Chapter One
The air was thick and dry. Each time the young woman tried to draw in a breath, she found herself choking. Try not to panic. Open your eyes. The voice was commanding but she couldn’t follow the simple instructions; her eyes felt as if they had been sewn shut. Instead, she tried to focus on her surroundings, she could hear the crashing of waves close by, she could feel them lapping at her waist. Her clothes were soaked and weighed heavily on her back, pushing her further down into the sinking ground.
‘Over here!’ Alexandra heard a frantic voice shouting, followed by several pairs of hands pulling her.
‘Miss? Miss, can you hear me?’ Warm fingers pressed against the pulse in her throat and wrists. ‘She has a pulse but it’s low.’ Something tugged at Alexandra’s eyelids, and a bright light blinded her.
‘What’s wrong?’
‘Her eyes…there’s no pupil dilation but…look.’ Wake up! The commanding voice was growing ever more urgent; you must go now. He will find you! She tried to ask the voice who ‘he’ was but there was no recollection of anyone. The light in her eye mercifully went out but hands around her persisted in their prodding. ‘How long has she been like this?’
‘We don’t know, we found her here and called you straight away. We’ve been with her since…maybe twenty minutes?’
‘Her body temperature is dangerously low,’ Alexandra felt herself lifted from the sinking ground and placed on something long and thin.
‘Will she be alright?’ Me? She asked herself, why would I not be? She tried to reassure the faceless voices that she would be fine, that she was fine. There was the sound of banging followed by an unfamiliar rumbling sound as whatever she lay on began vibrating roughly. Something sharp stabbed into the skin on the back of her hand, and she bit back a cry. He found me…what did I do wrong? Mercifully she succumbed to a dark blanket, away from the painful pokes and stabs of the prying hands.
When Alexandra awoke, she found herself in a bright room; the walls were a fresh white and the floor a pale blue. On either side of her were empty beds which looked oddly threatening. Where am I? This was not where she was supposed to be, but she didn’t know where she was meant to be. Looking down, she studied herself; she was wearing a thin paper-like gown the same blue shade as the floor, her arms were covered in bruises, and strange tubes protruded from the back of her right hand. She tried to pull at the tubes wanting them out of her skin, yelping at the sharp pain which shot up her arm.
‘Oh no dearie,’ Alexandra looked up at the sound of footsteps to see a kindly woman shaking her head.
‘Where am I? What is going on?’ Her voice was hoarse and painful; she suddenly realised she was thirsty and accepted a cup of water from the woman. She stared at the unfamiliar clear object, her eyebrows drawing together in a frown.
‘The doctor will come see you soon. Try to relax; you were given a sedative.’
‘Sedative?’ The woman smiled at her but remained silent, bustling around her and feeling the pulse at her wrists before prodding a strange object into her ears. She flinched backwards and looked at the woman nervously.
‘I know it is a bit disorienting dear but try to relax,’ Alexandra nodded and gritted her teeth as the woman gently pushed the object into her ear once more.
‘What does it do?’ She asked as it beeped, and the woman pulled back.
‘Takes your temperature…’ The woman studied her curiously. As their eyes met, she frowned, and Alexandra felt her cheeks warm up; was there something wrong with her appearance? Tentatively she touched her fingertips to her cheeks and nose but could find nothing unusual. Why will she not stop looking at my eyes? The woman seemed on the brink of asking a question, but the sound of footsteps cut her off. A younger woman, perhaps in her mid- to late-twenties smiled warmly and approached the bedside.
‘Hello, I’m Dr Williams. How are you feeling?’ She asked, picking up a clipboard from the end of the bed and scanning it.
‘I…’ Alexandra could only shrug helplessly as she looked at the doctor.
‘Don’t worry,’ Dr Williams smiled reassuringly. ‘I just have a few questions for you; firstly, can you tell me your name?’ Alexandra frowned and shook her head but caught herself.
‘I – I think it is Alexandra…I am not sure,’ she closed her eyes as she felt a tugging sensation at the back of her head. She could almost hear someone calling her, a man’s deep voice sounding frantic. Was she imagining it? ‘Yes…Alexandra.’
‘And your last name?’ Alexandra’s eyes were still closed as she fought to try and remember something, anything.
‘I am sorry, but I do not know.’ She opened her eyes and looked at Dr Williams. The doctor’s deep brown eyes were reassuring and warm.
‘Alexandra don’t worry; you are most likely suffering from retrograde amnesia. You have suffered trauma; hopefully, over time, your memories should return. Now, can you tell me the date and where you are?’ Again, Alexandra tried to think of the answer, but she couldn’t. Her mind was thick and dark. The doctor frowned ever so slightly, but Alexandra caught the flicker of concern. As if to distract herself, Dr Williams reached into her pocket and pulled out a cylindrical object which shone brightly from one end. ‘Just look over my shoulder,’ Alexandra nodded and focused her gaze on a chipped piece of paint on the wall.
