CHAPTER 1
THE PLACE IN Stone Canyon loomed larger than I had expected. I checked the address on a piece of paper: 30279 Beverly Glen Road. Yup, the right house. The number I’d scribbled down matched the number written in some fancy script a foot high on a wooden sign adorned with roses. Ugh. I hate the rich. But they frequently pay my bills.
Undulating lawns straight out of a magazine concealed a Tudor-style mansion nestled behind a leafy copse of elm trees only a few hundred yards from the Upper Reservoir. A few hundred yards and a thousand miles. The intoxicating scent of sage drifted around me. This part of L.A. always smells of sage or junipers. You could almost see the hills through the smog, so you knew you were in the ritzy part of town. Birds twittered in the hedges—robins, finches, and sparrows. The sound soothed me.
The house was larger than its neighbors by plenty. Not out of place, mind you, here in the nice part of town. On the other hand, my sensible if classic maroon sedan glinting under the afternoon sun in the long, arc-shaped driveway seemed way out of place. I couldn’t bear to part with the 1970s relic even though many enticing new models had come and gone in the ensuing twenty-some years.
When I rang the doorbell, a tight-faced woman in a tight black suit answered and guided me into a room where my dusky appearance seemed even more out of place than my car in the driveway.
She looked down her nose as if to say, try not to touch anything. “Sit,” she ordered, pointing to the sofa.
I sat. Then, just for laughs, I barked out loud, “I can roll over and play dead too.” I smiled my most winning smile.
She gave me another look that seemed to say I wouldn’t care if you got run over by a cement mixer. Then she smiled and left looking just like the nasty neighbor in The Wizard of Oz. Miss Gulch.
Brrrr. Gives me the shivers just to think of that smile. You coulda chilled champagne in it. So I sat and waited. I half expected Miss Gulch to bring me a dog biscuit but instead she returned with the lady of the house—as Gulch called her—the lady who had sounded like Lauren Bacall on the telephone. Husky and arrogant.
Carmen Sloan. The last name rang a bell but I didn’t know why. I stood up to shake hands with her.
She didn’t look anything like Bacall. Didn’t have the effortless style or sultry appeal. She looked good, but the kind of good that takes a long time to get right, from the mauve eye shadow to the slight upturn at the corners of her lips. Still, good’s good, and she looked really good.
She turned to Miss Gulch. “Thank you, Frida.”
Ms. Gulch sniffed and turned to leave, but not before looking me up and down, from my partially unbuttoned shirt to my penniless penny loafers. I’m pretty sure she was thinking that she would have to fumigate after I left.
“Mr. Sharma. Thanks for coming at such short notice,” Mrs. Sloan said.
“No problem.”
We studied each other for a moment. “You’re not as tall as I expected,” she observed.
I laughed. She and I were about the same height. “Did I sound tall on the phone?”
“No. It’s just that somehow I always picture Indian men as tall.”
“Depends on their parents.”
“What about yours?”
“My parents?”
“Yes.”
“Neither were particularly tall. My mother’s Irish, my father originally from India. But I grew up in the States. I’ve never even been to India.”
“That explains your green eyes.”
“And my passion for Riverdance.”
She frowned, clearly not amused. “And your name. What does the D stand for?”
“Digger.”
“Oh.”
I figured it wouldn’t be
long before she lit a cigarette. Sure enough, after another moment of studying me, she took a drag, eyed me slantwise, and blew out the smoke in a way that I thought was supposed to impress me. “I guess I also expect detectives to be tall, like in the movies.”
“Sorry to disappoint,” I said.
“Well, as long as you can do what I hired you to do, I don’t care if you’re an autosomal-dominant genetic dwarf.”
Wow. Hadn’t expected the fancy vocab. “What do you want me to do?”
She studied me some more. Then she turned her back, taking a long drag on her cigarette, and looked toward the window where birds fluttered in the hedgerow. You couldn’t hear the twittering inside the house with the front windows closed. Too well insulated. The back windows were open though, a fresh breeze wafting through.
