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Book 4: Bleeding Stars

by A.L. Jackson

Genres: Romance; Contemporary Romance

Synopsis

She is his strength and he is her weakness. And this time he won't let her go.

Edie Evans is gorgeous.
Sexy.
Kind.
She's also the definition of off-limits.
But that didn't stop me from sneaking into her room to comfort her at night.

But guys like me? We destroy everything, so it should have been no surprise when I destroyed us, too.
The night I sent her running, I thought I'd never see her again.
Until I saw her standing like a vision in the crowd.

Austin Stone is dangerous.
Alluring.
Tempting.
He broke my heart and I refused to give him the chance to do it again.

It's been years since I've seen him, and now I can't do anything but stare at the gorgeous, tattooed man playing onstage. I should run. I know I should. But like a fool, I run straight back to him.

Our desire is overpowering.
Our need unrelenting.

She is my hope.
He is my weakness.
We should have known a passion this intense would burn us right into the ground.

Release date: August 21, 2016

Publisher: A.L. Jackson Books Inc.

Print pages: 348

Sample

Prologue

Four Years Earlier

 

 

“Shh…” he whispered into my hair as he pulled me closer, chasing away the lingering fear from the nightmare. The residual anxiety slicked my skin with sweat and I hiccupped over the sobs I tried to keep contained.

Quiet and hidden where they belonged.

Yet he had heard.

The arm wrapped around my back drew me to the haven at his side, while he lifted the other to hold a small hoop over our heads.

In the darkness, my eyes adjusted to make out the circle covered in brown suede that dripped with beads and colorful feathers, the center woven in an intricate web.

I stared as it swung, enraptured by the movement, by the calm of his voice as it murmured close to my ear.

“Shh…” he said again as he scattered a mess of light kisses to my temple. “See. You don’t have to be afraid. This…this will hold all your dreams. They have no power over you. They can’t hurt you.”

Pain clenched my heart, and my fingers dug into his shirt, fisting it tight.

It was what I had buried inside that held all the power. But when I was with him, it somehow lost some of its strength.

He nuzzled his nose into the flesh along my ear, whispering ease.

“You can trust me, Edie. Trust me. Whatever it is, I get it. I get it.” His voice dipped even deeper. “Talk to me.”

Trust.

I did.

I trusted this broken boy.

So I whispered my secret.

Offered it to him.

To hold it.

Protect it.

Until the day he crushed it in his hands.

 

 

One

Austin

 

 

Drab, yellow light filtered in from overhead. Squinting, I fought the stir of panic that had my heart going double time as I read my older brother’s words scrawled across the letter.

 

Three years, Austin. Three years gone. I gave my life to you, and then I gave you the space you asked for. Now I need you. It’s time.

 

It wasn’t like I didn’t have it memorized. I’d read the tattered letter what seemed a thousand times. I just didn’t know if I had the strength to do anything about it.

“You about ready?”

Startled by the voice coming from behind, I sucked in a breath before I gathered myself, quickly folded up the letter, and shoved it into my back pocket.

“Yep,” I said. Turning around, I found Damian standing in the doorway to the dressing room that was nothing more than a glorified storage closet.

But hey, what’s that old saying about beggars can’t be choosers?

His grin was wide. “Good. ’Cause it’s a damned madhouse out there tonight.”

Unease rolled through me.

Madhouse.

Seemed crazy there’d always been a part of me that’d craved it. The part of me that had hungered to be on the same stage as my brother, Sebastian, and his band Sunder. To be a part of that life. Bringing the thrashing hard rock alive for the fans who ate it up. Giving them an outlet and a voice.

But I knew I could never really fit into that world or fill those kind of shoes.

It’d been nothing but foolish…stupid to even entertain the idea of being a part of something so big. Of something so important.

God knew, I wasn’t even close to being worthy.

Still, I couldn’t kick the need that pooled in my belly, begging for that extreme high I would never get enough of.

It was better than any drug or vice.

The innate need to play and the rush I felt when I gave into the urge.

So I’d settled on these small venues where it was safe and far from the limelight and fame of my brother’s world.

But the longer I played here, each week the crowd seemed to grow.

“Dude…don’t look so freaked out. A crowd is a good thing. You do realize that’s what the whole performing thing is all about, don’t you?”

Asshole had the balls to throw his fingers up and air quote thing.

I huffed a response.

His grin widened as he cupped both his hands on the outside edges of the doorframe, letting the wood support him as he rocked back on his heels, just as casual as could be. “Cory’s wrapping up his last song then you’re on.”

