The Vice

by Jennifer R. Jensen

Genres: Women's Fiction

Synopsis

The Vice, gives a glimpse into the mind of Harper Jones. A woman in her late twenties who is fed up with how she has been living but is scared that changing the future for herself, meant she would have to face her past.

 

Release date: May 1, 2021

Content advisory: *Abuse/Trauma (physical, emotional, sexual) *Drinking/Drug use *PTSD *Rape *Suicide/ suicidal thoughts *Miscarriage/Infertility *Depression/Anxiety/Mental illness *Panic Attacks

Sample

The mundane act of eating dinner and scrolling through his phone did nothing lessen the severity of Ben’s look. Neither did his black suit. Though he was known to most for his charm and a smile that could break hearts, I was the one that got to experience the full spectrum of emotions he was capable of.

I stopped fidgeting with my food and took a bite while he continued with his

silence.
I didn't take it personally. He was a busy man—always working—always stressed.

Which I would be, too, if I had to juggle a job, a wife, a son, and a mistress. But I couldn’t complain, seeing how I was the side piece.
“So, I, uh, wanted to talk to you about something,” I began.
“Okay.”

“Could you put your phone down?”
He complied and looked up, waiting for me to continue.
“I, uh, took a pregnancy test. And, I’m pregnant. Well, we’re pregnant.”
I hadn’t expected tears of joy or overwhelming excitement, but the silence that fell

back over the room was deafening.
He continued to stare, motionless, so I picked up my plate and emptied the rest into

the trash. I had lost my appetite anyway.
“I don’t understand,” he began.
I smirked. “You don’t understand how we got pregnant?”

But I could tell even from across the room he wasn’t amused.

I took a deep breath. “The shot isn’t a hundred percent effective,” I said, rinsing off my plate. Then I continued to try and fill the silence. “I didn’t think...”

“That’s the problem, isn’t it, Harper?” he interjected while shaking his head. “You didn’t think.” 

My chest tightened. I attempted to yell fuck you to him, but the words never left my mouth.

“Hey, I didn’t do this alone,” I replied. “Listen, I get this isn’t an ideal situation and all, but you can’t be pissed at me.”

“You're the one who said you were on birth control.” I crossed my arms, and my face got warm. “I am on birth control.” “Yeah? Well, I'm starting to wonder.” I rolled my eyes. “Don’t,” he snapped. “You know I hate that.” “Oh, so you can be a prick, but God forbid I roll my eyes!”  Ben sprung from his seat. “I’m not being a prick. I’m just trying to understand how

your birth control conveniently stopped working a week after you find out I didn’t leave Mia.”  “I took the pregnancy test a few weeks ago!” I shouted in defense of myself. “Why the fuck do you think I stayed when I found out?”  “Oh, so you’ve been lying?”  My eyes rolled once more. “Damn it, Harper, knock that shit off. You're a grown-ass woman,” he said as he took a step toward me. “You don’t need to roll your eyes like a bitchy teenager.”  “Fuck you,” I replied. It was all my brain could think to respond with. His lips curled into a smile. “Yeah? Is that the best you got?” he asked. “So, what, did you talk to Mia? Find out how she got me to stay around all these years?” He paused and shook his head. “I’ll be damned if I get trapped into another eighteen years of child support because you don’t know how to use contraception.” “Is that all you care about? The money?” “Of course I care about the money. The fact that you don’t tells me all I need to

know about you raising a child,” he continued. “Kids are expensive, Harper. They rely on you for everything. They ruin your body; you can’t hang out with friends, go to the bar— ” “You don’t seem to have any issues leaving your son to spend time with a woman who isn’t his mother.” His eyes grew dark as they seared into mine. I was getting to him.  I couldn’t believe how unbearable he was being. I had stayed with him when I found out he was still with his wife. He had promised he was leaving her and was waiting for the

right time. I didn’t necessarily believe him, but I had also just found out I was pregnant, so I wanted to take time to decide what I wanted to do about him—and about the baby. “Jesus, Harper, could you concentrate for two fucking seconds?” My thoughts broke away, and I looked at him. “Sorry,” I said out of habit, then wanted to kick myself for doing so. He exhaled. “Yeah, you're always sorry.” “What the hell does that mean?”

“I just don’t understand how you could be so stupid.” “I’m stupid? God, you are such an asshole!” I replied as my nails dug into the palms of my hands. “And you know what? I don’t have to put up with this.” I stepped past him and headed into the living room. “Stop being so dramatic, Harper,” he replied, following behind.  “I deserve better than you. Better than someone who cheats on his wife.” “Yeah? Says the home-wrecker herself.” “I didn’t know you were still with her!” “Bullshit. You can’t lie to me,” he said with a snicker. “You knew. You might be stupid, but you’re not that stupid. You knew when I wouldn’t stay here, it was because I was going home to her,” he continued. “You just want to be the innocent victim in this, but you're not. You're just some crazy bitch who got knocked up trying to keep a guy from leaving.” My fist connected with his face before I had time to think it through. Time slowed as his eyes narrowed—searing into mine.

I turned around, making a run for my room. He followed, but I was faster. I slammed my door shut and locked it. The wood flexed from the weight of his body. My heart pounded in my ears. I was going to throw up. I took a few deep breaths as Ben hit the door again. “Glad to see all your boxing lessons came in handy,” he said. “Ben, you need to leave.” “Oh, so, you can throw a punch, but you can’t take one, huh?” he asked. “This is assault, Harper. I could have you arrested.”

It was true; he could. I swallowed the lump in my throat. He was silent for a moment before I heard glass shatter. “Whoops!” he said, his voice unnervingly calm. I put my ear to the door and heard his footsteps recede.  I let out another deep breath as a pain started to form in my side. Breaking glass echoed down the hall.

He was acting like a psycho. That’s what I was telling myself anyway. The judgmental voice in my head disagreed. The only psycho here is you, it said. I looked at my throbbing hand. Disagreeing with my own head was pointless. I couldn’t dispute the fact that he hadn’t hit me. He hadn’t assaulted me. I was the crazy one. The front door slammed, and everything went silent.  I climbed up on my bed and watched out my window as he got into his car and peeled out of the driveway. I stepped out of the bedroom, tiptoed around the remnants of a picture frame, and hurried to the front door, securing the deadbolt. I took a deep breath, leaning my back up against the wall for support.  I examined my living room, taking note of the damage. There wasn’t much sentimental value to anything I owned, so the broken pieces from my belongings on the ground caused me little pain. However, the fact that I had just chased off the only person left in my life generated an all-too-familiar sense of abandonment. With another deep

breath, I walked to the dining room, picked up my phone, and pressed Caleb’s name.  As it rang, I stared at Ben’s half-finished plate of food. My adrenaline slowed, accentuating the pain that was pulsating in my hand. Caleb’s soothing voice came over my speaker. My heart dropped as the recorded message said he wasn’t available. Neither was Ben, but that didn’t stop you, The Voice commented. A rush of nausea swept in again. My deep breathing wasn’t strong enough that time to keep my dinner in place. I ran to the kitchen, and my undigested meal met the sink. As

the contents of my stomach swirled down the drain, I glanced up at my reflection in the window.

Alone again. This time with a baby, The Voice began. With no father and a shitty mother, this thing is going to be just as fucked up as you.