She squashed out her cigarette and after a moment, lit another.
Hard to read this one.
“How do I know I can trust you?” she asked. Her voiced quavered. It’s not easy to be Bacall, even if you’re a chain smoker.
I eyed her levelly. “If you trusted Bernie, you can trust me. Don’t you trust Bernie?” I worked with Bernie sometimes. LAPD. I couldn’t imagine how he knew her.
“I didn’t say that,” she snapped. “It’s just . . .” Her voice cracked. She bit her lip. Pretty soon, I figured, the waterworks. Again, she didn’t disappoint. I waited an awkward moment while dew drops meandered down her cheeks. She straightened and wiped away her tears pretty quick, though. Impressive.
She turned to a sideboard where a silver platter with several lead crystal glasses and a few decanters stood at attention but a bit lost and forlorn, like chess pieces removed from the board.
I wondered how often she visited them.
She poured herself a drink with some ice and turned to me.
“Drink?”
I shook my head. “I’ll take some water.”
“Ice?”
“No, I take mine neat.”
Without smiling, she passed me a glass and sat down, staring straight ahead, looking lost. I remained standing. Then she turned her gaze to me. “My husband’s having an affair.” The chill in her voice would have impressed a polar bear, even a cynical one.
I waited, ever the cynical polar bear.
“At least I’m pretty sure of it,” she continued. She didn’t sound sure. Or at least, like she didn’t want to be sure.
I waited some more. I find it’s better sometimes to say nothing. It unnerves people and they occasionally reveal truths they hadn’t intended to.
“I don’t think it’s jealous
y. I . . . I’ve found receipts for hotel rooms, dresses, jewelry, stuff like that.” She seemed to be warming up now. “And sometimes the phone rings but there’s no one there . . .”
“Go on,” I coaxed.
She looked away, drawing smoke into her lungs with less pretense, more like the desperate drags of the nicotine addict. “I want to hire you to help me.”
“Help you what?”
“I want a divorce. I need someone to get evidence for me so I can get a decent settlement.”
“Sounds like you’ve got evidence. Why don’t you just get a lawyer?”
“I haven’t . . . that is, I don’t think what I’ve got now is enough to go on. Besides, my husband’s a lawyer, and he knows everybody in town.”
Ah. I knew I recognized Carmen’s last name. A recent case in the papers, a civil rights case with a lawyer named Sloan. I could look it up later. “Then hire someone from out of town.”
“I can’t do that.”
“Can’t? Or don’t want to?”
“All right. Don’t want to.”
“Well, he must have enemies. All good lawyers have enemies. Find someone he screwed over. I’m sure they’d jump at the chance to get even.”
“I don’t want to do that either. The thing is, I don’t want anyone to know about this until I have more proof.”
I had to laugh.
“Don’t laugh at me!” she flashed.
“I’m not laughing at you,” I said softly. “It sounds more like you’re not sure if he’s being unfaithful and want me to find out.”
She looked away. “Yes. Something like that.” She stood up and paced for a moment before flopping on the settee. While she lit another cigarette, I looked around at the place. Nice, I guess, if you like that kind of stuff. Probably decorated by a fancy-name designer who had charged a fancy price so that Sloan’s friends could admire his tastefully designed living room along with his tastefully designed wife.
A high-beamed ceiling canopied a collection of mission-style furniture squatting on carpets with jagged, Southwestern Native American patterns. Equally Southwestern and Native American paintings hung on the walls. Musta come with a fancy price. The faint scent of oranges drifted through an enormous bay window that opened onto a large yard with a swimming pool and a garden. Trees rimmed the edge of the property, blocking off any view of the canyon behind. A wall of privacy.
To keep people out, or in?
I tugged my collar and imagined sitting in the shade of the trees. Far off, the air conditioning rumbled.
