Men Are Frogs

by Saranna DeWylde

Genres: Contemporary Romance; Paranormal Romance; Romantic Comedy

Synopsis

SOMETIMES YOU’RE THE CURSE... Disgraced wedding planner Zuri Davis is so relieved to be offered a job with Fairy Godmothers, Inc., she’s willing to trade the high-rise excitement of Chicago for the small-town charm of Ever After. Falling for one of her grooms, even unintentionally, was enough to destroy her career—and also to prove that all men are indeed frogs. But when she meets gorgeous B&B owner Philip Charming, who definitely lives up to his name, even she is tempted to test that theory... AND SOMETIMES YOU’RE THE CURE... Three hundred years as a frog by day and himself by night is enough to test any man’s patience—even if Philip knows he deserved Petunia’s curse. It certainly taught him not to mess around when it comes to making promises. And stubborn, proud Zuri is a woman he’d like to promise his heart and everything else to—if only he weren’t a sometimes-frog. Can he hope for True Love’s Kiss from a woman whose trust has been so thoroughly broken?

Release date: July 27, 2021

Publisher: Zebra

Print pages: 320

Sample

The bride had lit her dress on fire.

When Zuri Davis, wedding planner extraordinaire, had realized the man who had been wooing her for the past three months was also the groom in her client’s wedding, it had come as a complete and utterly devastating surprise.

The groom, one celebrated surgeon Alec Marsh, hadn’t been present for any of the usual things. He’d had medical conferences, emergency surgeries, and it had been just the perfect storm that kept them from crossing paths until the day of the wedding.

When the bride, Jenn, realized that her Alec was Zuri’s Xander, she hadn’t turned on Zuri. No. She’d taken a single moment to compose herself, directed her maid of honor to unzip her dress, and she’d stepped out of that Vera Wang original and stood there in her silk slip while she lit her wedding dress on fire with an altar candle.

No one had made a move to stop her.

Not even Alec.

Zuri had thought that, surely, Jenn would turn her fury on her. But she hadn’t. Instead, she’d thanked her for showing her who the man she was about to marry really was and invited Zuri to join her on her honeymoon cruise.

Zuri, for her part, should’ve said yes.

Oh, the sheer power of that woman. Zuri had to say she admired her for so many reasons.

Mostly because she knew right at this moment, Jenn Gordon was not sitting surrounded by the ashes of a life that had gone supernova.

She was living it up in the Caribbean with her friends, sun, sea, and cabana boys with drinks with little umbrellas in pineapples. Jenn Gordon was getting massages, facials, and pampering herself while she nursed her broken heart.

And Zuri, well, she was trying to scrape all the ashes of her life into a dustpan and put them back together like some sort of snowman reject from hell. No one wanted to trust their wedding to a wedding planner who’d “stolen the groom.”

Even though that’s not what happened.

Even though Jenn didn’t blame her.

She looked up at her twin sister, Zeva, who was helping her pack her things away in storage.

“Why do I still even want to be a wedding planner after this?” In fact, Zuri wasn’t sure if she did. It was all she’d ever wanted since she’d realized giving people Happily Ever Afters was an actual job that came wrapped in a wedding planner bow. She’d never thought about doing anything else.

Only now, she was sitting in an almost empty condo, about to say goodbye to everything she’d ever known. All the accomplishments she’d worked so hard for, like this condo. She couldn’t believe her whole life had been burned to the ground by a man.

A man she never would’ve gotten involved with if she’d known he was with someone else.

No, not just a man.

But love.

Love had helped her build this beautiful life, and love had taken a giant, steaming shit on her life, and she was struggling not to swirl down the bowl with it.

Zeva finished taping up a box and turned to look at her sister. “You want to be a wedding planner because love is still magic.”

“But is it?” Zuri was doubtful. “I mean . . .”

“Of course it is. What happened with Jenn and Alec, you know that’s not what love looks like. What happened between you and him, that’s not love, either. Deep down, you believe.”

Zuri sighed and slumped. “Why do you have to be right?”