Playing at The Lighthouse really wasn’t all that bad of a gig. It provided enough money to get me by, since I sure as shit wouldn’t accept any more money from my brother.

I’d stopped letting him take care of me the moment I walked out his door three years ago.

But more than that was the thrill of stepping out on that tiny stage. The freedom I found in the song.

And if I was being honest? Maybe…maybe some part of the name reminded me of her. A beacon casting its light on murky, dangerous waters. Calling the lost from the storm.

“All right, then. Let me grab my stuff.”

I went for the old acoustic guitar set in its case and carefully lifted it from the maroon felt. The grainy, worn wood felt like relief in my hands.

It had been my fifteenth birthday present from Sebastian, or Baz like everyone called him. He’d told me music was in my blood. That it bound us together in some way. And no matter how fucking far I’d run from it, I knew he was right.

That he and I were somehow bound.

Just the same as I was bound to the sea.

Damian lifted his chin. “You in for Saturday?”

I shot him a frown as a reply.

“Come on, man. Quit being a goddamned buzzkill. You could at least come with me this one time. I mean, it’s no Hawaii, but the waves around here are killer. Fucking cold as shit, but you can take it.”

Humorless laughter slipped out beneath my breath. “What makes you think anything has changed? Told you before, I’m not interested.”

He shook his head. “That’s what makes no sense. You’ve been up and down the coast, hugging the ocean the whole damned time because you refuse to go anywhere else, and I’d put down bets you haven’t even dipped your big toe in the water. Not once. You scared or something?” He asked it with a sly grin and a taunt, like that could get me to change my mind.

Scared.

The word didn’t come close to describing what the thought of getting in the ocean did to me, the confused torment that would forever keep me attracted and repelled.

I shrugged like it didn’t matter when it mattered more than anything. Like he hadn’t just scraped right across a wound so raw it would never heal.

“I’m just not interested.”

I kept it as vague as I could, refusing to get into some heart-to-heart with Damian Rodriguez. Not because I didn’t trust him. But because there wasn’t a soul in the world who could truly understand. Not one who would get why I was compelled to stand at the ocean’s feet, bound to it like a prisoner.

Just the same as I was forbidden from it like a castaway.

The only soul who could was gone.

Guilt threatened to rise like the blackest storm. Sent to swallow and devour.

Clenching my jaw, I beat it down.

Since I’d left L.A., I’d gotten pretty good at it.

Pounding it back.

Pretending I wasn’t consumed by the memories of what I’d done. By what I’d destroyed. By every fucked-up mistake I’d made since.

God knew, there were too many to count.

You’d think I’d learn. That I’d figure out a way to stop ruining all the good things I was given.

That hollowed-out vacancy in my chest throbbed like a bitch.

You had to wonder how many holes could be torn into your spirit, gouged into your heart, until there weren’t any pieces left to hold you together anymore.

Damian groaned, but with zero frustration behind it. Instead it was packed with a load of careless ease.

Not a care in the damned world.

If I didn’t like the guy so much, it would drive me straight out of my mind.

“For real, man, it’s a good thing that brooding shit looks so good on you, or I’d call you hopeless. Hell, I bet it’s just an act. Everywhere we go, the girls go crawling all over you. Think you’ve perfected tall, dark, and mysterious. I’m about to start asking for pointers.”

With a forced, teasing grin, I glanced his way. “Hey, I can’t help it if the ladies love me.”

“Totally unfair. You just sit back, not saying a word, and they start orbiting like you’re the goddamned sun or some shit. While I’m over here working my ass off to get one to look my way.”

I stifled a scoff.

More like a black hole.

But whatever.

Just because I was a loner didn’t mean I didn’t enjoy a little company every now and then.

I’d purged a lot of vices from my life. That was one I wasn’t giving up.

Learned the hard way…in the long run making attachments just turned around and bit you in the ass.

Or you just destroyed them yourself.

You crushed the flickers of joy because you couldn’t be trusted to keep them safe.

To keep her safe.

Because you were a failure and all your good intentions turned to shit.

So you just slid through life pretending you didn’t hurt and miss and wish you could go back to the beginning. Make it right. All the while knowing you’d probably turn around and fuck it all up again, anyway.

Damian rapped his knuckles on the outside wall. “‘Do me a favor and think about Saturday at least, all right? You’re going to turn into a vampire or something equally as scary if you keep wasting around in this dive night after night.”

