Love of My Lives

by Yamile Saied Méndez

Genres: Hispanic & Latino; Multicultural & Interracial Romance

Synopsis

Who hasn’t fantasized about finding a soul mate? In acclaimed author YamileSaied Méndez’s charmingly romantic new novel, a young woman whose perfectpartner literally appeared to her in a dream must search some unusual places—including the truths hidden within her own heart …
Madi Ramírez has it all—a thriving career she loves, a successful boyfriend, and awedding to plan—when he finally proposes. So why does she feel like there issomething missing? Jayden even has the right initials—the JR that appeared toMadi years ago, in a dream visitation from her beloved, wise abuela. Madi’s friends think her expectations are too high—but she can’t help wishing for thatdreamy feeling in real life. Wishing that Jayden would show her a little moreaffection. That she could really believe they were meant to be …
When a business trip to Puerto Rico presents itself, Madi is quick to take it. Shecan finally scatter her abuela’s ashes on the beach, as she wished. And maybetime apart will remind Jayden how much Madi means to him—and maybe he’llbegin to show it. But in Puerto Rico, Madi finds something—well, someone— else.
A man who makes her heart beat triple-time—and who feels as right as someoneFated—except for those nagging initials …
Brimming with the magic of Old San Juan and la Isla del Encanto, Love of My Lives is the perfect read for anyone who has longed for a legendary love storythat transcends time and distance—and the powerful magic of steering their owndreams.

Release date: September 26, 2023

Publisher: Kensington Books

Print pages: 272

Sample

Eighteen years ago

“I’ll see you in the next round,” Madi’s abuela Lina whispered. “I finally return to the love of my lives. Promise me you’ll scatter my ashes in the mountains and my beloved island.”

Madi was only thirteen years old, and the youngest in the room of grieving family, but she didn’t hesitate. “I promise, Abuela. I promise.”

Satisfied, Abuela took a long, last breath, and exhaled. Her life flickered like a candle going out, but her presence lingered, warm as her laughter and hugs.

Madi didn’t cry. At least not right away.

She closed her eyes to savor the last embrace they shared, so she’d remember it forever. How else would she face the world without Abuela? Besides Nadia and Stevie, Abuela Lina was Madi’s best friend.

Abuela had made her life magical, pointing at little miracles even in the smallest, most ordinary places. And now in this, the darkest moment of her short life, Madi was determined to find a ray of hope. Something that would confirm that this life was worth living, even if it was too hard, too short.

A rustling sound startled Madi, but it was just her mom, kneeling by Abuela’s bed.

Madi could imagine Abuela saying, “Help your mom, please. It will be hardest for her.”

She swallowed her own sorrow and patted her mom’s shoulder. “She’ll always be with us, Mami.”

Her mom turned and smiled at her through tears in her hazel eyes. “I know, mi amor. It’s just that I’m really going to miss our chats and cafecitos every morning. She left us too soon. I was hoping for years and years together.”

The reality of what Abuela’s death meant sank in. Madi’s life unspooled before her mind’s eye in a flash. Eighth grade was starting next week and Abuela wouldn’t be there to send her off. At least not in the flesh. As she wouldn’t be there for Madi’s quinceañera coming up in a couple of years.

School dances. Graduation. Her wedding.

All the happy moments she hoped to achieve, and the sad ones she knew waited for her even if she tried to avoid them, fused in a technicolor whirl that left her breathless.

Abuela would miss all of them.

Breast cancer was a monster, and Abuela never had a chance. She was only in her mid-fifties, but either her celestial friends never warned her of the illness growing inside her, or she had ignored their signs. By the time she caved and went to the doctor, it was too late. There was nothing her energy healing or herbs could do.

And now her body rested while her spirit went back to join the universe or whatever waited on the other side of the veil.

Madi refused to listen to one of the tíos who said that after death, it was only darkness and oblivion. Deep in her soul she knew there had to be something else, right? There had to be, if not, what was the purpose of this life? What was it all for?

