The Rebellion of Miss Lucy Ann Lobdell

by William Klaber

Genres: LGBT Lesbian

Synopsis

At a time when women did not commonly travel unescorted, carry a rifle, sit down in bars, or have romantic liaisons with other women, Lucy Lobdell boldly set forth to earn men's wages. Lucy Lobdell did all of these things in a personal quest to work and be paid, to wear what she wanted, and love whomever she cared to. But to gain those freedoms she had to endure public scorn and wrestle with a sexual identity whose vocabulary had yet to be invented. In this riveting historical novel set in upstate New York in the 19th century, William Klaber captures the life of a brave woman who saw well beyond her era.

The Rebellion of Miss Lucy Ann Lobdell is the fictionalized account of Lucy's foray into the world of men and her inward journey to a new sexual identity. It is her promised memoir as hear and recorded a century later by William Klaber, an upstream neighbor. Meticulously researched and told with compassion and respect, this is historical fiction at its best.

Release date: February 23, 2016

Publisher: St. Martin's Publishing Group

Print pages: 288

Sample

1



The train was late the day I ran away. Those waiting stood quietly-the women tightening their shawls, the men taking turns looking up the tracks. When it finally came in, the southbound number 7 snorted and hissed, its damp breath spilling over the travelers as they said last good-byes and dragged their belongings up the metal stairs.

I stayed by the station house, my reasons for leaving growing smaller by the moment. Perhaps it was all a mistake. I should turn while I could and go home.

But my heart knew what my head could only suppose-that I had to leave or surely die. So when the steel wheels began to grind, I strode toward the train, and as the last car rolled by, I took three quick steps and leapt upon its stair. With my bag in one hand and a rail of cold iron in the other, I looked back as Callicoon and everything I knew slid off into the distance.

Had it been warmer I might have stayed out on the platform, but soon enough I went inside. The car smelled of cigars and was painted green, but more than that I couldn't say, as I took the first empty bench and lifted my newspaper. After a minute or two, I lowered it enough to let my eyes steal about. I saw pieces of faces and all sorts of hats but nothing that belonged to anyone I knew. Safe for the moment, I set the paper aside and looked out toward the river. There were no leaves yet on the trees, and as the sun flickered through the gray branches, I could see on the glass a faint reflection of myself, appearing and disappearing like a spirit trying to enter the world. The image was stranger still, for my curls were now gone. My neck felt oddly cool, and I knew the skin there was too white, even for the early spring. As for the rest of me, I was dressed in a canvas shirt and britches. My breasts were bound by a length of muslin.

I had thought in the morning that I'd fashioned a good imitation of a man, but later, at the train station, I wasn't sure. I found myself looking away from strangers, as though my eyes were windows through which they could see in just as I saw out. A woman, of course, is expected to avert her eyes, to draw a curtain as is proper, but for a man, looking away invites suspicion.

The conductor was my nearest worry. Could I meet his gaze and not reveal myself, or would he see the eyes of a wayward woman? In his blue coat he resembled a constable, and I imagined his damp hands on the back of my neck, tossing me off the train at the next stop. For a time he seemed content to trade stories with those up front, but then he turned and began to work his way up the aisle. I went back to my newspaper and pretended to read, but I could hear his wheeze as he approached.

"Ticket, sir."

I held out the stub and looked straight at him. His eyes were red and runny, and to my surprise, they darted away. He had something to hide, or more likely hidden, a bottle perhaps. Without a word he punched my ticket and moved on.

The train continued its parade down the valley, announcing itself at every chicken coop and hay barn, while my thoughts, with less noise, went the other way-back to Basket Creek. At this hour, Father would be in his chair before the fire, pipe in hand-my flight yet unnoticed, for they all thought I'd gone hunting. Brother John would be out in the barn, and Sarah would be in the kitchen with Mother, making some unkind comment about me, no doubt. Mary, bless her heart, would be upstairs playing with Helen. Sarah and Mary are my sisters.

And Helen?

I cannot hide her, so you might as well know. Helen is my daughter, left behind.

* * *

She came into this world seven months after my husband, George, ran off. By then I was back at Father's house, and the neighbor women helped at the birth. Mother was there, of course, neither gentle nor kind. Even afterward, I was merely tolerated by her, as though my daughter had been born out of wedlock.

Helen was a beautiful, spirited child, but I didn't feel the joy a mother should. First, there was George Slater's betrayal and then Mother's ongoing disdain. Yes, my husband had left me, but was that my sin or his? It wasn't even what Mother said so much as how she went about-nose in the air. A couple of months of that, and I started hunting again, in good part just to get away from her. While I was in the woods, Helen was with my sisters. In truth, I didn't give my daughter half of what I'd given my brother when he was little. Still, we had our playful times, especially once she was up and about. After dinner I would get on my knees, and Helen would mount my back and shriek with delight as I neighed and pawed at the floor. And when I put her to bed, I would calm her by singing the lullaby that Mother had sung to me-the one about the fairies in the meadow.