‘I – Is something wrong?’ Alexandra asked noticing the woman pull back slightly.
‘No, your eyes…I’m sorry I don’t mean to be rude…’ Seemingly embarrassed, the doctor distracted Alexandra from further questions by having her follow her light with her eyes. ‘Do you remember how you came to be here?’
‘No…I – I remember I was hot but cold. I felt like I was sinking…’ Dr Williams sat in a worn plastic chair beside her bed and took a pen from the pocket of her deep blue scrubs.
‘Alexandra you were found lying face down not too far from the pier. You had obviously been there for a while as you were soaked from the tide, the sinking feeling I imagine would be the sand beneath you. As for being hot and cold…well you were soaked from the shoulders down. Are you sure you don’t remember anything?’ Alexandra shook her head, feeling sick; what would have happened if she had drowned? How had she gotten there? ‘Do you think you could manage a short walk?’ Alexandra nodded, eager to stand up; the doctor helped to detach her from various machines and offered her an arm to lean on.
‘Dr Williams, where am I?’ Alexandra asked wearily as she followed the woman through various corridors. Her bare feet pattered against the hard, shiny floor. The air had a funny scent and her nose wrinkled at the mixture of overcooked cabbage and disinfectant. Everything was unfamiliar, and she couldn’t help the tendrils of fear snaking through her veins.
‘Royal Bournemouth Hospital – you were brought here three days ago, you’ve been asleep since then. You are quite lucky. When you were brought in, you were close to hypothermia. You must have been in the water for quite some time, Alexandra; you are lucky it is the middle of summer – had it been winter, I doubt you would be walking with me now.’ Alexandra appreciated the doctor’s blunt truth. She had almost died. Why? What had she been doing? Dr Williams led her into a large room filled with lockers; she looked at the objects in fascination and stroked her fingertips against the cool metal. Why does none of this look familiar? Why do I not know what any of this is? ‘Alexandra, when you were brought to us…you were wearing very unusual attire.’ The doctor opened a locker taller than herself and pulled out a garment in a long polythene bag. She pulled the plastic covering up and held the garment out to her. ‘Do you recognise this?’ Alexandra took the dress and studied it. It would have been a beautiful garment once, but it must have been destroyed when she was in the water. The delicate fabric was stiff and ripped in several places; it had undoubtedly once been a pure white gown but was now grey with patches of stubborn sand staining it. The skirt of the dress glittered with beautiful jewels, and she ran her hand over them, hoping to learn their secrets.
‘This is what I was wearing?’
‘Yes…do you recognise it?’ Alexandra turned to stare back at the garment intently but could decipher nothing from it.
‘I am sorry…but…it looks like a wedding dress.’ Everything she had seen so far felt unfamiliar and frightening; the dress she held felt the total opposite, and she hugged it close, burying her face into the destroyed fabric. Tears fell down her cheeks and blended with the salt of the ocean. Was she supposed to be getting married? What had happened? Were her family safe? Her husband? Do I have a husband? A sob wrenched itself free and she found herself embraced by the doctor.
‘Ssh, I am sorry this is distressing. I hoped that seeing this would trigger a memory…give it time, Alexandra. Let me take you back to the ward; I’m sure you’re starving. The dress is ruined, but I will keep it locked here to protect it for you…’ The doctor’s eyes glanced down to the jewel-ridden skirt. ‘With a dress like this, I am sure there are people desperately searching for you. Don’t worry; we’ll get you home.’
After a few days, Alexandra was discharged from the hospital with nothing but her ruined wedding dress and a scrap of paper with an address on it. After being interviewed by the police and several medical professionals, she was still no closer to discovering who she was. Her auburn hair was swept back into a long ponytail and she rubbed the back of her neck nervously as she stepped out onto the scalding tarmac of the hospital car park. The air was suffocating, and beads of sweat formed on her forehead and back of her neck. She was dressed unflatteringly in a baggy pair of jeans and an old t-shirt that someone had kindly donated to her.
Where do I go? She thought, biting back blind panic and looking around. None of her surroundings were familiar; nothing made sense. She looked down at the scrap of paper in her hand and shouldered the bag carrying her dress. Dr Williams had assured her that the address wasn’t too far from the hospital. She followed the instructions scribbled underneath, paying close attention to the signs. As she approached a main road, she looked around; strange metal vehicles rushed past causing her ponytail to whip around. They broke through the suffocating heat but left Alexandra choking on a thick chemical taste.
