Just Add Water

Book 1: Mail Order Massacres

by Hunter Shea

Genres: Contemporary Fantasy; Short Stories; Horror; Supernatural suspense

Synopsis

GROW AMAZING LIVE SEA SERPENTS! It’s fun! It’s easy! They only cost a measly dollar. Just clip out the ad in your comic book. Then ask Mom to mail it in. A few weeks later, receive a packet of instant Sea Serpent dust. Then: Just add water . . . and watch them grow! WHAT COULD GO WRONG? Just ask David and Patrick. Their “instant pets” are instant duds. They don’t hatch, they don’t grow, they don’t do anything. So they dump them into the sewer where Dad pours toxic chemicals . . . WAIT UNTIL FEEDING TIME. It’s been years since David and Patrick thought about those Sea Serpents. But now, small animals are disappearing in the neighborhood. Strange slimy creatures are rising from the sewers. And once the screaming starts, David and Patrick realize that their childhood pets really did come to life. With a vengeance. They’re enormous . . . and have a ravenous hunger for human flesh . . . Praise for Hunter Shea “Old school horror.” —Jonathan Maberry “A lot of splattery fun.” — Publishers Weekly “Frightening, gripping.” — Night Owl Reviews

Release date: June 13, 2017

Publisher: Lyrical Press

Print pages: 91

Sample

Tuckerville, NY, 1980

When everything was said and done and the dead were long buried, they would blame Wonder Woman.

While everyone else collected Star Wars (the red, yellow, blue and green series) and baseball cards, Patrick Richards and David Estrada plunked every hard-earned nickel they had on comic books. Oh, and there were also the protective plastic bags they had to buy to keep each issue as pristine as possible.

Their habit was expensive, but the thirteen-year-old best friends found ways to scrape together enough money every month to buy the latest issues of The Fantastic Four, Captain America, The Flash, Marvel Two-In-One (featuring The Thing and a different guest hero each issue), Green Arrow and too many others to count. Well, they could count them. In fact, each could rattle off the total number of comics in their collections at a moment’s notice.

“Three hundred and twenty-five,” Patrick would say.

“Four hundred and two,” David would say, showing off just a bit.

Patrick had a paper route while David mowed lawns for the older people in the neighborhood. Sometimes, they would wait outside the Shopwell supermarket, offering to load people’s bags into their cars for tips. An afternoon at Shopwell could net them enough scratch to buy four or more comics.

And there was always shoveling to be done in the winter, along with raking leaves in the fall.

When you had a comic addiction, you had to find ways to feed the beast.

They found themselves in late May flush with cash, thanks to a visit from Patrick’s grandparents. His grandfather had slipped a twenty-dollar bill into Patrick’s pocket, whispering in his ear, “Don’t tell your parents. That’s comic book money. Get enough to last the summer.”

“You’re really gonna share?” David said, staring at the twenty on the floor between them.

“It’s not like we don’t read the same comics,” Patrick said. “The deal is, I get to add more to my collection. Say we split it seventy–thirty?”

David smiled. “I’ll take it.”

They shook and it was done.

The four-block ride to Blackburn’s stationery store had them both in a sweat. Summer had come early. There wasn’t a cloud in the sky and the sun was downright brutal. Popping tandem wheelies, they leaped off their bikes at the entrance, both riderless Huffys crashing to the ground in a tangle of metal and rubber.

Blackburn’s kept the comics in a long rectangular box on the floor under the magazine rack. The boys got on their knees, carefully rifling through the upright stack.

“We have everything,” David said, deflating. His short-cut black hair glistened with drops of sweat.

“Almost,” Patrick said, plucking a Wonder Woman free. His own face was flushed, bringing the cluster of freckles on his cheeks to blazing prominence.

David considered it, then shrugged his shoulders.

“It’s better than nothing.”

They paid forty cents for the issue, getting a ton of change that somehow made it seem like they had more money than when they had started. The boys jumped back on their bikes and pedaled home, anxious to get back to David’s room because it had an air conditioner.

David read along with Patrick, just over his shoulder. Neither was a Wonder Woman aficionado, but neither could argue against the fact that she had one sexy bod.

Sexy for a comic book character. Not as hot as, say, Mrs. Pendleton, freshly divorced and constantly on the prowl. The boys appreciated how difficult she made it for any straight male to not stare at her bulging rack or curvy hips.

They were done in five minutes, the air from the AC making the pages of the comic flutter.

“Well, that was exciting,” David said, rolling onto his back.

“It would have made more sense if we had read the previous two issues.” Patrick flipped through it again. They’d decided they weren’t going to preserve this one. Wonder Woman just didn’t make the cut for the special-bag treatment.

He perused the endless ads for gag gifts, magic kits, body building guides and footlockers filled with a thousand army men.

His eyes paused on the all too familiar ad for the Amazing Sea Serpents! In the ad, a smiling family of creatures that looked like a cross between mermaids and anacondas, with almost human faces, waved back at him from the comfort of their underwater city.

Sea serpents make the ultimate pet! No mess! Low maintenance! Just add water and let the fun begin!

Patrick had always wanted to order the Amazing Sea Serpents, but his parents absolutely forbid him from, in their words, wasting his money on worthless junk.

“All that stuff is a scam,” his father had once said. “When I was a kid, I ordered what was supposed to be a working rocket that could break the atmosphere. What I got was a balsa wood stick and a big rubber band.”

But that was then, in the old days.

There were laws and stuff now about scams like that. If it was in a comic book, it had to be tested and approved. Stan Lee would never pull one over their eyes. Excelsior!

“We should order the Amazing Sea Serpents,” Patrick said.

David had his eyes closed, his hands clasped behind his head. “Huh?”

“They only cost $4.95. You get the serpents, their tank and everything.”

Now David sat up. He’d wanted his own for a long time, too, but his parents felt the same way about the whole business as Patrick’s.

“We have the money,” Patrick said. “And even after that, we’ll still have fourteen bucks for the new comics when they come in.”

“What about our parents?”

“We don’t have to tell them. It says it takes six . . .