Soul Confessions

by Monique Miller

Genres: African American; African American Christian; Christian Fiction

Synopsis

Shelby Tomlinson has a doting husband, a beautiful daughter, and a baby boy on the way. She's content with her cozy suburban life—until she learns about lies her husband has been telling. With her world crumbling all around her, Shelby doesn't know if her marriage will be able to stand the test set before them. For years, Jeana Sands has carried a torch for her college sweetheart, Phillip. With each hang-up call she places to Phillip's home, and each time she sees him and his happy little family, her fury increases. Jeana devises a plan to make Phillip pay for pretending to love her, getting her pregnant, and leaving her destitute with a baby to raise. The skeletons from Phillip Tomlinson's closet literally come out and knock on his front door when the ex-girlfriend and love child he has been keeping a secret meet his wife, Shelby, on the doorstep of their home. Their marriage is rocked to the core. Will their faith keep them together?

Release date: June 20, 2013

Publisher: Urban Christian

Print pages: 304

Sample

Shelby heard a growl just before the phone was slammed down in her ear. She looked at the caller ID; it displayed ‘unknown’. She breathed a sigh of frustration, tired of being hung up on. It was the second time that day. And she had lost count of the number of times they had called in the past month or so.

She wished who ever it was would stop calling her house. It was really getting annoying. Shelby figured it was probably some kids playing on the phone and hoped they would get tired of calling.

She wobbled over to the bottom of the staircase. “Nyah, darling,” Shelby called to her daughter.

“Yes, Mommy?” Nyah replied.

“Do you have you shoes on?”

“Yes, Mommy.”

“Come here so I can see if they’re on the right feet.”

“Okay, Mommy.”

The phone started ringing again. Without looking at the caller ID, Shelby snatched it up and said, “Hello,” loudly.

“Hey, baby. What’s up? You sound a little upset.”

“Oh, Phillip. I thought you were that person calling to hang up on me again,” Shelby said, relieved it was her husband.

“Nah, it’s just me. We’re going to need to have the calls traced somehow. It seems to be getting worse.”

“It has,” Shelby confirmed.

“I’m coming through the front gate now. I’ll be there in a minute. Are you and Nyah ready?”

“Yeah, we’re ready.”

“Good. I’m ready for Dr. Silva to confirm the fact that we are having a boy,” Phillip said excitedly.

“You really do want a boy don’t you?”

Shelby rubbed her stomach. “Yeah. I do.”

“What if it’s a girl? Will you be disappointed?”

“No. I’ll love her just the same. But I am hoping we’re having a boy. I can tell Nyah isn’t going to be the type of girl who will shoot hoops or play football. She’s so prissy.”

“She is not,” Shelby said defensively.

“I love my little angel. But whether you want to admit it or not, she’s prissy just like you.”

“Phillip!” Shelby said, chastising him.

“That’s what I love about you two,” Phillip tried to say quickly before Shelby could say anything else.

“I don’t know what your definition of prissy is, but Nyah and I are not prissy. We’re just ladies. We don’t accept just any old thing that comes our way. We know what we want when we want it.”

“Like I said, that’s why I love you two so much.”

“I can’t believe you . . .” Shelby started to say.

“Hate to cut you off but I’m pulling into the garage now. See you two beautiful ladies in a few seconds.”

“Hello again, Dr. Silva,” Phillip stated.

“Hello, Mr. Tomlinson. It’s good to see you,” Dr. Silva said in his thick Spanish accent.

“It’s good to see you again, Doc,” Phillip said.

“Hi, Miss Nyah. How are you doing?” Dr. Silva smiled.

“Fine,” Nyah said shyly, attempting to hide behind her father’s leg.

“Shelby, how are you feeling?” Dr. Silva asked.

“I’m feeling a little better. This pregnancy is nothing like my pregnancy with Nyah. It seems like I’m sick all the time,” Shelby complained.

“The sickness usually subsides by the second trimester,” Dr. Silva said.

“I wish it would go away. I’m almost in my third trimester. I’d like to enjoy this pregnancy a little bit,” Shelby said.

