Home is Where the Heart Is

by Joan Jonker

Genres: Family Life; Siblings; Friendship; World War II; Sagas

Synopsis

When tragedy strikes, a young mother's friends and family ensure she is never alone... Joan Jonker's saga, Home is Where the Heart Is, brings to life a close-knit Liverpudlian community, in the final instalment of the Eileen Gillmoss series. Perfect for fans of Katie Flynn and Dilly Court. 'Warm, witty... loved by her legions of fans' - Liverpool Echo When fun-loving, eighteen-stone Eileen Gillmoss announces that she's expecting a baby, her husband Bill thinks it's another one of her jokes. After all, it's twelve years since Edna, their youngest, was born. But when it sinks in that a baby really is on the way, Bill is over the moon and decides that the family should move out of their two-up, two-down house in Liverpool to one with more spacious accommodation. Eileen digs her heels in at first, reluctant to leave the house she loves and friends and neighbours so dear. But a scare early in Eileen's pregnancy strengthens Bill's resolve to provide a more comfortable home for his wife. Before Eileen knows what's hit her, she's installed in a smart home with posh new neighbours. Then tragedy strikes and Eileen must come to terms with a loss far greater than leaving behind her beloved neighbourhood. She tries to put on a brave face, but she can't fool the people who love her, who miss the smile on that round, chubby face and the laughter ringing through her house. They vow to make amends and fate steps in to lend a helping hand... What readers are saying about Home is Where the Heart Is : 'From the first page you are drawn into this wonderful woman's life and family as if you belong there. Joan Jonker creates a web of family crises and tragedies mixed with the never flagging spirit of Eileen Gilmoss to keep you hungry for more' 'As always with Joan it's a mix of hard, nitty, gritty life and fun thrown into the mix, never a dull moment with her books, tears of woe one minute and laughter the next'

Release date: May 24, 2012

Publisher: Headline

Print pages: 324

Sample

A spark from a hissing coal spurted from the fire and landed on the hearth rug by Eileen’s feet. Quick as a flash her foot shot out and extinguished it before it had time to singe the rug. She glanced across at her husband who was sitting at the opposite side of the grate, but Bill was so absorbed in the evening paper he was oblivious to everything else. I dunno, Eileen muttered silently, once he’s got his nose stuck in a paper, he wouldn’t notice if the house burned down around him. If he had a mind like mine right now, he wouldn’t be sitting there so calmly. All the family were in bed and it was quiet in the small living room of the two-up-two-down terrace house, except for Eileen’s heart, which was pounding so loudly she wondered that Bill couldn’t hear it. Eileen sat back in the chair, her hands clasped tightly together. Go on, tell him, she urged herself. You’ve got to do it sometime, so the sooner you get it over with the better. But her mouth felt like a piece of emery paper with nerves and she didn’t think she could speak even if she plucked up the courage.

Calm down, she told herself, taking a deep breath and exhaling slowly. Her gaze swept around the room, taking in the sideboard with a vase and ornament on top of the lace runner, the couch against the far wall and the dining table with its maroon plush tablecloth and four straight backed chairs standing neatly with their seats hidden beneath the table top. When her heart beat had slowed, Eileen licked her dry lips. It’s now or never, so best get it over with.

‘Bill, will yer put the paper down a minute. I’ve got something to tell yer.’

Bill Gillmoss lowered the Echo until his deep brown eyes were peering over the top. ‘What’s that, chick?’

‘I’m havin’ a baby.’ Eileen was sitting on the edge of the couch, her hands clasped between her knees. She pushed a wisp of mousey-coloured hair behind her ear as she waited anxiously for her husband’s reaction.

Bill stared hard for a few seconds, then threw back his head and chuckled loudly. ‘I nearly fell for that! How you can keep a straight face, I’ll never know.’

‘I’m not jokin’, Bill. I went to see Doctor Greenfield today, and I’m nearly two months.’

The smile left Bill’s face. ‘You’re having me on, aren’t you, chick?’

Eileen shook her head. ‘I wouldn’t joke about a thing like that.’

The paper fell from Bill’s hand, and for what seemed like an eternity to Eileen, the only sound in the room was the ticking of the clock on the mantelpiece. Then, in a voice thick with shock, he said, ‘That’s the last thing in the world I expected.’

