Unforgiven

Book 2: Loveless, Texas

by Jay Crownover

Genres: Contemporary Romance; Romance

Synopsis

From the New York Times bestselling author of the Marked Men series comes an irresistible and suspenseful romance between a tough Texas Ranger and his first love—a woman in danger who insists she doesn't need his protection.

Hill Gamble is a model lawman: cool and collected, with a confident swagger to boot. Too bad all that Texas charm hasn't gotten him anywhere in his personal life, especially since the only girl he ever loved has always been off-limits. But then Hill is assigned to investigate her father's mysterious death, and he's forced back to the town—and the woman—he left behind.

When Hill left Loveless, he broke Kody Lawton's already battered heart. And now that he's working on her father's case, avoiding him is impossible. She can handle Hill and her unwanted feelings—until he puts his life on the line to protect her. Suddenly, Kody realizes that Hill could be taken away from her...for good.

Includes the bonus novella Cowboy to the Rescue by A.J. Pine!

Release date: February 25, 2020

Publisher: Grand Central Publishing

Print pages: 432

Sample

Prologue

My little brother had been my best friend.

It was common knowledge around our tiny hometown of Loveless, Texas, that where one Gamble brother went, the other followed.

Our home life wasn’t the best. Our parents had a complicated, volatile marriage. They loved each other deeply, passionately, almost obsessively…They hated each other with the same intensity. At times it felt like Aaron and I were nothing more than props in some overly dramatic soap opera. So my baby brother and I learned early it was better to be anywhere other than home. I never minded him following me around. I liked being his hero. I enjoyed being the one who taught him the basics, like how to play catch, how to fish, and how to drive. I also indulged him by passing along my tips and tricks when it came to getting girls. Although I tended to stick with sports and extracurricular activities that might help me get into a good college, girls were always Aaron’s favorite distraction from what was happening at home.

It helped that Aaron was a good-looking kid. Tall, lanky, and filled with that unpredictable teenage angst that made him broody and unpredictable. He cruised around Loveless on a battered old dirt bike I’d helped him fix up and had just enough disdain for authority to place him squarely in the “bad boy” category. Teenage girls found him irresistible, adults found him uncontrollable. He was a quiet kid, often lost in his own thoughts, but he never had a problem opening up to me. I didn’t think there was a single secret between the two of us.

I was wrong. Very wrong.

I had no idea Aaron was cutting himself. Leaving scars on his body to hide the ones that refused to heal on his heart.

I never guessed his wild mood swings were anything more than puberty and testosterone taking their toll on a growing boy.

I didn’t have a clue my younger brother was silently suffering, internally agonized every single day. His mind was telling him lies, twisting him up and dragging him down…His mind was his worst enemy.

Unfortunately, I also never in a million years would have predicted that Aaron and I would end up falling in love with the same girl. Or that she would be the reason our relationship fell apart.

Kody Lawton had been the center of Aaron’s entire world for as long as I could remember. The Lawton kids, Aaron, and I were all friends growing up, but Aaron and Kody were thick as thieves, almost inseparable, and forever up to no good. Kody was a troublemaker, a fearless rebel, a sassy, smart-mouthed brat my brother thought the sun rose and set upon. But it wasn’t until Kody’s mother passed away, right as she was about to enter high school, that my brother realized his feelings for her went deeper than friendship.

I’d graduated by then. But before I left for college, I asked Kody’s brother Case to keep an eye on Aaron. I knew the death of their mother had hit all the Lawton kids hard. Kody was devastated, and Aaron, even though he was emotionally fragile at best, was whom she leaned on the hardest. Almost overnight they went from best friends to something so much more. For Aaron there was no other girl besides Kody Lawton; and for Kody, Aaron was always going to be the first boy she loved. He adored every untamed inch of her and made her feel accepted and special.

By that time I was too far away—too engrossed in finally finding some freedom and getting to live life on my own terms—to recognize the warning signs. But I did know the way Aaron loved Kody wasn’t unlike the way my parents loved and hated one another. There was zero balance, and little mattered in my brother’s life other than the girl who had stolen his heart. They got engaged the day before Kody graduated high school and started living together soon after. To the casual observer it appeared to be young love flourishing, but on the inside things were a mess. Aaron needed help, but he was too scared to admit it to anyone…even Kody.

