I Repent

by Renea Collins

Genres: African American; African American Christian; Christian Fiction

Synopsis

When she decides she can no longer stand for her husband's adulterous behavior, Reese packs up their sons and moves to Columbus, Ohio, to start over. Healing from her divorce, she thinks she has it all together, until the Midwest's biggest drug lord sweeps her off her feet and she finds herself in the middle of a dangerous love triangle. Things only become more complicated when physical abuse rears its ugly head. Reese is dealing with more obstacles than anyone should have to endure. Reese knows she has to break away from the ungodly situation she is in, but she's out of answers and she's out of places to hide. She's tired of running and she doesn't want to uproot her children again, so she decides to confront her abuser. She has no idea that facing him and confronting her problems will lead her into the arms of Jesus.

Release date: March 1, 2013

Publisher: Urban Christian

Print pages: 304

Sample

“No, Jason! Please don’t shoot me!” Reese screamed from the top of her lungs. She was standing upstairs, trembling in her hallway.

As shaken as she was, she was still beautiful. Her sandy-brown locks curled up instantly from the perspiration of all the action going on. Her light brown skin was flawless. She had the most hypnotizing hazel eyes a person ever wanted to see, and her body was carved out to perfection from God Himself.

She was holding on to Kev, her live-in boyfriend’s best friend, tight, so tight that her freshly done fake fingernails were digging into Kev’s flesh as he stood in front of her while Jason followed, aiming the .357 magnum at her head. She was terrified! She hid behind and had wrapped herself around Kev while he tried so desperately to pull her into the bathroom that was between the two bedrooms and away from Jason’s rage. That was the quickest room to get her in and out of Jason’s sight.

Reese’s mouth was so close to Kev’s ear that he could hear her whispering repeatedly, “Jesus, Jesus, Jesus.”

Kev shook his head and couldn’t help but think about how everything had happened so fast: the argument, then the fight. His thought was quickly interrupted with Jason yelling.

“Man, Kev, I’m tellin’ you.” Jason charged Kev, and looking him right in the eyes. “You better back up, son! I ain’t playin’. I’ma do this broad!” Jason’s eyes were glassy, big and red from all of the weed he, Kev, and Reese had smoked earlier that day.

Reese was screaming and hollering, trying to get away from Jason as he cocked and pointed the hollow barrow of the gun in her face. He was waving it back and forth, trying to get a steady aim at Reese’s head.

“Jesus! Jesus!” Reese screamed out.

Jason laughed and gave Reese the evil eye while yelling out at her, “Don’t call on Him now! You got it twisted, Reese! Nobody’s coming to save you!”

Kev stood there speechless, watching the whole thing play out as if he were in the front row of some sold-out movie theater. He couldn’t believe this was happening. He knew about Jason’s fighting in the past, but this . . . this was something else.

Kev thought, then yelled out at Jason, “Jason, man, listen to me.” He pushed Jason back softly but Kev stayed in front of Reese, making sure she was in the bathroom safely. She balled up into a corner behind him in the tiny bathroom. The door stood open with Kev and Reese on one side and Jason standing in the hallway, pointing the gun at them.

There fell a dead silence before Kev spoke again. Kev took a big swallow, then tried to reason with Jason. “Jay, think about this, man. You know it ain’t worth all of this.” Kev flung his arms up, smiled, and looked around, as if to say, “This is small potatoes compared to where we lived in New York.”

Jason and Kev were from the Bronx. They were in Columbus, Ohio strictly for the dope game. The plan was to make money in Ohio, establish a drug cartel to stay there, run their business, and monopolize the city with their product. They figured if everything went according to plan, they would be leaving Columbus and heading back to the Bronx permanently within five years, and they were now on their fourth year in the city. It took time to gain the respect on the streets to take over a city.

Kev was trying to get Jason to see that there was no time for this foolishness, and with Kev being the mastermind behind their operation, he knew that they were close to having the city on lock. They could be headed home to New York for good in twelve months. In other words, Kev was saying, “Stop messin’ up!”

Jason listened to Kev for a moment, then looked over into the bathroom at Reese and got a little angrier. “Man, move!” Jason demanded, walking up on Kev but never crossing over into the bathroom. Jason stood there with his shadow from the wall bigger than life itself. He was six foot five and 240 pounds of pure muscle. He was gorgeous; from top to bottom he was beautiful. He kept himself well groomed with his double-dipped dark chocolate skin and his bald head. He had a pair of four-carat diamond earrings in his ears gleaming brightly, and plenty of heavy platinum around his neck and wrist.

