RUN
Originally published in Shadows at the Door: An Anthology,
November 2016.
1968
Matthew stares at the clock over the blackboard and tries not to panic as the minute hand slowly makes its way to three in the afternoon. The classroom is bristling with excitement, students eager to leave school and go play with their friends, but for him it’s another feeling entirely that fills his body and makes him sweat.
Fear.
Not that he’d ever admit it to anyone—a guy’s got his pride—but the end of the school day always fills him with dread, and knowing that it’s getting closer sends a chill down his spine and makes his hair stand on end. It normally wouldn’t be so bad, but his last class of the day on Wednesdays is history, and he can feel two familiar sets of eyes watching him from the back of the room as the teacher drones on about this week’s quiz.
Hoping that the teacher doesn’t notice—she caught him last week and made him stay late to clap erasers—Matthew slowly begins to put his things in his school bag. He leaves his Hilroy copybook and nub of a pencil in full view, but sneaks his blue Bic pen and wooden ruler into the rectangular leather bag. He’s in the middle of stuffing his thick brown-paper-wrapped history book and his duotang into the bag when the bell rings. It’s loud, too loud, and it continues to ring in his head and make his teeth hurt even after it’s stopped.
Not caring what gets crumpled, he stuffs the rest of his things in the backpack, buckles it shut, and runs for the door as fast as his legs can take him. He can feel the two boys not far behind him as he shoves his way down the halls and through the front door of Canon O’Meara Elementary School. He runs toward the small iron-wrought fence, grabs onto one of the pointed bars—careful not to impale himself like a boy had the year prior—and hoists himself over it. He lands shakily on the pavement and runs down Center Street. He can hear the two boys gaining on him, and doesn’t need to check behind him to confirm what he already knows: they’re going to catch him. He isn’t fast enough.
He keeps running, desperately pushing forward even as he feels a hand wrap around the collar of his shirt. Pulling hard, the boy clotheslines Matthew with his own shirt and lets out an obnoxious laugh as Matthew falls to the ground in front of Saint Gabriel’s parish.
“Hey Mattie, where you going in such a rush?” asks Paul, the bigger of the two boys. His face is so fat it looks swollen, and his dark eyes stare at Matthew from behind disheveled brown hair. His blue plaid shirt is tucked into beige slacks, his brown belt pulled so tight at his waist that the leather looks to be cutting him in two.
Matthew looks up at him, coughing and rubbing his sore throat with his hand. When he doesn’t answer, the boy kicks him hard in the ribs.
“Sorry, what was that?”
Matthew wants to answer, wants to curse him out, but his lungs are burning from running and he’s starting to feel short of breath. He coughs louder this time, his chest impossibly tight. He takes his backpack off and pulls at the leather buckles, fumbling with the leather as the two boys laugh at his clumsiness. David, the smaller of the two bullies, moves to pull the bag out of Matthew’s hand. Matthew reflexively punches him in the arm.
“Ow!” the boy yells, mostly out of surprise.
Matthew finally works the bag open and dumps the contents out on the asphalt. He rummages through the mess, panic slowly setting in as it gets harder to breathe, until he finally locates the Beclomethasone inhaler. He shakes the brown plastic tube, removes the mouth cap, and presses down on the metal aerosol canister as he inhales as deeply as his lungs will allow. A wave of relief washes over him as he tastes the bitter medicine and feels his lungs open, his breathing returning to normal.
He looks up to see a pair of hands grab his collar, and he doesn’t fight back as Paul drags him to his feet, invading his personal space. The large boy reeks of sweat and his breath smells like the old bologna he had for lunch, and it takes all of Matthew’s self-control not to shudder in disgust.
“You hit my friend,” he says, pulling Matthew closer and enveloping him in the stench. “Big mistake. Didn’t think you even knew how to make a fist, loser. Let me give you some pointers for next time.”
Paul lets go of Matthew with one hand, holding him firm with the other. He draws his arm back, balling his meaty fingers into a fist, and smiles wide as Matthew tries not to flinch.
“Is there a problem here?”
Matthew sighs with relief as he spots Father John’s annoyed expression from the steps of the old grey church. His thinning hair is brushed back and his black robes are spotless as always. His arms are crossed in front of his chest, and by the looks of things he hasn’t come outside of his own good will. Behind him is a small boy with dirty blonde hair framing his thin, pointed face and big ears that stick out awkwardly from his head. His hand-me-down clothes are clearly two sizes too big. The boy wrings his hands, shrinking away from the boys on the road as though he’s hoping no one will notice him standing there.
“No,” David mutters, as Paul lets go of Matthew and takes a step back.
“Good. I’ll see you boys on Sunday?”
“Yes, Father John,” they all say in unison.
The priest waits by the door for the two larger boys to leave, grumbling to no one in particular when Paul makes a show of walking over Matthew’s school things. He waits a moment longer, a scowl still fixed firmly on his face, before turning to head back inside the parish.