“How’s the nausea medication I prescribed for you?”

“I only take try to take it when I feel I really need it,” Shelby answered.

Dr. Silva nodded his head. “Try not to let your stomach get completely empty and continue to keep your fluid intake up. I don’t want you to get dehydrated.”

“I definitely don’t want that to happen again. I hated having the IV in my arm. This baby is really giving us a run for our money.”

“He sure is,” Phillip interjected.

“You think it’s a boy, huh?” Doctor Silva asked.

Shelby rolled her eyes playfully at Phillip, “My husband has it in his mind that it’s the baby boy he’s been waiting for,” Shelby said chuckling.

“I know my little man is in there. He’s already starting to give us problems and he isn’t even here yet.” Phillip patted his wife’s belly.

“My mommy’s gonna have a baby,” Nyah told the doctor.

“Yes I know, Nyah,” the doctor replied. “Do you know if Mommy’s going to have a boy or girl?”

“Daddy said Mommy’s gonna have a boy.”

“Mommy’s going to have a boy,” Shelby corrected her daughter.

“Yeah, that’s what I said, Mommy,” Nyah said and smiled.

“Well, that’s what you’re here to find out. Let’s try to do this ultra sound again. He or she is stubborn, that’s for sure.” Dr. Silva said.

“I’m praying this third try will be a charm,” Shelby said.

“I hope so too,” Doctor Silva agreed.

Phillip moved closer to Shelby’s stomach and rubbed. “Son, I need you to position yourself so that we can show everyone that you’re a boy.”

Shelby smiled. “He’s moving.”

“You said he. So you must agree,” Phillip said.

“No, I was just talking. It could still be a girl,” Shelby said.

“Let’s see if we can put everyone’s minds at ease.”

As Dr. Silva performed the ultra sound, Shelby thought about the first time she came to Dr. Silva’s office a little over four years ago. She and Phillip had been trying to conceive for two years. Shelby had been concerned that she was the reason why they couldn’t get pregnant.

Shelby tried to bring up the subject of their childlessness with Phillip on numerous occasions, but for some reason, Phillip continued to avoid the subject.

One night, Shelby got the house ready for a night of romance in hopes to get her husband to relax and discuss the problems she was having. He became so good at avoiding her, that she set everything up so he wouldn’t be able to escape. That night, she tried to talk to him after giving him a bath with a massage. She made sure he was full of his favorite foods from his favorite soul food restaurant.

Once his stomach was full of food and he was in bed that night, she voiced her concerns. To her disappointment, he had again come up with some excuse to get out of the bed and flee. At her wits end, she prayed God would help her by giving her some kind of answers. She was frustrated and wanted to give up on the whole thing.

When he finally came back upstairs, Phillip had found her crying in the bed and much to her surprise, asked her what was wrong. They started to talk about her concerns. She told him she thought something was wrong with her. She felt that was why they had not conceived. She wanted to talk to a doctor, and find out what the problem might be. She revealed to him she was frustrated that she couldn’t talk to him because he would always run and hide.

After they finished talking, he apologized for avoiding her. Philip told her he’d be there to discuss any concerns she had in the future. He agreed that it would be a good idea to seek professional help.

She was happy and relieved after their conversation. She spoke with her boss, an infertility specialist at the OB/GYN she worked at, the following week. The doctor referred them to her colleague, Dr. Jose Silva, for infertility counseling.

She felt comfortable with Dr. Silva from the first moment she met him. Shelby liked his bedside manner. He was warm and friendly. He answered all of her questions and seemed to be very caring. He didn’t play around. He ran tests for blood work during her first appointment. He did an ultra sound to make sure her ovaries didn’t show any abnormalities.

Her first ultra sound had left her with an empty feeling. Working at an OB/GYN office, she was accustomed to seeing the prenatal patient’s monitors with the figures of babies soon to come. Her heart sank when she saw hers, which didn’t have anything that resembled any of her patients.

She commented to the doctor that the ultra sound looked empty. He assured her he would do everything in his power to achieve the goal of one day doing an ultra sound that would show a baby.