“Kev, man move! I’m tellin’ you, she deserves it!” Jason ordered. “I ain’t gonna let that broad talk to me like I’m stupid. Now come on, Kev, you know me! I know she’s takin’ my money. How else is it disappearing? Huh? Who else could be takin’ it, Kev?” He looked a terrified Reese in the eyes. “Where’s the money you took, Reese?” He hit the wall. “Where is it? I know you got it!”

Reese covered her head and squirmed around a little as if she were trying to disappear, but she never responded to Jason’s question.

Kev shook his head and then intervened. “Jay, man, let it go,” Kev said as he walked into the hallway, closing the bathroom door behind him.

Reese stayed on the floor in the bathroom, balled up in the corner. She never said a word. She could hear Jason and Kev talking through the door, but she never moved. She stayed there trembling and crying, wondering how she had gotten herself into this mess and realized something had to change in her life. She knew she couldn’t go on like this. She cried on the floor and whispered softly, “Jesus.”

She thought how foolish she must sound to the Lord after walking away from Him years ago when she was a teen. She shook her head back and forth, feeling so unworthy to even ask Jesus for help. She was for certain that He would never hear her cry unto Him. So, she held herself and rocked back and forth on the floor, believing she didn’t have the right to ever call on Jesus again. She silenced herself and listened to Kev trying to convince Jason it was time to leave.

“Let’s go, man! We need to get out of here. Forget her, Jay. Besides, you need to think ’bout this, you ain’t find da money,” Kev reasoned. “Man, if you kill her and you think she took money, how you gonna find it if she dead?” Kev asked. “Think, man, use yo’ head! You don’t need this.” Kev put his hands on his head as if he was thinking and mumbled, “I don’t need this. Man, we don’t need this! We got too much to lose.”

Kev looked over to the duffle bag full of money on the floor by Reese’s bedroom door.

They kept their money there because they figured it was safe there and nobody knew where she lived besides the two of them. Not even their crew knew where she lived or where they kept their money. That made it less likely that they would get robbed... or so they thought.

Jason followed Kev’s eyes and looked over where the money was on the floor in the duffle bag. He knew that Kev was right. He was just mad.

Kev walked up to Jason and reached for the gun that Jason was holding, trying to get him to let it go, but Jason wouldn’t. He was too consumed by anger to back down, so he raised the gun and aimed it at Kev, as if he was going to shoot him.

“Put the gun down, Jay,” Kev hollered, but Jason didn’t, he kept pointing it at Kev. Kev gave him a grim look, then challenged Jason. “You gonna shoot me?”

Kev was huge too, with solid muscles. Even though Jason had a gun, Kev wasn’t scared. Kev was trying to hold it together, but he was tired of Jason and all the drama he kept getting in while they’d been in Columbus. Kev was way past frustrated with it.

Kev was all about his business, so Jason’s antics were really starting to distract them from their plans, and money. Kev knew there was a possibility that Jason could have blown some of the money without even knowing it because he knew Jason splurged a lot on foolishness, meaning other women. Kev knew Jason was possibly accusing Reese of taking some money to take the heat off of himself. For all Kev knew, this could have been a front.

Kev’s family was in New York and he didn’t get into any extra activities while in Ohio. He wanted to get money. His concentration was on building an empire, a cartel, not being a womanizer like his best friend had been. Getting involved with chicks had been the last thing on Kev’s mind, not that plenty of women in the CO hadn’t tried to get at him.

Kev’s complexion was light and he had beautiful gray eyes. He had a perfectly trimmed and crisped edge up on his facial hair and he sported waves. His daddy was Italian and his momma was black. So when looking at him, one could see his beautiful heritage from both of his parents.

Jason and Kev had been best friends since they were eight years old. “Friends for life” was their slogan. Meeting at the school one day, Kev heard a big commotion and ran over to a group of boys who were jumping Jason. When Kev saw what was going on he decided to jump into the fight and help. Kev hadn’t known Jason up until that point, but hoped that if it had been him getting jumped on, someone would have helped him.

They whooped the other boys together and became fearless in school and that behavior followed them to the streets of New York. That was the beginning of their twenty-eight-year friendship.

Therefore, Jason knew Kev wasn’t going to back down because Jason knew Kev didn’t play.

