Prologue
Macy
Five Years Ago…
“I’m not sure how to keep going,” I whispered, tears pouring down my face like a river as I fisted the grass of the lawn I was lying on, pulling out blades from the soil without even noticing. “I’m not sure I can do it. Please tell me how I’m supposed to go on living without you.”
I stared at the enormous wreath made of blue roses, but I heard nothing but silence. My emotional pain was so acute and crippling that I didn’t care if it was dark and I was the only living soul still left in the cemetery.
I couldn’t leave.
The burial had just taken place today.
My other hand was on a cold marble tombstone, but my heart was buried six feet beneath the soil.
How?
How was the rest of the world still moving on like everything was normal when it wasn’t and never would be again?
I wasn’t quite twenty-eight years old yet, and my entire universe had already imploded.
I had nothing left.
I had no one who really understood this horrific grief that had left me so paralyzed that I was unable to get my ass up off the grass.
I had no home anymore.
No place to go that felt welcoming to me.
Another round of sobs wracked my body as I remained kneeling on the grass in front of the marble headstone.
I couldn’t survive like this.
I couldn’t even get up and leave this place.
Was it even possible for a person to feel this much pain and continue to live through it?
I started to hyperventilate as I felt myself losing my grip on reality.
Really, what purpose or value did my life have after what had happened?
Even as I asked myself that question, I saw a flash of possible purpose in my mind, and I held onto it with everything I had.
Wait! I did have somewhere I needed to go, right?
Karma. I need to go see her. I’m supposed to be at the sanctuary to volunteer tonight.
It wasn’t like the director wouldn’t understand if I didn’t show up considering what had happened, but I couldn’t let Karma down.
I’d never missed a volunteer day because she trusted me to be there.
Get up, Macy. Go see Karma. You still mean something to her.
I started to take some long, deep breaths, trying to get my brain to function again.
Get. Up.
I wanted to rise, but I couldn’t seem to get started.
Get. Your. Ass. Up. Now.
I willed myself to stand, and I stumbled slightly, my knees weak from staying in the same position for hours.
Somehow I managed to get out of the cemetery and make that drive to the big cat sanctuary, doing everything on autopilot until I reached Karma’s enclosure.
Once there, I dropped onto the ground, wrapped my arms around the three hundred and fifty pound crippled female Bengal tiger, buried my face into her fur and wept until I couldn’t shed another tear.
She couldn’t talk to me.
She couldn’t give me any advice.
But she comforted me in every way a large, disabled feline could manage, and she listened when I really needed to pour my heart out.
At some point during that visit, I decided I had to carry on for Karma, and because it’s what would have been expected of me.
I was a veterinarian and already done with my first year of my zoological residency.
I still had good things to do in the animal world, even if I couldn’t face the human part of my life.
My life still had some meaning.
I pulled myself together that night and stuffed all of my pain deep inside until it couldn’t reach my heart anymore.
If I don’t completely acknowledge it, I can somehow live through it.
Maybe not completely facing what I’d lost wasn’t the best way of dealing with my grief, but it was my only option if I wanted to keep going.
One day at a time; one foot in front of the other. It was the only way I could function.
I could emotionally shut myself down with a few exceptions.
I had no choice.
If I wanted to keep my sanity, I could never, ever allow myself to love this much again.
Chapter 1
Leo
The Present...
“Are you alright?” I asked Dr. Macy Palmer once we’d reached our cruising altitude in my private jet.
Stupid question, really, when it was clear to anyone looking at her that she wasn’t doing well.
Macy wasn’t actively crying anymore, but her cheeks were still streaked with the tears that had fallen earlier. Not to mention that she’d hardly said a word since we’d boarded.
Bloody hell! I’ve spent way too much of my time with wild animals in isolated locations. I hardly know what to say to a woman, much less a female in distress who’s mourning over the imminent passing of an elderly, cancer-ridden Bengal tiger.
I still had no idea why I’d offered to take Macy back to the United States in my jet so she might possibly arrive there before her tiger died.
Well, maybe it wasn’t her tiger.
Karma, the aging and sick Bengal tiger was actually Macy’s patient.
Nevertheless, it was obvious that she was heartbroken because the tiger had taken a turn for the worse while Macy had been visiting the UK.
“I’m okay,” she said as she turned her head to look at me. “If I haven’t already told you, I want you to know how much I appreciate the ride. I’d still be at Heathrow right now frantically looking for a commercial flight home if it wasn’t for you.”
One melancholy glance from Macy’s serious gray eyes reminded me of exactly why I’d offered to take her with me to the States rather than making her wait for a commercial flight.
