1
Glory was home, she felt it instinctively. But there were a few sleepy seconds, after Faith had killed the car engine and before Glory opened her eyes, when she thought for a moment that she might still be in LA, and Daddy might still be alive.
Faith opened the driver side door and a gust of damp January air startled Glory to full consciousness. She heard the car boot click open and was easing herself out of the passenger seat when Faith arrived in front of her, handing over the one and only suitcase Glory had brought back from nearly two years on America’s furthest coast.
Packing away her American dream had been easier than she thought it would be and, despite the circumstances, when the Boeing finally left the tarmac at LAX, Glory had felt relief wash over her.
Faith cast a critical eye over her younger sister, her immaculate brows creasing as she took in Glory’s disheveled state.
“Allow me, Faith,” Glory said with an exhausted sigh, reading her sister’s mind. “I literally just stepped off an eleven-hour flight.”
Faith tutted.
“She’s not going to be alone. Just put on a brave face for her, it’s hard enough as it is.”
“This is my brave face!” Glory said impatiently.
She hadn’t cried yet. Since Faith had called in the middle of the night to break the news, she had only been feeling anger. That anger had guided her fingers as she hastily typed out a resignation letter a few hours later and booked a flight back to London.
Her manager’s response arrived in her inbox at 7 a.m.
Whatever the circumstances that have led to this, there is a mandatory notice period as outlined in your contract. I expect to see you in the office this morning and we can discuss.
But her suitcase was already packed, the rest of her belongings were in a pile with a note for her flatmates—Take whatever you want, the rest can go to Goodwill—and once again it was in anger that she responded curtly, That won’t be possible, before deleting her work inbox from her phone.
And now Glory was angry at her sister who cared more about her presentation and had not once asked how she was feeling.
She pulled a baby wipe from the thick packet that Faith held out to her. Glory wiped her face down, and followed Faith up the stone steps that led to their childhood home, a three-bedroom maisonette in one of the few remaining blocks from the era of sprawling council estates. She waited in front of the dark, weathered door to Number 23 while Faith picked through her keys and felt a wave of nausea descend upon her. She took a deep breath and reached a hand out to steady herself on the railing. She was about to enter the house she grew up in, the house her father died in, and the house she would never see him in again.
“Faith, I can’t,” Glory managed to choke out between breaths.
Faith whipped her head around ready to reprimand her, but when she saw the strangled look on Glory’s face, her irritation was overtaken by concern.
“Glory? What’s wrong?”
“I can’t, I—”
Glory bent forward, rested her hands on her knees and tried to suck cool air into lungs that felt shallow and tight.
“Breathe, Glory, breathe.”
She felt Faith’s hand on her back, rubbing in circles.
“Don’t say anything,” Faith said when Glory tried to speak again. Glory squeezed her eyes shut, and felt the events of the past twenty-four hours finally overtaking the numbness that had enveloped her since Faith’s call.
“I can’t go back,” Glory said again, managing to swallow enough air to speak.
“We have to go in, we can’t not go in,” Faith said, her hand still working soft circles on Glory’s back.
“No, I can’t go back to LA.” Glory lifted her head to look at her sister.
Faith’s face changed from concern to confusion.
“Glory, forget LA! You’re in London now!”
Glory shook her head and pulled herself up. She rested her hands on her hips and arched her back, letting her lungs expand and fill with more air. Faith watched her, tapping out an anxious rhythm on the railing.
When Glory finally felt her breath slow to a bearable pace, she closed her eyes and allowed herself one last deep inhale.
“OK, I’m fine now.”
Faith nodded, turning back to the door and slipping in her key.
The door opened on to a short corridor then a small living space. Familiar smells of camphor, palm oil and chili welcomed Glory, smells she had hated as a teenager, dousing herself in layers of cheap body spray to mask the scent of her house. But now Glory was grateful that everything had remained more or less the same. The same crucifix was nailed to the inside of the front door, guarding the entrance, the same cream textured wallpaper ran through the room, the same brown leather sofa and armchairs. Glory’s fingers found all these textures like they were talismans. She reached up and ran her fingertips over Jesus’s emaciated metal body, before tracing one of the wallpaper swirls and pressing her fist into the soft give of the sofa.