Abuela said that after death there was love, that Abuelo would be waiting for her. Madi held on to her words as if they were a lifesaver.

That night, the house was full to the brim with people Abuela’s life had touched. Without being told, Madi served food, tended babies, and made sure everyone was comfortable as they planned Abuela’s big farewell. In an attempt to be closer to Abuela Lina, everyone had gathered in the big kitchen. Her presence enveloped every surface of the room where she had hosted so many family events and one-on-one soul-baring conversations.

But Madi knew of a better place where to find her.

The funeral home had taken her body away hours ago, but Abuela’s room still smelled like her, that unmistakable mixture of sandalwood incense and Florida water. The turquoise infinity scarf she’d been knitting rested by the bed, halfway through the row. Madi gently pushed the stitches all the way to the back of the needle to make sure they didn’t slip. Carefully, she put the unfinished proof of her grandma’s love in the tote that said We’re the daughters of the witches you couldn’t burn. Madi had brought it for her from a trip to Salem, Massachusetts, last summer.

Witches. Brujas.

There were so many meanings to the word. For Madi, a bruja had the power to connect the physical world to the spiritual sphere. She was a collector of memories, a storyteller, and a bridge.

Madi’s mom wasn’t into spirituality. Maybe witchery skipped generations. Madi was the granddaughter of the best bruja in their community. She hoped a little bit of Abuela’s powers had lingered even though her soul had moved on, but hers were big shoes to fill and Madi was so small.

But she had observed, and she remembered.

Following the rhythm of her memories of Abuela getting ready to meditate, Madi laid a lamb’s wool blanket in front of the window. It was a new moon and diamond stars dotted the dark winter sky.

New moon. The perfect planting time for seeds, dreams, and intentions.

She grabbed four candles and placed them in the middle of the blanket, representing the cardinal points. She lit them one by one. In an abalone shell, Madi poured the last moon water she and Abuela had collected during the Beaver full moon last November. She sprinkled Florida water and lavender oil in it and mixed everything with her index finger. Usually, Abuela placed a statue of the Virgin Mary or the goddess Isis with her outstretched wings in the center of the candles, but instead, Madi grabbed a framed photo of Abuela, the one from her yoga teacher graduation.

Her hands in the prayer position, she closed her eyes, and breathed.

One, two, three breaths. Then she waited for the energy to surround her.

Immediately, the air became static with electricity and warm with love. In the distance, a drumming echoed Madi’s heart as if Abuela were practicing her chants with her bombo leguëro1 just in the next room. Her ears couldn’t quite decipher the lyrics of the lullaby, but she knew the music deep in her soul. The words perched on the tip of her tongue for an instant, but she didn’t want to spend time in trying to remember them. She wanted answers.

Finally, in a determined, unafraid voice, she said, “Abuela, I can still feel you around me. There are so many things we never talked about! You said you’d guide me when the moment to recognize the great love of my life arrived, just like you guided Mami and all the tías and primas to theirs. I know I’m only thirteen, but how will I know they’re the one? How will I find my soul mate?”

Her words resonated in the room. Madi breathed deeply one more time and waited for an answer. She knew it would come. Any moment now. Her crossed legs started tingling as they fell asleep.

But Madi dug deeper into her awareness, just like Abuela had taught her. She knew she’d get an answer. So she waited.

Until she felt a trickle in between her legs. Breaking her concentration, she opened her eyes, and when she shifted, she noticed the blood on the blanket.

“My period?” she said in a gasp.

She’d been so excited to get her period after her friends had theirs for a couple of years. But this wasn’t the answer she’d hoped for.

“Madison, are you here, hija?” her mom said, opening the door.

Although she hadn’t been doing anything wrong, Madi scrambled to her feet, but immediately, she realized trying to put away the vestiges of her ritual was pointless. She’d tipped the abalone shell, and the water had spilled on the blanket and slid to the floor. The flame of candles danced.

“I was—” she said, but she couldn’t come up with a reason. With a lie.