She was obviously a woman in emotional pain, and I wasn’t the kind of man who could stop himself from responding to that basic human emotion.
Besides, I understood how much it could hurt to lose an animal companion since I was a wildlife conservationist and zoologist myself.
Macy was an exotic animal veterinarian, so I could completely understand why she was heartbroken that Karma was dying. She’d apparently been treating the Bengal tiger for years, and had some kind of history with the feline even before that.
I put my feet up in the leather recliner next to hers as I said, “It was nothing, Macy. Like I said, I was headed for the States myself right after the wedding—”
“But we left before the reception was completely over,” she said in a remorseful tone.
I shrugged. “I doubt anyone noticed. The crowd was breaking up, and Nicole and Damian were getting ready to leave.”
My eldest brother, Damian, had married Macy’s best friend, Nicole, at my mother’s country estate in Surrey earlier in the day. Which was why Macy had been in England in the first place.
All indications were pointing toward another wedding happening soon between Macy’s other best friend, Kylie, and my other older brother, Dylan, who just so happened to be Damian’s younger twin.
Not that Dylan and Kylie were a sure thing. It was just difficult not to assume they’d end up together since Dylan looked at Kylie the same way Damian had been gazing at his bride the entire day.
Dylan had also gone chasing after Kylie like a man with a purpose when they’d had some kind of a misunderstanding near the end of the reception.
My suspicion was that those two would end up engaged in the very near future, if that hadn’t happened already.
I tried not to think about what would happen once both of my older brothers were married since my mum could be ruthless in her pursuit of grandchildren.
While I had nothing against marriage in general and especially not for my brothers, I wasn’t exactly enthusiastic about tying the knot myself. My life was complicated because I’d always been on the road a lot, and I wasn’t the kind of guy most women dreamed of having for a groom.
Well, maybe except for the fact that I was a billionaire from an aristocratic family.
Aside from that, I wasn’t exactly marriage material because I was basically already married to my career.
Macy broke eye contact with me and raised her footrest on her recliner. “I still feel a little guilty, even though Nicole and Damian were getting ready to leave their reception. I arrived in England a lot later than Kylie, and I don’t want Nic to feel like her wedding wasn’t important to me.”
“She’d never think that,” I told Macy honestly. “It’s not like she doesn’t understand busy lives and careers.”
Since Damian’s wife was both a corporate attorney and a business owner, I was fairly certain she knew what it was like to have some very major career commitments.
If not, Damian certainly did. He owned and managed Lancaster International with Dylan, which was one of the largest corporations in the world.
I didn’t know a lot about Nicole, Kylie and Macy, but I was aware that the three American women had been best friends since they were children.
Damian’s relationship with Nicole had developed quickly, and Dylan’s with Kylie had happened even faster. So I hadn’t had much time to get to know any of them well.
I’d spent the most time with Nicole, and she was a very easy woman to like. It wasn’t surprising that Damian had tied the knot so quickly. Nicole brought out the best in my oldest brother.
I didn’t know Kylie well, but I was more grateful to her than I could honestly express. She’d been responsible for taking a very broken Dylan and putting him back together again.
Kylie would deny that she had anything to do with Dylan’s recovery, but we all knew the truth. Maybe my brother’s tenacity had gotten him through the darkest period of his life, but Kylie’s take-no-bullshit attitude with Dylan had certainly helped.
And Macy Palmer?
Macy was basically a mystery to me.
As she’d mentioned, she’d flown in later than most of us in the wedding party, just in time for Nicole’s hen party, so we hadn’t seen much of each other after our initial introduction.
However, I had to admit that she’d made one hell of an impression.
I’d liked her almost immediately, and my cock had experienced a serious case of insta-love that didn’t want to see reason, even though I’d tried.
Yes. Well, I’d tried to tone that reaction down, but my dick was, unfortunately, not listening well.
Admittedly, it had been a while since any female had inspired that kind of bodily reaction, so it wasn’t really surprising that I’d chosen to stifle it as best I could.
Number one, it didn’t appear that the attraction was mutual.
Number two, she was Nicole’s best friend, and I really did like my brother’s new wife.
Number three, she was emotionally upset, and who the fuck would mess with a woman who was vulnerable?
I was no innocent, but I wasn’t some wanker who tried to screw every attractive woman I met.
Since Macy and I had both been in the wedding party, we’d had a few encounters over the last few days, but the most significant had been when I’d found her crying alone in my mother’s library earlier in the evening.