He started to head down the hall, then paused and poked his head back in. “Oh, dude, almost forgot to tell you. My cousin’s place in San Francisco is totally chill for you to come out and play next month. August 14th. It’s pretty kickass. Good money. You game?”

I did my best not to cringe at the question. Did my best to ignore the way the letter folded up in my back pocket suddenly felt like it weighed a million pounds.

Three years.

Three years since I’d seen my brother’s face. Three years since I’d seen the guys in the band.

So much had changed in their lives since I’d left.

And God, I wanted to be different, too, but I was a whole lot of the same. I mean, that’s what this whole journey had been about.

Finding myself.

Becoming something better.

Someone stronger.

But even though the outside had changed, there were too many moments when I didn’t feel any different than the eight-year-old boy huddled where he hid on the beach.

That was the day I’d torn my soul in two.

The same day Sebastian first lied for me.

The day he’d stepped up to take care of me because he knew I wouldn’t make it any other way.

Didn’t think anyone could understand just how damned bad I wanted to be there for him the way he needed me to be.

I just didn’t know if I had anything to give without it costing both of us more in the end.

“Don’t know,” I answered.

Damian shook his head. “They need to know, man. Can’t hold your spot forever.”

“Something might have come up.”

“Something might have come up?” He drew out the words like a question then sobered as his voice dropped low. “You know you can’t keep doing this forever.”

“Doing what?”

“Running.”

I scowled. “I’m not running.”

“You sure about that?”

“What about you?” I shot back. “You’re the one who just packed up on a whim and took off with a complete stranger. I could have been an axe murderer, for all you knew.”

Since I’d left L.A. three years ago, I’d been traveling up and down the shores of the Pacific Ocean. When I’d been exploring the northern coast of Washington, I’d played a few times at a small club in the town he was from. He and I had become friends, and by the time I was packing up my stuff and heading south, he’d been packing up his and insisting he was coming with me.

He grinned. “Nah…you might be a morbid son-of-a-bitch, but I’d know a killer if I saw one.” He raised his brows and fluttered his fingers in front of his face. “Spidey senses.”

But that was the thing. He didn’t really know me. Not at all.

“Besides,” he continued, “I might be along for the ride, but that doesn’t mean I don’t know exactly where I’m heading.”

“And just where is that?”

He lifted his hands out to the sides. “Somewhere badass. Some place where I won’t be stuck in a small, dead-end town. I’ll know as soon as I get there.”

If only it were that easy.

Applause echoed through the walls. He gestured with his chin. “Get your ass out there before Craig starts to wonder if his headliner has gone MIA again. Oh, and you should totally ditch the hoodie, man. Girls wanna see what’s hiding underneath.”

I resisted an eye roll as I shrugged out of the thick material I wore like a shroud, fighting off the stir of unease I felt in doing it. Hiding behind it was just so damned much easier. “Yeah, yeah, I’m coming.”

I slung the strap of my guitar over my shoulder and trailed Damian down the dark hall. A dark hall so much like the ones I’d spent growing up in, where I’d lived on the outskirts of my brother’s band, lost to the music and the vibe and the revelry that ruled our worlds.

The disasters we caused.

The continual trouble we found.

Now, the type of music and the places I played were a world apart, a distance that didn’t quite touch, yet I felt stitched to it all the same.

Drawn and repelled.

I guess I should have known I’d never get far.

Dimness held fast to the room. The upscale bar in Santa Cruz, California was set up with round tables in the open space out in front of the stage that took up the right side of the room, and the area was rimmed by secluded booths with a long wooden bar taking up the far left side. The entire back wall was made of glass, the accordion panes pushed to either side, opening the entire bar up to the patio area that overlooked the sea during the day.

Night had taken hold, and strands of twinkle lights were strung up on the lattice-roofed patio where they extended all the way inside. People were packed into the space, a crush of darkened silhouettes sitting beneath the counterfeit stars donned by the club ceiling.

The din of voices grew quieter as I took the stage and settled myself on a short stool. I situated my guitar on my lap and pulled the mic stand closer.

My heart sped while my spirit swelled, and I was hammered with a crushing wave of fear, regret, and some kind of agonizing joy.

The mess of it damned near made my head spin.

Because in truth? I wasn’t there for any of the people packing the space.

I was there because just like every night, this was where I felt that fragmented piece inside stretching out its fingers. Searching for all that had been lost. For that piece of me I could never reclaim.

Still, I’d spend the rest of my life chasing it.

In the distance, my ear tuned into the sound of waves crashing on the beach.

