Moth to a Flame

by Ashley Antoinette

Genres: African American Urban

Synopsis

In the little city of Flint, Michigan, the good die young and the people left standing are the grimiest of characters. With reign over the city’s drug trade, Benjamin Atkins made sure that his precious daughter, Raven, was secluded from the grit that the city had to offer. But when Raven’s young heart gets claimed by Mizan, a stick-up kid in search of a come-up, there’s nothing Benjamin can do about losing her to the streets. She chooses love over loyalty and runs off with Mizan, but her new role as wifey soon proves to be more than she can handle.

Puppy love always feels right, but things turn stale, and Raven soon finds that everyone she loves has disappeared. All she has is Mizan, but when hugs and kisses turn to bloody lips and black eyes, she realizes that Mizan is not who she thought he was.

Raven becomes desperate for a way out, but this time Daddy can’t save her. Every time she finds the courage to leave, fear convinces her to stay. Like a moth to a flame, Raven is drawn to Mizan, even though she knows he’ll be the death of her.

When the hood life she chose becomes unbearable, and the only way out is in a coffin, what will she do?

Release date: January 1, 2012

Publisher: Urban Books

Print pages: 448

Sample

Raven sped through the city streets with her best friend, Nikki, in the passenger seat. She kept checking her rearview mirror to make sure no one was following her.

“I have to get out of here before he wakes up and finds out I’m gone,” she said desperately as she made her way across town, trying to get to Mizan’s last trap house. Robbing him blind had been her only option. She had nowhere to go and she had no choice but to leave. He grew more violent as each day passed and she could not take it anymore. She had been forced to take the money and get out of Dodge. If she hadn’t, he would have eventually killed her. So far she had $100,000 in her possession, but she had one more stop to make. She had collected from all of Mizan’s stash spots except for this last one. Although this dope spot was out of her way on the other side of town, she knew she could not skip it. This spot usually made more money than the rest of them combined, so there was no way that she was leaving town without hitting that safe. After everything he had put her through, she felt like she deserved every cent she was taking. With every tear he had caused her to shed, she had earned it. This was her reparation.

When she finally pulled up to the small yellow house on the city’s north side, she turned to Nikki. “I’ll be right back. If I’m not out in ten minutes, you pull off.” She looked in the backseat at her newborn baby boy who was sleeping soundly. “If anything goes wrong, you take him to the bridge at Mott Park. Ethic will be waiting. He’ll take care of him,” Raven said urgently. She lowered her head and pulled a pink envelope out of her purse. “If something happens to me, make sure Ethic gets this.”

Nikki shook her head and then hugged her friend. “Give it to him yourself. Nothing is going to happen, Rae. Just hurry up so you can get out of here.” Nikki stated.

Raven nodded, hopped out of the car, and ran inside the trap house. Mizan’s workers were not surprised to see her. She was the only person besides Mizan who came by regularly. The first and the fifteenth were the days that she collected the profit, Mizan had made from the streets, only this time she didn’t plan on turning them in. She was going to use the money to take her life back. She was purchasing her freedom on Mizan’s dime. Because of him, she had lost everything, and now it was payback time. All the black eyes he had given her, all the bruises she had been forced to cover up, all the lies he had told ... they were all about to come back on him. She was determined to deliver his karma to him personally. By robbing him blind she was going to give him the ultimate “fuck you.” and knock him off the throne he had stolen from her father. She was going to take him for everything he had and disappear into the night.

Her hands trembled as she avoided eye contact with Mizan’s workers. She watched the money machine as it counted the bills, making a rhythm in her head. The money symbolized her emancipation; all she had to do was make it out of the last stash house and she would be home free. Her foot tapped anxiously against the carpeted floor as she waited impatiently. She turned to look out the window and saw that the coast was still clear.

Hurry the fuck up, she thought eagerly as she tried to remain cool on the outside. Fear pumped through her veins like blood as the last stack was loaded into the machine.

“$135,000,” the worker reported as he began to put the money inside a duffel bag. Once she added that to the money she already had in the car she would be almost a quarter of a million dollars richer. That was enough for her to start her life over in a new city. I can become a new person, she thought. He’ll never find me. Raven helped the dude load the cash into the bag, and then grabbed it out of his hands before rushing out of the house.

She popped the trunk and threw it inside before getting into the car. She pulled out of the driveway so fast that she left burnt rubber on the pavement.