The living room was host to older women of various sizes. They cackled and talked over the television, the tonal song of their Yorùbá colliding with the news anchor’s clipped English. Seated in their father’s armchair, Auntie Dọ̀tun was the first to see the sisters enter.
“Ah! Mama Ìbejì!” she called out, rushing to her feet to give Faith a hug. “Where are my twins? And how is Michael? I haven’t seen you people for so long!”
Faith dipped into a discreet curtsy before their mother’s old friend crushed her in a tight hug. Glory continued kneading the edge of the sofa. For a moment, it felt like the room was frozen in time, all the older women looking on Faith with open adoration as if she was the blessed Virgin Mary incarnate. But the moment didn’t last long enough because as soon as Faith stepped to the side, Auntie Dọ̀tun’s gaze pinned Glory down.
“And the prodigal daughter has returned.”
It was an observation, not a welcome, and Glory didn’t offer a deferential greeting nor did Auntie Dọ̀tun swaddle her in a grateful embrace. Instead the older woman offered both cheeks for Glory to kiss awkwardly, before she presented her to the room.
“Celeste, this daughter of yours has not been eating!” Auntie Dọ̀tun called out to their mother, who wasn’t actually in the room.
Glory did the round of greetings, collecting loose hugs and clumsy pats on the shoulder. She could hear Faith, now in the kitchen, scolding their mother for cooking instead of getting the rest she needed. She began making her way to join them, but as soon as her back was turned, she heard a comment slip out behind her, a sly whisper chased away by a snicker: “Na dis one, ọmọ britico!”
British girl. Glory bristled at this illogical insult—each of these women had chosen to raise their own children in Britain, only to take issue with her generation’s Britishness—and kept walking, past the cluttered table where the family computer had once lived, and down the steps into the narrow kitchen at the back of the house.
The woman stirring a large pot of jollof rice was smaller than she remembered, her face was sunken around the eyes and her skin hung slack around her jawline, but Glory’s entrance drew a smile, and a flicker of the mother she once knew briefly appeared.
Glory walked into the arms held out to embrace her. The hug was tight but not warm, as though her mother was trying to confirm her physical presence rather than convey affection but, caught in her mother’s arms, Glory thought she might finally cry.
Celeste released Glory and rested a hand on each of her daughters.
“My children,” she said quietly, looking from sister to sister. “How was your journey?”
“Fine, Mummy.”
“And where are my twins?” Celeste continued, turning now to Faith.
“With the childminder.”
Celeste nodded, saying no more. The air around them was as heavy as their mother’s hands.
“How are you doing, Mummy?” Glory asked meekly, and her mother sighed, her chest heaving with the effort.
“I’m coping,” her mother replied, turning back to the pot in a businesslike fashion.
“Have you eaten?” Celeste asked over her shoulder.
Glory thought it was not the time to mention her flirtations with plant-based diets, and how white rice was really the worst of all carbs known to man. But as the cocktail of jollof spices filled her lungs, she realized that in that very moment there was nothing she wanted more than a mouthful of American long grain and tender goat meat.
“I’ll go and put my suitcase upstairs,” Glory began, thinking she would hide in her room until the food was ready.
“Oh!” Her mother snapped open the oven door and bent to look at the cubes of roasting meat. “I’ve just prepared your room for Auntie Búkì, she’s arriving in the morning.”
“So, I’ll stay in Victor’s room?”
“Tèmi’s mum is staying in that one.”
Glory sighed.
“So where should I sleep?”
“We can put a mattress on the floor next to the desk in my bedroom.”
That was not the answer Glory wanted. There was no way she had quit her life in LA to sleep on the floor in her mother’s bedroom. Faith saw Glory’s face drop and harden, and intervened.
“Or you could come and stay with us!” she said. “You haven’t seen our new house yet, have you? We’ve got a spare room—two guest rooms in fact!”