‘Well, I wasn’t exactly plannin’ on it meself!’ Not for the world would Eileen show how frightened she was. It was twelve years since their Edna was born and that was a long time to go between children. ‘It’s happened, an’ there’s nowt we can do about it!’

‘But we’re too old to go through that again!’ When Bill turned his eyes on her, Eileen could see he was bewildered. ‘The children are all grown up now . . . Billy’s nearly sixteen, Joan’s leaving school in a couple of weeks, and Edna’s twelve! I thought the days of having babies were well behind us!’

You can say that again! Eileen didn’t voice her thoughts. As she’d said, it had happened and there was nothing she could do about it. It wasn’t like buying a pair of shoes that you could take back if you found they didn’t suit you. ‘Bill, I’m forty-two, not a bloody hundred and two! An’ if I’m pregnant then I can’t be too old, can I? If it hadn’t been for the war, an’ you bein’ away for six years, I’d ’ave probably had a few more children by now.’ Eileen was close to tears. She’d been on pins all day, having to keep the news to herself until all the family were in bed and she had Bill on his own. She’d been hoping he’d be pleased, then she’d have felt a bit better. It wasn’t that she didn’t want a baby, she loved children. But the prospect of giving birth scared her stiff. ‘It takes two to make a baby, Bill Gillmoss, so don’t be lookin’ at me as though I’ve committed a flippin’ crime!’

‘I know, chick.’ Bill was trying to come to terms with the shock. He could see the disappointment on Eileen’s face and tried to raise a smile. ‘What did Ma have to say?’

‘I ’aven’t told me mam. I wanted you to be the first to know, seein’ as you ’ad a hand in it.’

‘I wonder how she’ll take it?’ Bill reached for his cigarettes and matches. ‘And the kids? It’ll be a big shock to them.’

‘Bill, I couldn’t give a monkey’s uncle about me mam and the kids! It’s you who’s my main concern, and yer actin’ as though it’s got nothin’ to do with you! We, Bill . . . you an’ me . . . are goin’ to ’ave a baby whether yer like it or not!’

Out of the side of his eye, Bill gazed at his wife. He took in the droop of her shoulders and the troubled expression on her face. He quickly returned his cigarettes and matches to the mantelpiece and moved to kneel at the side of her chair. ‘I’m sorry, chick!’ He put an arm across her shoulders and pulled her towards him. ‘It’s come as a bit of a shock, so I need a little time to get used to the idea.’ He kissed her lightly on the lips. ‘That’s what we get for playing mothers and fathers.’ Eileen’s arms went around his neck, a constant reminder of his days in the prisoner-of-war camp. She’d been able to fill out his skeletal frame and help him over his nightmares, but nothing could put back the dark brown hair he’d had before he’d joined the army. ‘I’m worn out, Bill, an’ I’ve got a splittin’ headache. Me mind’s been in a hell of a state all day. It’s not that I don’t want a baby, ’cos yer know I’m a sucker when it comes to babies. But it’s been such a long time since I ’ad our Edna, I don’t relish the thought of goin’ through it all again.’ She drew away to look into his eyes. ‘But if I thought you were ’appy, Bill, then that would be half the battle.’

‘Look, as long as you are all right, that’s all I worry about, you know that. If you’re happy, then I’ll be happy.’

They were quiet for a while, wrapped in each other’s arms. Then Bill asked softly, ‘Have you thought about the upheaval this is going to cause? We’ll have to move away from here, for a start. The house is too small as it is, we’d never manage with a baby as well.’

Eileen jerked up straight. ‘I’m not leavin’ this little house! I love it here!’

‘Chick, be practical! Where would you put a cot? Your ma sleeps in the girls’ room, and they can hardly move, and our Billy’s feet are almost sticking out of the window in that little box room.’

‘I’m not movin’ away from ’ere!’ Eileen persisted. ‘I’d miss all me neighbours.’

Bill sighed. ‘Okay, we’ve got plenty of time to talk about that. The first thing is to tell Ma and the children.’

