Prologue
The orderlies in black scrubs would be rounding the corner of the hallway at any moment. He knew he couldn’t outrun them for long, but his daediem was at his side, helping to keep him upright. Without his roommate—cellmate—he’d already be down due to the oozing puncture wounds in his left leg from where the metal apparatus had been attached. His right leg had not yet regained its strength since the cast had only been off for a few days.
He was more than lucky to have gotten the metal contraption removed in time, but the medicine had worn off and each step became more agonizing.
“There he is!” a deep male voice bellowed from behind. “Stop! Or we will use force!”
In one way or another they had been using force the whole time, so that was a laughable threat. However, they could no longer lock him down.
Freedom was close according to his roughly drawn map. The elevators that led the way out were only a few turns away.
“You’re slowing down!” his daediem pleaded between heavy breaths.
“I can’t go any faster.”
“If you don’t, they’ll drag us back in there! I can’t go back again!”
They turned two more corners of labyrinthine hallways and found their exit.
Blocked!
Three more brutish orderlies in black scrubs stood before the elevators—the only things standing between them and their freedom from the horrific asylum.
He crumpled the yellow paper with the sketched map—which had taken him weeks to compile the data for and draw—stuffed the wad in his mouth, chewed hastily, and swallowed.
“Do you yield?” one of the orderlies said, which was not intended as a question.
More footsteps skidded to a stop behind him and his daediem.
He was struck by a jolt of electricity, causing every muscle in his body to spasm and go limp. He collapsed, and his daediem did the same.
After a few moments, he regained some control over his limbs. The jolt had stopped. He rolled onto his back and swallowed hard, trying hard not to expel the remnants of the paper still lingering in his throat.
There was now a circle of six menacing faces surrounding and gazing down upon the two boys.
A steady click of high heels sounded in the distance. Two of the orderlies stepped aside to allow her into the circle—the asylum’s Psychiatrist in Chief, the slender woman with long white hair.
“Our second ever escape attempt and it’s with the same patient,” she said softly. He knew her light voice was not to be mistaken for meekness. “Your feat is rather impressive, but I can’t allow you to leave. You have more treatment to undergo.” She flashed a sharp, wolf-like smile.
“Third time’s a charm,” he answered, trying his best to mimic her confidence. He would not allow her the satisfaction of cowering in defeat. He would escape. It was no delusion.
“No, young man, there will be no third time. I will see to that personally.”
He felt the familiar sting of a needle sinking into his arm as she turned on her heel and walked away. The bleak hallway faded from his consciousness before the orderlies in black scrubs even had the chance to pull him and his daediem off the floor.
Chapter 1: Unsalvageable Pieces
Anna was a great girl and I think she really liked me. During the two short weeks of Christmas vacation, our relationship had never been better. It was just that every time I closed my eyes to kiss her, I pictured Desiree.
I hadn’t seen much of Desiree over the break, but Anna told me that she and Eli had become more inseparable than ever. I knew it was probably due to guilt because I was feeling the same way. The kiss Desiree and I shared on the roof of Lorne Tower was the kind of fantasy kiss you only see in movies, and I’d probably never experience anything like it again. It was sad really, like I had already peaked…and I had only kissed two girls.
“Hey, you gotta see this,” Jeremy said, barging into my room. When he was excited about something, everyone around him knew. He had always been that kind of high-energy guy, like a steamroller, even when we were kids.
Jeremy passed me his cell phone.
“What am I looking at?” I asked, looking at the frozen screen.
“Just watch.” He tapped the screen and a video began to play.
I quickly realized what it was. It was the video he had shot on his camcorder during the night Desiree, Anna, and I had visited TJ’s grave and attempted to summon TJ’s spirit through Anna’s Ouija board. That was the girls’ introduction to my older brother, the ladies’ man of the Eastman High senior class. They were so pissed.
Jeremy had added visual effects and a musical score to the video. I couldn’t believe he still had this, let alone spent the time sprucing it up. It was made to look like he was the killer in his own slasher movie. The picture was gritty and dark and showcased our genuine fear, until we realized we were being punk’d.
“Why’s it on your phone?” I asked.
“It’s not. It’s on YouTube.”
“You put your video of us on YouTube?”
“And linked it to my Facebook page. It’s gonna go viral, I can feel it.” Jeremy snatched back his phone and started the video over.