“Let’s do this then, man.” Kev grabbed the open end of the gun and pointed it into his own chest. “Shoot me, Jay.” His voice got louder. “Shoot me! But I am not gonna let you hurt her!” Kev clearly stated.

Jason hesitated for a minute. He watched Kev’s chest move in and out from him breathing so hard; and then Jason grinned, showing his dimples. “Naw, man, you know I ain’t gonna shoot you,” Jason’s raspy, deep, slow voice said, and he lowered the gun, put the safety on, and tucked it away. He then reached his hand out to Kev and waited for Kev to cool down and grab it.

Kev looked at him, then smiled and took Jason’s hand and laughed. “You a piece of work, man!” Kev grabbed the bag of money; then they gave each other pound and a brotherly hug as Jason followed Kev down the steps.

Jason looked around to make sure he wasn’t forgetting anything before he left. He looked over at Kev and said, “Man, I ain’t ever comin’ back here!”

“Look at me real good when I say this.” Kev pointed at Jason and said, “Don’t!”

Kev opened the front door and went out, while Jason grabbed his jacket out of the living room closet and smirked. He went toward the door to leave, then stopped and laughed. “Oh yeah.” He turned around and yelled up the steps, “Jesus got you out of this one. You better be glad!” He laughed and slammed the front door.

Reese jumped when she heard them slam her front door, but stayed there on the soft, plush carpet, whimpering. She lifted her head and said, “Jesus, how did I end up here?” as her mind journeyed back to exactly how she had ended up there. . . .

I went to live with my grandma and grandpa when I was eleven years old. Actually, me and Momma had lived with them off and on pretty much my entire childhood. But I went to live with them without Momma this time. Momma couldn’t come this time. Her boyfriend, Yellow, murdered her. I was there when it happened, heard the whole thing take place, but I couldn’t do nothin’ about it. I remembered it as if it were yesterday.

Momma had taken twenty dollars out of Yellow’s pants pocket the night before without him knowing. She did it so she could give me some money for my field trip to the Dayton Art Institute the next day. To be honest, I didn’t think I was going. I knew she didn’t have any money. It was the end of the month and her welfare check didn’t come until the first.

I went to her bedroom door the night before the trip and knocked. I was holding the letter from my teacher, Ms. Armstrong, in my hand. I figured the letter would explain how important it was to go. I knocked; and then I put my ear to her door to make sure she was alone.

“Ma, you in there?” I didn’t know why I asked that. I knew she was in there. I just didn’t know if she was alone.

She replied with her sweet, soft voice, “Hold on, baby, I’m coming.”

I could hear her talking to someone. Then I knew it was Yellow when he said, “Where you goin’?” I heard her telling him she’d be right back, to hold tight and to watch TV for a sec. I rolled my eyes to the back of my head when I knew he was in there.

I never liked Yellow because whenever he came around he would keep my mother high on that stuff that would make her turn into a zombie, never noticing me or what was going on. Not even caring if we ate, had lights or food, or if I had clean clothes or nothing; a zombie. Besides that my mother was too beautiful for that fool!

Yellow was notorious and known to be scandalous throughout our neighborhood. There were rumors about him committing murders and rumors that he came up on money and dope by robbing people a few years back. He was now known as the neighborhood dope man and whatever anyone in the hood wanted, from marijuana to crack cocaine, he could get his grimy hands on and into theirs; for the right price that was.

I didn’t like him coming around our house. I was afraid when he was at our house and I would think someone he backstabbed was gonna catch him one night while he was laid up with Momma. I knew from hearing people talk that in the hood, when they came to get even, they killed everything in their way, which meant everybody in the house.

Momma came out the door with her bathrobe on. She had her beautiful, long, black, curly hair wrapped up in a bun and her face was radiant. She was a beautiful woman. She was tall and slender like a model, with blue eyes, a very fair complexion, and skin smoother than butter.

She closed the door behind herself. Then, she smiled at me and said, “What is it, Reese?”

“Momma, did you remember I needed twenty dollars for tomorrow’s field trip?” I held up the letter while I asked, hoping she had miraculously saved some money for me to go. After all, I told her at the beginning of the month, so just maybe?

“I told you I wouldn’t forget, li’l girl. Now didn’t I?” She opened my hand and put the twenty in it. She gave me a kiss on my forehead, smiled, and started to open her bedroom door.