After a couple of months of basal temperature charts and more tests, Dr. Silva determined there weren’t any problems for her. The doctor wanted to perform tests on Phillip to see if there was a problem with him.

At first she was hesitant, fearing he would revert back to his evasive behavior. She felt he had a phobia of needles. When she told him he would need to undergo some tests, Phillip quickly agreed to have them done, and she was surprised.

After having a semen analysis performed, it was determined that Phillip had the infertility problem. He had a low sperm count. Phillip took the news from the doctor personally at first. He was offended by the doctor telling him there was an abnormality in his test. Phillip told her the doctor was calling him a freak.

Shelby reassured him that wasn’t the case. She was happy the doctor found a reason for their infertility issues, so they could move on and do some In-vitro fertilization and try to conceive.

That’s when Shelby learned about a secret Phillip had been keeping from her their entire marriage. Phillip’s ego wouldn’t allow him to let Shelby think he wasn’t man enough to get her pregnant. He felt that God was punishing him for a mistake he had made years earlier. Confused, she asked him what he was talking about.

He revealed to her that in his sophomore year of college, he had gotten his girlfriend pregnant. He told Shelby when he found out about the pregnancy he told his girlfriend she needed to terminate the pregnancy, because neither one of them was ready to become a parent.

Shelby was bewildered when he told her about the ex-girlfriend and the pregnancy. She couldn’t believe her husband kept such a big secret from her. She was even more astonished to hear that he was so callous in telling the girl to get an abortion.

When Shelby started asking him questions, getting louder and louder with each one, he quickly explained that he’d changed his mind and told his girlfriend not to get the abortion. He then said that the girl had a miscarriage a couple of weeks later.

She was livid, because he kept the secret for so long. It hurt her. She was more upset when she realized the only reason he even told her about the secret was because he didn’t want his male ego to be bruised.

Shelby let him know he was selfish for not telling her earlier. She told him that God was good and would not punish him like that, but it was wrong of him to hold something back as important as his secret, especially since he really believed that he was being punished. Because that would mean she was being punished also.

Phillip apologized and agreed to do any of the procedures necessary by the doctor. He did everything in his power to get back into Shelby’s good graces. Shelby forgave him for his deceit.

Dr. Silva started In-vitro fertilization procedures, and Phillip bent over backwards for anything requested of him.

In their first round of IVF procedures, there was a successful harvesting of twelve eggs. After the fertilization process, they had seven embryos. Dr. Silva placed three of the embryos into Shelby’s uterus in hopes that one live pregnancy would occur. The other two embryos had been frozen for a later attempt for another IVF round.

After ten days of waiting and a negative home pregnancy test, they were told by Dr. Silva that the test he performed was positive. They were pregnant. Two weeks after that an ultra sound confirmed, there was one fetus starting to grow.

Shelby was on cloud nine. Even though she had a couple of other ultra sounds and felt the baby’s movements, it still hadn’t seemed real until the contractions started.

When the doctor handed her the baby for the first time, she knew her daughter was the most beautiful baby she had ever seen in the world. She couldn’t believe after all the waiting that she was finally holding her baby girl.

They were back in Dr. Silva’s office with her second pregnancy. The doctor transferred the other two embryos and they were blessed to have had one of them grow. The pregnancy so far had been an ordeal for her. She was sick the entire time and hoped the sickness would subside quickly.

“Ahh, let’s see. There’s the head and one leg. There’s the other leg. Wow he’s spread wide open. There’s no doubt,” Doctor Silva said.

“Yep, there’s no doubt,” Shelby said. “It’s definitely a boy.”

“Even I can see that,” Phillip said. “I told you all it was a boy.”

“Boy, boy, boy,” Nyah chanted.

“You’re going to have a little brother, Nyah,” Doctor Silva said.

“No, my mommy’s gonna have a baby,” Nyah said.

“That’s what I said,” the doctor said, trying to explain and then gave up.

“It’s okay. We’ll explain it to her later,” Shelby said.

