Josh slipped into the hotel room silently as his dad yelled nonsense about assholes who didn’t know their place. He touched the small of Dan’s back to let him know he was there before he ducked into the bathroom, out of sight of their little showdown.
“Okay, Richard,” Dan said. “It’s time to decide. Will you calm down, walk quietly out of this hotel, and never contact Joshua or Jennifer ever again? Or will you choose to make us your lifelong enemies and risk your death every time you come around?”
“Every time he comes around,” some big blond guy said. Josh wondered where he came from. “Dude, don’t you know? Every time he even thinks about her, another soldier picks up a gun to come stand guard. This dick doesn’t have a chance of surviving this.”
Colt started laughing. “Dude, I like you. You should come hang out with us sometime.”
“Until Dick decides to give up, I’m staying,” the giant promised.
“I love that you already hit upon our favorite nickname for Jenn’s penile ex. Dude, we’ve been calling him that for years.”
“What’s your decision, Richard?” Dan asked, interrupting Colt’s back and forth with the new guy.
“You’re all going to pay for this!” Dick yelled, and swung for Dan. Dan had moved into the bathroom doorway, probably to shield Josh further from his dad.
Josh watched as Dan put his gun in the back of his belt so that his hands would be free to exchange blows. As Dick came at him, Dan ducked the punches without ever moving away from the door. Len and the blond guy moved to stop Dick.
“So you’ve made your choice,” Dan stated, grinning wildly. “You have not chosen reason, but instead have chosen a life full of pain. So be it.”
No. That was not okay. He had yelled at, manipulated, hit, and raped Josh’s mom for their entire married life. He didn’t deserve to live. Anger boiled up in Josh. It’d been building for a while now, but it seemed to reach its max point in this moment.
Josh reached out and pulled Dan’s gun from the small of his back. After spending the past year on the gun range with Dan and Len for hours at a time, his fingers automatically switched off the safety and cocked it.
“No.” Josh’s voice felt cold. The boiling anger had frozen over into a hard, dead need to be done with his mother’s tormenter. “He doesn’t get to choose.”
He aimed the gun at his father. People yelled, but Josh had already pulled the trigger. Bits of skull, brain, and bodily fluids splattered the big guy’s face and the wall behind Dick. The man didn’t even flinch as Dick’s body fell to the floor. Everyone looked down at it.
Suddenly, Josh shook, staring at his dead father in horror. The gun disappeared from his hand and he got pulled into strong arms. Josh buried his face in the chest and began to weep with relief. It was finally over. His father couldn’t hurt them anymore.
Josh shook and tried to suck in air. Dan pulled him away from his dad and shut the bathroom door between them. Not seeing the body helped Josh breathe more easily.
Years of pain continued to leave Josh’s body in waves of trembling and tears and some keening noise that he didn’t realize was his at first. Years of fights. Years of beatings. Years of dreaming they could be free. It all bled out of him until his legs gave out underneath him, and he passed out.
* * *
Joshua Hansen
I jerked up in bed and looked around, trying to pull air into my lungs. The horrid dream— memory, whatever—came every single night. I began to wonder if I’d ever be rid of it. Sure, it’d only been a month, but a month solid of the nightmare wore on me.
Suddenly the room I lay in registered in my brain. It wasn’t mine. It was yet another hotel room. This one just as bland and as impersonal as the rest. I felt like I’d seen way more of them in the last few weeks than any one person needed to. But this one felt different.
My eyes fell to the other bed. Two huge lumps lay tangled up together in it, and a flare of jealousy roared through me. God, Mac and Alex were both so gorgeous. What I wouldn’t give to be with either one of them.
I choked back a bitter laugh as I laid back down and pulled the sheet back up my chest. All my life, I’d only ever looked at or thought about girls. Hell, I’d been in love with JoJo since I was fifteen.
But when we were in the sheriff’s office in Keystone, in some desolate conference room, I came out of my haze of shock long enough to realize that someone I didn’t know sat with our little family in the middle of a crisis, like he belonged there.
My first thought: He never would have let my dad hit me as my eyes landed on his huge biceps. My second thought: He’s the most gorgeous person I’ve ever seen as my gaze moved up to his dark blue eyes, staring back at me.
A shiver had run down my spine. I tried my best to focus on what everyone said, but my eyes kept wandering back to him. His square jaw. His half grin whenever Colt tried to lighten the mood. His broad shoulders that looked strong enough to shelter me when the world tried to crush me. His big hands that looked like they’d hold me just right. Apparently I was bisexual. Apparently buzz cut Thor look-alikes did it for me.
Then when we got back to the hotel, his friend showed up. He was just as tall, just as broad, just as blond. But his hair fell past his shoulders in loose waves. His eyes were a gold-green hazel that I’d never seen before. His smile came easily and felt like the sun bursting from behind clouds. Apparently long-haired Thor look-alikes did it for me too.
I wondered why I’d never noticed Dan before, since he was just as big and blond as Mac and Alex. Probably because I had been too in love with his little sister. Probably because he felt too much like my big brother…or the father I wish I’d had instead of Dick. I’d taken refuge in his arms many, many times. But never once did I breathe him in and wonder what he tasted like or looked like under his clothes. Two minutes with Mac and Alex and many such thoughts were running through my head. And they hadn’t even touched me!
Here I was, a month later, lying in their hotel room, wishing I had the right to crawl into their bed between them. Wishing anyone would hold me and chase away the nightmare of the day I killed my father.
I’d let everyone know at dinner tonight that the sheriff had called and I had been cleared. But while a judge had declared me not guilty, my conscience did not. My conscience wouldn’t shut up. It just had to drag me through that memory every night.
I turned away from Mac and Alex to stare out the window. I shivered in the air flow from the air conditioner cranked up high. I tried counting my breaths to slow them down. I tried to go back to sleep. It was useless. I flipped over so that I could watch Alex’s broad back as he slowly breathed.
I wanted him—them—so badly. This was ridiculous. Maybe I only wanted the two of them because I was under the stress of trying to forget my dad’s death. But after spending the last month getting to know them, I didn’t really think that was it.
I puffed out a sigh and turned over again.
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