Glory thanked Faith, relieved to be rescued from the indignity of sleeping on the floor, but also from the prospect of waking up beneath her father’s desk, his ghost hovering over her while she slept.
But now, with no place to escape to while she waited for this to be over, Glory reluctantly slipped back into the skin of the second daughter. She served heaped plates of rice and meat to the council of aunties. The irony of waiting hand and foot on the people who were supposed to be supporting her family did not escape her, but she forced her scowl into a smile for her mother’s sake.
“Our sister Celeste has been through so much,” Glory overheard one of the aunties commiserating with another as she was summoned to shift a side table. “Her only son . . . well, you know what happened, àbí? And then for her husband to die as well, all within eighteen months!”
“Yes, she’s been through enough,” Glory repeated to herself when she was told to collect empty glasses to be refilled, or questioned about things she would rather not speak on. No, she did not know when she would be flying back (her mother had been through enough), and she was not thinking of marriage at the moment (her mother had been through enough).
There was no response to the comments about her weight or her appearance, and as long as she had danced this dance with her elders she had never worked out how to defend or deflect the jibes (and, of course, her mother . . . her mother . . . her mother . . .).
By the middle of the afternoon, all that was left were empty plates streaked with stew, and discarded bones stripped of all edible elements. Balled up in the corner of the sofa, Glory dozed and half dreamed of a shower and a comfortable bed. A Nollywood film now bellowed from the TV, vying for airspace with laughs that cracked through the room like thunder. Eventually, even Faith tired of everything, and made a show of checking the time on her rose gold wristwatch.
“I need to go and collect the twins,” she said to the room.
The women clucked “of course.” Glory dragged herself out of her nest, said her goodbyes, and limped out to the car with her suitcase.
The temperature outside had dropped, and the blueness of night crept around the corners of her vision as she reloaded her luggage and got into the passenger seat. Faith was peering at her phone. She sucked air through her teeth viciously and started the engine.
“What’s wrong?” Glory asked.
“Michael was meant to pick up the twins today, but, of course, he can’t do that any more for one irrelevant reason or the next.”
Faith threw the car into reverse.
Glory realized that since Faith had picked her up from the airport, she hadn’t once thought to ask after her brother-in-law.
It wasn’t that Glory didn’t like him. Michael was the perfect son-in-law in the same way that Faith was the perfect daughter: compliant and respectful; knowing exactly when and how to speak. But he lacked Faith’s personality. All Glory knew about him was that he worked in corporate law and supported Arsenal, two facts so nondescript Glory thought they weren’t even worth mentioning. Dislike felt like too active an emotion; Glory preferred to think of herself as indifferent.
“How is Michael?” she asked. She could at least feign polite interest given she would be staying in the house paid for by his salary. As though she was suddenly aware of her mask slipping, Faith straightened up and smiled.
“He’s fine, actually, really good!” Faith nodded to herself. “Work is going really well, he’s just so busy at the moment, but that’s the world of law, I suppose.”
The lines sounded stale and well rehearsed. Faith’s efforts to maintain an appearance of togetherness verged on pathological at times. She often reminded Glory of a Stepford Wife.
A flicker of genuine excitement crossed Faith’s face as a thought occurred to her.
“You’re going to love the new house, by the way! It’s in the cute bit of Bromley—proper nice, proper suburbs.”
Yes, thought Glory as Faith went on about house prices and catchment areas, she’s a fucking Stepford Wife.
But to Faith’s credit, the house was nice. It was gorgeous, in fact. A family house on the end of a terrace in a newly built gated development. Of course, it was nothing like the gated communities in the suburbs of LA, but it was nice all the same. The edges were clean and sharp and the street lamps, a dazzling clear white instead of the usual murky yellow, made Glory feel like she was on a movie set. Through the windows of the houses and flats they passed she could see kitchens and living rooms that would not be out of place in a showroom. They pulled into Faith’s driveway—she had a driveway and a garage—and Glory noticed the neat square of grass out in front of the house, small, but a marker of family bliss nevertheless.