As far as paying work, there wasn't any. Not for a woman. I earned my keep at my father's house by chopping wood and bringing home deer meat. I liked to hunt, though for most, a woman carrying a rifle was like a two-headed calf-something to look at and turn away from. Father wasn't bothered-he'd given me the gun and taught me to shoot out behind the barn. But brother John didn't like it and neither did my mother. I didn't care. They couldn't keep me from it, and in tramping the ridgelines, I gained a taste for what it might be like to be a man. Once in my buckskins, I met a peddler on the river road. We walked near a mile, talking the whole way, my rifle on my shoulder and my hair in my hat. He never guessed and I didn't tell him. Nor did I tell anyone at home, but I went to bed that night feeling the excitement of it.

The autumn Helen turned three, the schoolmaster at Long Eddy, Mr. Pritchard, fell ill. I was offered his position, as there was no one else. I was good at the teaching, not just because I knew my numbers and letters but because I hadn't forgotten what it was like to be young. I didn't spend all my time taking the fun out of everything, which, by reputation, Mr. Pritchard did at every opportunity. I liked the work and was grateful for the appointment-grateful until I opened the school's book and saw that my pay was only one-half that of Mr. Pritchard. I said nothing to anyone, but after a few days of weighing it, I decided to stand up for myself. I wrote a careful letter demanding my due, but it never got sent. The schoolmaster became well, and that was the end of my teaching.

In the spring I became housekeeper for Raspy Winthrop, a widower with three children who lived along the river. Mother said his real name was Jasper, but I never heard anyone call him that. I went to work for him because I wanted to do my part and bring money home, but all I got was two dollars a week when men working the same hours made ten. Worse, Winthrop looked at me like I was a calf bound for market.

One afternoon while I was baking, he came up behind me-I could smell him. He put his stubby hands on my hips, but I knocked them away and told him I'd skin him like a coon if he did it again. He just laughed through his greasy whiskers, and I didn't tell anyone. Why give the hens of Long Eddy something to cluck about? Instead, the very next evening, I had to endure Mother saying how the prospects looked good for Mr. Winthrop's freight business, meaning him, his wagon, and two scabby mules. Ten wagons and twenty mules, it would have made no difference. How could anyone even think it? But they did. A week later, without a word of warning, Raspy Winthrop announced that he and I would be getting married, as though his saying it would make it so.

"You jus' gotta learn," he said, chewing the words, "which side the bread the butter is on."

And that's the way he, my mother, and most people saw it. If I did more work than I was already doing, got no pay for it at all, and in the bargain allowed him to take his pleasure with my privates, I would have, in everyone's eyes, risen in station. For my part, I would have thrown myself off the Callicoon Bridge before sharing a bed with that man. And his proposal was an insult. Even my no-good George said that I was dear when he proposed. Believing him was my mistake, but at least he said it.

Did I protest? Tell Winthrop what a hog he was? No-not in those words. I just knew, deep within, that as a woman I could do nothing for myself or my daughter. We would learn the thin charity of others, like the widows and orphans in the Bible, allowed to pick up the stray grains of wheat. Of course, I could have heeded my father, but I didn't. Now I was damaged, and it would be Winthrop or someone like him. I could be housekeeper or wife, indentured servant or slave. I wanted no part of it. I took off my apron and told Winthrop that from then on he could bake his own bread and butter whatever side of it he liked.

I returned home and secretly set about my preparations. I oiled my rifle, wrapped it in burlap, and hid it in the woodshed. I walked to Long Eddy and checked the times for trains. I went down to the root cellar and retrieved the small box with the money given me on my marriage day.

Three days later I rose while it was still dark and put on a shirt and britches, clothes my brother had outgrown. I cut my hair by candlelight and wrote a note saying that I'd gone hunting. Then I went to the small bed where Helen lay asleep. She was three but still had that milk-fed smell. I kissed her gently so as not to wake her. I told her I was leaving to find work so I could provide for her-that I loved her and would return. These words were spoken true, and as I walked the Callicoon road that morning, the thought of Helen in her bed did not weaken my knees but rather gave me strength for the journey to come.

* * *

It was dark when the train pulled into Port Jervis. The station was filled with people waiting to get on the train or to meet those getting off. No one made way for me and I had to use my elbows. When I reached the street, I found it lit by gas lamps, something I had never seen. The light danced off the cobblestones and floated in the fog that drifted up from the river. I stopped to watch it, but others pushed past me as though it were nothing.

Laughter and loud conversation led me to the Canal House Inn. I followed two men in long coats into a hall filled with men drinking mugs of beer. After a quick look about, I cut a path through the room to where the innkeeper sat adding numbers. He was a small, wiry man, but on his stool behind the counter he seemed imposing.

"Have you rooms to let?" I asked, my voice cracking on the last word. The innkeeper looked up. I coughed as though clearing my throat.