“How much is it?”

“Almost a quarter mill in total,” Raven said as tears came to her eyes. She gripped her abdomen tightly, feeling sick to her stomach. She was still recuperating from her hard labor, and the pain of moving was making it hard for her to escape, but she had to keep pushing. The pain would be much greater if she stayed with Mizan, and the memories of all of the fucked-up things he had done to her kept her pushing forward. “I can finally get away, Nik. I can use this money to hide out and get away from all of this madness,” she whispered as her soul cried.

Her father’s face flashed in her mind as she thought of everything that she had been through. Mizan had tried his hardest to break her and she had almost let him. By forgiving him repeatedly she had sent the message that it was acceptable for him to hurt her, but today was her day. Today her entire life was about to change.

“You know you can’t come back this time,” Nikki said, worried. She knew Raven like the back of her hand. She had attempted to leave Mizan before, but she always came back. Like a moth to a flame, Raven was drawn to Mizan. It was something that no one could ever understand. “You can’t let him say he’s sorry and you go running home. You have to leave him for good, Raven. If you don’t, he is going to kill you.”

“I know ... I’m not going back to him. I swear on everything I love that it’s over. I can’t take this anymore. He’s taken everything away from me and he has hurt everyone I love,” she whispered as she reached over and squeezed Nikki’s hand. “I’m so sorry, Nik ... I’m sorry for everything.”

“Girl, none of that matters. Let the past be just that—the past. Leave all the bullshit behind. You are getting out now and that’s all that counts, Nikki replied.

“I finally have something to fight for.” Raven looked back at her sleeping infant. “I just want to keep my baby safe.”

Nikki smiled and rubbed her friend’s hair gently. “We’re going to get you out of here. We’re almost there.”

As Raven headed toward Mott Park she remembered the day she first met Mizan. She had been so young and naïve to trust him. Now she was caught in his deadly web of deceit, and the closer she got to leaving him the more afraid she became. It would be so much easier for her to stay with him and go with the flow, but she was tired of being his punching bag. She was exhausted from fighting day in and day out. A part of her wanted to turn around and go back home, but as she drove she reminded herself of all the pain he had caused. This is what kept her pushing forward, and kept her foot on the gas. As she made her final escape she thought about her life, reflecting on the very first time she had met Mizan—the man who ruined her life.

“Bitch, why are we bumping this old-ass shit?” Nikki shouted, trying to be heard over the loud subwoofers that vibrated her seat as she bobbed her head to the beat.

“Because ain’t no better way to announce me, babes. ’Im a, a diva I’m a, I’m a, a diva,’” Raven responded with playful arrogance as she whipped her shiny, brand new Lexus Coupe down Clio Road, one of the hottest strips in the entire city. It was the day of the annual Memorial Day celebration, and everybody who was anybody was out riding the strip as they waited for the festivities to begin. Heads turned as everyone tried to catch sight of the infamous Raven Atkins. The lyrics to the song may have been old, but as the local hustlers stopped in their tracks to catch a glimpse of the light-skinned beauty, Raven knew that the words rang true. Around the city of Flint, Michigan, Beyoncé didn’t have shit on her. She was hood royalty, the daughter of Benjamin Atkins—the most notorious kingpin the city had seen thus far—and she wore her title well. Her Coach kicks, tight skinny jeans, and casual, white baby tee were simple, but the curves of her voluptuous five feet seven inches frame transformed simple into chic. Niggas were thirsty as they tried to get at her, spitting whack game, each hoping that he would be the lucky one she chose. She was so fly that even the bitches couldn’t hate on her; they wanted to, but all they could do was stop and stare while thinking, she put her shit together so right. She wasn’t the type of chick who bought knockoffs or rocked hundred-dollar weaves done by ten-dollar beauticians, and she definitely wasn’t the chick who wore a nice hook-up but accessorized her shit all wrong. No, Raven Atkins was a top-notch bitch with top-notch shit, and when she stepped out, not a hair on her head was out of place. She had gotten it from her mama, learning to be a lady from the best who had ever done it. At only seventeen, Raven knew her position and she played it like little ghetto girls played Double Dutch. She was the princess of the city and just in case anyone didn’t know it, she had it tattooed on her wrist and engraved on the plush leather headrests of her car.

“How did you get your dad to let you out the house?” Nikki asked as she pulled down her visor and applied lip gloss.

