Chapter Two
My mother’s family,
Lopez,
came from Cuba.
Lopez means:
son of Lope,
son of wolf.
But it’s the Lopez women
who have always howled the loudest.
They had to be fierce
and stubborn
to survive.
My great-grandmothers
(may their memories
be a blessing)
mastered the art of escape
seven generations
before my mother.
They fled the pyres
(the flames
fueled by hatred)
devouring
the street corners,
synagogues,
cemeteries
of Spain,
crossing the ocean
with their faith
and Shabbat candlesticks
tucked under their skirts.
I wonder
if they understood
their ancestors would leave Cuba
with its sunset-colored buildings
and blue skies as soft as whispers
the same way.
When Castro
(and his communists)
rose to power,
he waved his cigar like a magic wand.
Whenever he did,
poets and gossips,
friends and neighbors
disappeared,
taken by men who prowled
through the night.
Mom understood
what happened to those who vanished,
how their bones were planted
in fields of rice
and sugarcane.
Not wanting to be among them
(and knowing one day
she might be)
Mom fled her island,
letting the water carry her
and her little fishing boat
away to a new life
with nothing
but the dress she wore to her name.
Like a queen of Narnia
who couldn’t go back
through the wardrobe,
Mom knows
she’ll never return to Cuba again.
She’ll be in exile
forever.
My parents decide
they’ll be sending me to live
with my aunt Žofie
in Prague
the golden city
of a hundred towers
and a thousand stories
for the summer.
They think
if I’m away from Miami
(and all its distractions)
I’ll study more seriously
for the college admissions exams
looming
in my future.
The bargain is this:
in the fall,
I must earn 1300
(or above)
on the SAT.
Mom and Dad
see that score as a silver key;
it will grant me access
to the best colleges,
the largest scholarships,
the brightest future.
But if my score is any lower,
there will be
no more music lessons
or weekend outings
until it improves.
At first,
my father raged
like a September storm
at the idea of banishing me
to the city
he grew up in.
He told my mother:
Žofie lives her life
on top of bones!
The communists are gone,
but what they did with
their tanks,
their lies and laws,
their secret police
can’t be erased.
I haven’t been back
in almost thirty years.
I’ll never go back again.
Mom said: You and I
didn’t survive
dictators of flesh and blood
so we could live
in fear of ghosts.
And you’re lucky—
your daughter can visit
the place you were born
and be safe.
She won the argument
by virtue of being right.
(She usually does.)
June, July, and August
lie ahead,
three months
without my friends
or my violin.
I’m being separated
from everyone,
everything,
supposedly leading me
down
the wrong path
in life.
I tell myself:
my friendships will survive
a single summer away.
Sarah, Martina, and I
can still talk
every day.
But how will I live
without
my music?
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