Her mom made her way to the blanket and gazed tenderly at the candles and the photo for a few seconds, and then she gasped, just like Madi had done. She’d seen the blood.

When she looked at Madi her face was shiny with joy and pride. “You got your period.”

Madi nodded because she couldn’t speak. She had a knot in her throat, and she didn’t want to cry. More than excitement or emotion for her period, a profound sadness that her grandmother hadn’t spoken to her after all overwhelmed her.

“Oh, mi amor! Don’t cry,” Mami said. “How do you feel?”

“I’m okay,” she said, and crouched to blow the candles.

Her mom didn’t ask her what she’d been doing, and Madi didn’t offer any explanations.

Later that night, when she had a heated rice pouch on her lower belly and she had brushed the lingering taste of raspberry leaf and chamomile honeyed tea from her teeth, Madi snuggled in her bed. The soft voices in the kitchen lullabied her, and she closed her eyes for just a second.

Her breathing deepened.

When she opened her eyes just a second later, she was standing on a beach. It all felt so real. The warm breeze, the caress of the water on her naked feet, the still-warm sand underneath. But how had she arrived here? And why was she all alone?

Panic uncoiled inside her as she turned to look for a familiar face.

But then, she recognized this place! It was Flamenco Beach in Culebra Island, off Puerto Rico, where the family had gone last Christmas to visit Abuela’s side of the family. This was the island Abuela was always going on about. The one she’d mentioned with her last breath. A little bit of paradise on Earth.

Madi licked her lips and tasted salt. The night sky was alight with the brightest stars she’d ever seen.

“How can this be?” she said, looking around her with wonder.

The stars pulsed with energy, as if they had a secret they couldn’t contain. The ocean waves whispered but Madi couldn’t understand what they said.

She started walking, not knowing her destination. Madi didn’t know what she was doing here or where she was going, but she had the certainty that someone was waiting for her.

Surprisingly, now that she knew where she was, she wasn’t freaking out for being out of bed, thousands of miles away from home, in her white nightgown, standing on the powder-soft sand of one of the most beautiful beaches in the world.

She must have been in shock.

But no, it wasn’t shock. She was calm because she felt safe. She was supposed to meet someone important. Here. Tonight.

The soft breeze made the palm trees sway, and blew Madi’s long, wavy dark hair in front of her face. When she brushed it away, she saw a star, the brightest in the sky, peel away and fall, fall, fall in her direction.

Madi held her breath, bracing herself for the crash with her arms above her head. But the crash never came. Instead, an orb of incandescent light glowed in front of her and spoke. “What do you think, Lagartija?”

She knew that voice.

The bright light softened enough that Madi could open her eyes. Her curiosity and wonder at recognizing the figure in front of her vanquished any lingering fears she might still have.

“Abuela?” Laughing, she fell into her grandmother’s arms.

Abuela smelled just like before she got sick. Of agua de Florida and freshly baked bread. The warmth of her arms was the same mushiest feeling from before the cancer and the treatments wreaked havoc on her body.

“Don’t cry,” Abuela Lina whispered, brushing Madi’s hair. Her voice was the same too, resonant and confident.

“Is it really you? Or is this a dream?”

Abuela smiled. “And who said life isn’t the universe’s dream?”

Madi was used to Abuela’s cryptic words, but now she wanted concrete answers.

Abuela seemed to sense this because she added, “What is real? What you can touch? Well, you’re touching me. What you can see? You see me with your own eyes. What you can feel? Don’t you still feel the love I have for you?”

Comforted, Madi nodded and hugged her grandma again. She never wanted to let go.

“I don’t want to let go either,” Abuela said as if she’d read her mind. “We’re stepping outside of time because you had a question, and I’m here to answer it.”

Madi’s heart jumped to her throat. “Really, Abuela? When will I find—”

“Shh, mi Lagartija,” she said, and chuckled. “Although you’re not a little lizard anymore, right?”

“I got my period . . .”