She was the one who called me in the middle of the night, crying because she found Aaron huddled in a ball on the bathroom floor slashing his skin. Kody was the one who texted me in a panic when Aaron was so listless and drained he wouldn’t leave bed for days and days at a time. She begged me to come home. Pleaded with me to fix my brother, but I blew her off over and over again. I didn’t know how to fix Aaron, didn’t have the tools required to convince him that he needed help. I tried to comfort him from afar, but I kept my distance. I was selfish, and deep down, I was jealous. Because even with all the turmoil and upheaval Aaron brought into her life, Kody adored him. She loved him like it was the only thing keeping him alive, and maybe it was.

When I did go home to check on Aaron, it felt like visiting a stranger. I was no longer his hero. In fact, I had somehow morphed into his number one enemy. Aaron acted as if he hated me for leaving, for living my own life. It made me wonder if he knew how hard I worked to be a good brother while also hiding my attraction to his one true love. Time and distance didn’t matter. I was in love with Kody Lawton, and I hated myself for it.

I didn’t want to find her beautiful and vivacious. I didn’t want to be charmed by her sharp tongue and no-holds-barred attitude…but I was. On my first visit back home, it suddenly hit me that Kody was no longer a little girl but a young woman. One who was strong, savvy, and endlessly patient with my baby brother. I’d spent my entire life taking care of Aaron, and I couldn’t deny that I was envious of the kindness and compassion she was always showing him. It was an inconvenient crush, especially since I couldn’t distance myself from her emotionally, since we were tied together by our growing concern for Aaron. The many late-night phone calls talking to her about how much she worried about my little brother often left me hurting—for her and for Aaron—but I suffered through, caught between my love for her and my love for him. What other option did I have?

Knowing my feelings for Kody could never go anywhere, I focused on my life away from Loveless. I graduated college, joined the United States Border Patrol, and eventually worked my way up the ranks of law enforcement until I had the opportunity to apply to be a Texas Ranger. I dated here and there. Told myself I couldn’t settle down because my career came first, because I didn’t have enough to offer anyone just yet. The truth was, my whole heart was never invested in finding a new love. It was stuck back home, hung up on my little brother’s soon-to-be wife. I distanced myself more and more from Aaron and Kody, not knowing Aaron’s issues were escalating. I eventually forced myself to stop taking Kody’s calls. I needed to make a clean break, but I never stopped caring about my brother. I called him directly, urged him to get help, and begged him to see someone about his emotional unpredictability. I tried to connect with him, urged him to get out of Loveless, to experience the world outside his own dark, suffocating bubble. I even tried to get my parents involved, but as usual, they were more concerned about themselves than about their children. No matter what I said, or how hard I tried, Aaron brushed off my concern and assured me he would be fine. And I selfishly believed him. It was easier for me that way.

But he wasn’t fine. Far from it.

A couple of days before Aaron and Kody’s wedding, I received a call from Case Lawton, who was working as a deputy for the Loveless sheriff’s office. Someone who lived next to Aaron and Kody had called in a disturbance complaint. When Case got to the house, Aaron was nowhere to be found. The small home they rented was trashed, and Kody was sporting a fat lip and a sprained wrist. Case was pissed at the state his sister was in, and even angrier that my brother was missing and unable to answer for his actions. I was tangled up in an extremely complicated sex trafficking case at the border, so I hadn’t planned on making it home for the wedding as it was. Not that Aaron had bothered to invite me. The distance between us felt insurmountable at that point.

Nevertheless, I knew there was no way Aaron would hurt Kody if he still had some sort of control over his condition and his actions. Worried in a way that could not be ignored, I called in someone to take over my case and went back to Loveless for the first time in years.

I found Kody before I found Aaron.

Seeing her tearstained, pale, horrified face did something to me. All the emotions I’d learned to deny did their best to burst free. I couldn’t resist pulling her into my arms, and couldn’t stop myself from touching my lips to her forehead and apologizing for not taking better care of my brother…and her. As far back as I could recall, it was the first time in my life I felt like an absolute failure. It was also the first time Kody went out of her way to get so close to me. It was an accidental, or playful touch but one with purpose and filled with emotion, making it a memory seared in my mind forever.