“Desiree was just starting to like you.”
“It’s not like anyone can tell. It’s too dark to really make you guys—”
“But you’ll tell!” His subtle manipulation was irritating, even though I was used to it.
“That’s true.” He smirked. “This is my favorite part!” Jeremy angled the screen so I could see it.
Looking at it more closely I saw a faint figure standing behind the three of us. I couldn’t make out any details, but I knew instantly it was TJ. Desiree, Anna, and I had all felt he was there that night. We just couldn’t be sure. But there he was, with us the whole time.
“Did you even realize you captured a real ghost on video?” I finally said.
“What? What are you talking about?” Jeremy angled the screen back to him. He squinted and brought the small screen up close to his face. “Really? Where?”
“He’s right behind us. You can’t see him?”
“How do you know it’s a him? Is it that Thomas kid? I don’t see anything.” Jeremy dropped the phone down to his side. “Nice try.”
“You should pay more attention.” I was thrilled that I still had an edge on Jeremy.
“You’re just screwing with me. You’re jealous,” Jeremy said, waving his phone at me.
“Of what? Get out of my room,” I snapped, pushing him toward the door. “Desiree and Anna were pissed about this little stunt the first time.”
“Your identities are safe with me. It’ll all be part of the mystique.”
“I’m not buying it.”
“That’s okay, you don’t have to—holy crap! It’s already gotten over 200 hits! It’s been up less than an hour. Do you know what this means?”
“That I can expect more ridicule at school?” Once he was fully removed from my room, I slammed the door in his face.
“I can make you a star!” Jeremy exclaimed before stomping away.
Jeremy was in a surprisingly good mood whenever we dealt with the present or any events before his disappearance. But Jeremy didn’t want to talk about the events in Provex City. The subject was taboo. Each time I brought it up, Jeremy simply shut down like a traumatized child. There was nothing I could do. Maybe, with time, he would open up so I could find out more of what had happened before I crash-landed into that plane. It was a beautiful city, but it haunted me. Kafka Lorne was dead, but it’s been my experience that the dead can still speak. Like TJ—my friend from the other side. Unfortunately, he hadn’t spoken to me since Kafka banished him from the penthouse suite. I couldn’t ask Jeremy about that either.
Today was the day that Richard, my stepdad, was scheduled to be released from the hospital. Mom had spent the morning working around the house, waiting for the call. Today was also the last day of Christmas vacation. It just made me extra antsy. I’d always found it hard to concentrate when I was waiting for something. In this case, my anticipation was a double-edged sword. I was excited to have Richard come home, but at the same time I didn’t want to get any closer to returning to school. Who knew what awaited me there. I didn’t know how to act around my friends anymore. I didn’t know what to say to Mr. Gordon. I didn’t know if I’d have any more bullies itching to pound me into the ground. Worrying was a terrible way to spend the last weekend of my vacation.
Internet news feeds were always good for passing time. A woman is escorted off a train by police for talking too loudly on her cell phone. How does it make sense that it costs more than a penny to manufacture a penny? The telltale signs that your significant other is cheating on you. I had to read that last article, even though I guess I would be considered the cheater by most people’s standards. Under normal circumstances, I would have checked out YouTube for a good laugh. Now I was afraid of finding Jeremy’s video on the home page.
I leaned back in my chair and glanced around my desk, my attention fleeting and unfocused. That’s when I noticed, on the floor between my desk and the wall, the frayed edge of the carpet. It loosely lifted away from the baseboard and looked as though the corner was no longer nailed down. This was TJ’s room before mine, which made me wonder if this was another one of his secrets waiting to be revealed.
I rolled my chair back and dragged my desk away from the wall. My hands shook from the suspense as I fumbled around with the corner of the carpet, slowly pulling it up like I was unzipping a body bag. How had I never noticed this before?
Under the loose corner of carpet, a square piece of the padding was cut away so a college-ruled notebook could be snugly placed between the carpet and the floorboard. I picked up the notebook. It felt like my friend had come home. TJ was finally talking to me again.
“We're leaving now,” Mom said with a quick knock to my door. She was gone before I even had a chance to respond.
I tucked the carpet back under the baseboards as carefully as possible, repositioned my desk, and held the green notebook in my hands. There was no writing on the cover, but I knew it was his. My arms were too weak to hold it with just one hand and I fumbled with the cover as I opened it to the first page.
