Best Wishes

Book 4: How to Be the Best Damn Faery Godmother in the World

by Helen Harper

Genres: Urban Fantasy; Literary Fiction

Synopsis

If wishes were horses, beggars would ride.

Saffron Sawyer is on her own. She's no longer part of the Office of Faery Godmothers—in fact, she's no longer part of anything, even if her magic is stronger now than she could have ever dreamed possible. Thwarted at every turn and stalked by monsters in the streets, her life feels like it's falling apart.

But Saffron isn't going to give up hope. She's sworn revenge on the Director and she can't forget about Jasper and the way he makes her feel. And when some familiar faces come knocking at her door, she might just have found the answers she's been looking for.

Release date: February 18, 2020

Print pages: 223

Sample

Chapter One

 

Someone was following me. I knew it from the indescribable itch at the back of my neck and the flicker of a figure in my peripheral vision when I turned left down the side street, away from the main thoroughfare containing Colchester’s bustling shops.

 

There was a good chance it was one of Ethan’s trolls; after all, he’d set his people onto tailing me before. I shouldn’t worry. Despite recent events between the faery godmothers and the trolls, they meant me no harm. They’d even helped me. But I was no longer a faery godmother and something about my latest shadow felt different. It wasn’t necessarily a malign presence, but it was good to be wary. These days, it was always good to be wary.

 

I checked my watch. Time wasn’t on my side. The last thing I wanted was to be late for my appointment. I had an appearance to maintain and that didn’t include a lack of punctuality. I pulled back my shoulders, set my expression into a grim mask, and ducked through the double doors of the small arthouse cinema on my left.

 

The spotty bloke behind the counter, who looked more like a child than someone who should legally be allowed gainful employment, smiled. ‘Good afternoon!’

 

I managed a small smile in return. Whether I was under extreme stress or not, I could still be polite. I strode purposefully towards him. ‘I’d like a ticket to your next showing, please.’

 

‘Is that for Badenhaus, the German thriller? Or Sunlight? The…’ his mouth turned down in an expression of disgust ‘…romance?’

 

He could sneer all he wanted. For my part, I fervently wished that I had some romance in my life. Since I’d effectively humiliated Jasper, the Devil’s Advocate, in a bid to save his job from the Director’s machinations, there were going to be zero hearts and flowers coming my way any time soon. I had no-one to blame but myself but that didn’t mean there wasn’t a stab in my chest whenever I thought of Jasper’s glittering emerald-green eyes and warm-hearted nature. And that happened only about a thousand times a day.

 

I glanced out towards the pavement. It remained empty for now, but I doubted it would stay that way for long. ‘The romance is fine,’ I said, yanking out a crumpled ten-pound note and crossing my fingers that he’d be quick about the ticket.

 

‘Really? Because I can highly recommend Badenhaus. It’s…’

 

My efforts to remain polite only went so far. ‘Just give me the ticket,’ I snapped.

 

The light in his eyes turned icy cold. ‘Would you like to upgrade to one of our luxury seats and receive free popcorn with that?’

 

I dropped the money onto the counter. ‘Just the ticket.’

 

He sniffed and picked up the note, holding it between his thumb and forefinger as if afraid he might catch some cheesy romantic disease, and made the transaction. I tapped my foot, repeatedly checking behind me for signs of my tail. When the kid finally held out my cinema ticket, I practically snatched it from his hand and whirled round in the direction of the screen.

 

‘Wait!’ he called out. ‘Your change!’

 

I waved a dismissive hand and charged ahead. ‘Keep it!’ While I couldn’t afford to lose the cash – and he certainly didn’t deserve a tip – I was running out of time. I shouldn’t have left home so late. I’d spent far too long carefully selecting my outfit, taming the unkempt frizz of my hair and avoiding Pumpkin’s attempts to chew my shoes. I was paying for all that now.

 

Cursing under my breath, I jogged down the darkened aisles. A couple were necking in the back row and a homeless guy was asleep in one of the seats at the far side. I ignored all of them and swung round the front row of plush, velvet-covered chairs, my feet crunching on a few errant pieces of popcorn from the previous showing. Then I burst through the fire door marked Exit and back into the outside world.