‘That’s the part I’m dreadin’.’ Eileen hunched her shoulders as her chubby face creased in a smile. ‘I never told me mam when I was expectin’ the other three, I just left it till she could see for ’erself.’ Eileen started to rock back and forth and Bill could hear the springs in the chair creak in protest at the movement of her eighteen-stone body. ‘Can yer believe it, I’m forty-two years old and frightened to tell me mam I’m ’aving a baby!’

‘Five minutes is all it’ll take to tell Ma, and the girls, and when it’s over you’ll wonder why you were ever worried,’ Bill said confidently. ‘You can leave Billy to me . . . I’ll tell him.’

‘Only five minutes, he says,’ Eileen huffed. ‘Yer can be hung, drawn and quartered in five minutes, Bill Gillmoss, an’ that’s what me mam will do to me . . . after she’s laid a duck egg!’

‘Is this one of your little jokes?’ Maggie stood rubbing her chin, a look of doubt on her face. Her daughter was always pulling her leg, and Maggie never knew when to take her seriously. She was only half the size of Eileen, with a trim figure and an abundance of white hair which was always neatly waved. It was her face, with deep worry lines etched on her forehead and cheeks, that told of the sadness she’d suffered in her sixty-seven years. When her husband had died eighteen years previously, she’d come to live with Eileen and Bill, and never for one moment had she regretted it. They’d taken her into their home and surrounded her with love and laughter. They’d given her a reason for living.

‘Mam, I know I clown around a lot, but I’d hardly make a joke about havin’ a baby, now would I?’ While Eileen’s heart was thumping like mad, she told herself it was ridiculous to be so embarrassed. Having babies was natural when you were married. And it wasn’t as though her mother had never had children of her own because she’d had her and their Rene. When Maggie didn’t answer, Eileen leaned forward, so their faces were nearly touching. ‘I know yer gobsmacked, Mam, but for ’eaven’s sake say something.’

‘That’s the understatement of the year!’ Maggie’s mind was in a turmoil. She could see the pleading in Eileen’s eyes, begging her to understand and be happy for her. And all Maggie ever wanted was her daughter’s happiness. But while she willed herself to say the words Eileen wanted to hear, Maggie couldn’t suppress the fear she felt. She’d always worried that the weight her daughter carried round with her would one day put too big a strain on her heart. How was she going to cope with the extra burden of carrying a child?

‘Come on, missus!’ Making a fist of her hand, Eileen leaned on the table. ‘Cat got yer tongue, ’as it?’

‘You certainly know how to surprise people,’ Maggie said, smoothing down the front of her floral wrap-around pinny. ‘But this is one surprise I never expected!’

‘I know what’s worryin’ yer,’ Eileen smiled to ease the tension. ‘It’s the thought of another Easter egg yer’ll ’ave to buy, an’ another Christmas pressie.’

‘What does Bill say?’ Maggie asked. ‘Is he pleased?’

‘Pleased as punch, he is!’ Eileen lied. ‘When ’e went out of ’ere this mornin’, he walked down the road with ’is shoulders back and his chest stuck out a mile. Real proud of ’imself, he is!’

‘And do the children know?’

Eileen screwed up her face. ‘Haven’t told them yet. I’ll tell them when they come in from school, so make yerself scarce, will yer, missus? I ’ad to take me courage in both ’ands to tell you, so God only knows ’ow I’m goin’ to break it to them.’

‘They’ll take it in their stride,’ Maggie said. ‘As long as their tea’s on the table, and they can go out and play with their mates, that’s all they worry about.’ She opened her arms wide and Eileen, blinking back the tears, walked into them. ‘Congratulations, love.’

‘Thanks, Mam.’ Eileen grabbed her mother round the waist and lifted her off her feet. Swinging her round and round, she gasped, ‘I always said yer were the best mam in the whole world.’

‘Oh, you, Mam!’ Joan’s hand went to her mouth, her face the colour of beetroot. She was at the age now when sex was whispered about in the playground, and some of the girls in her class sneaked in copies of True Confessions magazine. The thought of her mam and dad doing what couples in the magazine did, horrified her. They were too old for that!

‘What d’yer mean, “oh, you, Mam”!’ Hundreds of butterflies were flying around inside Eileen’s tummy, she was so embarrassed. It’s worse than going to the flipping dentist, she told herself. ‘I thought yer’d be pleased to ’ave a little brother or sister.’