2
That night, sleep came to Glory in feverish waves. When she wasn’t awake, staring into the dark corners of Faith’s guest room and feeling grief settle in her body, exhaustion pulled her into stretches of thick, dreamless sleep. But then sleep receded and tears took its place, soaking Faith’s memory foam pillow until Glory felt empty and hollowed out. Finally.
Glory willed herself to sit up and do something useful. She collected her wash bag and towel then padded down the hallway, prodding gently at white-paneled doors until she found the bathroom.
In the shower she cranked up the temperature until tiny pinpricks of heat scattered over her shoulders and back. She let her hair loose from its bun and scrubbed through her curls until the water ran clear and the follicles squeaked against each other. She soaped up her body and scoured her skin with her washcloth, imagining she was washing away the remnants of her Los Angeles life: the golden glow of sunshine; the glossy smile and corporate personality she adopted for work. It all slid off her body and spiraled into the drain.
The irony was that the main thing that had kept Glory chained to her American ambition was not wanting to disappoint her father by returning to London with nothing to show for herself. In his death he had not only provided her with the perfect get out clause but also avoided having to see Glory fail at something else.
“In all things we give thanks.” Glory could imagine Daddy gruffly saying that from wherever he currently resided. That was enough to push her over the edge again and she turned her face upward, directly into the flow of water. The stream mixed with her tears, washing the salt from her face like tropical rain. She sighed audibly, feeling cleansed and baptized, before finally turning off the water and wrapping her body in a towel.
She opened the door, only to jump back when she was met by Faith waiting outside.
“Sorry!” Faith said as Glory yelped and clutched the towel to her chest. “I heard the shower running and I thought it was Michael.”
Glory stooped to pick up the bundle of clothes she had dropped.
“I’m going to make some tea, do you want any?” Faith asked as she backed away.
“What time is it?”
“About 5:30.”
“Faith, why are you up?”
“Michael’s not back yet.”
“Back from where?”
Faith shook her head and sighed. “Work thing, maybe. I dunno. There’s always something. I’m going to make tea.”
Faith drew her dressing gown tight around her before walking down the hall.
Glory dressed quickly, stopping only to pull back the navy curtains and look out into the back garden, the grass impossibly green in the low light. A trampoline and playhouse were tucked in the back corner of the tidy lawn, and from the window Glory could see into four other back gardens, all pretty and neat, but Faith’s was by far the neatest. Glory remade the bed, arranged her wash bag carefully on the nightstand and left the room, closing the door gently behind her.
The hallway walls showcased pictures of Faith, Michael, Esther and Elijah, hugging and tumbling over each other in a stark white studio. They were a stock picture family, smiles so bright you could practically hear their laughs tinkling, dark brown skin glowing under the studio lights.
The door to her niece and nephew’s room was ajar, and Glory peered into the darkness, imagining their lives filled with the kind of toys that she and her siblings had lacked as children. The door to Faith and Michael’s room was shut tight, but Glory could picture a king-size bed, an en-suite bathroom, built-in wardrobes and maybe even a mirrored dressing table for Faith.
Downstairs, in the artificially bright kitchen, Faith leaned against a countertop, her fingers wrapped around a mug of steaming tea. Her sullen face seemed oblivious to all the good fortune that surrounded her, and she was still as Glory maneuvered around her to make her own cup of tea. When Glory released a yawn so wide she could barely cover it with her hand, Faith snapped to attention, as if seeing her sister for the first time.
“Jetlag?”
“Yeah.”
“Sorry.”
“You’re turning in to Mummy.”
Faith glanced up from her mug with a strange look on her face.
“What do you mean?”
“Apologizing for things you’ve got no control over.”
“Oh,” Faith said, pulling the corner of her lips into a smile that didn’t reach her eyes.
“So, Michael’s really busy, huh?”
“Yeah, you know how law is,” Faith said flatly.
“That’s what you said yesterday.”
“Because it’s true.”
“Right.”
Glory nodded, struggling to find the appropriate platitudes to soothe her sister. “I’m here if you need any help.”