“You comin’ or what?” Jeremy banged on my door.
I closed the notebook out of reflex. Unlike Mom, he wasn’t going to leave until I answered.
“Yeah, one second,” I said and stuffed TJ’s notebook into my bottom desk drawer, grabbed a jacket, and opened the door to a theatrically impatient older brother and an always impatient golden retriever.
“We’re all waiting on you, Princess,” Jeremy said mockingly. I braced myself for a jab to the gut, but Jeremy anticlimactically walked away instead. Frolics, on the other hand, stayed seated, thumping his tail against the carpet.
“Sorry, boy. You’ve gotta stay here. We’ll be back soon. All of us this time.”
Mom, Jeremy, and I had been visiting Richard every day since he awoke from his coma. His recovery since that day was miraculous in the eyes of the doctors. They commented every day on how his rapidly improving condition was absolutely unprecedented. They couldn’t explain it, and I couldn’t tell them that it was me. I woke him up. I set his healing in motion. I couldn’t yet heal instantaneously like Mr. Gordon, but I believed I was well on my way.
Mom started crying as soon as she saw Richard out of his hospital gown and back into his street clothes. He was seated in a wheelchair, talking with one of his nurses, when we all piled into the room. Mom advised him not to get up, but he did anyway. Richard still had casts on his left arm and leg, but he was already able to grasp, stand, and get around rather well with crutches. The wheelchair was just a hospital formality.
“Don’t hurt yourself. We haven’t even gotten you home yet,” Mom said, trying to laugh through the tears.
“Home? I’d much rather hurt myself here.”
“No one’s getting hurt,” Jeremy said.
“Especially not the Miracle Man of St. Joseph’s,” the nurse said. That’s what they began calling him a few days after he awoke. They couldn’t explain how he was healing so fast. It was a miracle. By their standards, it shouldn’t have been possible for him to walk out of the hospital six weeks after his accident. Yet today he would be able to do just that.
Richard’s primary doctor, Dr. Barnes, strolled into the room. “It looks like the gang’s all here,” he said, shaking hands with each of us, then Richard. “I don’t think we did very much for you. Somehow, you did all the work yourself. I just want to wish you and your family the best.”
“Thank you, Doctor.” Richard sat back down in his wheelchair, looking guilty like he had just been caught misbehaving. “You’ve done so much. I don’t know how to thank you more.”
“I wish I could take more credit. Believe me; I do.”
“I thought you actually wanted to leave this place?” Jeremy said to Richard.
“Well, this wheelchair isn’t going to push itself,” Richard said with a sly half-grin. “How about giving me a jump-start, tough guy?”
Jeremy didn’t hesitate to grab the reins, and in that moment, our family had finally come back together. I was carrying Richard’s crutches, which I handed to him when we got to the main entrance. I felt a sense of pride and accomplishment when Richard pushed out of his wheelchair a final time and found his balance on the crutches. The nurse who had been in his room when we arrived had followed us down to the entrance.
“I can’t thank you enough, but I hope to never see any of you guys again,” Richard said smiling. We all had a good laugh. I, too, could go without setting foot inside another hospital for a long time.
As we pulled out of the hospital parking lot, Richard said he craved a cheeseburger, so we stopped at In-N-Out on the way home. We waited in the ridiculously long drive-thru line, then took our food home, and ate our lunch at the dining room table that was usually reserved for holidays.
“That was absolutely amazing,” Richard said after scarfing down his burger and fries. He leaned back in his chair and exhaled loudly. “I guess I should call Jerry this weekend and get a meeting set up.”
Jerry McDonald was Richard’s new lawyer, who’d come to the hospital several times to get a head start on building a case against the driver responsible for Richard’s accident.
“There will be plenty of time for that. You just got home,” Mom said, beginning to clear the table. “He’ll understand that you need your rest and should take the weekend off.”
“I feel fine. I’ve been resting for weeks. I’ve never felt so rested. I need to do something. I can’t just sit around and do nothing anymore.” Richard got up from the table, carefully balancing himself on the backs of the chairs, the wall, and the doorframe to help guide him into the kitchen. He was too stubborn to use crutches indoors. But at the rate of his healing, he wouldn’t need them for much longer anyway.
Richard grabbed a beer from the refrigerator. “I’m going to give Jerry a call,” he said and hobbled to his room.
