You Make Me Feel

by Monica Walters

Genres: African American Urban; Contemporary Romance

Synopsis

A socialite and a cautious introvert try to make a love connection, but their differences might be more than they can overcome.

Kinisha Jordan has always been a socialite, treating society like her personal revolving door. She doesn’t dwell on people that have no place in her life. She simply moves on, trying her best not to let it affect her. However, seeing her friends find happiness and love is starting to weigh on her. Lonely nights are beginning to take a toll on her, and she finds herself in an undesirable predicament. Things spiral out of control, and she starts to regret her past choices, wondering if she has been too free with her time. 

Oliver Andrews has played it safe in life, refusing to take chances in any aspect of it. He learned to watch the experiences of others before deciding to live carelessly. He waits patiently for the attention of one woman. Playing the field has never been a part of who he is, and he refuses to reduce his standards simply because he’s lonely. When a situation arises, despite his morals, he decides to step in and save the day. 

Kinisha needs help, and it ends up coming from the least likely source. Oliver has offered her a way out, but she doesn’t know if she can agree to his terms. While the attraction is there, the statutes put in place might be too much for her to abide by. Will Oliver ease the stipulations he’s put in place to obtain Kinisha’s heart, or will Kinisha change who she is to satisfy Oliver’s demands?

Release date: February 20, 2024

Publisher: Urban Books

Print pages: 288

Sample

That man knows he is too fucking fine.

“Sorry, Lord,” I whispered.

We were in church, and I could never stop my mind from drifting. Jarod was sitting his fine ass over to the side, near the deacons, while his father delivered the sermon. Our pastor had gone out of town, so the assistant pastor was preaching. He wasn’t as great a preacher as Pastor Adolph, but he was still good. I suppose it didn’t matter how good he was if I wasn’t listening.

I closed my eyes for a moment and took a deep breath. The devil was busy. This was probably a sermon I needed to hear. However, that Godiva chocolate had me so damn distracted. I loved a medium- to dark-complexioned man. I wasn’t too fond of yellows, but he could get my attention if he were fine enough. I was trying not to discriminate since my internal clock had started ticking.

I was only twenty-four, but by my age, my sister, Kiana, had found her forever. They’d gotten married, and now, she was pregnant. Although I knew I shouldn’t be comparing my journey to hers, I couldn’t help it, especially since my mama brought up my single status every chance she got. When are you going to settle down? The constant dating has to be tiring.

How in the hell did she think I would find my forever if I weren’t dating? Secondly, they were totally against who Kiana had chosen to settle down with because he was twelve years older than her. They’d resorted to kicking her out of the house to get her to do things their way. My sister stood up for herself and didn’t let them deter her future with Lazarus. I loved and admired how strong she was, although I also had doubts in the beginning.

I wasn’t as strong. I moved out of my parents’ house when I started working as an accountant for Mr. Taylor at Taylor, Wesin, and Sylvesters Accounting Firm. He paid his employees well, and I could move out within three months of working for him. I did my best to respect my parents’ home. However, what they didn’t know didn’t hurt them. I never fucked in their house, but I surely fucked everywhere else.

We were a Christian family, and when my mama found out Kiana and I were no longer virgins, she nearly lost her mind. At the time, Ki was twenty-four, and I was almost twenty-two. She should have been happy that we were educated young women who loved God and had never given them any problems. We always did what they told us to do, but the minute Ki decided to do what she wanted, there was a problem.

Lazarus was very respectful, and he loved Ki. While even I was hesitant about their relationship, Kiana was sure. She knew he was the man for her, and, eventually, we didn’t have a choice but to respect it, or we would have lost her forever. I would have never let my doubts about them come between us, though. My sister was my best friend. I was concerned about Lazarus’s intentions, and as her friend and sister, I felt I could voice those concerns. After she assured me she knew what she was doing, I backed off and supported her decision.

My parents fought her tooth and nail. My mom broke first. After so much time passed without even talking to Ki, it took a toll on her. She was trying to keep a united front with my dad, but it had become increasingly difficult. When she folded, so did my dad. They had no choice if they wanted a relationship with their oldest daughter.

So it turned out that Kiana was right. She knew who and what was best for her life, but here I was, still struggling. I wanted Jarod to be that man. He had to know I was flirting with him. Whenever possible, I walked right in front of him, being sure to sway my hips just right. He was a few years older than me, so we didn’t grow up together. When he was a senior in high school, I was barely in middle school.