I will also never forget the look of absolute betrayal and utter devastation on Aaron’s face when he suddenly appeared. I let go of Kody like her skin had suddenly sprouted thorns and stepped toward my brother.

“It takes her getting hurt for you to give a shit, Hill? What about me? I hurt all the time and you pretend like I don’t exist.” He was gaunt, his eyes wild, and far too pale. He was shaking uncontrollably, and his arms were covered in thin white scars. He no longer looked like the sullen kid who’d followed me around, but like a man with too many demons to count.

Kody pushed me out of the way and reached for him, pleading, “Aaron, we have to talk about this. You have to let me help you. I love you, but we can’t go on like this.”

My brother lunged for his pretty, blond fiancée. His hands were curled into claws and I swear that if I hadn’t gotten between the two of them, he would have wrapped those shaking hands around Kody’s neck.

I put a hand on the center of Aaron’s too-thin chest and pushed him back. I didn’t expect for him to land on his ass, or for him to immediately leap to his feet and bolt for his motorcycle. He’d long since upgraded from the dirt bike to a sporty foreign design that was faster than lightning. He disappeared before I could get my scattered thoughts together. Kody’s hand locked on my arm as she yanked me around to face her.

“You have to find him, Hill. If something happens to him…” She trailed off, head shaking sadly from side to side. “I’ll never forgive myself.”

I nodded absently. I wasn’t going to let anything happen to my little brother, and it was high time I forced him to get the help he so obviously needed. I was a pro at pushing my feelings aside and would continue to push them aside so that Aaron and Kody could have the happy-ever-after they’d always dreamed of. Well, as long as Case didn’t murder my brother for roughing Kody up before I got my hands on him.

I made Kody text me a list of places Aaron might go and asked Case to help me track down anyone he might be close to. But it was almost as if Aaron had disappeared into thin air. Kody called every fifteen minutes asking for updates, even though she was turning Loveless upside down trying to find him as well. The last place to look was my parents’ house. I couldn’t fathom why Aaron would go to the one place he’d spent so much time trying to escape, but sure enough, his bike was parked out front when I arrived.

It took my mother forever to answer the door, and she blinked at me like she didn’t recognize me.

“Hill? What are you doing here? I thought you were skipping the wedding.” She narrowed her eyes at me. “Aaron was devastated when you told him you weren’t coming.”

I highly doubted Aaron had shared anything so personal with her, but the well-aimed barb did sting.

“Is he here?” I maneuvered around her before she could answer me.

“Yes, he is. He showed up a few hours ago. He said he was spending the night here while Kody was at her bachelorette party.” She reached for my arm, but I was already running up the stairs, headed toward the small bedroom Aaron and I had shared growing up.

I smelled it before I reached the door.

The coppery, metallic scent of blood. There had to be a lot of it for the smell to be as strong as it was. Freaking out, I kicked the door open and rushed into the room, my heart immediately sinking into my stomach.

Aaron was slumped on the floor, head bent, sitting in a pool of blood. There was an empty bottle of pills on the floor near his legs, and a bloodstained razor blade abandoned on his lap. I had no idea how long he’d been there, but it had been long enough for his skin to turn a faint gray and for his breath to be incredibly shallow and ragged.

Shouting Aaron’s name, I fumbled with my phone to call 911.

I pulled a pillow off the bed, wrenching the case off so I could wrap it around Aaron’s wrist. I did the same on the other side, barking orders into the phone.

The commotion brought my parents into the room. My mother immediately burst into hysterics, while my father stood stoically.

Refusing to take my focus off Aaron, I growled, “Neither one of you bothered to check on him. He showed up out of the blue, looking like a zombie, and you left him alone. How can you be so thoughtless? So careless.” It was a pointless statement. Neither one had ever had the first clue what to do with either of us. Aaron and I had always been bit players in their theatrics.

My heart skipped a beat when Aaron’s eyelids suddenly fluttered. He looked at me through hazy eyes and tried to say my name. Everything inside me froze, then burst into panicked flames a moment later when he stopped breathing.

Time ceased to exist.

I have no idea how long I sat on the floor of my childhood room after the paramedics left. I stayed there covered in my brother’s blood, crying, agonizing over all the mistakes I’d made.

