Country Feedback
Opening the door and crossing the threshold in the dark triggers the phone in Nealon’s pocket. He lowers his bag to the floor and looks at the screen; it’s not a number he recognises. For the space of one airless heartbeat he has a sense of things drifting sideways, draining over an edge.
The side of his head is bathed in the forensic glow of the screen light.
“Yes?”
“You’re back.”
“Hello?”
“Welcome home, Nealon.”
“Who am I talking to?”
“Only a friend would call at this hour.”
The voice at the other end is male and downbeat, not the sort you would choose to listen to in the dark. Nealon is aware of himself in two minds—the voice on the phone drawing against his immediate instinct to orient himself in the dark hallway. He turns to stand with his back to the wall.
“You know who I am?”
“That’s the least of what I know.”
“What do you want?”
Two paces to his left, Nealon spots a light switch. He reaches out with his spare hand and throws it, throws it back, then throws it again. Nothing. Half his face remains shrouded in blue light. He takes five steps to open a door and passes into what he senses is an open room. A swipe of his hand over a low shadow finds a table; he draws out a chair and takes the rest of the phone call sitting in the dark.
“I thought I’d give you a shout,” the voice says.
“You have the wrong number.”
“I don’t think so.”
“I’m going to hang up.”
“There’s no rush.”
“Goodbye.”
“We should meet up.”
“No.”
“Not tonight, you’re just in the door, you need some rest.”
“We don’t have anything to talk about.”
“I wouldn’t be so sure.”
“I am.”
“In a day or so when you’re settled.”
“Not then, not ever.”
“We’ll talk again. One last thing.”
“What is it?”
“Don’t be sitting there in the dark, the mains switch is over the back door.”
And with that the phone goes dead in Nealon’s hand.
NEALON PUSHES ASIDE his immediate wish to dwell on the phone call: Who is it from; what is it about? He needs to orient himself in the house so that is what he sets himself to. After a quick scan through his phone, he finds the torch app and sweeps the room with the light at arm’s length.
To his right is another small room barely six feet wide, with a fridge and cooker, shelves along one wall. There’s also a solid door over which sits a junction box with a complex array of meters and fuses. The mains switch is at the end but it’s too high to reach so he drags a chair from the table.
He steps up and throws the switch; light floods from the hallway into the kitchenette and living room. The table sits beneath a large curtained window and beyond it is a sink and worktop with white cupboards overhead. Everything is flat-pack melamine, all the units date from sometime in the eighties. Against the left-hand wall sits a three-seater couch over which hangs a picture of the Sacred Heart with its orange votive light now glowing beneath.
He reaches out and flicks the switch. The walls come up in a cool green glow against which the pine table seems warm and homely.
There are five doors off the L-shaped hallway. The first is a bathroom with a shower cubicle tucked behind the door and a toilet beneath a small window which looks out from the back of the house. Behind each of the other doors are three bedrooms of equal size with a double bed and built-in wardrobes. Pillows and duvets are stacked on the beds, but all the wardrobes are empty.
Back into the hall.
There is something coercive in the flow of the house, the way it draws him through it. These are doors that have to be opened, rooms that have to be entered and stood in. He catches himself looking up and examining the ceiling. What does he expect to find there?
Inside the front door is a sitting room where a laminate floor runs to a marble fireplace with a low mantelpiece. To the left and right of the chimney breast, empty bookshelves reach to the ceiling. In the middle of the floor is a single armchair, angled towards a large television. Its shape and plain covering make it an obvious partner to the couch in the living room.
Empty and all as the house is, it still has the residual hum and bustle of family life. It feels clean and it has been carefully maintained. Not the raw cleanness of a last-minute blitz before visitors arrive but that ongoing effort which keeps it presentable to any sudden need.
Nealon becomes aware of a low vibration throughout the room and stands listening
for a moment. He lowers his hand to the radiator and finds that the heat has come on. The house is beginning to warm up.
OVER THE FRONT door, a globe light illumines a stretch of gravel frontage closed in by a pair of black gates. Outside lies the main road, the small village to the right, less than half a mile distant and the coast road running to the left. Lights are visible in the distance but all is quiet. No cars at this hour.
An uneven grassed area flows into the night, darkening at a tall hedge that leans towards the gable of the house. A cement walk takes him around to the back door where the rear garden runs about thirty yards to a sod fence at the end of the site. He passes by the garage, locked and lightless, and moves deeper into the darkness where the shadowed outline of a small car sits hunched beneath overhanging trees. It has the shape and sheen of a giant armoured insect sheltering for the night. Beyond the trees the looming outlines of the hayshed and the cow barn are visible. Light from the living-room window reveals the central-heating pump on the far gable and he returns once more to the front door through which he reenters the house.