However, I was grown as hell now. His being thirty didn’t mean shit. That was only a six-year difference. As I stared at him, his eyes met mine. Since I didn’t have a shy bone in my body, I didn’t look away. His ass wasn’t as holy as he pretended to be, but I didn’t know if he knew I was well aware of that fact. He continued to stare back at me, probably thinking I would look away first.

When I didn’t, he licked his thick lips . . . slowly. Mm. He wants this sex appeal I’m serving. He’d finally noticed . . . or at least shown me that he’d seen my subtle flirting. He was the deepest shade of medium chocolate a man could get before being dark chocolate. I was so damn thirsty as I got lost in his gaze. He licked his thick lips again, and I knew I would have to go to the bathroom to clean myself up.

I was so happy Ki wasn’t here today. She would have distracted me. Her morning sickness was about to take her out. Laz stayed home with her and catered to her needs. He’d finished school and was working for an investment firm. He only worked weekends when there was some special event. My mother had retired, so if Ki needed help tomorrow, she would probably be there for her.

When I stood from my seat, I lifted the Baptist finger, which expressed my apologies for walking, and made my way to the restroom. I was sure to strut like I was on the runway because I knew he was watching all this ass. It was rare that I wore loose clothing. If I did, it was somewhat revealing. It would either show off my legs or my cleavage. Today, I wore a bodycon dress. It covered all my skin but exposed every curve.

I wasn’t a skinny chick by far. I was thick and had ass for days. The older traditional women in the church probably rolled their eyes every time they saw me, but I didn’t give a damn. Surprisingly, neither of my parents had a thing to say either. They must have learned their lesson after the fiasco with Ki. They gave me a hard-ass time when Ki first moved out, but they got over themselves after a couple of months.

I thought I was gonna succumb to the pressure, though. They were literally going through all my things like I was a teenager. When I got home one day and saw my mama going through my underwear drawer, I nearly came unglued. I had to walk back out and cool off. Kiana walked away from my parents, but she had Lazarus. I didn’t have anyone to have my back . . . just a bunch of random fuck buddies, except Braylon and his sister, Ramsey. They’d moved out of their parents’ house and had offered me a place to go, but I couldn’t find a job in time.

As I went inside the bathroom, I nearly ran into Ramsey. My mind was still on Jarod’s fine ass, and I didn’t even see her coming out. “Girl, who got yo’ attention? Because watching where you’re walking doesn’t seem to be a priority.”

I chuckled. She and I used to go out together sometimes. She’d settled down, though. Her boyfriend, who’d recently become her fiancé, seemed perfect . . . in the beginning. They’d been together almost a year now, and she always bragged about the romantic things he did. I was happy for her, but I kept my eyes open. I had to look out for my girl. She was so in love with Robert’s ass that she wouldn’t notice the small signs saying something was up. That was okay, though. That was what she had me for, and I definitely saw some questionable shit. But until I had solid proof, I would keep my mouth shut.

“I was too busy daydreaming about Jarod. I had to come in here to get myself together.”

She rolled her eyes. “I don’t know why. You know what he does. He’s the male version of Jezebel around here.”

I took a deep breath. “I guess I’m the modern version of her then. It ain’t like I’m celibate.”

“Naw. He’s a player. Y’all ain’t the same. He sells promises of love and devotion only to get what he really wants. Be careful with him.”

I nodded. I knew what Jarod was about, but I was practically about the same thing. Maybe he wasn’t boyfriend material, but I wasn’t innocent either. I needed to experience him for myself. I needed to experience him sexually. If that was all that came out of it, then so be it. My curiosity would be satisfied.

She left the restroom, and I went to a stall to mop up the spill between my legs. After washing my hands, I walked out and ran right into someone. I swore I needed to pay attention to where I was going. When I looked up, I smiled politely. It was a man I’d seen in church a few times. Our church was rather large, so I didn’t always see him. He put his hands at my waist to steady me so I didn’t bust my ass on the floor.

“I’m so sorry, sir.”

“Oliver. No problem, ma’am.”

“Kinisha.”

He removed his hands and extended one for me to shake. I did so and offered him another smile, then walked away. He was okay looking. His dark skin was a plus, but he had a somewhat funny-shaped, bald head. His eyes had stayed on mine the entire time. It made me a little uneasy. Usually, I didn’t mind attention from guys, but there was something kind of innocent about him. I could see it in his big, expressive eyes, even through the black-framed lenses he wore. Maybe it was the fact that he looked sort of like a computer geek. He had the look perfectly. The glasses and plaid shirt really set it off.

