When All Is Said and Prayed

Book 1: Forever Divas

by E.N. Joy

Genres: African American Christian; African American Women's Fiction; African American Romance

Synopsis

It ain't easy being saved, sanctified, and single. Try being a once divorced, now widowed single mother of two on top of that. Thank God, the Lord built Paige Vanderdale to be able to bear all of those titles without becoming weary to the point of giving up. From the outside looking in, that life looks good on her. On the inside, though, Paige is coveting what so many others around her seem to have, which is true love. In the past, everything that she thought was love was either something far from it, or was taken away from her. Now Paige is afraid to let her hair down and open herself up to love again. Paige struggles with the decision to reach out to an old flame to rekindle their spark. When the blaze gets too high, will Paige do what she always does, which is grab the nearest fire extinguisher and try to put it out? Or will she utilize her backup plan and run? The decision is abruptly removed from Paige's hands when something else begins to pull her away - something that just might be the thing that finally breaks her.

Release date: October 1, 2015

Publisher: End of the Rainbow Projects

Print pages: 288

Sample

“You may be older than me, but I’m prettier,” said four-year-old Norma to her older sister, Adele. Even though she was a few inches shorter than Adele, she stood there with her hands on her hips, leaning in as if she were towering over Adele, instead of looking up to her.

“How you gon’ be prettier than me?” replied Adele, who was almost six years old, with her hands on her hips, looking down at her little sister, who mirrored her stance. “We look just alike.”

“Yeah, but I’m light.” Norma rubbed the skin on her arm. “Your arm is dark, so I’m prettier.”

“Stop it right now!” Paige shouted from the doorway of the den, where, the last time she’d checked on them, her two daughters had been sitting on the rug in front of the television, watching it. She threw the dish towel she had been drying her hands with on the floor and marched over to her girls. “I have the dishwater running, the microwave going, and Tamar Braxton playing on my phone. And I can still hear you two arguing over all that.”

Paige didn’t realize she had assumed the exact same stance as her Mini-mes. Her fists were planted on her hips, and she had a plaid apron tied around her thick waist. She’d been finishing up dinner. She hadn’t clearly heard the words that had been coming out of her girls’ mouths that past few moments during their argument. It was an argument that had started with one of them wanting to turn the channel rather than watch the program they had both initially agreed on. But Paige knew by their tones and how loud they were that they were not having a friendly conversation.

“Now turn off this television, and both of you, go to your rooms now.” Paige pointed to the thirty-two-inch flat-screen television that was mounted on one of the mustard-colored walls.

“But she started it.” Adele pointed to her younger sister. “Why am I in trouble?”

Wobbling her head, Norma replied, “And I finished it too, ugly.”

“I’m not ugly. If I’m ugly, then Mommy is ugly, because she’s dark too.”

The girls continued to go back and forth. Paige was in a temporary state of shock. Had her younger daughter just told her older daughter that she was ugly? And why had her older daughter assumed that she was ugly because she had dark skin?

Norma’s words had knocked Paige back in time, to a childhood during which she was teased for having dark skin. Oreo. Charcoal. Black monkey. Darky. Blacky. Midnight. Tar baby. Paige could hear the voices of her tormentors on the playground. As she got older and society gave celebrities like Wesley Snipes and Denzel Washington credit for making darker black skin beautiful, sexy, and attractive, Paige had become comfortable with and accepting of the skin God had given her. She no longer looked at it as a flaw. After all, these celebrities had brought dark skin “into style.”

El DeBarge and dem were on a time-out until actors like Michael Ealy and Terrence Howard brought light skin back into style again . . . according to only some members of society, of course. Not all, and certainly not Paige. When all had been said and whispered, Paige had determined that society’s opinion about what was considered beautiful really hadn’t played a role in how she felt about her complexion. She had just matured, and she liked to think that so had her generation as a whole. She assumed that such opinions about dark skin and light skin had vanished, along with her generation’s immaturity and ignorance, leaving no traces behind for the next generation to dip and dabble in. She had honestly thought this whole “light skin, dark skin” thing had died out. Clearly, it had not. Otherwise, where in the world would her child have gotten this crazy idea from, and how could she have allowed it to come out of her mouth?