 

This time I was in a closed off alleyway. There was only one way out and it was on the other side of the cinema and away from the street I’d been on previously. Whoever was following me wouldn’t catch me easily now. I gave myself a self-satisfied pat on the back and marched quickly down the narrow street. I’d only lost a few minutes’ time; I wasn’t going to be late even if I was now slightly off course.

 

Alas, no sooner had that thought crossed my mind than the silhouette of a towering figure appeared at the end of the narrow street, blocking my exit. Fuck a puck. Any chance that this was merely some random passer-by was immediately negated by the magical vibrations emanating from its tall body – not to mention the way it began to stride purposefully in my direction. When it drew closer and I could see who was in front of me, my heart sank further. This was definitely no human out for a stroll.

 

I stared at her. While there was no doubt that she was some sort of magical conjuration, she was unlike anything I’d ever seen or could have conceived of. For one thing, she was naked from the waist up, wearing nothing but a leather skirt made out of pointed flaps of material and thigh-high boots. She had thick, glossy, blonde hair and glowing red eyes that sparked with anger. And her white teeth were painfully sharp looking, though it wasn’t her dentistry that caused my mouth to drop open. It was the fact that she had three very pert and very bare breasts bouncing on her chest. Okaaaay then.

 

‘Aren’t you cold?’ I asked. ‘It is almost November, you know. There are some great shops around the corner where you can buy yourself a T-shirt. Or a coat.’

 

Unsurprisingly, the conjuration didn’t speak. I knew from my own experience in stirring up similar visions that intelligible speech was an impossible task. After all, you couldn’t enchant a terrifying creature into existence and then expect it to make small talk. Illusions such as this one weren’t sentient; they were brought into being to serve one purpose only and that was to carry out the wishes of their creator. Judging from the way the three-breasted monstrosity was fixed on me, her purpose was to stop me in my tracks. And quite possibly swipe my head from my shoulders at the same time.

 

I didn’t stop to think about who was behind the conjuration. Frankly, it could have been any number of people. Whoever had created the monstrous woman would be close by but I had neither the inclination nor the time to find out who they were. Not right now. Instead I focused on what was important – getting out of this alley unscathed so I could get to where I needed to be.

 

The one good thing was that I no longer required a wand to call upon my own magic. While there were always limitations, my recent acts had broken the natural barriers within me that kept my inherent magic at bay. I could flick my fingers and summon any number of spells – it was simply a matter of choosing the right one.

 

As the woman reached me, her massive frame preventing me from sidling past her and making a run for it, I twisted my left wrist. Meet fire with fire, I decided. It was the best way.

 

The molecules in the air cracked and snapped, pulling the energy in the very atmosphere together to provide me with what I needed. I stepped back as a monster of my own appeared. The difference was that this one would do what I wanted – and it was at least twice the size of the bizarre woman.

 

Something about my wandless magic allowed for greater details and flourishes. Once upon a time bulging muscles, gleaming green skin and breath that could knock out most living creatures at a hundred paces would have been more than enough colour to my conjurations; now there were also thick pulsating veins, sprouting black wiry hairs and unspent, fathomless fury. The woman had no chance.

 

My monster advanced, fists up and teeth bared. The woman stood her ground, her lack of conscious thought also giving her a complete lack of fear. That worked both ways, of course, and when she calmly produced a long sword with a sharply gleaming tip, my green-skinned creation didn’t falter.

 

He threw back his head, roared and flew straight at her. Her sword clattered to the ground before disappearing in a puff of smoke. Then the two of them were rolling around on the grimy cobblestones, biting and kicking at each other. Unfortunately for me, they were also still in my way. In fact, now there was even less chance of me skipping past them and making my escape.

 

Grimacing, I glanced upwards, wondering whether I dared try a ninja-inspired wall run above their heads. I had the magic to sustain one but I wasn’t quite so convinced about my ability to beat gravity. I was powerful but I wasn’t omnipotent.

 

I hissed and looked back at the cinema’s fire exit. I could always re-enter the building, head back out through the main doors onto the same street as before. But if my opponent had any nous, he or she would be waiting for me to do just that. No. It was get past the two writhing conjurations, or get caught.