“Because I’m the oldest.” Zeva sank down and put an arm around her shoulders. “Listen, this interview is going to be great. Fairy Godmothers, Inc., already knows what happened. You were honest in your email application. They still want to interview you. This is good.”

“Or maybe they just want to look at me. You know, see the pariah for themselves.” She’d already had several wedding pod-casters try to book time with her for a wedding consultation, only to try to interview her about the wedding that wasn’t.

“I don’t think they’re like that. Not at all. They’ve had their own struggles, what with the ‘Billionaire Fake Wedding Turned Real.’ Come on.”

“I think the fact their godchildren were willing to get fake married for them speaks to how much their godchildren love them. They’re probably really great people.” Zuri nodded slowly, driving the point home to herself.

“See? And they want you.” Her sister squeezed her.

“I suppose, but I don’t know how I feel about moving to a small town in Missouri named Ever After. It’s definitely not Chicago.” She looked out the window at her stunning view of Lake Michigan and the blue sky.

“I think it’s fantastic that it’s not Chicago. Which is just what you need. So is renting out this place to pay your bills so you get to keep it no matter what happens.”

“I know you’re right; it’s just scary. What if I go on this interview and they don’t hire me?”

Zeva rolled her eyes. “Obviously, you’ll live with me. But I have a feeling about Fairy Godmothers, Inc. I think this is going to be just what you need.”

Zuri wished she had the same confidence that Zeva did, but she had to do something, and this was the only path available at the moment.

“I still can’t quite believe that Jenn lit her wedding dress on fire,” Zuri whispered. “In the church.”

“What a woman,” Zeva whispered with awe.

“Indeed. Alec didn’t deserve her.” Zuri crossed her hands over her chest. She didn’t want to admit it, but she missed him. Or, at least, she missed the guy she’d thought he was. The one who wanted to hear all her wedding stories, the one who told her that he believed in Happily Ever After, too.

“Or you,” Zeva reminded her gently.

“Wasn’t there a rom-com where this happened, but the ending was much better?” Zuri flopped back into the mess of packing boxes, tissue paper, and bubble wrap.

“Yes, but we’re not at the end part of the story. This is your beginning.”

Zuri raised up on her elbows to look at her sister. “Are you sure?”

“More sure than I am you’re going to be able to survive in Ever After with just two suitcases and a train case.” Zeva glanced over to where Zuri had stacked her luggage.

“I’ll have my briefcase with my laptop, too.” Zuri grinned.

“You know what I mean.”

“I do. Which is why I think I’m putting off finishing packing. All we have left are the dishes. When that’s done, this part of my life is officially over.”

“Honey, you haven’t left the house in two weeks. I’d say it’s been officially over. This is just cleaning up what’s left. It’s all going to be okay. I promise.”

“You’re going to come visit me, right?”

“As soon as I can. Have you looked up this place online? It’s ridiculous in the best way.” Zeva snatched Zuri’s laptop and pulled up the Ever After website. “Those three actually look like what I’d want my fairy godmothers to look like. I mean, aside from the fact they’re white. Otherwise, all they’re missing are wings.”

When she turned the laptop around, on the screen was an image of three kindly old ladies. One wore pink, one wore blue, and the other yellow. They each wore their hair up in buns on top of their heads. One of them wore tiny spectacles on the end of her nose. The three of them had round, rosy cheeks and happy crinkles around warm eyes.

Zuri’s gaze was drawn to something in the background she hadn’t noticed before. There was more than one castle. One of them—the one she remembered—was white, with blue-tiled roofing, and waving blue banners, and whitewashed walls. It was every inch a fairy-tale castle.

The other one, the new one, was black as night. It rose up out of the forest like jagged obsidian.

“Look at the dark castle!” Zuri whispered. “That’s perfect. I hope they do weddings there, too. Not every girl wants to be a princess.”

Zeva turned the laptop back around to study the image. “Oh, wow. How did I miss this the first time around? Can you imagine getting married there at midnight with red rose petals and moonlight? I wonder who lives there.”

“Me too. How exciting.”

“Oh, look. The proprietor of the princess castle’s name is Phillip Charming. Are they serious? I need a picture of this guy.” She clicked on the trackpad before rolling her eyes. “Of course this is Phillip Charming. He’s a Ken doll.”