Before returning to the sanctuary, I looked back and found him still standing there, watching me walk away. There was something slightly intriguing about him. I couldn’t put my finger on it, though. I would have never paid attention to him before I ran into him. He just didn’t have the looks that would grab me. He wasn’t ugly by any means, but he was extremely low-key.

When I returned to the sanctuary, Rev. Speights was wrapping up his sermon. As I sat, I noticed Jarod’s eyes on me. Mm-hmm. He wanted me just like I wanted him. Since he knew of my interest, I would let him make the first move. Giving my attention to Rev. Speights seemed to be the best thing to do because if I didn’t, I would be making another trip back to the restroom. That man was my undoing. If I wasn’t careful, he could be my downfall too.

Once service was over, I grabbed my things and immediately headed to my car. I’d gotten a message from Ki asking me to come by before I went home. My apartment was on the other side of town, and she lived along my route. Just as I was about to open my door, I heard my mother’s voice.

“So you were just gonna leave without speaking to me?”

I turned to her. “Hey, Mama. Sorry. Ki texted, asking me to stop by before I went home, so that was where my mind was.”

“It’s not anything serious, is it?”

“I don’t think so. At least, that wasn’t the vibe I got from her text.”

“Okay. Well, we’re about to head to Longhorn.”

“Okay. I’ll call you later.”

She kissed my cheek as she hugged me, then said, “Okay, baby.”

After she walked away and I got into my car, I saw Jarod. His eyes were on me, and his gaze nearly took my breath away. I thought he would approach me, but he turned in the opposite direction and walked away. I supposed he wanted to take his time. I didn’t know why. It wasn’t like he wasn’t familiar with who I was. We’d been members of Antioch for forever. While we’d never had a conversation, we knew the particulars, or at least I did.

Since I was obsessed with his sexiness, I expected him to think the same of me. I could be very wrong about that. He could be showing me attention now because he knew I was feeling him, and he was planning to take advantage of that. Whatever the reason, I had a feeling I would soon find out.

When I got to Ki’s house, Lazarus was outside with grocery bags in his hands. I smiled as I exited the car and approached him to help.

“Hey, Nisha. If you could grab the keys and unlock the door, I can handle the rest.”

“Hey, brother-in-law. Are you about to cook?”

“Yep. Your sister wanted meat loaf.”

I rolled my eyes. Kiana loved meat loaf. I believed she was starting to love it more than she enjoyed a good steak.

Lazarus chuckled at my verbally silent but very loud response to what he said. “Hey, na. Watch it. That’s my baby, and she can have whatever she wants, especially since she’s carrying my child.”

I chuckled as I unlocked the door. If I had a man that loved me as much as Laz loved Ki, I’d be doing well. That was all I wanted. While I was in school, I wasn’t looking for anything serious. Unlike Ki, I wouldn’t have been able to concentrate on school while being in a serious relationship. I would want to spend all my free time with my man. Now that I was ready, it seemed love wasn’t ready for me.

When I walked to the front room, Ki was on the couch, wrapped in a blanket, watching TV. “Hey, sis. How are you feeling?”

She looked up at me and smiled. “Hey, girl. I’m feeling okay now. I can’t wait until this morning sickness is over. Next week, we will find out if we’re having a boy or a girl. I’m way too excited about that.”

“Aww, yay! I hope it’s a girl. What are you hoping for?”

“Same. I wouldn’t know what to do with a little boy.”

“And that’s when his father would step in,” Lazarus interjected. “I’ll be happy with either. I’m just happy to be able to experience fatherhood. I’m damn near forty.”

“You still have a couple of years, baby,” Ki said.

“Whew. You getting up there, old man.” I giggled as he side-eyed me. “I’m just picking, Laz.” Turning back to Ki, I asked, “Why did you want me to stop by?”

“Ramsey texted me. She said you were talking about Jarod’s ho ass. Leave that nigga where he is.”

“Aww, shit. I think he’s fine as hell. I just wanna find out for myself what he’s working with.”

Even with two warnings from people I trusted, my curiosity was beyond piqued, and there was no turning back. Jarod would get all this curiosity wrapped up in a huge, hot-pink bow. Ki rolled her eyes. “Suit yourself. Can’t say you weren’t warned. Warning comes before destruction.”

“Or sometimes, love comes from it,” I responded as I glanced at Lazarus.

Her gaze softened as she followed where my eyes had gone. “You’re right, but Lazarus didn’t have a bad reputation. He was just older and more experienced than me. Totally different, Nisha. But I’m not here to judge you or beat you up. Do you, and I’ll still be here for you if you need me. You know that.”

“I do. Thanks, Ki.”