My first instinct had been to back out of the library and let Macy have her privacy since we hardly knew each other.
Unfortunately, I discovered it wasn’t in me to just ignore a woman who was crying alone like her entire world was falling apart.
After she’d told me that Karma had taken an unexpected turn for the worse, and that she’d desperately wanted to be there so the tiger wouldn’t die alone, how could I not offer to rush her back to the States with me? I’d planned on departing the next morning anyway, so it wasn’t exactly a huge inconvenience to leave a little early. I’d have to be a total asshole not to give her the option of traveling with me since I was headed the same direction. I was even going to the same state and general location.
“Really,” Macy finally answered earnestly. “My life isn’t all that crazy busy right now. It’s just the whole situation with Karma. My timing has always sucked.”
I wasn’t sure she was being completely honest about her schedule, but maybe her idea of busy and mine were entirely different.
Macy was a beautiful woman, but the dark circles under her eyes and what looked like long-term stress was definitely taking its toll on her delicate face right now.
If I had to guess, I’d say that Karma had been sick for quite some time—or there were other things in her life that were getting to her.
“It wasn’t exactly your timing,” I pointed out. “You didn’t set the wedding date, and Damian was in one hell of a hurry to put a wedding band on Nicole’s finger. I doubt it would be easy for anyone to just drop everything and travel out of the country to be in a wedding on fairly short notice. It wasn’t easy for me and I’m my own boss.”
If anyone had heard Damian complain before the nuptials, they would have thought he’d waited for years rather than merely a few months to marry Nicole.
A ghost of a smile appeared on Macy’s lips. “Damian and Nicole were meant to be together. I don’t blame either of them for not wanting to wait.”
“Dylan and Kylie, too,” I added.
Her voice sounded surprised as she asked, “Do you really think they’ll end up together? I mean, I think you’re right, but I have no idea how Dylan feels about Kylie. Well, other than the fact that he looks at her like he’s crazy about her.”
She sounded genuinely pleased about the idea of Kylie finding the right man for her in Dylan.
“I definitely think they’ll end up together,” I answered confidently. “You don’t blame him for being such a wanker before he got his shit together?”
Dylan had been a complete prick when Kylie had walked into his life.
She shook her head. “No. From what I understand I think he had a good reason for going off the deep end. If he’s good to my friend now, that’s all that really matters.”
Macy had obviously missed the fact that Kylie had fled the estate in tears with Dylan following in her wake so he could finally make it crystal clear exactly how he felt about her.
Although I had no intention of telling Macy anything that might upset her more, I saw no reason not to tell her that Dylan and Kylie were mad about each other. It was the truth. “He’s in love with her.”
She sighed as she rested her head back against the leather seat. “I hope you’re right. Kylie so deserves her own happy ending.”
Macy sounded so damn weary, looked so incredibly drained, that I wished there was something more I could do to help her.
“What about you?” I asked. “You don’t look particularly happy right now. Don’t you deserve to be happy?”
She stretched as she got comfortable in the recliner. “Maybe some of us just aren’t meant to be committed, married and blissfully happy,” she said wryly.
Since I felt the same way, I was surprised that her words rankled just a little.
I’d been attracted to Macy Palmer from the moment I laid eyes on her.
And…I’d been thoroughly surprised that there was no man by her side or back in the States for her, so apparently her single status was by design.
Not quite sure what to say, I finally said, “Maybe you can manage to get some sleep. We’re at cruising altitude and the ride looks smooth for now.”
She looked completely knackered, so any sleep she could get would likely help her.
“Maybe so,” she said noncommittally. “I’m really not all that tired at the moment.”
I forced myself not to stare at her but I couldn’t quite stop contemplating her single status. Surely there had been plenty of men who had tried to change that.
I doubted there were very many red-blooded males who wouldn’t notice Macy.
She had curves in all the right places, pretty walnut colored hair that fell in a silken cloud until it ended in a bob just short of her shoulders, creamy skin that made a man want to reach out and touch her and plump lips that would make a man fantasize about them in any number of ways.
And those damn eyes…
That gloriously expressive, grayed-eyed gaze that seemed to radiate emotion was probably the feature that had really grabbed me by the balls.
I had to wonder if she knew that her eyes were spellbinding and made a man wonder exactly what she was thinking.
I could either read her emotions in her eyes with crystal clarity or they would give me absolutely no clue what thoughts were in her head.
Either way, they were mesmerizing, whether she was an open book at that moment or a mystery I wanted to solve.
When Macy asked a question during a conversation, she wasn’t doing it out of some sense of politeness. She really wanted to know the answer, and you could see the anticipation and curiosity in her gaze.
