten so much better. His tutor has helped a ton, and he’s not doing baseball at all anymore. It’s been great. And Brooklyn has cut way back on dance too. She’s planning to swap it out completely for soccer this spring.”
The crush topic appears to fall by the wayside like the snow atop the drifts along our path. Meg fills us in on a mother-daughter baking class she and Brooklyn signed up for. And Naomi informs us Lily’s taking a break from theater to explore her new love of coding, enrolling in a web design class.
I try to keep track of all their news, but my mind can’t help but wander back to the possibility of a boy having a crush on Kayli. I mean, I knew this would happen at some point. But why on earth do they need to do a dumb survey about man hands? Not a great sign. Even under the warmth of my winter coat, my arm hairs rise. I know this is only fifth grade, but it’s tough to shake my uneasiness. Especially since I have a history of misreading these kinds of things. I adjust my hat again and roll out my neck. I’m sure it’s fine. “Anything else exciting going on this week?”
“Just the usual for me,” Naomi replies as our cars come into view. “I’m still volunteering in Leo’s first-grade class on Friday mornings and teaching yoga Monday, Thursday, and Friday afternoons.” She reaches for my arm. “I can save you your usual spot tomorrow.”
“That’d be great,” I say. Although my professional world of online marketing campaign evaluations quickly ramps back up after the holidays, fitting yoga into my life always helps. Besides, I need to take better advantage of my part-time, work-from-home schedule. It’s one of the main reasons I’ve stayed with that role.
“We’ve started to get back into a routine too.” Meg looks over triumphantly. “And it helps that I’m not volunteering with any big projects at school. The only thing I’m on point for is putting together that writers’ workshop the kids earned from the book fair this fall, and that’ll be easy. Ordering catering and making dinner reservations are my specialty.”
“For sure,” I say as we get closer. Luckily, the plows still haven’t come through. “And thanks for the lovely walk through the snow, ladies. I actually enjoyed the change of pace.”
“Same.” Meg adds a little pep in her step as she grows more excited. “Hey, would you want to try cross-country skiing next week instead of our normal walk? We could rent boots and skis over at Johnson Park, and there’s a bunch of trails to pick from.”
“Sounds fun…,” Naomi says. “As long as we pick one of the easy trails.”
“Perfect.” I open my door. “Good luck with James’s tournament this weekend.”
“You too,” Meg says, and we say goodbye.
I turn the key and hold my frozen hands in front of the vents for a few seconds. So what if a boy has a crush on Kayli? She can handle a fifth-grade crush, right? It’s just another inevitable part of these kids growing up. Besides, she didn’t seem that interested. She even called the boys idiots. It’s probably nothing. And even if it isn’t, whatever it is, I’m sure she’s got this.
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