She and Ramsey had always been my ride-or-die friends. I appreciated them more than either of them knew. Their support meant the world to me. I sat beside her, lifted her feet onto my lap, and massaged them. Her eyes rolled to the back of her head as I chuckled. She was so overdramatic. I loved the hell out of my big sister, but I couldn’t heed her advice. Jarod was going to get all this size-sixteen body—every inch of it.

My mind was all over the place when I got to my cousin’s house for Sunday dinner. Kinisha Jordan had slightly been in my arms for a couple of seconds. That woman was the entire reason for sitting where I sat in church. Besides going to hear the word, having her in my view was the best thing going. She was so damn beautiful. When she bumped into me, it afforded me the opportunity to feel just how soft her body was.

She stared at me like she was trying to read me, but her taking a final glance at me before going back into the sanctuary gave me hope that she saw something memorable in me. I’d been watching her for a while, long enough to know she was feeling one of the ministers’ sons. Jarod Speights was one of the biggest hoes our church had to offer. It was like he came to church strictly to prey on vulnerable women.

I’d been a member for nearly five years and had immediately noticed Kinisha. She seemed kind of young, though, so I kept my distance, watching her mature. She used to appear to be playful, and she laughed a lot. I knew she wasn’t in high school, but she didn’t seem too far removed from it. It wasn’t that I was super old. I’d just turned thirty but was far older mentally than physically.

I graduated from high school at sixteen from North Shore High School in Houston and got my bachelor’s degree in computer science at nineteen from TSU. I also obtained degrees in computer information systems and business management. I was hella smart, and it was a turnoff for some women. That just meant I was pursuing the wrong women.

In high school, I barely got any play. Being the valedictorian didn’t help. Girls in my grade were older than me as well. My thick Coke-bottle glasses back then were a nuisance that my mama couldn’t seem to understand. So, I tended to stay out of people’s way so I wouldn’t be noticed. When I was noticed, it wasn’t good attention. It was so that I could be bullied or talked about.

After getting to TSU and getting turned out by a girl wanting help with a paper, I hit the gym hard. That shit was a confidence booster like no other. Now, women said I was cocky. Go figure. My body was sculpted like God had taken the time to mold it himself, but it couldn’t be seen most times. I rarely wore short-sleeved shirts, unless I was at the gym. For work, I wore long-sleeved dress shirts.

I owned an information technology company. Different businesses contracted us to handle their computer systems. We maintained the hardware and software, and my company built a reputable reputation in Beaumont and the surrounding areas as it had in Houston. I wanted to relocate to a less busy area. While I still had the office in Houston, I moved here five years ago to start another office.

My parents were instrumental in my success. They’d been saving money for me since I was a baby, and the day I turned twenty-three, they handed me over a hundred grand. That was how I started my office in Houston. The success of the company had made me a rich man. Most people didn’t notice that at first sight. I dressed modestly, but I was anything but modest. When asked, I wasn’t bashful about boasting about my accolades.

I worked hard to get to where I was, and I’d be damned if I were going to let anyone make light of the time and effort I’d put in over the years. People seemed to think that this shit was easy. Getting my name out there and convincing people to trust me took a lot of free labor. I had plenty of sleepless nights trying to find new ways to market myself to a market that was oversaturated in the first place.

As I sucked the meat off these tender-ass ribs, my cousin’s friend said, “Shit. Some lucky woman would be extremely happy.”

I closed my eyes and slowly shook my head. I swore Shannon was a handful. She was in her late forties or early fifties and married but never hesitated to flirt. Instead of responding verbally, I stared at her and sucked the barbeque sauce from my fingers.

When she started fanning, my cousin, Anise, said, “I wish you would quit teasing her ass. You about to give her heart palpitations. Second, I don’t like the picture you’re painting. Eww. You’re my cousin, and I don’t wanna see that shit.”

I chuckled. “I couldn’t help it. Shannon, if you were younger, I’d give your husband a run for his money.”

“Shiiiid, I can outrun these younger women. Don’t fuck with me, boy. I ain’t took my medicine today. I’ll have you screaming in that bathroom.”

I laughed so hard I nearly choked. Every time I was around Shannon, it was the same shit. She had some type of mental disorder because of the abuse she suffered as a kid, and Anise told me that she was a handful when she didn’t take her meds. She was introduced to sex at a young age and had become an addict. I wasn’t sure what medication they had her on to tame it, but she often joked about not taking it.

I hoped I never had to be around her when she hadn’t because I wouldn’t be able to fight her off for long. She was beautiful, and her husband had to be extremely trusting or understanding of her illness. I’d fuck her for sure, but I did my b. . .