“He thinks I’m staying the night at your place. You think Auntie Gena will mind?” she asked, turning to her best friend with a concerned look on her face. The last thing she needed was to get caught in a lie by her father. He was extra strict with her, and if he had any idea that she was in the inner city, there would be hell to pay.

“Girl, please ... it’s nothing. You know my mama ain’t tripping, Nikki replied as she stepped out of the car. “You drinking?” she asked as she headed into the liquor store.

“You know it,” Raven called back, still in the car. “Ciroc and lemonade!”

As she watched her friend disappear inside the store, she smiled. They had been true blue since grade school and she loved her dearly. Where other girls had tried to cling to her to upgrade their status, Nikki was there from the very beginning before her father had arrived into his own. She would never forget the love and loyalty that Nikki had shown her over the years. Which was why whenever Raven got something, so did Nikki. It was like Benjamin had two teenage daughters because whatever he bought for Raven, she conned him into buying a matching item for her girl. As she nodded her head to the music, a shiny black Escalade pulled up next to her. Behind the tint of her Chloe sunglasses she eyed the big-boy toy. The bass from the speaker system could be felt all the way in her car, and the dark-skinned, freshly Caesred eye candy sitting comfortably behind the wheel caused her to raise her glasses and look his way.

He noticed her staring and gave her a nod. He smirked as she lowered her glasses and turned up her radio. Licking his lips, he reached for his own custom system and drowned out her volume. The sounds of Young Jeezy invaded her car. Not one to be outdone, she frowned in displeasure as she turned off her car and walked inside the store. She stepped with a model’s precision and commanded attention as her hips swayed from side to side, but the one dude she hoped would be watching had switched his focus to another girl. What the fuck? Is he serious? she asked herself as she quickly assessed her competition. A Reebok broad with ass for days had stolen the dude’s attention away from her. Even Raven had to admit the girl did have a humongous ass. There was no way her size-ten jeans could compete with that. She rolled her eyes and turned to go into the store, but Nikki was already on her way out.

“What’s up? Did you forget something?” Nikki asked.

Giving the dude another glance, she shook her head. “Nah, I was just coming in to see what was taking so long. I’m ready to go inside the club.” Raven walked back to her car and gave the dude one last glance before pulling away. She checked her rearview mirror to see if he had stepped out of the car, and noticed that he was sporting out-of-town plates. Missouri, she thought. Her interest in him immediately doubled. There was nothing better than putting claims on a fresh out-of-town nigga like him. Flint was so small that everybody knew everybody. An unknown face was a challenge, and the rule always was that the first chick to become wifey won. Raven knew that the dude didn’t know who she was, but when he checked her status he would come to his senses. I might not give the nigga no kick it just for showing out, she thought. She popped in her Chrisette Michele and pulled out of the parking lot, leaving skid marks on the pavement while Chrisette crooned from her speakers and serenaded the envious onlookers.

“Damn, look at the line to get in,” Nikki commented as they pulled into the parking lot of The Palm Tree, a small club on the city’s north side.

“You know I’m not waiting in line,” Raven stated as she parked and hopped out. She bypassed the entire line, speaking to people she knew as she made her way to the front. The bouncer stopped her dead in her tracks.

“No, no, baby girl ... Your father is not about to have my fucking head,” he said as he refused to let her in. Jerome was one of her father’s old bodyguards and he knew the repercussions that could come his way if he allowed her inside.

“Jerome! Don’t play me. Come on, let me and my girl in. You know I’m the life of the party. Raven planted one hand on her hip.

“I can’t do it, Rae. What you doing out here anyway, ma? You ain’t even old enough to be up in here,” he reasoned. “You gon have me lose my job if I let you up in this mu’fucka.”

Raven pulled out a wad of money and peeled off two hundred dollar bills. She placed them in his shirt pocket as she smiled sweetly, and stepped into the club, disregarding his protests. “Thank you, Jerome! I’ll make sure I tell my daddy you said what up!” she shouted over him as she waved her fingers and strolled in. He shook his head in doubt.

“Nah, if your pops find out don’t say shit about me, Rae. I’m serious! I didn’t let you in here!” he yelled as she disappeared into the establishment with Nikki holding her hand.

Everybody showed her love as she navigated through the wall-to-wall crowd. “Damn, it ain’t even any tables left,” Nikki said as she checked her Cartier. “It’s not even eleven o’clock and it’s already packed.”

