Chapter One
Jack
I gunned the engine of my pop’s old Ford pickup down Route 20 toward the hospital over in Jackson. The truck was old as hell, but Cade Ranch was too far out in the mountains for the ambulance to reach us in any measure of good time, so I drove as fast as I could. We were only a few more minutes away from pain medication and unconscious bliss for my brother Kevin, but I knew from experience minutes could feel like hours.
I was pretty certain I could see the pure-white bone of his fibula stickin’ outta the skin of his right leg. No amount of bed rest would set him straight, not without some serious surgical intervention. He lay sprawled between Dean and me in the cab of the truck with his leg slung over Dean’s and his head diggin’ into my shoulder while I drove like a madman.
I’d never heard my pops or my father cry. I didn’t remember ever cryin’ myself, and I couldn’t think of any time my brothers had cried, with the exception of when we were little kids, but boy, did Kevin cry now. He’d tried to be very manly at first, of course, but as soon as the truck hit the asphalt and we felt the bumps from the constant potholes along Route 20, he let out his first wail, and they only kept comin’.
“Fuckin’ Christ! Drive faster!”
“I’m goin’ as fast as I can, brother.”
“Oh God, I think I’m gonna puke.”
“Do whatcha gotta do,” I said, and his head lolled when he passed out.
“Whatever you do, don’t slow down,” Dean said. “If the cops get after us, we can deal with it when we get there. I’ve never heard a man make that kinda noise before.” The worried look on his face as he chewed his lip was enough to make me press a little harder on the gas pedal. I grunted my agreement and silently counted down the two minutes we had left to go.
We arrived at the hospital, and a couple orderlies lifted Kevin off Dean, layin’ him on a gurney. They whisked him off and left us standin’ in front of the ER entrance, speechless.
I parked the truck in the lot across the street, and we made our way inside so we could hurry up and wait. Dean sat, watchin’ me worry, while I paced the little room.
“I dunno how we’re gonna pay for this one. Emergency surgery, anesthesia, and he’s gonna need a shit-ton of physical therapy down the line. You’re leavin’ for the auction in a few days. Goddammit. I warned him about that mare.”
“We’ll make it work. We always do. We got two horses ready to sell in what, two more weeks or so?”
“Yeah, that’ll cover next month’s operatin’ costs, but not much more. You know what, never mind. I’ll figure it out. Ain’t your problem.”
“It is my problem. The ranch belongs to all of us, Jack. It’s up to all of us to keep it runnin’.” Dean cleared his throat. We weren’t much for talkin’ about our feelin’s. Offerin’ support was about as far as any one of us would go in that department, but even that felt uncomfortable. Growin’ up with two dicks for role models and no mama—well, you might say we were all a little emotionally incompetent, or maybe reluctant was a better word. “What about Jay’s idea? You been considerin’ that? It could work.”
“I can’t talk about this right now. I need to walk or somethin’. Text me if you hear anything.”
He sighed. “Yeah, okay, brother.”
Pushin’ out the waitin’ room door, I found my way to a nice long hallway I could pace in peace.
I appreciated his support. All of my brothers’ support. They were always offerin’ it. But the runnin’ of the ranch had been left to me. Our dad had spent a lotta time teachin’ me how to keep things goin’. He’d expected me to take the reins. He might be dead, but I had no intention of lettin’ him down. My brothers had no idea what it took to run the ranch, apart from the actual trainin’ of the horses. And maybe that was my own fault, but it had always been my job and my responsibility.
And with the way things had been goin’, it would only get harder and more complicated.
The Cade Ranch had been in my family for five generations. A small operation, we owned the land for much more business but not the manpower or the money, though the business was pretty well-known throughout the western United States. People came to us from all over to buy the quarter horses we bred, raised, and trained for ridin’, ropin’, and a few for racin’. Just not enough people.
The easiest thing would be to sell off some of the land, but it was home, with all the memories, good and bad, to come with it.
When we were kids, we lived on the ranch with my pops and granny, my mama and dad, and my uncle, Jon. My mama left us when I was nine, and Granny and Uncle Jon were killed in a car accident outside of Idaho Falls by a drunk driver a year later. Pops never really recovered from losin’ ’em, so that was about the time I began workin’ the land and the horses with my dad.
My brothers came on board as they got older, but the runnin’ of things had fallen to me. I was the oldest. I’d been jugglin’ everything on my own for the better part of two years, tryin’ to find ways to stretch our money and expand the business, but things were changin’ for farms and ranches, and times were tight. I’d been tryin’ to figure out how to—
“Jackson Cade, is that you?” A familiar voice yanked me outta my annoyin’ postulatin’.