“You just mad because you’re black,” Norma said, adding insult to injury. “And I’m pretty, light, and almost white.” She rubbed her arm. “Just like Daddy’s side of the family.”

Paige saw her past self in the hurtful expression on Adele’s face. The child’s little brown face had dropped to the floor, along with bits and pieces of her self-esteem.

“Who told you that?” Paige stormed. Norma’s last statement had snapped Paige out of her thoughts from the past and into the present. The pain on Adele’s face made her want to seek revenge for her daughter—for her younger self. At that moment she didn’t even see young Norma as her offspring. Instead, she was just another kid on the playground, taunting and throwing jabs. Paige bent down and grabbed her youngest daughter by both her arms and squeezed. “Who told you that, Norma? You tell me right now!” Paige shook Norma’s bony little shoulders. “Who told you that white was better than black?”

“Nobody, Mommy,” Norma said, her eyes full of fear and at the same time filling with tears.

“Then why are you saying it?” Paige asked. “You had to have gotten it from somewhere, or else you wouldn’t be saying it.”

“I don’t know.” Norma shrugged, and a tear slid down her cheek.

Realizing her actions had frightened her daughter, Paige released Norma and stood up straight. Norma began bawling.

“It’s okay, Norma,” Adele said as she put her arm around her sister’s shoulders. “Let’s go to our rooms.”

Norma sniffed and wiped tears as her older sister escorted her out of the den. Adele shot Paige a look over her shoulder that said, “Bad mommy,” and the two girls disappeared down the hall. Paige could hear them trekking up the stairs. Just a couple minutes ago the siblings had been at each other’s throats. Paige had interfered only with the intent of shutting down the argument, sending the girls to their rooms to take a break, and then making them apologize to each other. She had had no idea she’d end up being the sworn enemy. But from her daughters’ reactions, she was just that.

Paige stood in the den, taking deep breaths. Although the room was a fairly nice size, furnished with nothing but a television, a couch, a rug, and a bookshelf, plus a couple pictures on the wall, she began to feel claustrophobic. What was happening here?

She was starting to feel engulfed, never thinking in a million years that skin color would be an issue she would have to address with her girls. Yes, her two children did have different fathers. Yes, Adele’s father was African American, while Norma’s father was Caucasian. But both her daughters were the spitting image of her . . . with the exception of their complexion. Adele was dark skinned. Being biracial, Norma had inherited the complexion of her father’s side of the family, which was fair. The girls had similar hair, which they’d inherited from Paige, so at least Paige wouldn’t have to deal with the whole “good hair, bad hair” issue between the girls. She hoped not, anyway. But then again, she’d much rather be dealing with good hair versus bad hair than with good skin versus bad skin.

Paige had suspected that later on in her children’s lives, there would be talks about the birds and the bees, good secrets and bad secrets, good touches and bad touches. What she had not anticipated in her wildest dreams was that she’d ever have to have a talk with her children about the differences in their complexion. One might think it would be a pretty easy conversation to have with the girls. Paige could just simply explain that because they had different fathers of a different race, their skin was different. The thing was, though, that the girls had no idea that they had different fathers. As far as both girls knew, Norman was their father. In fact, his name was listed on both their birth certificates. And all three of them, Paige and her daughters, bore Norman’s last name, Vanderdale.

This whole “two children with two different baby daddies” situation was never something Paige had wanted for herself, nor had she planned for it to happen. Everything had just happened so quickly, though. The same day Paige found out she was pregnant with Adele was the same day her divorce from Adele’s father, Blake, was finalized. Divorced and pregnant all on the same day, Paige, who was a member of New Day Temple of Faith, was not about to subject herself to the ridicule and scrutiny of her Christian family. Not only that, but Paige’s ex-husband was incarcerated at the time for his physical and sexual abuse of Paige. As a matter of fact, the pregnancy was a result of nonconsensual sex between Blake and Paige. No way could Paige bear that monster’s child. No way could the first child she gave birth to be the product of rape—any child, for that matter. Paige couldn’t do it.