The only thing that se
emed remotely out of place was a large oil painting above the mantelpiece. I walked over to look at it, keeping an eye on her as I did so. She kept her eyes on me too, watching my every move, her cheeks flushed.
The painting itself seemed too amateurish to be hanging in this room. Clearly executed by someone who had studied Cubism. Someone who had studied but not mastered it. The picture featured the fractured, multiple perspectives and geometric forms so common to the school but they lacked the simplicity or elegance seen in Picasso’s works. Well done, but not great. From what I could tell, the subject was a nude woman, fragments of her body separated and embedded in various elements of modern life such as bedrooms, cafes, cars, buildings, traffic lights, and so forth. It had the charm so common to amateur paintings but still clashed with the rest of the furnishings. Curious, I searched the lower-right corner for a signature and to my surprise, saw the name Carmen painted there in a style reminiscent of Picasso’s own signature.
I turned back to study Carmen Sloan and she looked away. I’d pegged her as a trophy wife, but maybe I hadn’t done her justice. She didn’t wear a wedding ring. The painting on the wall reflected aspects of her that were not readily apparent on my first superficial examination. True, she had that kind of “pretty” that trophy wives have, but beneath that, hmmm! Mocha skin and large, dark eyes, wide set like Britney Spears. Her hair started out black and faded to blonde.
Two feelings about her wrestled with each other: an attraction and urge to rescue her. That meant trouble. And plenty of it.
In a former life, I’d learned the hard way that when a gal started making me feel like rescuing her, it usually meant that she had some tough problems that would soon become my problems. I looked at the picture again. A troubled hand had painted it. I thought about asking Carmen what it meant but realized that would be falling back into old habits. Somewhat bitter, I decided to change tack and play the wise father confessor. “Mrs. Sloan?”
“Call me Carmen.”
“No.”
“Okay.”
“I think I’ve got a pretty good idea what’s going on here. You’re what, thirty?”
She nodded.
“And your husband, he’s, what, forty?”
“Thirty-eight.”
“You married him young. Maybe you wanted to get out of the house? He made you promises no one had made before. He could give you things you had always wanted.”
She nodded again.
“He made you sign a prenup
, right?”
“How did you know?” Her eyebrows shot up and her eyes widened.
“I’ve been doing this for a while Mrs. Sloan.”
“Call me Carmen.”
“No.”
She sank back on the settee, somewhat deflated.
“So you married him and he gave you everything you wanted, but he wasn’t there for you emotionally. And then you realized he wasn’t such a nice guy, that he had become bored with you, and that you had become just another ornament in his ornamental life.”
Sullen and glazed, she nodded dully as I continued. “Sure, he gave you everything you wanted, gave you plenty of money, but that’s never enough. He spent less and less time at home, showed less interest in being with you, started going on more business trips. Then you started noticing suspicious things.”
She fumbled with her gold-plated cigarette case but said nothing.
Now for the zinger. “What part of the OC are you from?” I asked.
She started, almost dropping the case, but then she set it down on the coffee tablet, flushing. “How did you know that?”
“Lucky guess.”
Actually not. It’s just that good-looking girls from not-as-ritzy-as-Newport Beach towns in Orange County always marry well-heeled lawyers from Beverly Hills. They think the high life will fill the void. It never does. They think their husbands will be faithful. They never are. They become depressed. Then they call me.
I could have told her all that, but it would have just made her feel bad. Even before she said it, I knew she would answer my question with something like Santa Ana, Costa Mesa, or Seal Beach, or from one of the good—
“—one of the good parts of Huntington Beach,” she said.
“Nice town.”
“Yeah, sure, I guess. I couldn’t wait to leave.”
“That why you married him?”
She didn’t answer, the pain on her face eloquent enough. She lighted another cigarette, stood, and walked to the front windows. Two robins fought over something on the lawn. A scrap of food. A female. Territory. Who knew? She watched them for a moment before turning back to stare at me, saying nothing, her expression inscrutable.