A glance at his Nokia confirms that he has been here twelve minutes. He punches in a ten-digit number and listens. After several moments the call goes through to voicemail. Nealon speaks.
“Hello Olwyn. If you get this, I’m home. Give me a ring. Love to you and Cuan.”
He is tempted to sit for a while and gather his thoughts, but he knows that if he does he could be up for hours. The phone call still nags at him but he had better get some rest. He goes into the first bedroom and kicks his boots off, strips down to his T-shirt and pulls the duvet over him.
He is asleep before his eyes close, drifting off like a man with a long, hard day behind him.
And if the circumstances of his being here alone in this bed at this hour rest within the arc of those grand constructs that turn in the night—politics, finance, trade—it is not clear how his loneliness resolves in the indifference with which such constructs regard him across the length and breadth of his sleep.
He makes breakfast the following morning.
Scrambled eggs on toast is a simple task, but having his meals handed
to him on a tray for so long has thrown him completely from the flow of these things. And even though the cupboards are well stocked, his efforts involve much opening and closing of doors and return trips to and from the kitchenette before the food eventually sits on the plate at the end of the table.
In all, the ten-minute task has taken closer to twenty.
He listens to the radio as he eats. A mid-morning talk show is developing the news stories of the day. There is no mention of his name and he is thankful for that. Has the world forgotten him already? That would be a mercy. Voices and stories unfold across the room and Nealon is happy to feel no part of them. There is a war on terror and a financial crisis enveloping the globe. Nationally, there are employment and health-policy issues. At one time, these stories and themes would have interested him greatly—he took seriously the obligation to stay abreast of such things. But he does not relate to them now, they do not affect him in any way whatsoever. He does not belong to them, nor they to him. They are birds of a different sky, tracing different arcs through this blue day. The engaged tone of the speakers now baffles him. How can you be so involved, he wonders as a correspondent quotes figures on hospital overcrowding and underfunding. Does this really affect you? The voices drone on as he eats and while his detachment is total he is not inclined to turn them down or off.
From the head of the table he has a clear view out over the back garden. In the darkness of the previous night he missed a few details. Off to one side, a galvanised shed butts up against the sod fence at its end. From this distance he sees that the padlock on the door is hanging loose. Running from the corner of the house is a clothesline which is fastened at the end of the garden to the crooked limb of a hawthorn bush. This is Olwyn’s work, he remembers—one of her improvisations on a task he never got around to doing properly himself. Beyond the hawthorn bush looms the hayshed.
The day outside is wet, this weather given to sudden gusts of rain that drift by and swallow the distance. This is one of those days, the light saturated, time itself congealed in its bleak hold. Looking out the window, Nealon feels like a child, kneeling on a chair with his nose pressed to the glass; whatever plans he might have had are now on hold as long as this rain comes down. He has to be careful of this mood. If it deepens in him he knows that he is fully capable of sitting here for hours, content to stay looking out the window at nothing at all.
What time of year is it? The question flummoxes him for a moment. One end or the other? God knows, it is not something he will have to answer to.
A quick glance at his phone tells him that no one has called, but he decides against phoning Olwyn. Not at this early hour. Wherever
she is, she’s likely to be busy with Cuan and Nealon knows how difficult he can be in the mornings. So, he sits there with his hands flat on the table and allows himself to drift off in a vacant reverie that might lead anywhere. At that very moment the phone on the table rings.
“So, how does it feel to be a free man?”
The voice from the night before, the same unmodulated croak.
“What do you want?”
“Good man, straight down to business. I forgot that you have a lot of time to make up. Have you given any thought to my proposal?”
“Meeting you?”
“Yes?”
“I did, it won’t be happening.”
“I’m sorry to hear that.”
“You’ll get over it, goodbye.”
“Before you go . . .”
“I’m gone. Goodbye.”
Nealon ends the call and turns off the phone. A bite of adrenaline clasps his veins, a sudden rush of pins and needles to the back of his hands.
Home so soon and a small victory already, he says to himself.
HE FILLS ANOTHER mug of coffee and goes outside.
At the gable of the house, he stands and looks out over the garden that runs down a shallow incline to the sod fence at the bottom—the property’s boundary between the fields and sheds beyond. In the middle distance, the Sheeffry hills throw down pale light over the lower ground and the white homesteads scattered along the roadside. ...
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