At the time she’d felt that she wasn’t strong enough to handle something like that. After all, she was still trying to put the pieces together after the trial against Blake and the end of the friendship with Tamarra, Paige’s best friend once upon a time. It had devastated Paige to no end to find out that her best friend, her sister in Christ, had slept with her husband. Roll it all up together, and it had been just too much for Paige to bear.

God had brought Paige through it all, though. Everything she felt she had lost through the process, He had restored. He’d placed another best friend in her life. He’d placed a new husband in her life as well. It was a blessing on top of a blessing that her best friend and her husband were one and the same. Norman and Paige had started off as coworkers. Over the years of working together, the two had become confidants and friends. Norman had been there for Paige during her divorce from her best friend and then from her husband. He’d been there for her the day she found out she was pregnant. He’d been the one to talk her out of the abortion, thanks to the bright idea he’d come up with that prevented Paige from bearing the guilt and shame of being an unwed, divorced, single mom, and a so-called Christian woman. He’d offered to marry Paige to keep her from being assigned any of those titles. At first Paige had laughed in his face, but a week later she’d found herself saying, “I do.”

First came friendship, then came marriage, and then came Paige with a baby carriage. Last, but not least, came love. Given their shotgun wedding and their shared experience of the birth of Adele, it was inevitable that the bond the couple shared would only strengthen. Paige and Norman eventually fell deeply in love. The very day Paige shared with Norman that she’d fallen in love with him, which was after they’d consummated their marriage, was the first time she’d gotten up the nerve to tell him just how in love with him she was. Only thing was, it had been communicated via text. He’d just left their place, on his way to work. Upon receiving the text, Norman had attempted to send Paige a text back while he was still behind the wheel, to let her know that he was in love with her too. Unfortunately, trying to text while driving had been fatal for Norman.

Suffering the loss of her second husband had been the worst of the worst for Paige. Finding out, though, that consummating their marriage had led to the creation of Norma had filled a void for both Paige and Norman’s family. The Vanderdales had treated Adele like she was one of their own, and then with Norma, they really had been blessed with one of their own. Never once had the Vanderdales made a distinction between the two girls. At least not under Paige’s watch. But what about when she wasn’t watching? This thought now penetrated Paige’s mind.

“No, she wouldn’t have,” Paige said under her breath. She walked over to the icy-gray-colored couch and sat down, feeling sort of faint. She recalled the reaction of Mrs. Vanderdale, Norman’s mother and her children’s grandmother, when she first found out that Norman had married a black woman. Mrs. Vanderdale had stereotyped African Americans, especially African American women, in the worst way possible. She’d done it based on all the reality shows with predominantly African American casts. One conversation she and Norman had had with Mrs. Vanderdale entered Paige’s mind.

“My mother doesn’t care about what color you are,” Norman said to Paige and then turned to face his mother. “Do you, Mother?”

Mrs. Vanderdale couldn’t speak, but with her pupils dilated, she silently begged her son to realize that he’d hit the nail on the head.

“Mother, is that what has you acting this way? The fact that Paige is black?”

The only words she could manage to force out were, “Who on earth names their African American daughter Paige?”

“Mom!” Norman said, embarrassment apparent in his tone.

“Well, I’m sorry, son, but I thought I raised you better than that,” Mrs. Vanderdale spat.

“What?” Paige had held her tongue long enough.

“Oh, my, and I see she even has the attitude that comes along with it,” Mrs. Vanderdale said, grabbing her chest.

“That comes along with what?” Paige asked with words, while Norman asked with his eyes.

“With . . .” His mother moved her index finger up and down the length of Paige’s body. “With that.”

Paige took a step toward her mother-in-law.

“Hold on just a minute.” Norman put his arm out, stopping Paige from getting any closer to his dear mother. “Mother, I’m not clear on what you’re trying to say here, but if it’s what I think it is, disappointment in you would be describing how I feel without crossing the line of respect.”