 

I twirled my fingers, forcing my monster up to his feet again and back towards me. The woman also sprang up, smiling prettily at us both. I rolled my eyes at her expression and gestured to my green-skinned creature. He hunkered down, the muscles in his back bulging, then he grabbed the woman and lifted her up by the waist before holding her body in the air and spinning it backwards. In theory, she’d land behind me and I’d get the opportunity to sprint out of the alley. In practice, she resisted just enough that his aim was off. Rather than arcing through the air and falling several metres away from me, her foot connected with my head and we both tumbled to the ground, my body sprawled underneath hers.

 

I wriggled out as she pushed herself away. My back was aching where I’d hit the ground and the sharp throb of pain in my wrist suggested that I’d fallen badly enough to break it. I cradled it against my stomach and ducked my head then I dashed blindly away, leaving the two magical creations behind.

 

My own monster would vanish into the ether in less than a minute, just long enough to allow me to get away. What happened to the three-breasted woman was no longer my concern. I’d managed to escape and that was all that mattered.

 

 

* * *

 

Although I didn’t have the magic to heal any major injuries, my powers were enough to heal the fracture in my wrist. There would be plenty of unsightly bruising to mark the spot and no doubt a lot of lingering pain but I wouldn’t lose the use of my hand, so things could have been worse.

 

What I couldn’t do much about were the muddy stains all down my expensive suit. I dried them off as best as I could but I didn’t have the time to extend my magic to the skills of a dry cleaner. So, when I walked into the prefab hut on the abandoned industrial estate, I knew I looked more like a bedraggled beggar than a potential new employee. Or old employee, depending on how you looked at it.

 

‘Saffron!’ Jacob was already waiting and extended his arms in an effusive greeting. ‘Have you been mud wrestling on your way here?’

 

I had no choice but to brazen it out. ‘Let’s say that I was somewhat waylaid and leave it at that.’ I offered my old boss a sheepish grin.

 

‘Ah, that will explain why you’re late, then.’

 

I winced. Only by five minutes or so. All the same, I hated that I’d kept him waiting. I desperately wanted to make a good impression and remind Jacob of what an outstanding employee I’d been when I’d worked as a dope faery. ‘I’m very sorry,’ I told him. ‘It was unavoidable.’

 

‘Knowing you as I do,’ he said with a broad smile, ‘I have no doubt about that.’ He pointed towards his office. ‘Would you like to come in?’

 

I exhaled and nodded, grateful that he wasn’t about to chide me further. ‘Thank you.’

 

Several other dope faeries were milling around. As we passed, they all looked up and smiled at me with genuine pleasure. I’d forgotten what it was like to work somewhere without worrying about the knives at my back. I could get used to this. I grinned at them then settled on the chair in front of Jacob’s desk, waiting while he closed the door to afford us some degree of privacy.

 

‘You’re looking good,’ I said, meaning every word. ‘Have you lost weight?’

 

He patted his belly. ‘I’ve been eating a lot of green stuff lately,’ he admitted. ‘Apparently vegetables are better for you than doughnuts.’

 

I smirked. ‘Who knew?’

 

‘Who indeed?’ He leaned forward, his expression growing more serious. ‘Anyway, it’s good to see you, Saffron. I wasn’t sure our paths would cross again. However, I’ve been following your progress at the Office of Faery Godmothers with some interest.’

 

‘Mmmm.’ I scratched my neck awkwardly. ‘Things didn’t work out there quite as I’d hoped they would.’ That was putting it mildly.

 

Jacob regarded me implacably. ‘I did try to warn you. The faery godmothers might have a golden reputation but all that glitters isn’t gold.’ He rarely let a good idiom pass him by. It was good to see that some things hadn’t changed.

 

‘Their reputation isn’t quite so unblemished now,’ I murmured.

 

‘No.’ He eyed me curiously. ‘The Devil’s Advocate has certainly made his opinion of the entire office very clear. From what I hear, his report has set the cat amongst the pigeons.’

 

I had a burning desire to know exactly what Jasper’s report contained. ‘I don’t suppose you happen to have a copy?’ I asked.