Zuri looked at his picture, and something unfamiliar twisted in her gut like dancing snakes.

First, he was beautiful. She hadn’t expected otherwise. His hair was an impossible shade of golden blond, like wheat fields but with streaks of sunlight. A strong jaw, ridiculously long lashes, and eyes that were the kind of green that had to have been photoshopped. Or contacts.

“Zuri! The castle offers long-term rentals for people moving to Ever After for work!”

“No.” She could see where her sister was going before she got there. The answer was absolutely not. “I don’t even have the job, yet.”

“Yet. You know how sometimes I just know things? You will get the job. You’re going to move to Ever After. And Phillip Charming is in your future.”

“Maybe as my landlord.”

“Maybe.” Zeva was smug.

“Maybe you should be the one interviewing to work with FGI.”

“Maybe I just should. Imagine me, Zeva Davis, fairy godmother extraordinaire.”

“I can see it,” Zuri agreed easily.

She really could. Zeva had a kind and nurturing nature, but she also had a spine of steel. She liked to help people and was good at helping them, even if they didn’t want it.

Actually, that was one of the many places where Zeva excelled.

But where did Zuri excel? Where did she fit? She’d thought it was wedding planning, but now she wasn’t so sure.

As a wedding planner, she’d really thought she was changing the world, one Happily Ever After at a time. Maybe that had been naïve.

“Stop it.”

“Stop what?” Zuri asked, blinking innocently.

“You know what. I can feel it when you start with that self-doubt. This is just a tiny setback.” Zeva held up her hand. “I know, it doesn’t feel tiny right now. But in the grand scheme of things? You’re going to look back on this one day and everything that’s happened is going to be a bump in the road that you’re going to laugh about with your children.”

Zeva was right about most things, but Zuri wasn’t sure about this. “I was always so sure about who I was, what my strengths were. I thought I had an eye for love. Now, I’m not so sure.”

“Zuri—”

“I’m not even sure I believe in love anymore.”

Zeva snorted. “Of course you do. Unless you don’t love me?”

Zuri got up and slid her hands into her jean pockets. “Of course I love you, wombmate. That’s not what I mean. I mean romantic love. It’s all crap.”

“Look, you can’t hold all men responsible for Alec’s actions.”

“I’m not, but . . . You know? That’s not it at all. It’s that none of them are actually Prince Charming.”

“You should clarify that, because none of us are fairy-tale princesses, either. We’re just human. We are all flawed.”

For some reason, those words made her heart break just a little more.

“Oh, honey.” Zeva got up and pulled Zuri into a tight hug and held her there. “Listen. And I mean actually listen. It’s not about finding someone who is perfect, it’s about finding who is perfect for you. You and Alec, your angels played well together, but your demons didn’t. Also, he was a lying shitbag of the lowest order.”

“Prince Shitbag of the Shitlords of the Round Table?” Zuri sniffed.

“Exactly. Your person will not be a shitbag. He’ll have angels and demons just like all of us, only his will fit with yours.”

“I want to believe you.” Zuri’s heart wanted to believe more than anything, but it was still hurting and afraid. She found comfort in Zeva’s arms. In her warmth. In her strength. In her absolute surety. Zuri inhaled deeply, holding in her scent of coconut oil and the vanilla she dabbed behind her ears. Just like their mama.

Zeva laughed. “So what’s stopping you?”

“It’s just I’ve kissed so many frogs.”

Zeva pulled away, and her eyes searched Zuri’s. “Maybe they’re all frogs because you keep hoping that you’re the magic that will turn them into a prince. It doesn’t work that way. People aren’t projects. You have to take them as they are.”

“What about all that rot about the magic of love?”

Zeva laughed. “It’s not rot. Love makes you better. It makes you want to be your best you, but you have to work on yourself because you want to. Not to be worthy. You’re already worthy.”

“That doesn’t make any sense.”

“You’ll see,” Zeva said knowingly.

“I hate it when you do that.” Zuri picked up a box and carried it downstairs to the pickup truck they’d borrowed to move the last of her boxes into storage.