“Norman, it’s totally clear what your mother is implying,” Paige said. “But just in case you really don’t understand, let me break it down for you.”

“Oh, gosh, and there she goes, ready to start breaking things,” Mrs. Vanderdale said, panicking. “Put away all the china and crystal. I’ve caught glimpses of those reality shows and know how they like to throw glasses and stuff at each other.”

Paige’s mouth fell to the floor.

And now, after hearing her daughters argue, her mouth fell to the floor once again. What Norma had said truly did sound like something Paige wouldn’t put past her former mother-in-law saying . . . back then. But this was now. Mrs. Vanderdale had apologized to Paige for her actions. The two had made amends and now shared a much different relationship than they had at first. They’d ultimately ended up forging a mother and daughter-in-law relationship to be envied.

But had Mrs. Vanderdale’s old ways of thinking resurfaced? And even worse, had she imparted them to Paige’s youngest child, who was biracial, turning her against her older, 100 percent African American sibling?

Anything was possible. And even if this whole thing between her daughters wasn’t about black versus white per se, Mrs. Vanderdale had also had some thoughts on African American women, period.

“She looks like those women on the television,” Mrs. Vanderdale had told Norman in a private conversation they’d had, one that Norman had ultimately shared with Paige. “I don’t want to have to worry every night that that’s what my son is dealing with. Those women are damaged goods. They carry so much baggage with them. They are hurt and are full of pain and misery. Lots of them don’t have fathers who stuck around, and some of them have never even laid eyes on their fathers. Wouldn’t know him if he was standing in front of them in the grocery store. Then there is their health. They deal with that sugar diabetes, high blood pressure, and all that weight they tend to end up carrying. Have you noticed how thick most of ’em are? Or just outright overweight? I don’t want that for you, not my son. Maybe somebody else’s, but not mine.”

Paige shook her head and covered her ears, as if her former mother-in-law was standing over her, repeating those exact words again. If Mrs. Vanderdale had made such statements with someone listening, God only knew what she kept to herself about black people. But technically, wasn’t Norma considered black? Paige had honestly never categorized her children. It didn’t matter to God, so why should it matter to Paige? No way was heaven segregated, and Paige just refused to believe that it was.

“Oh, God!” Paige said, standing up, rubbing her temples to try to massage away her oncoming headache. She began pacing. “But she’s a saved woman now,” Paige said to herself, mumbling about Mrs. Vanderdale. When Paige had first met her mother-in-law, she had not been a churchgoing woman, but between Paige and the Vanderdale housekeeper, Miss Nettie, she had ended up a saved woman in love with Christ. Both Paige and Mrs. Vanderdale even attended the same church. Even after Norman’s death, Paige had remained very much a part of the Vanderdale family. She’d seen no signs of Mrs. Vanderdale falling back into her old ways of thinking when it came to African Americans. But could something she’d been keeping in the dark now be coming to light?

“You know what they say,” Paige said to herself. “Once a cheat always a cheat. Once a liar always a liar. Once a thief always a thief.” Paige let out a harrumph. “Well, could the same be said to be true about a bigot?”

Not able to let this slide, Paige would have to find out if, in fact, the children’s grandmother was behind this pending strife between light-skinned sister and dark-skinned sister. She began biting her nails in both nervousness and worry. She was nervous about having to confront her former mother-in-law. She was worried about finding out the answer.

“Paige, honey, how are you?” Miss Nettie greeted as she opened the door of the Vanderdales’ luxurious home.

It was close to eight thousand square feet, and when Norman first drove Paige there to meet his parents, she felt like she was entering a mansion. It sat on three acres, which was more than enough land for them to ride the horses they owned. The land was well manicured, and the house had a private drive that was about as long as Paige’s neighborhood street.

“Well, hello, Miss Nettie,” Paige greeted with a hug before stepping into the house. “I had just missed you last Sunday, when I came here for dinner.” It didn’t matter how many times Paige had been to the Vanderdale home or even that she’d once lived there. Entering it always made her feel like Belle in Beauty and the Beast. It was just so much for one to take in, but once one did, it just felt like home.