“Look, Mrs. Sloan,” I said. “I’ll take the case. I can help you. If you want references, here are a couple that should ease your mind about trusting me.” I handed her a card.
She perused the card the
n looked up at me, hope in her eyes.
“I’ll take your case, but on one condition.”
“What’s that?”
“I’m gonna watch your husband to see if he’s cheating on you. If he is, I’ll get proof. If he’s not, at least you’ll know. And that’s all I’m gonna do.”
“That’s all I want.”
“Is it?”
“What are you saying?”
“It’s happened before that when a gal says she wants me to help her get a divorce what she really wants is for me to get her life straight for her.”
She flushed. “I don’t know what you mean.”
I smiled inwardly. She probably didn’t. It didn’t make any difference. I knew I was right. “Anyway, I’ll need a picture of your husband—what’s his first name, by the way?”
“Lamont.”
“Okay. And his work address and number would be helpful.”
She fetched a silver case from the sideboard and handed me one of his cards. Nothing remarkable about it: Lamont Sloan, Attorney at Law, Wilshire Boulevard.
I could picture him now with his slicked-back hair, cruising along in a silver current-model Black Forest sports car complete with leather accessories and tinted windows. I hated him already. “My retainer’s two grand. I charge five hundred a day plus expenses. Also, a copy of your phone bill and those receipts you were telling me about would be useful.”
Without hesitation, she fetched a Louis Vuitton purse from one of the end tables, opened her wallet, and handed me twenty one-hundred-dollar bills as if they were Monopoly money, counting them out with the precision of a bank teller. It never ceases to amaze me how free people are with other people’s cash.
She then dug a manila folder from the purse and handed it to me silently. I glanced inside to find photocopies of bills, receipts, and so on. Well prepared. I looked up to thank her and she twirled away, stirring her perfume in the air.
Subtle. Very subtle. She impressed me again. Twice in one day. Not bad.
CHAPTER 2
TRAFFIC SUCKED. A noisy, angry stream of people who hated each other simply for existing moving in jerking fits and stops. They don’t understand why and they don’t care. They just want to get home or to work or somewhere—anywhere. Most of ’em can’t even see the cities they live in, their houses, or their apartments, through the dirty haze. I hate L.A. Jack Kerouac once called it the loneliest and most brutal city in America.
Los Angeles. The City of Angels, a beauty parlor at the end of the universe, paradise with a lobotomy, a bright and glitzy place. Today’s weather forecast: smoggy.
The silver lining, my first micromance of the day. You know what a micromance is, right? When you see an attractive person somewhere and you don’t get the chance to spend more than a few seconds admiring them. They make eye contact and seem to find you attractive as well. But then you both go about your day and you realize you’ll never see each other again. It happens when two people lock gazes from different trains moving apart, pass on the street, or—most commonly in L.A.—peer voyeuristically into one another’s cars.
In this case, my micromance involved two stunning Asians in a canary yellow Porsche coupe stopped briefly in the stalled traffic.. Neither looked older than twenty, but the car, idling with a hypnotic thrum, looked to cost plenty. They both had straight coal-black hair, one cut in a short bob, the other wearing it well below her shoulders. They met my gaze and I smiled. They rewarded me with two dazzling smiles in return.
Then the one in the passenger seat rolled down her window. I rolled down mine.
“Hey cutie!” she chirped in an accent I couldn’t place.
“Hey gorgeous!” I chirruped back.
“Where you headed?”
“On my way to work. You?”
“We’re going clubbing!”
“At one in the afternoon?”
“We know where to go!”
“Nice!”
“You wanna go with us?” she teased.
Although sorely tempted, they were way too young for me. “Sorry,” I replied, “but I got a girlfriend and I gotta get to work.”
“Oh, that’s too bad,” she pouted. Then she reached down somewhere down by her feet and produced a rose. She handed it across to me. ...
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