Letting my eyes drop closed, I strummed a quiet, subdued chord and pressed my mouth to the mic. On a breath, I let the words bleed free, and my voice filled the confines of the quiet club.

It seeped out into the darkness.

When I sang…I always felt so incredibly alone.

Just like I deserved.

Because this nightly tribute was nothing less than a penance.

A fucked-up retribution.

Atonement I would never earn.

Yet tonight, when normally my spirit would feel like it was detached, hovering somewhere afar, I felt grounded.

Wound up in a calmed frenzy.

Tied to a violent peace.

Shivers slithered across my skin, and my throat grew tight as I was hit by wave after wave of a severity I couldn’t shake. Something deep and compelling and just out of reach.

I struggled through the lyrics. Ones that were intensely private, yet blameless to the innocent ear.

I guess there was typically comfort in that.

I was nothing more than a stranger who sang his forgettable song. One he personally would never forget.

Could never forget.

But tonight I felt exposed.

Pried open and picked apart.

Awareness pricked at my subconscious. It grew dense. Thick. Like I was rushed with an undercurrent of energy that pounded in my ears and thundered my heart.

No longer able to fight it, my eyes flew open while I did my all to keep playing his song.

And it didn’t matter that I stared out into a dusky haze where the lights were cast low, faces lost in shadows and bodies obscured in mystery.

It was unmistakable.

The horror and pain that watched me from where she’d stumbled to standing next to one of the tall, round tables.

She clutched her stomach.

Like she could shield herself from my assault.

From my presence.

And it felt like torment and fate.

My throat finally fully locked up and the song came to a jilted end.

She exhaled a tortured breath that I swore I breathed.

Those pale blue eyes glittered in the light.

Edie.

 

 

Two

Edie

 

 

Do you know what it feels like to stand at the precipice of life?

Teetering on the edge of the here and now?

You know in your gut you’re only one fumbled step away until you’re in a free fall.

Tumbling down, down, down.

On a direct collision course with your past.

Even when you’ve done everything in your power to leave it behind.

So damned careful not to travel the same roads littered with mistakes and regrets and unbearable pain.

And there those roads were.

Circling right back around again.

Bringing you face to face with the past you’d give anything to forget.

Forcing you to face everything you’d ever wanted and the one thing you could never have.

Hit with a wave of weakness, my legs trembled and shook as I tottered right at that sharp, craggy ledge.

Feet slipping as the world crumbled out from under me.

My hand shot out to the back of the chair to keep myself from falling.

To keep from falling just as fast and hard as I’d so naively done before.

Only this time I knew firsthand how bad it would hurt when I hit the bottom.

Strains of his guitar moved through the suffocating air.

But it was his voice…that unforgettable voice that washed over me exactly the way it once had.

With comfort and joy and an aching hope.

Yet at the same time, it sounded so different.

Deeper.

Darker.

Raspier.

A voice that held the power to slow my movements. As if all things were set to pause, and I was caught up in a time and space that didn’t move.

A space that contained only him and me and the heartbreaking song he played.

“Edie.” Jed just barely broke through the trance, through his voice and his song and the thunder he had pounding in my heart and in my ears. Jed tried to get in my line of sight as he leaned forward in his stool. “Edie, tell me what’s wrong. You look like you’ve seen a ghost. Are you not feeling well?”

I almost laughed.

Because Jed was right.

I had to be standing at the feet of an apparition.

The boy was all aglow in a halo of light, his melodic words a haunting harmony that wrapped me in tendrils of languishing comfort.

The way they always had.

Soothing while I got caught up in his snare.

I hadn’t seen him since the night this broken boy had crushed the fragile piece of myself I’d given him.

Only Austin Stone was no longer a boy.

A desire I had no right to feel burned bright in my belly and thrummed through my veins.

Like a simmer of sin.

Forbidden and foolish.

As a teenager, Austin had been tall and gangly.

Like he was just itching to grow into his skin.

And God, it seemed almost cruel in the way he had. Like he’d been sent with the sole purpose to torment my judgement and resolve.

The lanky boy who’d towered over me had to have gained at least another two inches. His light brown hair was still short on the sides and back, longer on top. Like it’d done before, it hinted that frustrated fingers had been tugging and pulling at it for most of the day.

But it was the way his shoulders had filled out and now pressed and bunched beneath his fitted T-shirt that screamed he was all man.

The way his wide chest expanded with each breath.

The sultry twist of his full lips and the sharp curve of his jaw.

The way those big, strong hands wrapped around his guitar.