“And I hate it when you do that,” Zeva said from behind her with another box.

“What?”

“Walk away from me before I’m done with my pep talk.” She grinned.

A strange wave of homesickness washed over Zuri. “What was I thinking? I can’t go to Ever After. What am I going to do without you?”

“Everything? It’s all going to work out. You’ll see.”

“How do you know?”

“The same way I’ve always known. I just do.”

They went back inside and carried down the rest of the boxes until all that was left to do was finish packing her dishes.

“This is it,” Zeva said. “The last thing before you start your new adventure.”

A new adventure. Zuri liked that. She wished she could have the same wide-eyed hope about it that Zeva did.

“What are you going to do while I’m having my new adventure?” Zuri asked.

“Oh, cry. Miss you. Clean out my closets. That’ll be an adventure, too.” Zeva wrapped another dish and packed it carefully in the box.

“You haven’t said much about work. Everything okay?”

Zeva was a social worker who worked at St. Marigold’s Orphanage. She talked about the kids a lot, but she’d been quiet all day, and Zuri had the feeling it was for a reason.

“Not really. I’m feeling a little burned out. Too many kids who need me, and not enough of me—or the resources—to go around.”

“They’re lucky to have you, Zeva.” She put a hand on her sister’s shoulder as she grabbed another box.

“Not lucky enough.” Zeva’s mouth set into a grim line. “But I’m going to fix that. I don’t know how, but I will find a way.”

“I know you will.” If anyone could help all the children at St. Marigold’s Orphanage, it was Zeva. “Maybe we could get some of the businesses in Ever After to sponsor them.”

“Look at you. You’re already carving out your own space in Ever After and you’re not even there yet.”

“Nope, you’re not going to deflect back to me. Come on. Tell me. Let me be the shoulder for you that you are for me.”

Zeva taped up the last box. “It’s nothing new. The same struggle. It’s kind of like rushing water against a rock. It wears it away over time. I’m not giving up, but I think I do need to try and get my brain outside my current box.”

Zuri had an idea. “If I get this job in Ever After—”

“You will.”

“Let’s not put the Happily Ever After before the apple.”

Zeva arched a brow. “So you admit you’re at the beginning of your story?”

“Never mind that. We’re talking about you and the kids. What if we got Fairy Godmothers, Inc., to sponsor a trip for them to Ever After? It would be great for FGI and great for the kids. If it doesn’t do anything else, maybe it’ll help those kids believe in magic.”

“Hmm. And here I thought you didn’t believe in magic anymore, either. Just goes to show you.”

“I already said you were right.”

“I know you said it, but that doesn’t mean you’re ready to believe it.”

“We’re not talking about me are we?”

Zeva laughed, and it was a textured, rich sound that came from deep in her belly. “Fine. You let me know. After you have the job. Although, I think just in case, we should have celebratory mimosas and brunch.”

“Brunch is my favorite meal of the day.” Zuri nodded. “That place over on Madison? You know the one.”

“Of course I know the one.” Zeva grinned. “I may or may not have made you an appointment to get your hair done and a facial at the spa, too.”

“You should—No, I was going to say you shouldn’t have, but I was just bemoaning the fact that I said no to going with Jenn on her cruise and getting facials and whatnot. So I won’t even fight you. I’ll gladly accept.”

“Good. I wanted more sister time before you go.”

They turned to look at each other. “Terrible Twin Trouble!” they said in unison, and laughed.

Zuri was still nervous, but arm in arm with the best weapon in her arsenal, she started to believe that she was about to launch herself on a new and exciting adventure.

Ever After was in for it, she decided. Hurricane Zuri was about to make landfall, but instead of being a disaster, she was determined to make it every inch a fairy tale.

Phillip Charming absolutely hated the mermaid fountain.

He hated it more than most anything.

Except being a fucking frog.

He spent his days perched on the stone bust of the mermaid in the giant fountain that marked the halfway point between the town and his castle.

Phillip wasn’t sure when it started, or even why he went to the fountain. When the sun rose, he would hippity-hop his fat green behind all the way to the mermaid. No matter what he’d decided to do during his hours as a man, when it was frog time, it was fountain time.