“Momma, I’m sorry,” I blurted out. I felt so bad because I didn’t think she remembered or had the money, and it made me feel guilty for all the stuff I said to myself under my breath before I got to her door.

She laughed at me, tilted her head and walked back over to me. She put her arms around me and gave me a big, warm hug. She whispered in my ear and told me how much I was growing into a beautiful young woman.

“Reese, you will accomplish anything you want in life, baby. I know you have been through a lot of difficult things, but our lives are going to get better, I promise.” She continued to hug me. Then, without letting me go, she looked at me and said, “No more drugs, Reese baby, I promise you. But more important, I promised God. Reese, I am so proud of you. You keep up the good work at school. You deserve to go on this trip.”

I nodded my head and whispered, “Yes, ma’am.” I wanted so desperately to believe things were gonna change, but it was a hard thing to do, and with Yellow being there I knew it was closer to impossible than possible.

Momma interrupted my thoughts. “Reese, I want you to believe me. Do you believe me? Do you believe things are gonna change, baby?”

I smiled and nodded yes. I didn’t want to lie to my mother, but I knew it wasn’t gonna change. We had been here with her empty promises so many times. I felt as though I was the parent and she was the little girl. I had to bathe her, feed her, and sit with her when she was high. I had seen too much too often, and frankly, at eleven years old, I was numb to the promises that my mother frequently uttered.

My mother was a drug addict. She was addicted to cocaine by the time I was five and that led her to prostituting when I was seven. I remembered hearing her and her friends in the living room partying every night. I would beat on the wall, loud as I could, and yell, “Stop!”

I hated it! Hated hearing what was going on in the next room while I was in my room trying to get my homework done. I imagined getting good enough grades to get us both out the hood when I got older. However, it was just a dream that faded into a nightmare.

I ran back to my bedroom and laid the money on the dresser. I was hype. I went to my closet and looked for something decent to wear for the trip. I found my blue jean mini skirt and decided to wear that with my pink sweatshirt that hung off one shoulder, and my Nikes with the fat pink shoelaces in them. I smiled at myself in my dresser mirror after laying the clothes on my bed. I was so happy to be going.

I decided to turn in early that night so morning would come faster for my field trip. I couldn’t wait! I was so excited to see the different art pieces and whatever else the institute held in there. I opened my bedroom door and went to the bathroom to run me a bath. As I passed Momma’s room I could hear Yellow hollering at her.

“Yellow, please, lower your voice. My baby is here,” I heard Momma reply.

“Listen, Sophia, I don’t give a care who in here, you better get my money! I had more than this in my pocket, woman!” Yellow proclaimed.

I didn’t think much about them arguing, ’cause he always had something negative to say. It wasn’t that serious. Yellow raved on, pouted, and complained about everything, so I went in the bathroom and took my bath. I put the Mr. Bubbles bubble bath, which my grandma brought me, in the tub. I got in the tub, closed my eyes, and laid my neck on the rim of the back part of the tub. I was relaxing and excited to be going somewhere new.

I finally got out the tub after being in there so long that my fingertips were numb and white. I dried off, still hearing Momma and Yellow arguing, and went to my bedroom.

“Sophia, where is my stuff? Huh? Why you always taken somethin’ that don’t belong to you?” Yellow yelled. I could hear him hitting the walls and throwing stuff around. To top it all off, he was calling Momma out of her name. “You want me to leave now? You so stupid!” he spat.

I heard Momma say, “Yeah, get out!”

Then he replied, “I don’t know why I keep foolin’ wit’ you! You ain’t nothin’ but a dope head and that’s all you gonna ever be!”

Yellow flung open Momma’s bedroom door to me standing right there. I rolled my eyes and passed him in the hallway. He didn’t want to look at me but had no choice, seeing we were both in the tiny hallway. We didn’t talk to each other, look at each other, or acknowledge each other. He probably hated me just as much as I hated him to tell the truth.

The hatred between Yellow and me started the end of the summer. Yellow had stopped by while Momma had gone to the grocery store. He pulled up, blasting his music in his ghetto-fabulous car. I knew it was him ’cause he was playing that same ol’ song he always played, “Bump N’ Grind”: “I don’t see nothing wrong with a little bump and grind.”

(Ugh, I despised him, and after that day, I wished he were dead!)

I was in the bathroom putting my hair in a ponytail because my hair hanging down my back was making me hot. That day had to be the hottest day of the summer. I was gonna ignore Yello. . .