Not to mention the intricate ink that now covered the exposed skin of his arms.

His powerful presence slammed into me like a dark storm.

Ominous. Sinister. Threatening.

The room spun again. Or maybe it was my head.

Four years gone.

Four years of heartache and hiding and regret.

And there sat the only boy I’d ever loved a handful of feet away.

“Edie…goddamn it…you’re scaring me. Tell me what the hell is going on.”

Jed was suddenly standing at my side, at the ready to chase away any threat. To take care of me the way he had when I’d come crawling into this city.

But it didn’t matter.

The only thing I saw was him.

I knew it the moment he felt me. It was as if I’d pried his eyes open with the mere strength of my presence. Those earthy, poetic eyes that didn’t know if they wanted to be green or grey.

For the briefest flash of a second, they widened in shock, before the moment was gone and awareness took hold.

Even from across the darkened space, that roiling grey shouted a thousand secrets and concealed a million regrets.

My chest squeezed. Painfully. In want and hate and horror.

How was it possible he still made me feel this way?

Grasping my stomach, I took a fumbled step back.

Away from that ledge.

Just as his song came to a staggered end.

“Edie.” I could hear my name escape as a breath from Austin’s lips, an echo from the mic that reverberated from the speakers.

A ripple of confusion rolled through the bar as his stool screeched when he pushed to stand.

That was my cue.

I had to get out of there.

Protect myself the only way I knew how.

I turned and ran.

Because running was what I did best.

I shoved through the groups of people crowding the tall round tables at the foot of the stage, and escaped out through the accordion wall of windows into the night.

Cool air whipped across my face as I hit the wooden planks, and I gasped for a breath, ignoring the stares of those who were trying to enjoy the quiet where they relaxed at the secluded tables outside.

Ropes of globe lights were strung up beneath the trellised patio that overlooked the churning sea.

The sea.

An ache I could only feel for this boy slammed me hard, just as hard as the realization.

Those old, old wounds that locked up his tongue but were still so blatantly clear.

God. How badly had I wanted to wipe them away? To fill up the hollowed out hole that gaped from within him, insert myself as a balm the same way as he’d sought to heal me?

But that was before he’d turned right around and thrown all my hurt back in my face.

Above me, the strands of lights twinkled and danced, as if they were one with the stars that shimmered from above.

Beneath them I felt so small.

Exposed.

“Edie.”

The desperation in his voice hit me like fiery darts, and I gasped out a breath and pushed myself harder. I rounded the side of the patio and hit the walkway that led to the parking lot out front.

Where I was going, I didn’t really know.

Away.

That was it.

Just away.

“Wait.”

The anguished call pelted me from behind.

Wait.

Oh God.

I gulped, trying to fight the moisture I could feel welling in my eyes. The helplessness that set in as I fought for that elusive escape.

I should have known. Should have known one day it would all catch up to me.

“Edie…please…just…wait.”

I gripped the railing as if it might propel me forward. Instead, my footsteps faltered and slowed. I stood facing away, my back heaving as his consuming presence rose over me from behind.

“Please.” This time it was a whisper. A plea.

Sincere.

Slowly I turned.

Drawn.

He’d always been my weakness.

Austin stood at the end of the walkway, just outside the reach of the lights, his body obscured in shadows.

Even larger than I’d imagined when I’d first seen him up on stage.

So foreign.

So familiar.

My heart ached. Because I was looking at the boy who’d been my best friend. The one person who I’d thought would completely understand. One who wouldn’t judge or make it hurt more than it already did.

He’d been my safety.

My haven.

Until he’d dragged me right back into hell.

“Why are you here?” My words cracked. “H-h-how…how did you find me?”

I saw the shake of his head, and he took a single step forward, out of the shadows and into the glow of the single lamp attached high on the exterior wall that lit the way.

It hit him like a spotlight.

The boy was so beautiful.

It was a threatening kind of beauty, a whorl of mystery and pain, sharp lines and corded muscle.

It almost dropped me to my knees.

He fisted his hands at his sides. The question was strained, hard as it pressed from his mouth. “You believe in fate, Edie?”

Old grief I’d bottled for so long burst. It came out as some kind of maniacal cry. Incredulous. Oozing disbelief. “After everything that happened…that’s what you’re going to ask me?”

“Edie…I—”

 “Do you have any idea how badly you hurt me?” I cut him off, my own hands fisting as I took a single step forward. “The damage you caused? Careless words, Austin. So fucking careless, thrown out there without a single thought to the repercussions, without any consideration of how they would affect me. How they would change my life. You promised.” My brow twisted with the accusation. “And now you have the nerve to stand there and ask me if I believe in fate?”