“Thanks,” the doctor said, relieved to have the help.

“I’m finally gonna get my boy,” Phillip said.

“Gonna Phillip?” Shelby asked.

“Gonna, going to, goin’-ta,’ whatever. It’s a boy. I’m just happy,” Phillip said not caring what or how he said it.

“Turn here.”

“Where are we going?” Phillip asked.

“I want to stop by the baby boutique. It’s been a while. Let’s see what they have. I guess we can pack up all of Nyah’s old clothes, since we’re having a boy. We’ll have to start from fresh.”

“Yeah, I can see if they have any stuffed footballs and basketballs. I wonder if they have a little catcher’s mitt.”

“So soon, Phillip?”

“You’ve got to start them out young. That way it’s second nature. I know my son will be a great football player.”

“Daddy, I want a football,” Nyah said from the back seat of the Navigator.

“Baby girl, Mommy can get you a little baker oven or something,” Phillip said, smiling at his daughter who quickly smiled back.

Shelby narrowed her eyes. “What’s that suppose to mean?”

“What?”

“That little comment about Mommy getting her a little kitchen set?”

“That’s girl stuff. You know I don’t do stuff like that. You can help her pick out the right one.”

Shelby put her hands on her hip. “I meant why can’t you get her a football or basketball?”

“My little princess is not going to play football.”

“So you’re being a male chauvinist?” Shelby said.

“Those are strong words,” Phillip said in defense.

“That’s what it seems like you’re doing.”

“No, sweetheart. You know Nyah doesn’t even like anything even closely related to sports.”

“Maybe that’s because we don’t give her a chance. If my baby wants a football, then I’ll get her a football.”

“Mommy, I want to cook in my oven,” Nyah said referring to her father’s comment about the baker oven.

“See, I told you,” Phillip said.

Shelby rolled her eyes and smiled.

“Why are you being difficult with me anyway?” Phillip asked.

“I’m not trying to be difficult. I just don’t want my daughter to think she has to be confined to a box in which she can only do certain things because she’s female.”

“I wasn’t doing that. Like I said, she doesn’t like to play sports anyway. The only reason she wanted a football is because she heard me mention it. You know how impressionable she can be,” Phillip said.

“I’d like to think she is observant, not impressionable.”

“Our daughter doesn’t miss much.” Phillip looked in his rearview mirror at his daughter who was listening intently. “Isn’t that right sweetheart?”

“Yes, Daddy,” Nyah agreed without knowing what she was really agreeing to.

“I guess we should get his room together. My due date will be here before we know it.”

“We need to call our parents and let them know what we’re having so they can stop badgering us.”

“Do you want me to call them now?” Shelby asked.

“No, we’re almost at the store now. We can call them when we get home.”

Phillip parked the SUV and opened the doors for his wife and daughter.

“It’s been so long since we’ve done this. I wouldn’t feel right using Nyah’s old baby things especially all the pink items. I mean, the high chair and swing are still doable, but the pink stroller has to go.”

“You got that right. My little man will not be riding in a pink stroller. But, you know you don’t even have to worry. Both our families will have a ball shopping for the first grandson,” Phillip said.

“It will be the first grand boy won’t it?” Shelby nodded her head.

“I want a ball Daddy,” Nyah said.

“Huh?”

“You know your daughter; she doesn’t miss a thing. You said our families would have a ball shopping for the baby. I think she heard the word ball and now she thinks she’s going to get one,” Shelby said.

“First stop the toy section,” Phillip said, scooping Nyah up into his arms.

“Yipee! I’m gonna get a ball,” Nyah squealed with happiness.

“She’s got you wrapped around her little finger, Phillip.”

“Good. I like it like that.”

“Come on before I’m too pooped to do anymore walking,” Shelby said laughing.

Phillip put his other arm around Shelby’s as they walked together into the store.

They looked like the American dream family. They were happily living in the suburbs with a perfect little dog. The only thing missing was the white picket fence. But, as with anything, looks can be deceiving.