He’d built himself a rather lovely pond in his private quarters. It had a sunroof he could open with a smack of his back legs, or hands, depending on the time of day. It was filled with fat lily pads, tasty little frog treats, and even other frogs so his daytime frog self wouldn’t be lonely.

But did he sit in it?

No.

He tra-la-la’d all the way to the stupid fountain that he hated.

When dusk fell, if he hadn’t prepared by coming to the fountain by dawn in his human form, he’d have to run through the woods back to the castle stark naked.

It was quite undignified.

It wasn’t completely awful, though. He’d made some frog friends. He wasn’t sure if any of them were cursed as he’d been cursed, or if they were natural frogs.

Although, what could really be called natural in a place like Ever After? Nothing, really. Fairy-tale castles, fairy godmothers, dwarves named after beers, birds and mice that liked to sew . . . nope. It was all screwed up.

Phillip was pretty sure he’d learned his lesson after the first week he’d been a frog, but that hadn’t mattered.

He’d kissed everyone in Ever After, trying to break the curse.

Every single creature with lips.

Even his best friend. The one they called the Beast.

He, too, had been a prince once upon a time. His castle had long since been lost to the mist and the Beast, or Hunter, as Phillip liked to call him, since that was his name, lived in the dungeons of Castle Charming.

The sun began to fall below the horizon, and he was grateful when the green mist enveloped him and the world around him grew much smaller, and dryer.

He stretched his limbs as he stepped from the fountain, naked, and . . . and . . . his mouth tasted like he’d licked a caterpillar. He stuck his tongue out and ran it along his teeth and realized with dawning horror that he still had dragonfly wings in his teeth.

“Don’t yark!” Hunter’s voice called from behind some rustling underbrush. “You know it’s worse if you have to taste it again.”

Phillip was sure he wasn’t going to have a choice. A skein of mead was thrust into his hands, and he drank it gratefully, washing away the bits of wing and whatever else might’ve been left over from his day’s adventure.

“Thanks.” He licked his lips and was immediately sorry. He took another long pull of the sweet, crisp honey mead.

Hunter tossed him his clothes. “Hurry up. Pub trivia starts in twenty minutes.”

“I know, I know. I can’t get this out of my mouth. It’s awful.”

“It’s like you haven’t done this before.” Hunter tossed him his bag, which had a toothbrush and toothpaste.

“Honestly, I forgot it was trivia night.” Phillip shrugged.

“I know.” Hunter nodded to his rumpled clothes.

“Whatever. They let you in. And you don’t wear pants.”

Hunter bared his teeth. “Listen, pal. I’d wear pants if I could get them on over my haunches, but I can’t. So loincloth it is.”

“It’s not like you could button them with those claws anyway.” Phillip couldn’t resist the tiny poke at his pantsless friend.

“It ain’t about the button, brother.” Hunter winked at him.

“So, serious question.”

“No.”

“Oh, come on.”

“No. I know what you’re going to ask, and I’m not discussing it with you.”

“Surely you must’ve wondered.”

“Just like half the women in Ever After,” Beast growled.

“Come on. Tell me. Do you know?”

“I’ve already passed the part of my curse where it’s permanent. This is just me. Forever. So, no, I don’t wonder if the curse was broken if my beast will go back to human size, too.”

Phillip cackled. “Man, sucks to be you. No chance of being a prince again and no castle with a big library. The hits just keep coming.”

Hunter narrowed his eyes, and Phillip had to keep from cackling harder. He looked like a very concerned bear/werewolf hybrid with Groucho Marx eyebrows pasted on his forehead.

“Laugh it up, Phillip. But aren’t you concerned that when your spell is broken your manhood might be reduced to frog-hood? Works both ways.”

Phillip’s smile froze in place. He hadn’t actually thought of that.

“Petty would be that . . . well, petty!” Phillip cried.

“Wouldn’t she just?” Hunter teased.

Phillip finished dressing. “Do I smell like pond water?”

Hunter sniffed the air. “No, but there’s some cologne in your bag.”

Phil. . .