“Thank you,” the small boy says in a soft voice as the priest passes, eyes fixed on the ground.
Father John nods, opens the heavy wooden door to the church, and closes it behind him. Once the older man is out of sight, the kid races down the steps and across the yard to his friend.
“Y’okay?” he asks.
“For now … you know Paul’s gonna start calling you ‘Pat the Rat’ again, though, right?” he tells him.
“Oh … did he ever really stop?”
“Not really,” Matthew admits, kneeling to pick his things off the sidewalk.
“Well, there we go,” Patrick laughs, bending down to help.
“You shouldn’t have told on him,” Matthew says after a moment of silence. “Now he’s gonna start beating on you again and making life tough.”
Patrick shrugs, but doesn’t say anything. He picks up Matthew’s inhaler, passing it to him, and tries to unwrinkle some of the crumpled pages by holding them taut and rubbing them over his thigh. Matthew drops the Beclomethasone into the schoolbag, coughing into the crook of his arm, and watches Patrick with a sad frown.
“But thanks, you know, for saving my neck.”
“Don’t thank me just yet. Don’t you have math with him tomorrow afternoon?”
Matthew groans.
“Had to remind me, didn’t you?”
With Matthew’s belongings collected and packed away, the two boys head down Center Street together in comfortable silence. The early September wind feels good on their skin under the warm rays of the afternoon sun, and Matthew can’t help but hope that winter will come late this year. The leaves on the trees are still mostly green, but the tips of yellow and orange foliage peek out from between the branches, and he knows in a few short weeks he’ll be back to long sleeves, sweaters, and warm jackets.
“See you tomorrow?”
“You’re not going home yet?” Matthew asks, surprised.
“Nah, I’m gonna meet my brothers at the Ash Avenue Boys’ Club. Wanna come?”
“Can’t. Got that stupid history test tomorrow.”
“Oh, okay. Later, Matt.”
“Yeah, see ya … And thanks again, eh Patrick?”
Patrick smiles and waves goodbye, heading west on Wellington, and Matthew watches him go for a minute before heading in the opposite direction to his home in Griffintown. He can feel a lump forming in the back of his throat, his eyes suddenly stinging, angry that his best friend—the smallest kid that ever grew up in the Point—was forced to come to his defence today. And as much as he appreciates the help, he knows the beating Paul is gonna give him tomorrow is going to be even worse as a result.
Eyes on the ground, he notices the white rubber toes of his new black running shoes are scuffed, probably from when he hopped the black iron fence. He kicks at a tuft of grass peeking through the cracks of the sidewalk in frustration. As mad as he is at Paul for picking on him, he’s angrier at himself for not being faster, for not pushing harder, for letting the two boys catch him day after day after day. He wants to scream in frustration and pull his hair as he thinks of all the other Wednesdays that David and Paul have ruined for him. This year he’s finally in grade six, this year he’s finally graduating, this year was supposed to be different.
But it isn’t.
It’s just like all the other years before it.
His face feels hot, anger welling up inside him, and he can feel tears threatening to spill over. He grabs the straps of his leather school bag, pulling the bag hard against his back, and he runs.
His feet beat the pavement at full speed, rubber soles slapping against the pavement as he runs down Wellington, the Lachine Canal coming into view. His heart hammers against his ribs, his lungs feel like they’re breathing in fire, and the muscles in his legs are sore and quivering as he propels himself down the street. It doesn’t take long before his chest begins to tighten, his throat closing up and air getting harder and harder to take in. His sprint slows to a jog, his jog to a walk, and eventually he comes to a complete stop. He stands still, bending at the waist to hang his head between his knees, gulping air as sweat beads off his brow and rolls down his face. He closes his eyes, trying to calm himself without reaching for his inhaler. Eventually his heartbeat slows and his lungs relax.
He continues down the street. Waves beat against the cement walls of the canal, and the sound of the birds overhead mixes with the noise of faraway cars on the highway. He scoops up some pebbles from the side of the road and throws them one at a time over the metal railing, watching them disappear into the blackness of the dirty water. He eyes a pack of ducks drifting along with the stream and stops, takes aim, and throws one of the pebbles with all his strength, imagining Paul’s beefy face as he lets the rock fly. It makes its mark, clipping one of the ducks on its rear end and sending it squawking up the canal along with the rest of its paddling.
“Look at ’em go! Great shot!” someone calls out.
Matthew jumps and spins on his heel, trying to spot who’s followed him down the empty street.
“I’m over here,” the voice calls out again.
Matthew looks out over the canal and, much to his surprise, spots an older boy standing on the edge of the old Wellington swing bridge. The bridge stands abandoned in the middle of the canal, having been shut down in favour of the Wellington Tunnel years ago when the waterway stopped being used for commercial trade. Matthew’s father sometimes talks about working on the canal with his own father when he was younger and watching as the operators powered up the pivoting bridge that connects Pointe-Saint-Charles to Griffintown. ...
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