I swallowed hard, shook my head. “You can go straight to hell, Austin Stone.”

When I was fourteen, I’d promised myself I’d never give up control again. Never would I put myself in a situation where I was helpless. Powerless. I’d never again allow myself to be left without a choice.

And Austin Stone had whittled me down until I’d relinquished it all to him.

I trusted him.

He laughed, but there was zero humor behind it. “Come on, Edie. You can do better than that, can’t you? Considering you know hell is exactly where I’ve been all along, and you and I both know I deserve so much worse. And yeah…those words were reckless, but you know they weren’t heedless. You couldn’t expect me to just stand there. Not with him. Not with what he was saying. Implying. I couldn’t.” The last cracked on the emphasis.

I felt as if every cell in my body was being crushed. Squeezed so tight there was no chance but for everything to implode. “And because you lost it, I lost it all. You. My home. My future.”

His big hands fisted. “I know. I…I fucked it up, Edie. Warned you, I do. That I would.”

But what he failed to say was he’d promised he wouldn’t fuck it up with me.

I couldn’t tell if I was relieved or terrified when Jed suddenly rounded the corner. His sister, Blaire, was hot on his heels.

Knowing her, she’d been trying to hold him back, to give me the moment I so clearly needed.

“Edie,” Jed gushed out in relief when he saw me. He came to a stop a few steps behind Austin.

As if he’d just stepped into the bristling intensity and it tripped up his feet.

The stand-off.

The war.

Austin standing there? I knew that’s exactly what this was going to be.

“What the hell is going on here?” Jed demanded. His voice twisted into a threat. He glared at the back of Austin’s head, worried eyes flicking to me, hardening when they snapped back to Austin.

Blaire tugged at his arm. “Jed…I told you to give her a minute. Sometimes you need to let people sort out their own issues.”

Jed just grunted and shrugged off her arm.

Refusing to budge.

Austin swung his head to look behind him. When he did, his face shifted to the side, all those hard, beautiful lines exposed in profile. His expression wound into a bitter sneer. “Nah, man. All’s good here. Just telling an old friend hi. Isn’t that right, Edie?”

Aggression curled between them.

Alive and raging.

Jed was a burly, beefy, hulk of a man. A full beard covered most of his face, his brown hair cut short at the sides and longer on top.

Had I ever imagined him and Austin going toe to toe, I would have put all my money on Jed.

Now I wasn’t so sure.

Jed lifted his chin, as if for the moment he was standing down, turning to me as his tone softened. “You okay, Edie?”

I nodded. “Yeah, I’m okay.”

Lie. Lie. Lie.

I was shaken to my core.

“I just want to go home.” It left me on a desperate breath.

Desperate to run.

Desperate to hide.

Because I didn’t know how to face this.

All the memories we’d made. The hurt he’d inflicted. The hope he had crushed.

The love that had never dimmed.

It all stared back at me now, held in the depths of those tumultuous eyes that always saw far too much.

Jed pushed around Austin and stalked my way. “All right, let’s get you out of here.”

As she passed by Austin, Blaire cast a searching glance in his direction, before her attention flickered over to me, a ton of worried questions moving across her expression.

Questions I didn’t know if I had the strength to answer.

With an arm wound around my shoulder, Jed spun me, breaking the spell Austin had me under, and tucked me into his side.

Protecting and shielding.

He began to lead me away, down the planks and toward his car waiting in the parking lot out front.

With each step we took, I could feel the heat of Austin’s stare. That burning intensity I wasn’t sure I could ever escape.

The hurt and the hatred.

I just couldn’t tell where the hatred was directed.

If it was aimed at him or me or the rest of the world that had threatened to choke the life out of us.

The world we were supposed to take on together.

Just as we started to round the corner, I paused because I just couldn’t stop myself, turned to look back at the man who stood there staring back at me.

Emotion gripped his expression just as tight as the clench of his fists.

Hard and tortured.

As if I was the one inflicting the pain.

I choked down the sorrow that rose like a cyclone, spinning and spinning, whipping up the old affection that longed for that soft, understanding boy to take me in his arms and sing in my ear.

Dangerous.

I searched inside myself for the shelter that secured my heart. The flimsy cover I wore that just barely kept me together. I forced myself to speak the words I knew would drive him away, as much of a lie as they were. “And for the record…no, Austin, I definitely don’t believe in fate.”