It was weak, but it would do.
The two of them stood in an unfamiliar silence, until Glory asked the question she had been working up to since leaving their mother’s house the night before.
“How’s Victor doing?”
“He’s OK. Well, as OK as he can be.” Faith tried another lifeless smile.
“Will he be allowed to come to the funeral?”
“No.”
“What? Don’t they get, like, compassionate leave or something?” Glory asked.
Faith looked up, a pained expression on her face.
“He’s in prison, Glory. There is no compassion or leave.”
Glory took a sip from her mug and swallowed hard, not daring to meet Faith’s eye.
“How was he?” she asked meekly. “When you told him, how did he take it?”
“I didn’t tell him, so I don’t know.”
Glory looked up at her sister now, dropping her penitent act.
“Why would you let someone else tell him that?”
“Do you understand how prison works?” Faith asked, her tone sharp. “You can’t just contact him whenever you want. I called the prison, told reception and then they said someone in the chaplaincy would break the news to him.”
“And?”
“And what?”
“Have you spoken to him since? Is he OK? What’s going on?” Glory asked, her tone verging on frantic.
“He’s fine, Glory,” Faith sighed. “I mean, he’s OK. He called me later that day. He’s OK.”
Glory nodded and cast her eyes back toward the floor. “I should probably go and see him soon or something.”
“He’ll need to add you to his visit list first.”
“His visit list?”
“Yeah, it’s a list of people he wants to receive visits from. You can’t just turn up at the prison and ask to see him. Once he’s added you, then you can book a visit.”
“I’m not on there already?” Glory asked, her tone sour. She had no right to be offended, but she was.
“Why would you be? You’ve not been here.”
Glory swallowed another gulp of hot tea.
“So what needs to be done for the funeral?” she asked after a while.
Faith visibly relaxed.
“Well, venues have been booked, photographer and videographer too, catering is more or less sorted, I’m dropping the lace off to the tailors tomorrow morning, so I’ll need your measurements for that.” Faith rattled off the list on her fingers. “Ah, you can do the program, actually, I’m sure you can put your creative skills to good use.”
Faith picked up her mug and took a satisfied sip.
“You’ve done all of that already?”
“Yeah, Mummy’s friends have actually been really useful for once.”
Glory twisted her mouth around her face, trying to work out the most nonconfrontational way to pose her next question. She chewed at the insides of her cheeks.
“What color is the lace?”
“Blue.”
“Daddy’s favorite color was green.”
“He liked blue too.”
“But green was his favorite.”
Faith closed her eyes and tipped her head back.
“I’m just saying, it would have been nice to have a little more input,” Glory mumbled into the rim of her mug.
“We had to move quickly, there wasn’t time to waste.”
“But still . . .” Glory trailed off with a shrug.
“To be honest, I wasn’t even sure if you were going to make it home for the funeral,” Faith said after a pause, keeping her eyes on the ceiling.
“You what?” Glory frowned.
Faith breathed out slowly, bringing her eyes down to rest on Glory.
“Forget it.”
“Nah, say what you’re saying,” Glory insisted, maintaining steady eye contact.
“Well, you missed two Christmases—”
“So?”
“—and Victor’s entire trial and sentencing.”
Glory set her jaw, jutting her chin out slightly while trying to keep her tone even.
“You honestly thought I wasn’t going to come to my own father’s funeral?”
Faith turned her back to her sister and soaked her mug.
“You managed to organize a whole funeral in a couple of days and didn’t think I’d want to know what you’re doing?”
“It’s not all organized, I’ve still got to meet with the caterers, still need to distribute the aṣo ẹbí to Mummy and Daddy’s friends, there’s the order of service to be finalized—there’s plenty to be done.”
“But you just started planning this without me?”
“What’s this actually about, Glory? Because I know you can’t really be upset that I never waited for you to go around Liverpool Street looking for cloth!”
Angry tears began to build behind Glory’s eyes. She flared her nostrils, trying to fight the pressure.
“He was my dad too, I thought my opinion should at least be considered.”