“I know! I didn’t come here to sit down anyway,” Raven stated as she made her way to the dance floor. She lifted her hands and swayed arrogantly to the club track as she snapped her fingers. She and Nikki were the center of attention, everyone around them raising their hands to rock with the beat as the twosome did their thing. Conceit was written all over both of their faces. They were so much alike that they played off of each other’s movements as they commanded the crowd.

A couple of songs passed before they decided to end their show and make their way over to the bar. Raven felt someone grab her hand. She turned, and smiled when she saw who was trying to get her attention. As her eyes scanned him quickly she saw that he was attractive. He passed all of her tests. In order for a dude to even step to her he had to qualify. She had a rule system and, unlike so many others, her rules were not made to broken.

Rule 1: The dude had to be fine as hell, and as she stared at this dude’s grey eyes she had to admit that there wasn’t an ugly gene in his body.

Okay, check, she thought.

Rule 2: The dude couldn’t be a cornball-ass nigga. There was nothing worse than a corny man, and she could tell if a guy had swag or not just by the way he walked. The dude in front of her didn’t try too hard to be cool. He exuded confidence in a casual stroll, and not once did he grab his penis which was a plus in her book. She hated dudes who walked around holding their crotches. It usually meant that there wasn’t much to hold on to. The gesture was crass and unattractive, for sure.

Okay, check, she thought, growing more impressed by the second. She continued to inventory him in her head.

Rule 3: Any dude trying to mess with her had to be paid. She came from a long line of hustlers and get-money cats, so any dude trying to impress her would have to be a thoroughbred just like her daddy.

Is he paid? she asked herself. Yeah, nigga, you paid. That presidential you rocking ain’t affordable to many ... check.

Rule 4: The nigga shoe game had to be on point, and as she peeped at his brand new Air Jordans she was satisfied. They were official; straight out of Foot Locker, not the hood corner store.

Dude passed her tests with flying colors without having a clue that she had just peeped, his entire style in just a few seconds.

His boyish features made her smile, but she knew that she was fucking with a grown man just from the way he looked at her. He walked up on her as if he knew her, not leaving any personal space between them.

“What up, ma? You getting a lot of love in here. I just came over to find out who the star is,” he whispered in her ear. “What’s your name?”

“Raven, but you can call me Rae,” she answered sweetly.

“Rae, you want to come have a drink with me?” he asked.

“I got my girl with me,” she replied as she shook her head to decline his offer. That was one thing she never did: leave her girl on stuck to kick it with a dude.

“Your girl can come too,” he stated as he put his arms around Raven and Nikki. He escorted them to his table where a few of his friends were popping bottles and enjoying the club scene.

“I don’t even know your name,” she whispered in his ear as she cradled a drink in her hand. Her underage lips touched the glass. She sipped the vodka and cranberry while awaiting his response.

“I’m Mizan,” he replied as he took her drink from her. “How old are you?”

“Twenty-one,” she answered quickly as she snatched her drink back. She already knew she would lie when he asked her. A dude like Mizan could have his pick of the women in the room, and she knew that if she revealed her real age he would instantly dismiss her. “Why? How old are you?”

“I’m twenty-two,” he replied.

Just as she was about to respond she spotted the cutie she had seen earlier at the store. Her eyes followed him across the room. He looked good enough to eat and she instantly decided that one day he was going to be her man. She stared at him from across the room, her eyes burning a hole through him. He must have felt the heat because he looked up and their eyes met. Neither of them made it a point to look away too quickly. As she studied every feature on his face she was mesmerized. Everything about him was so on point. His hood swagger was out of this world. She was on cloud nine as people partied around her. Only when the DJ cut the music did she snap out of her trance.

“The fire department is shutting us down! We’re over capacity!” he shouted over the microphone. “Party’s over!”

Boos and groans erupted throughout the crowd and Raven stood up, Nikki by her side.

“It looks like our night has been cut short,” she said, facing Mizan.

“It doesn’t have to be. We can kick it back at my place,” he answered as he led her out of the club.

Raven frowned and replied, “I don’t know you like that.” A part of her wanted to roll out with Mizan and his crew, but she knew that if her father ever found out she had gone back to a nigga’s crib he would kill her, and probably Mizan too.

“You can give me your number so that I can call you though,” she said , with sugar lacing her tone. “We can link up another time.”