‘Well I’m not, so there!’ Joan nodded her head to emphasise her words. ‘I don’t want it!’

‘That’s just tough on you, then, my girl, ’cos there’s nowt yer can do about it.’ Eileen raised her eyes to the ceiling. God give me the strength to keep my hands off her.

Edna had been standing with her mouth open, listening and taking in. Now she flew to put her arms around Eileen’s waist. ‘Ooh, I’m made up, Mam! I hope it’s a little girl, and we can call her Susan . . . after that film star, Susan Hayward.’

Eileen patted her bottom, chuckling, ‘An’ if it’s a boy, I suppose yer want it called Alan, after Alan Ladd?’

Edna’s brows came together in concentration. She was two years younger than Joan, but they could pass for twins. Both had their mother’s straggly, mousey-coloured hair and hazel eyes. And both were as thin as bean poles, as Eileen had been at their age. After a few seconds’ consideration, Edna shook her head. ‘No, if it’s a boy, can we call it Randolph, after Randolph Scott?’

The rafters rang with Eileen’s laughter. ‘Some ’ope you’ve got! Can yez see me at the front door, shoutin’, “Randolph, yer tea’s ready!” I’d be the laughin’ stock of the whole ruddy neighbourhood!’

Joan spun on her heels. She didn’t know what there was to laugh about. Fancy someone as old as her mother having a baby! It was a good job she was leaving school in a few weeks and wouldn’t have to tell her friends. ‘I’m going down to Dorothy’s.’

‘Don’t go far,’ Eileen called after her, ’yer tea won’t be long.’

‘Mam, will yer teach me how to knit?’ Edna was moving from one foot to the other. ‘Then I can make a matinee coat for the baby.’

‘We’ll see.’ Eileen noticed the jerky movements and gave Edna a push. ‘Down the yard to the lavvy, now! Yer always leave it till the last minute!’

Eileen, a smile on her face, watched through the window as Edna flew down the yard. ‘At least I’ve made someone happy,’ she said aloud. ‘And the others will come round, given time.’

Bill threw the spent match in the fire grate, his eyes screwed up against the smoke drifting upwards from his cigarette. Last night, when Eileen had told him she was pregnant, it had hit him like a body blow, knocking the stuffing out of him. He’d been able to think of nothing else all day in work. But by dinner time, although he wasn’t thrilled, he’d got used to the idea. And when he was clocking off, he told himself the eagerness he felt to get home was only because he wanted to make sure Eileen was all right. It was when he was stepping down from the bus, the truth hit him. He wanted this baby!

‘Well, that’s the last of the washin’ in steep.’ Eileen came through from the kitchen, rubbing her wet hands on the corner of her pinny. ‘They’ll be ready to mangle and put out on the line in the mornin’.’ She turned one of the dining chairs to sit facing the fire and opened her legs wide to feel the heat from the glowing coals. ‘Ooh, that’s lovely! It’s freezin’ out there!’

‘D’you feel like a cup of cocoa, to warm you up?’ Bill asked. ‘I’ll make it.’

‘Nah! Just give us five minutes to rest me weary bones, then I’ll make us a sandwich.’ Eileen kicked one of her shoes off and groaned with pleasure. ‘That’s better. Me feet are killin’ me.’

‘Will you sit still long enough for us to talk?’ Bill asked. ‘I’ve got something to tell you.’

Eileen closed her eyes and put her hand to her mouth, her fingers digging deep into the fleshy cheeks. Her huge tummy started to shake, and her words came out in a splutter. ‘Yer not goin’ to tell me yer in the family way, are yer, Bill Gillmoss?’

Bill had moved to the edge of his chair, thinking Eileen was upset and crying. Now he fell back, shaking his head. ‘Aren’t you ever serious?’

‘Sometimes I’m dead serious, but nobody takes any notice of me, so why bother?’ Eileen wasn’t smiling now. ‘This is not laughter yer hear, Bill, it’s bloody hysterics! It’s been quite a day for me, I can tell yer. First I ’ad to pluck up the nerve to tell me mam, then start again with our Joan and Edna. I wouldn’t go through that again for a big clock.’

‘I’m sorry! I should have been here so we could have told them together.’

Eileen tilted her head, gazing at him questioningly through lowered lids.

‘What was it yer wanted to tell me?’