 

Jacob raised an eyebrow. ‘I thought from what you said on the phone that you’d left the Office of Faery Godmothers behind you and their future no longer concerned you.’

 

Heat flared in my cheeks. ‘I did say that,’ I admitted. ‘And I meant it. Call it professional curiosity. It would be interesting to see whether the Devil’s Advocate’s assessment matches my own.’

 

And to know what the Director was doing about it. I didn’t believe for a second that she would simply roll over and accept whatever Jasper recommended. Not after the lengths she’d gone to when she’d tried to put a halt to his audit. The only way I’d been able to stop her plan was to make sure that Jasper publicly denigrated me and put an end to our association so that his reputation remained unblemished. No matter how much it wrenched at my heart to end it, my relationship with him had been putting him in danger.

 

Jacob chuckled. ‘Relax, Saffron. I’m not trying to put you on the spot or to call you out. I was young and ambitious once, you know. Strange as it may seem.’

 

This was exactly the opening I needed. ‘Speaking of ambition,’ I began.

 

Jacob held his hands up, palms outwards, pre-empting me. ‘Let me guess,’ he said, his eyes no longer dancing with humour. ‘You’d like your old job back.’

 

I bit my lips and twisted my fingers together in my lap but I maintained eye contact with him. Nervous or not, I wasn’t here to play games.

 

‘Yes,’ I said. ‘I would.’ I drew in a breath. ‘I was always proud of my achievements as a dope faery. I did the very best by my clients. Now that I’ve had the opportunity to work at the Office of Faery Godmothers, I’m certain that I’ve gained new skills that I can put to good use. In fact, if I can tell you about some of my recent experiences then I’m sure you’ll see that—’

 

Jacob grimaced and interrupted me. ‘I’m going to stop you right there, Saffron.’

 

Uh-oh. I had a bad feeling about this.

 

‘Unfortunately,’ he said, ‘you’ve become a victim of your own success. When word got around that a dope faery had been promoted to the faery godmothers, we were inundated with applications. There are scores of faeries out there who now see our enterprise as a stepping stone to greater things. Whether that will prove to be true I can’t say, but we are stuffed to the gunnels with talented faeries. Much as I would love to have you back, there simply aren’t any job openings at the moment. I can’t afford you.’ He gave me a sympathetic look. ‘Maybe in another six months it’ll be a different story.’

 

A wave of desperation flooded my veins. ‘I’m prepared to work on a reduced salary,’ I said. ‘I understand that I can’t just swoop in and expect to be reinstated at the same level as before.’

 

Jacob shook his head. ‘I’m truly sorry.’

 

Fuck a puck. I dropped my head. Fuck. A. Puck. ‘I understand,’ I mumbled, trying not to think about the growing pile of bills sitting on my coffee table. ‘Thank you for your time.’ I got to my feet, stumbling slightly as I turned away.

 

‘Saffron, wait,’ Jacob said. ‘I can still help. I have it on good authority that the dream faeries are recruiting.’ He reached towards his desk, opened a drawer and took out a slim envelope. ‘I’ve taken the liberty of writing you a recommendation. I’m sure that, with your experience, they’ll be delighted to have you on board. I’ve arranged for you to meet Winkie Santorini tomorrow. She’s their head and an all-round good faery.’

 

I stared at the envelope. The dream faeries. That didn’t sound so bad. It wasn’t a million miles away from the other work that I’d done. It might even be fun helping to conjure up sweet dreams and vicious nightmares that would allow humans to make sense of their day-to-day realities. I could be good at that. Hell, I’d be awesome. I was Saffron Sawyer. Right?

 

I swallowed. ‘Thank you, Jacob.’

 

He nodded at me. ‘You’re welcome. You have a lot to offer the faery world, Saffron. Don’t let anyone tell you otherwise.’

 

 

Chapter Two

 

 

I let myself back into my flat. Before I’d even stepped across the threshold, Pumpkin rushed me, barking and yelping in delight at my return. I bent down and scooped him up, letting him lick my face. Until recently, both of us would have recoiled from such closeness but now the dog and I had reached an understanding, and I liked to think that we both welcomed it.