Eventually I pulled myself together enough to drag myself to Aaron and Kody’s so I could tell her what had happened.

Only I didn’t get a chance to get a word out. Kody took one look at the dried blood on my hands and clothes and collapsed into a boneless heap of grief at my feet. I wanted to comfort her, to tell her we could face this together. No one loved Aaron the way we did. No one understood him the way we did.

Twenty-two years old was way too young to die.

However, as soon as she was able to speak through the tears and violent shakes, she smacked me in the face and sobbed. “This is all your fault. All he ever wanted was to make you proud. He did everything he could for your time and attention. Why weren’t you here when he needed you most?” Her voice was cold as she told me flatly, “I never want to see you again, Hill Gamble. I hate you.”

I had never known words had the power to wound so deeply. Their impact stole my breath and turned my heart inside out. My knees went weak, and it took every ounce of self-control I had to stay upright. If she’d thrown a punch it would’ve hurt less.

I watched her heart break right in front of my eyes. I could see that she believed I’d let Aaron down. And I didn’t disagree with her. All I could do was walk away, because I knew that if I touched her she really would try to hit me.

After the funeral I silently promised I would stay out of her life and move on with my own, but it was hard. I still cared about her more than I should. So I kept our contact to a minimum when I was back in town. It was easier for both of us, and eventually things between us got less hostile and awkward. We matured and learned a little more about ourselves, and a whole lot about bipolar disorder and depression. We grieved separately, but the pain over losing Aaron tied us together indefinitely. I buried myself in work and became even more of a chronic bachelor, and Kody, she committed to being an even bigger pain in the ass than she already was. I resigned myself to the fact that we would never be friends, but we would always be almost family.

It was my unfortunate luck that fate was determined to have love, death, and Kody Lawton pulling my strings for an eternity. I’d never wanted to tell her she’d lost someone else. Never planned on being the guy who continually trampled her heart. But here I was, so many years later, getting ready to explain to all the Lawton kids their father had been murdered. And it was my job to find his killer.

Chapter 1

I skipped over the first stage of grief after hearing about my father’s murder and went right to stage two…anger. I had little use for denial, bargaining, depression, or acceptance. The last time I’d lost someone I loved, I’d suffered through all the stages and still ended up feeling lost and alone. This time I knew anger served me well. Anger kept me going. Anger was a comfortable, familiar feeling when it came to my father. It was an emotion I had no problem embracing when word of his murder made its way around the small town where our family had lived for generations.

Loveless was a tight-knit community, one with a lot of secrets and a history of looking the other way when bad things happened. However, those bad things were forever discussed in hushed voices after church and in low tones in passing. The fact that Conrad Lawton, my father and the town’s sheriff for many, many years, had been found murdered just outside of Austin was bound to be the only topic of conversation for months to come. The thought made my skin crawl and fueled the silent fury I’d been clinging to since I’d gotten the news my father was no longer around to be a major thorn in my side.

But my anger was complicated. I didn’t want false sympathy from the folks who whispered when my back was turned that the old man had deserved it. I didn’t want to hear the gossip about how Conrad Lawton’s notorious misdeeds had finally caught up to him. I didn’t want to see the curious looks weighing and judging how I and my two older brothers were dealing with the loss of the man who had demeaned and emotionally terrorized us throughout our childhoods. If I showed any sort of regret, the busybodies and rumor mill would start churning out theories that tales of our tortured youth had been exaggerated. Yet if I wasn’t sad enough that Conrad had met a violent, brutal end, I would never hear the end of that.

People in Loveless already questioned my motives, sanity, and capability. If they decided I wasn’t responding appropriately to the news that my father had been murdered, I would become more of an outcast than I already was. And my bar, which was barely staying afloat as it was, would undoubtedly go under.

So anger it was. We were old friends anyway.

I lived it. I breathed it. I spread it around to the point that my brothers and everyone else who loved me were walking on eggshells, not knowing when or where I was going to explode next. I was unpredictable and volatile. Which wasn’t exactly new, but I’d gotten better at controlling myself as I’d gotten older. But after I got the news about my father, all my old, uncontrollable impulses seemed to roar back to life, and I was back to being a prickly, easily provoked mess. It didn’t help matters that the person who came bearing the bad news was the last person on the planet I wanted to hear such devastating words from.