I turned to see Mrs. Mitchum sittin’ on a bench about twenty feet down the hall. Ahh… She was sick again. She wore a hospital johnny and some silly, pink, fuzzy slippers, and she looked so frail and tired. Dammit, I’d just seen her two days before, and she hadn’t said a word. She was hidin’ this from us, or she had been. Cat’s outta the bag now.
“Yes, ma’am,” I said, walkin’ toward her. She pointed to the bench next to her, wantin’ me to sit. I took off my hat and turned, and as I sat, she patted my knee softly, then hooked her arm through mine. I kept my eyes on the floor, not wantin’ her to see the sadness I felt at findin’ her there. She’d fought through two bouts of cancer already.
Seein’ her there again, I knew by the dullness of her skin, the absence of strength in her muscles, and the look of defeat in her eyes, this would be the fight she lost.
“Whatever are you doin’ here, Jack? I know you didn’t come all this way just to see me,” she said, and I heard the chagrin in her voice.
“No, ma’am. Kevin broke his leg. They took him back for surgery. I’m just passin’ time while we wait.”
“Well now, why’d he go and do a thing like that?”
“He was fu—messin’ ’round with that ol’ pregnant mare, ma’am, tryin’ to put a halter on her. I told him just to leave her be, but you know him. He never listens.” I caught myself before I cursed for fear of her conjurin’ a bar of soap to shove in my mouth. She’d done it once when I was fifteen, and I never made the mistake again.
Tappin’ her fingers on my forearm, she let me know she appreciated my discretion. She never judged us for bein’ coarse; ranch life was hard, and we were five men livin’ with little female influence for quite a few years now, but she wouldn’t tolerate harsh language in her presence, even though I was sure she suspected we swore like sailors when she wasn’t around.
“Well now, you know he’ll be just fine. He’s young and strong. Stop your worryin’.”
“Yes, ma’am.”
She squeezed my arm, scootin’ closer to me. “I’ve been meanin’ to come out to see you boys.”
As if I might see through it to all the comin’s and goin’s below, I continued starin’ at the floor. An uncomfortable silence stretched between us, and I knew she was workin’ her way up to say somethin’ important, so I didn’t dare interrupt her.
She took a deep breath, and it whistled up through her old lungs before she said softly, “Jack, look at me.”
I took a deep breath, too, held it, and did as she said. Her soft puff of short white hair lay flat against her head and looked lackluster at best. She had dark hollows under her eyes, her skin sallow and paper-thin. She must’ve started her medications already to look so weak and sickly.
“I’m dyin’, Jack,” she said, studyin’ my face, lockin’ onto my eyes with her own milky blue ones. I saw sadness in ’em, compassion, but mostly, a mother’s love. “There’s nothin’ to be done about it. We’re gonna try one more round of chemo, but the doctor doesn’t hold much hope.”
I released my breath slowly. “Yes, ma’am, I know.”
It was more painful to admit than I’d imagined. This woman was the last tether to my grandparents, to my dad. I had my brothers, I knew, but when Mrs. Mitchum passed, it would be the end of an era. She and Granny had been thick as thieves when we were boys, and when Granny died, Mrs. Mitchum had taken to fillin’ the role. She’d loved us boys as her family, helpin’ out with the cookin’ and cleanin’, and she’d taken us shoppin’ for new clothes and shoes when we’d needed ’em.
Oh, her strawberry rhubarb pie was so damn good. She made one for me still, and I waited for it every year at the beginnin’ of summer. My brothers didn’t even try to eat it anymore. They knew I’d beat their asses well and good if they did. I would miss that pie. I was an asshole for even thinkin’ it at a time like this.
I would miss her.
Now the future was unknown, especially with the state of our finances, and for the first time since Granny died, I felt fear.
I’d borne the full weight and responsibility of the ranch for a long time, on top of responsibility for my brothers—my youngest brother’s four years at school had been another large expense to worry over—and I’d been shoulderin’ it all solely, learnin’ how to control all the movin’ parts. But with the unknown future loomin’ out ahead of me, just outta my reach, I wasn’t sure where we’d end up. I didn’t know if I’d be able to keep hold of my precious control.
And that control was somethin’ I was not prepared to lose.
Mrs. Mitchum pulled her arm from mine and stood. I jumped up to help her when a wisp of a girl appeared with a wheelchair, parkin’ it in front of us.
“C’mon, Mrs. Mitchum,” she scolded, “you know it’s time for your medication.”
Mrs. Mitchum sighed. “Yes, dear,” she said, and I steadied her and led her to sit in the chair. Unlockin’ the wheels, I felt the familiarity of the task and remembered the last time I’d been at the hospital with my dad, lockin’ the wheels on his chair and helpin’ him out of it and into a hospital bed. I stopped that train of thought right in its tracks. It wouldn’t lead anywhere good.
I looked at Mrs. Mitchum and at the young girl whose face had turned beet red with the effort of tryin’ to push the wheelchair into motion. “Here,” I offered, “lemme help you.”