“Don’t get bashful! It’s just a part of life! That means your body is healthy and growing.”

If only the rest of the world thought growing up wasn’t a big deal either!

“I miss you already, Abuela.”

Abuela hugged her. “I know. Please, remember that even if you won’t be able to see me, I’ll be beside you all your life. And then we’ll continue our adventures in the universe’s next manifestation.”

Abuela had some beliefs Madi didn’t completely understand. To her, this talk of the dreaming universe and its manifestations sounded like the fairy tales her friends’ mothers and grandmothers told. But the strangest, most magical belief Abuela had was that of soul mates and soul companions. Abuela believed that people were souls that reincarnated time after time to try new experiences. The gender, sexual orientation, and even species changed from life to life, but what remained was the love that united the souls in a group. Abuela had told Madi they’d been together in another life because they were soul companions. So were Nadia and Stevie, her sister-friends.

A soul mate was something more.

Abuela had met her soul mate early in her life. They parted when Abuelo Elio passed away after a car crash, but their love remained. Abuela Lina told Madi that Abuelo Elio sometimes visited in her dreams, which helped not to miss him so much.

Madi’s mom had met her soul mate when she was the single mom of a rowdy toddler. Madi adored Santiago, her stepdad, with her whole heart. He was her father in every way that mattered, and she couldn’t wait to legally have his last name, Ramírez instead of Paredes, her mom’s maiden name.

Because of her mom’s and Abuela’s romantic stories, Madi had always longed for her own soul mate.

Abuela placed a hand on Madi’s forehead. “Close your eyes. What you see will help you find him.”

“Him?” Madi’s eyes flew open. “It’s a he, then?”

Smiling, Abuela brushed her hand on Madi’s face and Madi closed her eyes.

“Remember, the future isn’t predetermined. But even if the outcome of our lives is unpredictable, the actions we take or don’t take every day make it inevitable. What you’ll see are clues. Don’t go chasing that love, Madi. It’ll come to you when you least expect it because it is then that you will be ready. Remember, love is energy. It’s what matters the most.”

“More than school?”

Abuela laughed. “Don’t ask impertinent questions! School is still the most important thing, for you, señorita! If you don’t continue your studies, I’ll come from whatever reincarnation I’m in and pull your legs!”

“You’re so extra, Abuela!”

“Now, breathe, and see, nena.”

Madi breathed as she was told. The ocean waves crashed softly until a soft hum, the hum of the universe, grew in power and volume. She felt the vibrations on her skin. She got scared.

“Abuela . . .”

“Shhh, I’m here. Let go.”

Madi exhaled and surrendered herself to the sound waves.

She felt she was sliding down a kaleidoscope of colors and images. Among the millions of souls in the universe, she recognized two distinct soul essences, people.

She saw the same two time after time.

They looked so different in appearance, but in her heart Madi knew she was looking at the same two souls from different time periods, cultures, religions. Sometimes they were the same sex and gender, and sometimes not. And not only people! Sometimes the souls were birds of paradise, majestic cats, pudgy little dogs, beautiful pulsating stars in a galaxy far, far away. Two palm trees swayed underwater in a world with three pink moons. But the two beings she saw in all of them were always Madi and her soul mate.

Her vision switched to a screen as wide as the purple horizon, like the one in a drive-through theater. As if it were a movie, she saw a tall man walking toward her in the middle of a snowstorm, his hands pushed into his pockets. She couldn’t distinguish the color of his hair because he was wearing a green beanie hat. Gold initials on his parka glinted under the feeble light of the street: JR.

A bright light shone behind him, and she couldn’t see his features, but when he looked up and noticed her, an overwhelming love bloomed inside her heart and spread all over her body. The feeling was intense and unstoppable, a force that could fuel her forever. The sun was bursting within her. Even then, she knew she’d be chasing this feeling until she finally met him.

What was his name?

She opened her mouth to ask, this man who was her soul mate, who’d be looking for her the same way she’d be looking for him until they found each other. But when she tried to speak, a rushing wind blew and plucked her words from her lips. Everything around her dimmed.