 

‘Thank you, Pumpkin,’ I mumbled into his fur. ‘I needed that.’

 

Vincent wandered out of the kitchen, wearing one of those comedy bodybuilder aprons that displayed a muscular bare chest and tiny red shorts. It looked remarkably incongruous against his scrawny frame. ‘Well?’ he asked. ‘When do you start?’

 

I put Pumpkin down on the floor and avoided his gaze. ‘I didn’t get the job,’ I said. ‘They don’t have anything available right now.’

 

‘Oh, Saffy,’ he said. ‘That’s shite.’

 

Yeah. It was. I sniffed and tilted up my chin. ‘It’s okay. Jacob’s given me a personal recommendation for the dream faeries. I’ve got an appointment with them tomorrow so I’m sure something will turn up there.’

 

‘Dream faeries?’ he asked dubiously. ‘While I can imagine what they do, won’t that mean you’ll be working nights?’

 

I shrugged. ‘That’s okay. I can sleep during the day.’

 

‘Sure. You’ll have an outstanding social life too.’

 

‘I need a job, Vincent. I can’t afford to be choosy.’ It wasn’t like I had much of a social life these days anyway.

 

‘You have enough trouble sleeping as it is, Saffy. Those bags under your eyes are so big that you could pack them for a weekend away. I don’t think working nights will improve anything.’ He shuffled his feet. ‘I can pick up more shifts and help out. I’m starting to enjoy being a courier. It’s not all that different from drug dealing when you think about it. I run around town and deliver stuff to people in return for money. It’s even legal.’

 

My gaze softened. ‘That’s very kind of you. But you already do enough shifts and I’m not going to accept your charity.’

 

‘I’m not saying that I’ll do it for free. I can give you some of my money and in return you can give me … things.’

 

‘Wishes, you mean.’

 

‘Sure.’ He gave me an arch grin. ‘If that’s all you have to barter with, that’s what it’ll have to be. I can make the sacrifice.’

 

‘I’m not granting you random wishes, Vincent. It wouldn’t be right.’ I wagged my finger at him. ‘You have to make your own way in the world. You can’t rely on magic. It’s another form of dependence that will do you more harm than good in the long run. Look at what you’ve already achieved without making any wishes. You’ve got a job, steady income, new friends. You’re now a functioning member of society and you achieved that all on your own merits.’

 

‘Is that why you won’t magic yourself up some money?’ he enquired. ‘Because you want to prove you have merits too?’

 

‘Using magic to improve my situation would be wrong,’ I said primly. ‘I have morals.’ Well, I tried to have them though recent history might suggest otherwise.

 

Vincent gave me a long look. ‘Morals don’t fill your belly. They’re sugar free, calorie free and therefore entirely pointless.’

 

‘You don’t believe that any more than I do.’

 

‘I’m a drug dealer!’ he protested. ‘I have no morals! I’ve got a criminal record longer than Pumpkin’s tail to prove it!’

 

I glanced down at the tail in question. Yes, it was wagging enthusiastically. It was also incredibly short and stubby – and Vincent knew it. ‘Go you,’ I murmured. ‘I won’t change my mind though. I’ll get a job with the dream faeries and all will be well.’

 

Vincent sighed. ‘I’ve heard that sort of thing before.’ He unhooked the apron from round his neck and hung it up behind the door. ‘Anyway, I’ve cooked you some of my special Bolognese for dinner. All you have to do is heat it up and cook the pasta. I’ve got to head out to work. Pumpkin has been walked and watered. I’ll pop by again tomorrow and take him out when you’re off with the dreamy ones.’

 

I might have had a crappy morning but I suddenly felt the cockles of my heart warming. ‘Thank you, Vincent.’

 

‘I’m your slave,’ he answered with a fake pout. ‘I have to do it.’

 

I sighed in mock exasperation. ‘You’re not my slave. The magic that binds you to me only works when I make a direct request of you. And I didn’t ask you to make me dinner. You did it because you’re a good guy.’

 

He looked alarmed. ‘Hush! Don’t say that so loudly! Someone might hear you.’