It felt like every single time my disorderly world was finally righting itself, Hill Gamble and his stupidly handsome face would show up and send everything spiraling chaotically out of control once again. I’d started to associate Hill with everything bad that had ever happened in my life, so naturally, where my unchecked anger was concerned, Hill always seemed to end up being the main target. Since he’d delivered the news of my father’s death, I had a hard time recalling a single second when I wasn’t absolutely furious at the gorgeous Texas Ranger. It should’ve been exhausting, but the warmth from the rage Hill sent swirling through my blood was the only heat I felt anymore.

I grew up in a house mostly devoid of love and affection. Sure, my mother doted on me and my brothers, but she did it knowing she would have to bear the brunt of my father’s temper anytime he thought she was being too soft on us. There was no love between them, only fear and impossible expectations. My older brothers, Crew and Case, loved me unconditionally, but sometimes that love leaned into their being overprotective and overbearing. Especially after our mother died. I’d had to push them back in order to breathe, in order to live any kind of life of my own. Their love was tinted with several shades of pain and remorse and always came with the dark shadows of our shared history. It was ultimately a cold, and slightly savage, upbringing.

When I was a teenager, I thought I’d finally found the kind of love that would chase away the chill that always lingered inside my heart. When Hill and Aaron Gamble came crashing into my life, they brought the sun and the promise of better days ahead with them. Hill reminded me of my oldest brother, Case. He was serious, steady, focused on the future and a life outside of Loveless, Texas. He was reserved and thoughtful, always watching and evaluating the world around him. He was also too beautiful for words. I literally had a hard time forming words around him. Luckily, Aaron Gamble was far easier to approach. He was quiet, moody, and sweet enough to give a girl cavities. He was the first boy who made me smile. He was the first boy brave enough to be my friend. Neither my brothers’ warnings nor my father’s ugly reputation was enough to scare Aaron off when I started to cling to him. He was my first best friend, and later on my first love. I wanted to believe the warmth he brought into my life, and into my heart, would last forever, but things were never that simple. It wasn’t until I promised to marry Aaron Gamble that I realized exactly how cold I could be on the inside.

Loving him forced my icy heart to thaw. Losing him froze it right back up and shattered the brittle block of ice into a million pieces. I was certain I was never going to be warm again. I got used to living with a frigid void inside my chest. I tolerated the constant chill embedding itself deep into my bones.

From the start I never knew what to do with the heat Hill brought with him when he crept into my thoughts. I would never be as angry at anyone as I was at my father, but Hill owned the second spot on my shit list. I refused to think about why he was the only person who always managed to make me forget I was frozen solid on the inside. It bugged me to no end that Hill didn’t even have to try to make me feel like my insides were kindling for an impending inferno. He just did.

I hated that he was the one who was going to be investigating my father’s death, not because he wasn’t good at his job, but because it meant he was going to be hanging around Loveless and my family far more than I was comfortable with. It grated on my last nerve that with little effort, Hill still managed to make my whole world spin off its axis. I didn’t want him to have that kind of power in my life. I didn’t want anyone to have that effect on me.

But Hill always had. And still did…

When he calmly and coolly informed me that my dad was dead, I hit him.

Was it fair? No.

Did he deserve it? Absolutely not.

But once again, I couldn’t control my anger around him. It was the second time Hill was the one explaining to me that a man who had fundamentally changed me had been taken away. Since there was no way to take out my frustration on my father, Hill was the target. Just like he’d been when Aaron died.

He absorbed my misguided anger, my misplaced blame, in the exact same way he had when Aaron passed away. The man was a sponge. Taking all my insults and hastily hurled venom without saying a word, never letting a drop of my ugly, unjust emotions spill out and infect the other people in our lives. He suffered in silence, but I could see the way my words affected him in those sharp silver eyes of his.

“Whose job is it to cut the bartender off when they’ve had too much to drink?” The question laden with sarcasm came from across the bar.