Mizan pulled out his BlackBerry so that he could swap information with her, but before she could give him her number, gunshots rang out.

Boom! Boom! Boom!

“Aghh!” Raven screamed as she instinctively ducked low and covered her ears. The crowd began to run in all directions. “Nikki!” She reached out, trying to locate her best friend. The sea of panicked faces in the parking lot didn’t make it any easier to locate her.

Mizan grabbed her hand and ran toward his car.

“Get in!” he yelled.

“I have to find my girl!” she replied with worry.

“She ran off with one of my niggas. You can call her when you get in the car,” Mizan stated with authority.

Boom! Boom! Boom! Boom!

Hearing another round of shots ring out, Raven didn’t hesitate to jump inside Mizan’s car. Mizan was parked at the edge of the parking lot so he didn’t get caught in the barrage of cars trying to get out. She saw her car stuck in the back. “My car ... I have to get my car.”

“I’ll bring you back to it once the crowd clears and the shooting stops. You’re good with me. Trust me,” Mizan said in an attempt to reassure her.

Raven’s cell phone vibrated and she quickly answered it when she saw Nikki’s picture pop up on the screen.

“Where are you?” Raven answered.

“I’m with one of the dudes from the club. I just wanted to make sure you were straight,” Nikki replied.

“Yeah, I’m good. I’m with Mizan, Where you want to meet up?” Raven asked.

“I’m gonna chill with dude for a minute. Let’s meet back at your car in a couple hours,” Nikki stated.

“A’ight, that’s cool.”

Mizan reached over and brushed a stray hair from Raven’s face.“You good, ma? You look kind of shook over there. You live in Flint so I know you done heard gunshots before, superstar,” he teased.

She cut her eyes at him and pursed her lips. “Shut up. I wasn’t scared. That ain’t nothing new to me,” she replied, trying to play tough. But, in actuality, it was new to her. Yes, she had heard about the murders and mayhem that her hometown had to offer. She even knew that her father was behind a lot of the madness, but he had kept her far removed from the chaos. So to be so up close to a shootout had indeed shaken her.

“Yeah, a’ight, tough girl,” he stated in a disbelieving tone with a smile. “So you gon let me spend some time with you, ma? Get to know you?”

“Yeah, we can work something out.” She blushed, slightly flattered because Mizan was so much older than she was.

He took her back to his north side home and they sat in his driveway. Raven was inexperienced with older men. She was usually confident and commanded the conversation, but with him she felt awkward, as if nothing she had to say would matter to him. To avoid looking stupid she remained quiet. Mizan studied her curiously, and as he stared at her she became insecure. She was conscious of every imperfection on her body. Like most young girls she was cocky, but not truly confident in herself; relying on her looks too much, allowing her intelligence to take a backseat in order to attract a nigga. Damn, it feel like I got a booger. Is my hair still in place? She fidgeted in her seat and flicked her long hair behind her shoulders as she took a deep breath.

Cool and collected, Mizan chuckled. “You a’ight over there, shorty? You nervous?”

“I’m good,” she responded.

“Nah, you nervous, ma. Loosen up. I got something that will make you feel right,” he said as he reached over her and pulled a bag of cush marijuana out of the glove compartment.

“You smoke?” he asked with a mischievous smile.

She nodded. Although she had tried it before she wasn’t really a weed head, but she was not about to tell him that. “Yeah, I’m on that with you,” she replied, trying to sound cool.

Mizan split the cigar and emptied the legal contents, then replaced it with his own concoction of marijuana and cocaine. Raven noticed that he sprinkled the white powder on top of the cush, and her heart began to speed up anxiously. She knew that some people laced their weed to get a better high, but it wasn’t something she was curious about trying. As she watched Mizan’s tongue form the blunt, a lump formed in her throat. He lit it and a funny smell filled the car, as a hypnotizing trail of smoke danced around her head. The smoke was seductive as it consumed the car slowly.

Mizan extended his hand to Raven, the glowing tip staring her in the eye.

“Hit this, ma,” he choked out as smoke left his mouth.

Peer pressure is a mutha to a seventeen-year-old girl trying to be down. There was no way she was going to tell him no. All the years of preaching and teaching from her parents had been flushed down the drain as soon as an older boy put something new in her head. Her conscience screamed a long Nooooooo! Yet she ignored the tiny voice and reached for the blunt. . . .