Faith opened her mouth, ready to respond, but snapped it shut almost immediately.
Above them tiny feet pattered across the ceiling and a sharp “Mummy!” peeled through floorboards. Faith rubbed a weary hand across her brow.
“Look, Glory, I’m glad you’re back, I really am, but just don’t make this any harder than it needs to be, all right?”
Glory sniffed hard and stared into the dark circle of her mug.
The quick little footsteps moved down the stairs, and soon the words “Auntie G’oryyyy” were ringing through the kitchen. Elijah and Esther ran toward her, winding their arms around her legs, and Faith laughed as the force of her children sent Glory off balance.
“How long are you here for?” Faith asked as she picked up each child and wrestled them into their booster seats. “When’s your flight back?”
“I don’t know yet,” Glory lied.
Faith paused, her fingers still working at the clasp around Elijah’s waist.
“You don’t know?”
“I’ve got extended leave, I’ll just let them know when I’m ready to come back.”
As Faith went to buckle Esther in, Glory could see the cogs whirring in her sister’s mind. She gripped her mug tighter, braced for an inquisition.
“Well, you can stay here as long as you need to,” Faith concluded. “I could use the company.”
Faith landed a loud kiss on Esther’s round cheek. “Yes, we’d like that, wouldn’t we?” she asked her daughter in a sing-song tone. She straightened up, massaging the skin under the eyes.
“OK then my little munchkins! What do you want for breakfast?”
She clapped out each word with the energy of a children’s TV presenter and the twins responded appropriately. Esther and Elijah were enamored by their mother’s performance, as she opened and closed cupboards pretending to hunt down their breakfast cereal, but to Glory her sister’s voice sounded just a little too shrill and a little too bright.
“Faith, whatever you need me to do for the funeral, I’ll do it, OK?” Glory said as a peace offering.
“You can start taking some of these calls from Nigeria, if you want—absolutely everyone has an opinion on this funeral, even if they couldn’t get a visa!” Faith said as she poured out the twins’ cereal.
“You know that’s probably not a good idea, Faith. You are much better with elders than I am, I will just offend everyone and then Mummy will have a headache from random uncles and aunties complaining about me.”
Faith laughed at that, a genuine chuckle that Glory didn’t realize she had missed until that moment.
“You’re right, I’ll handle the aunties and uncles, you can deal with the program—and the food actually, could you meet the caterers for me?”
“Of course,” Glory said, glad to feel needed.
“You know what else? Would you be able to go to Brixton later and get some rosary beads for Mummy from that religious shop in the market? That’s the only shop she wants them from.”
Faith set two brightly colored bowls of Cheerios in front of her children.
“Rosary beads? Since when are we Catholic?”
Faith sighed.
“A lot has changed around here, Glory. Believe me.”
3
The days after Glory’s arrival collapsed into one long, meticulous to-do-list, overseen with military precision by Faith. So when the day of the funeral arrived, they were both relieved. All that could have been done had been done, and everything else wouldn’t matter by tomorrow.
At their mother’s house, Glory waited outside. The cold winter air was an antidote to the claustrophobic activity taking place inside the house. She waited by the hearse, averting her eyes from the walnut-paneled casket that lay behind the glass.
She had been wrestling with the image of her father’s waxen face since the final viewing of his body at the funeral home the night before. She had fought it all through the night, trying to remember what Daddy had looked like the last time she had seen him in person. But the details of the day had been displaced by the excitement. She had looked at her family as she hugged and kissed them at the airport, but she hadn’t really seen them; her vision was already focused beyond them and beyond London, on Los Angeles and everything she believed it had to offer.
Guilt. She could feel it again, pushing the contents of her stomach up into her throat. She tried to focus on one of the photographs she had selected for the program: the skinny young man on his first day at university; the stiff groom in a tuxedo looking nervously into the camera lens; the nineties version with a thick black moustache and arms full of children. But the specter of his jaw, wired shut in a grimace, swum back into frame and Glory found herself hobbling to the back of the limousine, ...
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