“I guess there’s no slowing him down,” Mom said.
“Back to business as usual,” I said, helping her with the rest of the dishes.
“I’m gonna see what Leslie’s up to,” Jeremy said. He dropped his plate in the sink and disappeared from the kitchen.
“Business as usual,” Mom repeated. “How are things between you and your girlfriend?”
“Fine,” I said.
“Okay, I guess you’re not in a sharing mood.”
“It’s not that I don’t want to share, it’s just that there’s not much to say right now.”
“Have you told her what happened? I know you don’t want to talk to me about it, even though it would make me feel a whole lot better. Or perhaps, you would feel more comfortable talking with Richard. We can take you to see someone. It’s not good to suppress your memories and emotions. It’s better to talk about them. I don’t know what happened to you and Jeremy while you both were away because neither of you will tell me anything.”
“I’m sorry, Mom. I just can’t. But I’m fine. We’re both fine.”
“But how do I know that? How can I be sure? I’m your mother and I worry about you—both of you. You have no idea what it’s like to have a child disappear for several weeks, and then the other one for a couple days, only to have you both return home with no explanation. You say you’re fine and I’m not supposed to wonder? To worry? I’m not supposed to want what’s best for my two sons? I’d say I have a right to know everything that’s happened.”
“I haven’t told Anna what really happened.”
“What do you mean?”
I sighed before continuing. “I kinda made up a story instead of telling her the truth. I’m not ready to talk about it, with her or anyone. But I had to tell her something.”
“You lied?” Mom sounded disappointed. “Haven’t I taught you better than that?”
“I didn’t know what else to do.”
“I really want you to go talk to somebody. How about the school counselor?”
I really didn’t want to talk to the school counselor, but what choice did I have, other than to just say yes, and then not go. “All right. I’ll go this week.”
“Thank you,” she said and leaned against the counter. “Now, what do you think are the odds that you can get Jeremy to go with you?”
“Not great.” But, just like with me, I could probably convince him to say he was going with me to meet with the counselor.
While we were both standing silently in the kitchen, neither one of us knowing what to say next, Jeremy emerged from his room and gave us an inquisitive look as he passed. “I’ll be home later.”
Mom barely had a chance to voice a response before he was out the door.
“Slim to none,” I said, retracting my last statement.
When Mom excused herself for a smoke, I retreated to my room. I hated always being the one put on the spot when Jeremy seemed to never have to explain himself. They never seemed to probe him for information and explanations like they did me.
I took TJ’s notebook from my desk drawer and jumped onto my bed. I half-expected him to finally show up again so he could provide commentary while I read through his journal. I felt guilty to have it and not have him here. We had become friends over the last few months, and reading a friend’s private messages didn’t seem right. Even with that friend being dead and gone. I just stared at the cover, unable to open it.
My cell phone buzzed in my pocket, and I checked to see who was calling. I reluctantly decided to answer.
“Hey, Anna.”
“Hey, you. I was just thinking about you. What’re you up to?”
“Not much. Richard just got home from the hospital.”
“That’s great!”
“Yeah, it is.”
“Are you up for doing anything today? I’ll totally understand if you’re not.”
I didn’t answer right away. TJ’s closed notebook was staring up at me. The corners of the cover were creased from overuse. “Yeah, I think that’d be good.”
“I’m over at Desiree’s. Do you want to come over here? Eli’s here, too. We can all hang out.”
“Umm…”
“Or I can come over to your house, if you want. We can, you know, have some quality alone time.”
I wasn’t sure exactly what she was thinking. ‘Quality alone time’ at my house would be more like supervised alone time with both of my parents at home. But I just wanted to see her—without Desiree.
Anna didn’t come over for another hour, but during that time I wasn’t able to open the notebook. I put it back in my desk drawer for safekeeping. When Anna arrived, I took my coat and led her into the backyard. We sat on the steps of my octagonal gazebo. She leaned her head on my shoulder and I traced lines on her open palm with my finger. She wasn’t crazy enough to soak her feet in the pool this time. It couldn’t have been more than 50 degrees in the sun. The shade from the roof of the gazebo made it necessary to huddle closer together, sharing our body heat.
Anna had been letting her hair grow out since I’d met her, except her bangs, which were now cut and swept to the right. I liked it more and more as it grew out.
“What are you thinking?” she asked.
“My mom wants me to talk to the school counselor.”