“I got it.”
Mrs. Mitchum chuckled. “Headstrong child. Don’t worry ’bout her. She’s stronger than she looks once she gets me goin’.”
“Yes, ma’am.” I took a step back. I’d learned a long time ago never to argue with my elders, so I didn’t make a fuss. They took off a little too fast for my likin’ and I winced, but they stopped again.
“Oh, and Jack?” Mrs. Mitchum called back to me, and I walked over, takin’ her small outstretched hand in mine. She looked right in my eyes, smiled a mischievous grin, and said, “Don’t you worry. I’ll leave you the recipe for my rhubarb pie when I die. Maybe you’ll find a nice woman to settle down with, one who can make it for you, hm? It won’t ever be as good as I make it, but at least then you won’t have to go without. Get to workin’ on that, hear me, young man?”
“Yes, ma’am.” I leaned down to kiss her paper-soft cheek. “I’ll get right on it.” I tried not to sound too sarcastic, but she knew me too well.
“Don’t you get smart with me, Jack Cade!” she called over her shoulder as the girl propelled the chair forward again.
“Yes, ma’am.” I called out so she could hear me and chuckled to myself. I put my hat back on my head and stood for a minute, watchin’ her go and wonderin’ how long she had left. The world would be a lot less colorful without her in it. She’d been such a constant in our lives these last twenty years, and I felt sad at the eventual loss of her kindness.
Turnin’ to resume my pacin’, I saw a group of women standin’ at the nurses’ station, heads together while they whispered and smiled at me. I tipped my baseball cap to ’em and continued on my way.
A woman was the last thing I needed in my life. I didn’t trust ’em and I had more than enough to worry about.
* * *
Kevin came home two days later. The nurses had a hard time gettin’ his pain under control. Oh, he tried sweet talkin’ ’em in his usual way, tellin’ ’em he was just fine, but his elevated heart rate and the grimace on his face gave him away every time. As it was, though, he came home the proud new owner of three different nurses’ phone numbers. He was the most determined flirt I’d ever met. He didn’t care what a woman looked like, how old she was, or where she’d come from—if she talked sweet and smiled at him, he chased her.
He had the hardest time copin’ when our mama left. She’d doted on him like he was some baby lamb, and for a time, I wondered if I wouldn’t have to reteach him some basic manners—he’d been angry and confused. But after a while, he seemed to accept it like the rest of us. On a ranch there wasn’t much time for feelin’ sorry for yourself. There were always chores to be done, animals to be fed, and after a short while, life went on.
Like now. I’d been in the barn for an hour, waitin’ on that mean old mare, and I needed to get back to work and set my contemplatin’ aside. She’d finally gone into labor, and I needed to pay attention and try to keep her calm.
My brother Finn had installed a stereo system in the barn a few months back, somethin’ my dad would never have allowed. At the time, I thought it just to be a waste of money, but the horses seemed soothed by the music so I turned it on. Some guy named Bon Iver sang about someone being drunk as hell and stacks. Stacks of what, I didn’t know, but the guitar was nice. I let it play low and went back to talkin’ about my day to the mare. It wasn’t another twenty minutes till her foal dropped, a filly.
Watchin’ her tryin’ to stand and failin’ miserably at it, I jumped when my phone rang. It still scared the shit outta me every time one rang in the barn. We’d just gotten halfway reliable service this far out in the foothills of the mountains not two months ago, but it could still be spotty sometimes.
It neared nine at night, so I knew the call would probably be important. When I pulled my phone from my pocket, I saw Mrs. Mitchum’s name and answered quick as a fit.
“Ma’am, what’s wrong? You okay?”
“Well, ’course I am, dear. Can’t I just call to say hello?”
She never had before, and she never called this late unless she needed help with somethin’.
“Yes, ma’am, ’course you can.” I waited for her to tell me what she would. I had a feelin’ she was up to somethin’ but didn’t know what it could be.
“Well, fine then, I do need a favor from you, Jack. I need a ride home from the hospital tomorrow. I already gave my grocery list to Dean, and he’s gonna have everything set for me in the mornin’ before he and the boys leave for Montana, but I’ll need a ride. There’s a volunteer who’s gonna help to get me settled once I’m home, but she doesn’t drive either, so we’ll both need a ride. I’ll expect you ’bout nine a.m.”
“Yes, ma’am, I’ll be there.”
“That’s real good, son. Thank you. See ya then,” she said in a kinda sing-songy voice and hung up.
By then, the little filly was up and nursin’ from her mama. I finished my chores and left a soft light on in the tack room, turned off the music, and headed back up to the house for a hot shower and my warm bed. A storm was headed our way, and I needed sleep to prepare for the next day. I wasn’t lookin’ forward to dealin’ with two old ladies complainin’ about my drivin’.
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