The hostel was a dilapidated building that Alexandra was surprised was still standing. Steeling her nerves, she knocked on the door and stepped back as a blurred figure appeared behind the frosted glass. Do not be nervous, they are expecting you after all. The hospital had called on her behalf to arrange a room for her to stay in.
‘Alex?’ A curt man with an egg-shaped head and balding face peered at her through thick glasses, suspiciously.
‘Alexandra,’ she replied standing straight and raising her chin. ‘I believe the hospital called?’
‘C’min,’ the man stepped back, and Alexandra smiled as she stepped out of the heat into the sticky air of the hallway. Her nose wrinkled at an acrid smell of burning and something rotten. ‘The hospital didn’t say much about you.’
‘There is not much to tell,’ Alexandra shrugged, ‘I was found on the seafront a week ago. I do not remember anything...’ She could see the man disapprove as he frowned, and she could tell he was concerned about her appearance. ‘I assure you that I will not be a problem. I hope to remember something soon, and, in the meantime, I am sure my family are looking for me.’ I can only pray they are.
‘Well, regardless, the rent is due every Friday. Forty quid a week, food and essentials are your own cost, so I suggest you get a job – if you don’t already have one.’ Alexandra nodded, although she was clueless to what he was talking about; rent? And what were essentials?
‘Of course…I shall go out and try to find one straight away.’
‘Let me show you to your room.’ The man gestured for her to follow him up a rickety staircase; from somewhere above, she heard the steady beat of music making the ceiling vibrate. ‘We have strict rules here, break any and you’re out.’ Alexandra nodded as she listened to the list of rules – half of which she barely understood but she made the occasional noise to show she was listening. ‘This is your room,’ a wooden door was unlocked, and Alexandra was surprised at how nice the room was. The walls were a freshly painted cream with a new carpet to match; thin, pale orange curtains framed the small window which looked out on to an alley below. ‘Clean it yourself and mind you don’t damage anything – if there’s damage to the walls or furniture you’ll be charged when you leave.’
‘Thank you,’ Alexandra accepted the key and blinked back tears. She felt stupid for crying all of a sudden and ducked her head to hide them from the strange man.
‘I’ve seen a bit about you on the news,’ the man’s voice was gruff but his manner was somewhat gentler. ‘I’m sure you’ll remember who you are and as you say your family will be looking for you. In the meantime, find yourself a job – I would hate to have to kick you out, but we have rules to follow. There’s some shops close to the seafront; they’ll be hiring as it’s the tourist season. You shouldn’t find it too hard to get something.’ Alexandra smiled gratefully and closed the door behind her as the man departed. The room was sparsely furnished; an unmade bed with a duvet and pillow, a cheap bedside cabinet, desk, chair and sink were all that were there. Setting the bag on the bed, she opened it and looked down at the destroyed dress, the jewels glimmering up at her. Biting back a fresh wave of tears she forced herself to pluck three from the dress and slip them in the pocket of her jeans. Dr Williams had told her she might be able to sell them; although it pained her to think of doing so, what choice did she have?
When Alexandra returned to the hostel that evening she took the wad of notes from her jeans pocket and looked around for a place to put them. She had known from the moment she’d stepped in to the shop that the man behind the counter was ripping her off, but she could hardly refuse. She had used some of the money to buy clothes that would fit and taken the advice of the man who’d shown her to her room of finding a job.
After spending several hours being asked if she had a ‘cv’, Alexandra finally secured herself a job in a small coffee shop. The money from the jewels would tide her over for emergencies, but at least she didn’t have to worry about being kicked out for not paying rent. Unable to find a secure hiding place, Alexandra folded the notes and stashed them under the mattress.
Exhausted by the day, Alexandra set about making the bed, staring at the sheets in confusion as she unwrapped them. I must know how to do this, surely? After several attempts, she managed to stuff the duvet into one of the covers, although it remained lumpy and uneven no matter how many times she shook it out. Extracting one of the bath towels from a bag, she locked the door to her room and sought out the bathroom. It was small but pleasant with white tiles along the floor and walls giving it a bright and fresh feeling. Catching her reflection in the mirror, she stared at herself for a few moments before cautiously approaching. She had not seen her appearance since waking up in the hospital; it had never even occurred to her what she might look like. Would she recognise herself?
An oval-shaped face with almond-shaped eyes stared back at her. She ran a hand through her long auburn hair, testing the soft texture before touching her fingertips to the smooth skin on her nose. She thought back to the reaction of each of the people she had met, everyone had been shocked by something about her appearance, but what was it? She frowned as she leant closer into the mirror. Her eyes were a bright forest green; she was about to give up when she caught sight of what startled everyone. The black of her pupils spiralled out giving an unusual pattern. Why does this alarm everyone? Surely it cannot be unusual? Knowing there was no point in worrying about it, she pushed the pattern of her eyes to the back of her mind.
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