Like, when I’d talked to her about some of my field work to find species that had already been declared extinct.
Granted, she was an exotic animal vet, so it might be natural that she’d feel the same enthusiasm, but I hadn’t met a woman quite like Macy in a long time.
I hadn’t been introduced to a woman I could talk to who was even remotely interested in threatened species or conservation, unless they actually worked on my field team. Which was probably why I never bothered to talk much about my work when I was circulating in the ultra-wealthy world, I’d grown up in.
It was also the reason I rarely wasted my time on dating anymore.
Most people didn’t understand why a billionaire would choose to spend his time tramping through a bug-infested jungle in search of a creature thought to be extinct.
Unfortunately for them, they’d also never know the satisfaction of being part of a team that helped save a species from extinction.
My family understood why I’d chosen to step out of the day-to-day running of Lancaster International and the life I grew up in to pursue my own interests.
Most of the others in that same circle never would.
Because I’d been born and bred a Lancaster, I could fit into both worlds, but my choice was to do whatever I could for wildlife conservation. Especially those species that man’s stupidity had put on the extinct and critically endangered lists in the first place.
“Would you like a drink? Food?” I asked, wanting to find some way to ease the look of stress and fatigue from Macy’s face.
When she didn’t answer, I turned my head only to realize she was asleep.
Not really all that tired, my ass.
Something told me she was fighting off exhaustion a lot more often than she wanted to admit.
Her eyes were closed, her head tilted to one side in what looked like a rather… uncomfortable position.
Bloody hell. She’ll wake up with a neckache from sleeping like that.
I unbuckled my seatbelt, and then hers, before I lifted her gently into my arms, hoping not to wake her.
I wanted to curse myself because my cock got rock-hard the moment I had her settled against me.
Christ! It had been way too long since I’d gotten laid.
I barely knew the attractive woman I was holding in my arms, yet her effect on every one of my senses was almost profound.
She felt amazing.
She smelled amazing.
No doubt she’d taste fantastic.
“Fuck!” I cursed again under my breath, thoroughly disgusted with myself.
I wasn’t some tosser who got hard every time he saw or touched a female.
I strode back to the bedroom, hit the switch for the soft light underneath the headboard, and put Macy down on the bed.
She had changed after she’d boarded the jet into a pair of jeans and a soft pink T-shirt with the logo of the big cat sanctuary where she worked.
She looked comfortable but somehow, she still appeared to be so damn…vulnerable.
Her brow was furrowed, and she didn’t look like she was in a peaceful slumber.
“Bloody hell,” I said quietly, wondering what it was about this woman that was getting under my skin.
Annoyed, I finally tore my gaze away from her defenseless form and grabbed a blanket to cover her.
I had plenty of other things to think about right now.
Like a possible new discovery in the Mediterranean if some rumors turned out to be true.
Not to mention my new conservation center that I was building near Palm Desert in California.
The new center was the reason why I was going to the US. It was a huge undertaking, and we weren’t even beyond the setup phase at this point.
I also had the endless responsibilities of my larger conservation center that was already running in England.
Every day, we had new challenges there with the captive breeding programs.
We’d have those very same challenges in California, too.
I absolutely did not need to be so damned focused on a female who was sad over losing a feline friend.
She’d get over her loss, right?
This field of work was full of wins and losses, with more of the later the majority of the time.
“Right then,” I said under my breath. All I had to do was focus on the multitude of responsibilities that were waiting for my attention.
They’d make me forget all about the despondent but beautiful exotic vet in no time.
I turned the light off before I moved toward the door.
She’d sleep through the flight.
I could crash on the couch.
Since I slept in some pretty rough places at times, sleeping on the sofa was no imposition for me.
Despite my resolve to only focus on work, a mumbled sound of distress from Macy made me halt suddenly right as I reached the door.
Fuck!
What if she woke up scared?
What if she didn’t know where she was because I’d carried her back here?
What if she needed…someone?
I walked to the other side of the bed, resigned, and stretched out next to her.
Since I was the only “someone” available at the moment, I supposed that I needed to stay close to her.
I gave up on any pretense of thinking about work as Macy rolled closer to me and burrowed into my side like she was a heat seeking missile looking for her warm target.
I wrapped an arm around her and was gratified to hear her sigh and then settle down as though she was finally safe from whatever burdens had been plaguing her.
Making certain that Macy Palmer felt like she was safe in her slumber seemed to suddenly be my priority.
At least for now, whether I wanted to do it…or not.
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