“I know, I know, child.” Miss Nettie made a shooing motion with her hand and closed the huge, custom-made oak door. “But I heard that soul food spread I cooked before I left went over well. Wasn’t hardly a spoonful of nothing to put away.” Miss Nettie laughed.

“Well, you already know I like to eat.” Paige ran her hands down her voluptuous curves.

“And you know Mrs. Vanderdale treats my soul food spreads like it’s a foreign delicacy.”

Both women laughed in agreement. Paige’s laughter faded out much quicker than Miss Nettie’s, which didn’t go unnoticed by the older woman, who seemed to have a sixth sense.

“Oh, Lord. Come and sit down.” Miss Nettie headed over to the couch in the parlor.

The parlor had recently been redecorated. To Paige, the style looked like something out of the movie Gone with the Wind. The end tables had drapery-like covers on them with lace trim. Doilies covered the coffee table. The couch, love seat, and chair had a tight-seamed yellow pattern. One word to describe the room was sunshine. Paige was about to cover the sun up with a dark cloud, though.

“I can tell something is wrong, so don’t even try to deny it,” Miss Nettie said as she sat down on the couch and then patted the spot next to her for Paige to do the same. When Paige showed hesitance, Miss Nettie hit the spot again. “Come on now, child. I got laundry still to do yet. Bring it on over here and tell Miss Nettie what is wrong.”

Paige exhaled and then slowly walked over toward the couch. The entire time she contemplated whether to bring up her concerns about Mrs. Vanderdale and the whole skin color thing to Miss Nettie or to just wait and confront Mrs. Vanderdale first. Paige sat down and then looked down at her twiddling thumbs while she continued to contemplate what to do. If the tables were turned and someone had a problem with her, she would want them to bring it to her first rather than discuss the situation behind her back.

Paige looked up. “Is Mrs. Vanderdale home?” she asked the housekeeper, who had been much more like family to both her and the Vanderdales.

“No. She’s out getting her hair done. She should be back shortly, because she’s been gone a minute now.”

Paige exhaled. Perhaps Mrs. Vanderdale not being home was a sign that maybe she should run things by Miss Nettie first. After all, Miss Nettie was always so full of wisdom and had never led Paige wrong with any of her advice. Besides, it was more than likely that Mrs. Vanderdale would discuss the situation with Miss Nettie, anyway. Those two talked about everything. What difference did it make if Paige told Miss Nettie first?

“The girls were arguing last evening,” Paige told Miss Nettie.

Miss Nettie let out a laugh that made her belly jiggle. “When ain’t those two gals arguing? They remind me of how Sam and Norman used to go at it when they were youngins.” Sam was short for Samantha. She was Norman’s younger sister.

Paige sat there with a stoic face.

Miss Nettie stopped laughing and, with a serious tone, said, “That can’t be all that’s got you bothered. What else is it?” Concern laced Miss Nettie’s voice.

“Well, it’s not them arguing. I know it’s normal for siblings to argue and have disagreements. It’s what they were arguing about.” Paige paused.

Miss Nettie waited patiently for Paige to continue. Clearly, the subject of the girls’ tiff had cut bone deep for Paige, as she was having a hard time even speaking about it. Miss Nettie put her hand on Paige’s shoulder to encourage her to gather the strength to continue.

“Norma told Adele that she was ugly because she’s dark skin,” Paige said.

Miss Nettie’s eyes bucked. A brown-skinned woman herself, she wasn’t ignorant about the torment some darker-skinned black folks had to deal with within their own race.

“It broke my heart to hear my little one say that.” Paige shook her head and began to wring her fingers. “You have no idea how many times I felt that way about myself growing up, that I was ugly because I was dark skinned. I mean, dark-skinned girls never got featured in commercials. The black girls and the other women who did all had fair skin and either bone-straight or natural curly hair. Blue or gray eyes,” Paige said and then stood. She squeezed her fists together and began walking back toward the door, in thought. “It just brought back so much pain. And I recognized that same pain on poor Adele’s face after those words cut her like a knife.”

“I can imagine how b. . .