CHAPTER ONE
A warm breeze caused the dead leaves on the ground to tumble by Jane’s feet as she raked up a clump of them that had collected near the base of a tree. It was late October and Halloween wasn’t far away. Even though there were still some leaves clinging to the branches on the trees, there were plenty on the ground for a little fun on such a nice day.
“Okay, I think it’s ready,” Jane said as she raked what looked to be the last of the leaves in the yard into a large pile. She’d been working to collect them all into as big a pile as she possibly could.
“Can I do it now?” Libby, her young daughter, eagerly asked. She was standing near the porch with their Anatolian shepherd dog, Annie, waiting none too patiently. She’d been bouncing up and down excitedly as she waited for her mother to collect the leaves. After seeing kids jumping in a pile of leaves on the way home from school, she hadn’t stopped talking about it since.
“Yep, go!” Tyson, her teenage son, called out as he stood near his mother with the other rake. He had done what he could to help make a big pile free of sticks for his little sister, which made Jane proud. He pulled out his phone and started recording.
Libby ran toward the leaf pile with Annie hot on her heels. She dove into the leaves with a giggle and Annie followed shortly after her, making Libby laugh even louder. They all giggled while Annie eagerly licked Libby, as if she was happy to have joined her. The ding of Tyson’s phone as he stopped recording was the only other sound.
Although they were all smiling and laughing now, it hadn’t been that way a few hours ago. Jane had been curled up in the corner of the living room couch, the curtains drawn, and her phone in front of her face. She’d been mindlessly scrolling as the kids did their own thing in their bedrooms. The house had been silent all morning, no one really doing anything of substance.
It had been that way for a while now. Each of them had withdrawn into themselves when there wasn’t anything to do. Sometimes Jane had to make an effort to get the kids up and moving.
Between the trauma of being held captive in their own home and then having Libby’s and Tyson’s father go to jail, they’d been having a tough time finding anything to be happy about. And Jane had struggled with it all as well. She felt responsible on some level for what had happened, even though she knew it wasn’t really her fault.
No, the fault was with her ex-husband, Evan, thanks to him running up such a serious gambling debt with what was basically the mob in Alma, Kansas. He’d thought running away would solve his problem, so he’d taken off and left his wife and kids behind. Members of the mob had threatened her and the kids before he finally came back and offered to help.
That wasn’t the part she worried about. What she was worried about was her involvement in it. How much had her investigations into murders and mysteries exposed her and the children to danger? She knew some of the trouble that happened was a result of her poking her nose in places she probably shouldn’t have.
Granted, if her ex-husband hadn’t gambled everything away and then tried to run away from his debts, it wouldn’t have mattered, but she still felt somewhat responsible for the attention they’d received. She was mature enough to realize how her involvement had changed things.
“Mom?” Tyson said softly. “Are you okay?”
The reality that she’d once again spaced out while she was with the kids brought her back instantly. Jane forced herself to stop thinking about what had happened and smiled. “Yeah, I’m good,” she told him.
“You know, Mom,” Libby said as she scooped a handful of leaves in her arms and tossed them on Annie. “It’s just like you tell us. It’s okay if you’re not okay.” Her beautiful brown eyes searched her mother's face and Jane saw the maturity and wisdom in them staring back at her.
“When did you become so grown up?” Jane asked with affection. The kids were growing up far too fast for her liking, and it was taking her some time to catch up with them.
Libby shrugged and flopped back in the leaves with a giggle. Jane realized that she’d let ghosts from the past get in her head again and distract her from what was happening right in front of her. She pushed her worries away for later, knowing that they’d haunt her when she was alone at night. Lurking in the shadows like monsters, waiting for her to let her guard down so that the memories of a man holding a gun over her and her children could creep into her mind. Pushing away all thoughts that might be good or helpful, only filling her with fear and what ifs.
What if she’d been slower? What if her state trooper friend, Mike, hadn’t figured out what was going on and hurried over to their house?
“If you climb out, we can rake them up again,” Tyson told his sister. Jane refocused on the present and nodded in agreement.
Libby climbed out and brushed the leaves off of her and Annie before going back to where she’d waited earlier to take her running leap into the leaf pile.
“You know, you could go take a nap or rest,” Tyson said, his voice low so Libby wouldn’t hear. “Sometimes it helps me when the memories get hard to deal with.”
Jane stilled, surprised her son had picked up on what was really happening. Her first instinct was to deny that she wasn’t okay. It was what she was used to doing for them, but she realized it would be a disservice to him. “That’s a good idea, but I probably should stay out here with you guys.”
“They aren’t coming back, Mom. We’re okay. You can relax.” When she met Tyson’s eyes, she felt them drilling into hers.
She realized then what he was saying and what he saw in her. A mother still on high alert, unwilling to rest or let go for even a moment. The words of the therapist echoed in her mind.
“The kids will look to you for how they should behave. Don’t tell them what to do, show them,” the therapist had said.
“You know what? I think you’re right. A little rest might help me,” she said as she set the rake down. “You sure you can handle this?” she asked, tipping her head in Libby’s direction.
“I’m sure. Go lay down for a bit. You have a date tonight, remember? You don’t want to be too tired,” Tyson said.
She’d almost forgotten. “Oh, yeah.” She and Mike had a date planned for that night. Maybe a nap would be really good. “Okay. I’ll go.” She turned to Libby and made sure she knew to listen to her brother while she took a short nap. Libby didn’t even bat an eye as she agreed.
Jane walked up to the house and propped her rake against the porch railing. Her body had felt tight and sore for the past few days, probably because she’d been struggling to make herself sit down and relax. She’d scrubbed and rearranged for days, trying to work out her nervous energy that seemed to only grow as time passed by.
Why couldn’t she let it go like the kids seemed to be doing? Why couldn’t she just relax, she wondered as she opened the door and stepped inside.
The sound of Libby squealing made her look out the window, even though she knew that it was probably from her play. Sure enough, she’d run and jumped into the leaf pile again and was giggling joyfully.
“Sometimes kids are so resilient,” Jane sighed as she lowered the curtain and headed for the stairs. “I wish I could be that way.” A yawn took hold of her body, making her stop walking as it forced her body to shiver and shake. “Wow,” she said as she started walking again. “Maybe I really do need a good nap.”
When Jane pushed the door open to her bedroom, she saw the laundry that was piled on her bed and needed to be folded. Part of her considered finishing the laundry instead of taking a nap, but she shook her head.
“No, nap first,” she told herself firmly. She’d been working hard to try to forget all her failings and faults and what had it brought her? Nothing but exhaustion. Tyson was right, a nap would help.
Jane reached for the light blanket she kept at the foot of the bed and laid down on top of the covers before draping the blanket across her body. As soon as she laid down, she could feel the bed practically embrace her. She smiled to herself. “This feels nice,” she muttered and within a few moments, she drifted off to sleep. ...
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