Before the world vanished, Madi struggled to speak. She needed to tell him her name, and since no words came out, she sent him a thought: I’m Madi! Madison Paredes!

She understood her mistake too late. By the time she met him, she’d be Madison Ramírez.

She cupped her hands around her mouth and yelled, “Ramírez! That’s my last name!”

He looked up and she saw only his eyes, brown and long lashed, surprised.

The infinite love in them knocked the remaining air out of her lungs.

They both blinked and the next second he was gone.

She gulped the air hungrily.

Dry, warm air from her childhood bedroom made her cough.

“No!” she yelled, throwing the bedcovers aside, and bolting up on her bed.

She ran to her mom.

Grains of sand stained her white sheets.

Present day

“Listen, I’ve been patient, but I’m tired of waiting. I’m tired of your excuses, your—Lies! Yes, your lies. There, I said it.”

As soon as the words were out of her mouth, Madi knew she’d made a mistake. Everything she’d said was true. She was tired of waiting, of unfulfilled promises, but the delivery was slightly off target. Well, no. Very much off target.

It wasn’t the poor contractor’s fault that she was so stressed. At least, not only his fault.

True, the salt cave of Grounded Yoga wasn’t ready yet, as he’d promised and in turn she’d promised her boss. But her problems went beyond the constant delays.

Today she was mad at the world, the universe, her long-gone grandma, but most of all, herself. Although a little voice told her that the person she was actually frustrated with was Jayden, her boyfriend.

No one took Madi seriously and the contractor’s condescending tone of voice was the last straw.

A prickling sensation ran down her spine, and no, it wasn’t a bolt of energy from the kundalini awakening she’d been chasing for years. It was that uncomfortable feeling of someone’s presence behind her.

Madi didn’t even register the chipmunk-sounding voice squeaking more excuses from the phone’s receiver. Chest heaving, she turned around, and came face-to-face with her boss, Reyna Steele.

Reyna was peace, awareness, and transcendence personified. But true to her name, she was tough like a queen. A super businesswoman who owned the fastest-growing wellness studio in northern Utah Valley.

In their ultra-conservative community, the concept of a yoga center with a spiritual practice had seemed like a misguided business idea. That is, until Reyna added a full-service spa and offered retreats in exotic locations. Soon, clients started flocking, packing the classes, and filling waiting lists that extended into the next couple of years.

Come for the fun, stay for the health and spiritual benefits.

Reyna tapped her sandaled foot on the floor.

“I’m sorry, sir. I’ll have to call you later. Bye,” Madi said to the contractor on the phone, and hung up.

Madi waited for a telling-off of some kind. She had it coming, but instead, Reyna walked up to her and hugged her.

The gesture took Madi with such surprise that she melted in the embrace of her mentor and boss. With her parents moving to Seattle because of Santiago’s job transfer, it had been a long time since someone had hugged her like this. A hug that said, I got you. Everything will be all right.

Jayden was kind but had the emotional wavelength of an amoeba.

“I’m sorry about the outburst, Reyna,” Madi said, sniffling, breathing in the scent of lavender essential oil that enveloped the older woman. “Everything’s a mess. I’m the most ungrounded person in the universe.”

“Not the most. One of them, perhaps.” Reyna patted her shoulder and said, “Tell me.”

Someone opened the door, and Madi sucked her tears back in, turned to the newcomer, and beamed a smile. “Welcome to Grounded Yoga!”

The man didn’t even look at her and headed to the massage room at the end of the hallway.

Too bad rudeness couldn’t be kneaded away like a stubborn knot on the shoulder on the massage table. On cue, Madi’s shoulder throbbed. She rolled it, trying to be as inconspicuous as possible.

Reyna clicked her tongue. “It still bothers you?”

Madi sighed. “All the time.”

Reyna rubbed her hands and placed them on the front and back of Madi’s shoulder. A warmth spread like. . .