There was only one person not related to me who was daring enough to talk to me that way. I had a zero-bullshit policy in my bar. I didn’t take lip or attitude from anyone. My regulars knew not to mess with me, but this particular regular was braver than most and one of the few actual friends I had. My brothers hated that I was close with Shot Caldwell. Mostly because he was the president of the local outlaw motorcycle club, but also because I could confide in Shot in a way I couldn’t with them.

This bar was my safe haven. It was also the only place I was comfortable enough to let my guard down. I’d spent the last few days in a fog, trying to figure out how I really felt about Conrad Lawton being gone and what his death meant to me, all while drinking myself into a stupor. Both my brothers had been by to check up on me, but I wasn’t in the mood to be coddled or critiqued. I chased both Crew and Case away with my bad temper and continued with my bender, trying to drink myself numb.

It wasn’t a surprise the gruff, good-looking biker had made it a point to come check on me. Not that I was in any mood to entertain his concern.

“No one is cutting me off. Not if they want to keep their job.” All of my staff had been giving me a wide berth the last couple of days. I couldn’t blame them. I’d snapped at each and every single one of them for no reason. I was going to have to apologize once I came back to my senses.

Unfazed by my snarky warning, he reached a tattooed hand across the bar and snagged the rocks glass with a double shot of Crown Royal from my hand. I made a clumsy grab for my stolen drink but ended up watching as the dark-haired man tossed it back and finished it in one swallow. He wiped his mouth with the back of the same tattooed hand and lifted a dark eyebrow in my direction.

If I were sober, I would’ve cut him down to size with a witty retort or ordered him out of my bar. Since I’d been three sheets to the wind for a solid two days and was hovering on the precipice of a sharp emotional drop-off, it was all I could do not to burst into tears or climb across the bar and strangle him.

Letting my wild temper loose on Shot wasn’t a good idea. He was a good friend and had been, at one point, something more, but he wasn’t Hill Gamble. He wouldn’t just accept my anger. Shot’s temper ran almost as hot as mine. He was one of the few people in my life I had a healthy dose of respect for. I went out of my way to avoid pushing his buttons most days.

I rubbed my tired, dry eyes with the heels of my palms and sucked in a painful breath.

“I’m not in the mood to play with you, Shot.” My voice was raspy and the words burned on their way out. Maybe I’d had enough to drink. It wasn’t like the booze was helping me forget the look on Hill’s face when he told me my father was dead, or the sharp pain in my chest at the thought of my father no longer being around. It didn’t matter how much I’d disliked him.

“You in the mood to tell me what’s going on with your old man’s case? Or how about you tell me what you need, Trouble. You know I’ve got your back, no matter what.” He tapped his fingers on the bar and pushed the empty glass in my direction. I poured him another shot on autopilot and nearly lost my balance when I pushed it back in his direction.

I sighed and rubbed at the painful throb in the center of my chest.

“You need to get gone. I’m sure one of my brothers will be in to try and bully me into going to one of their houses so they can hover over me until the funeral. I don’t have it in me to play referee between you and them right now. You know if I need anything I’ll let you know.” And I would. Shot was often the person I turned to when I was at my wits’ end. He never judged me. His unwavering acceptance was something I had fallen back on time and time again. It was also the reason I refused to cut him out of my life, even though my brothers and even my worthless father had pushed for me to do just that.

“You want me to look into who might be behind his death?” His midnight-colored eyebrows lifted again. “You know I can go places and ask questions your brother and the boys in blue can’t.”

My father had been the sheriff in Loveless for a very long time. The job had passed into Case’s hands after my oldest brother did his best to bring our father down. Dad had been a dirty cop. Corrupt as hell. The man had left a list of enemies a mile long, and it wouldn’t surprise me if Shot was among them. It was no secret the biker and my father never saw eye to eye on what was best for the town, or for me. If I hadn’t known down to my soul that Shot would never do anything to intentionally hurt me, I might have wondered exactly what he was up to the night my father was killed. Fortunately, I knew his fondness for me ran much deeper than most people, including my family, believed.

“Stay away from it, Shot.” With the Rangers on the case, nothing good could come of it. Especially considering Shot wasn’t involved in exactly legal activities. “Case won’t be involved in the investigation. He can’t be. They called in the Texas Rangers to investigate since Dad was a cop.” And because there were more than a handful of people who’d wanted him dead. I came by my knack for making enemies naturally, it seemed.

I