Shelby checked her hair in the mirror again. Specifically, looking at her eyes to make sure there weren’t any bags under them. She worked a twelve-hour shift the day before. Even though she had her hours cut at the hospital, she was still exhausted on her days off. The twelve-hour shift was a favor for a friend. She normally only worked from seven to three.

Ever since she had rededicated her life to Christ, she promised herself not to miss church services unless there was a valid reason. Being exhausted wasn’t a good enough reason to skip church.

She always felt rejuvenated after church. From her first few visits to church, she realized New Hope was the place for her. Whenever she attended regular services or the Wednesday night Bible study, she would always get words from God, which enabled her to cope with her daily life.

She looked forward to church every Sunday and Wednesday. Wednesday nights were reserved for Bible study. She wished Phillip would go with her more often than every few months. In the early years of their marriage, he wouldn’t go at all.

“Nyah did you brush your teeth?” Shelby called out to her daughter.

“Yes, Mommy. Look, see my teeth. They’re nice and clean,” Nyah said, showing her mother her pearly whites.

“Very good. Mommy will be ready in a minute. Get your purse. And, make sure you put some tissue in it for that runny nose.”

“Okay, Mommy.”

Shelby checked her own teeth, making sure she didn’t have any lipstick on them.

Satisfied, she picked up her purse and headed downstairs.

Passing the game room, she looked in and saw Phillip lounging on the love seat. He was watching a game on the big screen television.

“Phillip.”

“Yeah, baby?”

“Are you coming to church?”

“No, baby. You know the big game is coming on today. If I go to church, I’ll miss the beginning of it.”

“You can always tape it, honey,” Shelby countered.

“It won’t be the same. Besides, Rick and Will are coming over.”

“Excuses, excuses,” Shelby said.

Phillip turned his attention back to the television, “Huh, baby? Did you say something?” He was already consumed with the pre-recorded game he was already watching.

“No, honey. Don’t worry about it.”

“Okay. You and Nyah have a good time and pray for me while you’re there.”

“Don’t worry, I will,” Shelby said, meaning every word.

“Okay, baby. Love you,” Phillip said loudly.

“I love you too, Phillip,” Shelby said, even though she knew he probably hadn’t heard her.

Shelby turned her attention back to her daughter. “Nyah, where are you?”

“I’m in the kitchen, Mommy,” Nyah called from downstairs.

“Okay, Mommy’s coming.” Shelby carefully descended down the stairs, holding the bottom of her stomach with one hand, and the rail with the other. She was unable to see her feet.

Coming around the kitchen corner, her eyes fell upon a vase with a bouquet of three-dozen red roses and an envelope from her favorite spa leaning against it. Nyah, who was standing next to the flowers, grinning like a Cheshire cat.

“Surprise, Mommy! Happy Mother’s Day!” Nyah ran over to Shelby’s legs and hugged her tightly as she opened the envelope. There was a certificate for the Diamond treatment at the Spa.

“Thank you, Nyah baby. The roses are beautiful.”

Just as Nyah let go of her leg, Phillip rounded the kitchen corner. “Happy Mother’s Day, baby.” He embraced her with a hug and kiss.

“Thank you, sweetheart. I thought you’d forgotten.”

“Me? Never.”

“Mommy, I helped Daddy buy the roses. I paid for them at the store.”

Phillip nodded his head. “She sure did. And she didn’t forget to get my change either. And never gave it back to me.”

Nyah smiled, knowingly.

Shelby sniffed the plump roses. “They smell good. And thank you for the Spa certificate. The Diamond treatment, huh?”

“Only the best for you, baby.” Phillip kissed Shelby again.

“And I kept it a surprise too, Mommy. I didn’t even tell you, did I Daddy?”

Phillip picked up his daughter and gave her a nose-to-nose kiss, “You did a very good job, Nyah. Daddy is very proud of you.”

Shelby looked at the time. “Guess we’d better head on out before we’re late for church.”

“Okay, baby. I’ll be right here when you get back,” Phillip said.

Shelby liked the roses, but wished Phillip would have come with her to church. That would have been a wonderful Mother’s Day present also.

As Shelby dr. . .