“Is that such a bad thing? You seem more closed off since the incident in the ravine.”
“I’m sorry. I don’t mean to be,” I said.
“I know. But it’s probably still a good idea to talk to someone about what happened to you and Desiree. That and with everything that happened with your brother—you still haven’t talked about it.”
“It’s complicated.”
“It’s complicated,” Anna repeated. “That’s not how you open up. That’s not how you build a relationship. I hope you trust me enough to talk to me.”
“Jeremy ran away because he didn’t want to face the consequences of beating up those guys. I think he put Sasha in the hospital. Jeremy ran, but he didn’t go far. When he heard I was in the hospital, after being attacked in the ravine, he visited me. He soon realized it was better for him to come home.” I was coming up with the fabricated story one sentence at a time.
“I know it’s been hard.” Anna sandwiched my tracing hand between hers and kissed me softly on the cheek. “I think your mom’s right. It would be good for you to talk about this stuff to someone—to get it all sorted out in your head.”
“I know. I told my mom the same thing.”
Anna continued kissing me on the cheek and moved slowly to my ear. She playfully held my earlobe in her teeth. I turned my whole body toward her and met her glossy rose-pink lips with mine. With my free hand, I found her waist through her unzipped leather jacket.
My imagination couldn’t be trusted. I kept my eyes open, looking out toward the fence, so Desiree’s tear-stricken face wouldn’t creep into my head. It was such a strange and uncomfortable feeling because Anna was a beautiful and wonderful girl. This moment was as good as it could get; in Anna’s embrace with her hands and lips on me. Her eyes were accented with powder-blue eye shadow. Anna usually wore more makeup than Desiree, not in a cover-up or distracting sort of way, but in a way that highlighted and enhanced her natural beauty.
She pulled back and reopened her eyes. There was something different in them. It was as if she could see through me and saw everything I was hiding. I leaned in to kiss her more, and after a few seconds, she pulled away again.
“I love you,” she whispered, as if she was embarrassed to say it.
“I—I love you, too,” I stuttered. I thought I had felt guilty before, but it was nothing compared to what I felt now. I loathed myself. I shouldn’t even have answered her, but I was so taken off guard and didn’t want to hurt her feelings. What else was I supposed to say?
The smile on her face said it all. She kissed me as passionately as our first kiss on the night of Desiree’s Halloween party. Then she wrapped her arms around my neck and nuzzled her head on my shoulder.
“I was so afraid you didn’t feel the same way. I’ve never said that to a boy before. I’m still shaking. Can you feel it?”
“No. You feel as confident as ever.”
“Only on the outside,” she said, and we sat there quietly holding each other for a few minutes.
It felt as though someone’s hands were around my neck, choking the life out of me, but it wasn’t Kafka. It was the lie. It hurt to breathe. I could not go on lying to Anna. It was hard before, but now it was impossible. Here she was giving me all of her trust and faith, and I was giving her nothing.
“Anna…there’s something I have to tell you.”
“You can tell me anything,” she said, lifting her head off my shoulder and giving my cheek another gentle kiss.
“Okay, here goes. It’s about what happened to Jeremy. And about what happened to Desiree and me in the ravine—or what didn’t happen. The two events are actually re—”
The back sliding door opened and Eli strolled into the backyard. I tensed up immediately.
“Your mom let me in and told me you guys were out here. I hope that’s okay,” Eli said.
“Of course,” I said.
“Is Desiree here, too?” Anna asked.
“Nope, just me…with a singing telegram.” Eli stopped right in front of us. At that moment, Anna didn’t exist to him. He was fully concentrated on me.
“What?” Anna asked, but she didn’t move.
I began to get up, but before I was fully standing, I was met with a right hook across the face. I fell back into the gazebo. Anna screamed at Eli, completely unaware of what was going on.
“This doesn’t make us even!” he snarled and stormed away, leaving me with the responsibility of explaining what had just happened to Anna.
I had already decided to provide a more truthful explanation, but one that could have hopefully spared our relationship. There was very little hope for that now.
Anna’s yelling alerted Mom and Richard inside, and Mom quickly appeared at the glass sliding door. “What’s going on out here?”
“I’m sorry for the mess,” Eli said indifferently, marching toward the side gate, and presumably home to Desiree. She had crumbled first and I was left with all the unsalvageable pieces.
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