"Two bits for jus' yerself," he said looking back down at the ledger. I nodded and with a shaky hand signed his book Joseph Israel Lobdell, taking the name of my grandfather, gone years now but still missed by me. Granddad had never made me feel less than my boy cousins, and once I heard him brag about how well I could shoot. And when he died, he left me money as he did the boys-money given me on my marriage day and not a nickel of it spent until now. Would my taking his name insult him? I didn't think so. More likely, he'd be up in heaven having a good laugh.

The room at the inn was no larger than a horse stall, but I sat on the bed, happy to be alone. I undid my shirt and then the wrap, suddenly able to breathe again. It would take some getting used to, although, in truth, I never had much of a chest, even after nursing my Helen. I lay back and looked at the ceiling, wishing to rest and think about nothing. But the candle let off a flickering light, and I began to see leering faces in the cobwebs above. I would have gone at them with a broom had there been one.

A little later I was downstairs, bowl of stew in hand. I made my way through the crowded room till I found a table with an empty place. Already there, bent over their bowls, were three men in oil-stained overalls. I was ready to meet them in the eye, but no one looked up as I sat down. They just slurped the broth and belched in turn.

I was hungry and eagerly dipped my spoon but then stopped. Should I, too, slurp? I was afraid it might not sound right, so I didn't. The broth was salty, but the mutton and potatoes were good and tasted all the better because I hadn't spent the day cooking them. With food in my belly, the clamor in the room turned melodious. I sat and watched as men gestured, guffawed, and slapped each other on the back. I liked it. I liked being there. And why couldn't there be a hall where women could go and do the same? A regular slap on the back might do us all some good.

After a time, I got up from the table, not wishing to remain the only one without beer in hand. I found a hallway that led to a room where men sat in large chairs and smoked cigars. I would have been more out of place in that room, so I stayed in the hall and looked at the notices posted there. I had the faint hope that someone might be looking for a schoolteacher or a music teacher, but there was nothing like that. A carriage was for hire; a wheelwright sought; a teamster needed. But then a notice in bold letters caught my eye: TO ADVENTURERS! OPPORTUNITIES IN HONESDALE! The bill was faded and worn, but I read it top to bottom. Then, when no one was looking, I took it down and put it in my pocket.

* * *

That night in my room I wrote a letter home. Using a careful hand, I said only what I had to, not wishing to pile one lie upon another:

Dear Mother and Father,

I have left Basket Creek in search of work. Please forgive me. I will return for Helen when I have a proper place to live. I am sorry I did not heed your warning about Mr. Slater, but I hope I can redeem my mistake. John, Mary, and Sarah have been so dear with Helen, and I am truly grateful for all the love you have given me.

Your devoted daughter,

Lucy Ann

I folded the page so I could post it in the morning, but there was a tight feeling in my throat as though more words wanted to come. I took another sheet and began a wild scrawl:

Dear Ma and Pa. I have cut off all my hair and I'm wearing John's clothes, the skunk. If Reverend Hale could see me now, he'd have me tied up and burned, for sure. Please tell him that I'm staying upstairs at a den of sin with many drunken men below. No, George isn't with them, but you were right-he was a drunk and a lout. But that didn't make me a harlot. Tell John that his dumb old knife is under the bucket in the barn, not far from where he left it. And kindly suggest to Sarah that she should, once a month, as hard as it might be, give a thought to someone other than herself. I don't know where I'll sleep tomorrow. Your footloose firstborn, Lucy Magdalene.

When my scribbling was done, I felt better. I took the second note to the lamp and gave it to the angels to deliver, watching it burn as I held one corner. Then I shed my brother's clothes and got into my grandfather's flannel shirt, the one that I had slept in for years. I reached for my hairbrush and then realized I wouldn't need it. Brushing out tangles was a chore I didn't like, but now I felt deprived. I wanted to be home in front of the fire, sewing or darning-I didn't care. I wanted to talk to Mary. I wanted to lie down with Helen and kiss her good night.

This would not do. This would not do at all. A woman crying upstairs at the inn would be the end to everything. Thinking then to summon other spirits, I went into my bag and pulled out my violin. The lacquer glowed orange in the dim light. I plucked the D string for good luck.

I was eight when Father taught me to play. He told me the strings were magic, and I had seen it for myself. Father could wave that bow and make a tear roll down my face. Or he could lift me out of my chair and make me dance like a fool. Not anymore-his hands had become swollen and stiff. The violin was mine. I had even thought to offer instruction on it or in dance, as I had received training in both while at school in Coxsackie. But in Long Eddy it was hard enough to get children into the classroom to learn their letters. There was no one who would sit still for music lessons, much less pay for them. I looked at the violin and imagined the songs I might play. My tiny room could have used a little magic, but, not wishing to draw attention, I put the instrument away.



Copyright © 2013, 2015 by William Klaber