Nadia
The (Almost) Present
'It seemed I had always known them, those magnificent sarsens towering above my head. I nearly convinced myself that I had been created by them. That somehow, incredible and impossible as it might seem, they had given birth to me. How stupidly fanciful is that? Yet now, as I drive closer, I feel that old rush of excitement flowing through my veins as it has since…well, forever.
It’s a feeling, a real sense of coming home. And I know that sounds crazy. Here we are in the south of England, yet I have lived all my life in the north, two hundred and fifty miles away. But much as I love the Pennines and their rugged beauty, I never felt I truly belonged there. Recently, I have come to realize that, only when I am in Landane, surrounded by those ancient stones, do I feel grounded, at home, where I belong. Even if it isn’t always easy.
Safe? Is that the right word? Maybe not safe exactly but…protected, shielded from something I don’t understand. Something I have never understood. It exists on the edge of my sight. I can’t quite see it, but it’s there. Like a fleeting shadow. When it happens, it’s for a split second only. So fleeting that I am left unsure of whether it even happened. And it can occur at any time, without warning. Like that day at work…. I don’t have a fancy job. I work as a sales assistant in a branch of a chain of high street pharmacies. One day, I was advising a customer on which type of moisturizer might suit her best when, out of the corner of my eye, it…whatever it was…flashed by. I let out a little cry. I didn’t mean to. It just happened and it scared the wits out of the poor woman. Next thing, she summoned the manager. “You look like you’ve seen a ghost, Nadia,” he said, so I suppose I must have. And he wasn’t far off the truth anyway...
We have just whizzed past a road sign. Landane’s only five miles away. Beside me, my partner, Jonathan, has fallen asleep…
Four miles now. My nerve endings are tingling. It’s as if the stones are calling to me. They always have. It’s been two years but I always knew I would return. They knew too. I only wish it wasn’t under such sad circumstances but…well, I’m here now and this time feels different, as if something important is going to happen. No, important isn’t a strong enough word. Life-changing. Monumental….
Jonathan stirs. He opens his eyes, yawns and stretches. “This looks familiar,” he says. I wish he could sound more enthusiastic. Both sides of the road are bordered by fertile hedges, resplendent in their bright green spring foliage. It’s late April and the sun is shining.
It’s late April and I’m coming home.' ...
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