‘That I’m ashamed and sorry about last night. I was a right bastard and no mistake.’ Bill’s eyes followed the path of his two fingers as they ran down the crease of his trousers. ‘I was an unthinking, selfish swine, and I want you to know I’m sorry. I also want you to know I’m happy about the baby. It’ll be nice to have a little one in the house again.’

Eileen folded her arms and they disappeared from view beneath her enormous bust. With two fingers circling the deep dimples in her elbows, she said softly, ‘Hearin’ yer say that, Bill, has taken a load off me shoulders. Yer looked far from ’appy last night with a right miserable gob on yer!’

‘I’m forgiven, then?’ Bill smiled sheepishly.

‘I’ll forgive yer, but thousands wouldn’t! I don’t know about me mam an’ our Joan, though! Me mam’s not too ’appy, but that’s understandable ’cos she’s worried about me.’ Eileen stretched her leg out and kicked Bill on the shin, a wicked glint in her eyes. ‘But from the look of disgust on our Joan’s face, I’d say she thinks yer just a dirty old man!’

‘She’s at an awkward age. Probably just learning about the birds and the bees, and she was embarrassed. It’s romantic when you’re sitting in the picture house and Clark Gable and Myrna Loy get in a clinch, but when it’s your own mam and dad . . . well, that’s different. But when I told our Billy, he was over the moon!’

‘God bless ’im,’ Eileen grinned. ‘He thinks the world of you, an’ anythin’ you do is hunky-dory with him.’

‘I wonder what Cissie Maddox and the neighbours will think?’ Bill mused. ‘I bet they’ll be surprised.’

‘Sod Cissie Maddox and the neighbours! They don’t keep us, so why worry what they think?’ Eileen’s round face beamed. ‘Mary and Vera are comin’ here tomorrow afternoon, an’ I can’t wait to see their faces. They’ll be flabbergasted!’

‘So, it’s sod Cissie Maddox and the neighbours, eh?’ Bill said. ‘Only last night you said you’d never leave here because you’d miss them.’

‘Well, so I would! Honest to God, Bill, yer can be as thick as two short planks, sometimes! I can fight like mad with Cissie one day, and be all matey with ’er the next. That’s what neighbours are like. It doesn’t mean because yer ’ave a difference of opinion with them over something that they’re not good neighbours. There’s not one in this street that I couldn’t go to for help if I needed it, an’ that’s what bein’ a good neighbour is all about. So, put that in yer pipe an’ smoke it, Bill Gillmoss!’

‘I really enjoyed that.’ Bill dropped his knife and fork on to the empty plate and pushed it away. Leaning back in the chair he undid the top button of his trousers and let out a long sigh. ‘I’ve eaten that much I’m stored.’

‘Yer eyes are bigger than yer belly.’ Eileen started to gather up the empty plates. ‘Sit by the fire, ’ave a ciggie an’ relax.’

Bill scraped his chair back. ‘Did you have a nice afternoon, chick?’

‘Great! Mary and Vera were made up about the baby.’

All eyes turned when Joan stood up so quickly her chair banged into the sideboard and the tablecloth dragged askew. ‘I’m going out.’

Eileen watched her daughter disappear down the hall and heard the front door bang behind her. ‘Oh, dear, someone’s not too ’appy.’ She shrugged her shoulders and pulled a face. ‘Still, yer can’t win ’em all.’

‘Here, give me the dishes.’ Maggie pushed Eileen aside. ‘I’ll do the washing up.’

‘Ah, yer not a bad old stick, are yer, missus!’ Eileen smiled fondly at her mother. ‘Will yer cover our Billy’s dinner with a plate for us, and put it on a pan of hot water to keep warm? He must be workin’ overtime.’

‘Shall I help me nan?’ A few days ago Edna would have been out of the door like a streak of greased lightning to play with her mates. But not now. She’d made up her mind to help her mother all she could until the new baby arrived. ‘Nan can wash and I’ll dry.’

Eileen waited until she could hear the clink of dishes, then walked to the couch and flopped down. She was thoughtful for a while as her finger traced the pattern in the uncut moquette. Then she tilted her head sideways to gaze at her husband. ‘Yer know what, Bill? I’ve been that worried over the last few days, first about you, then me mam and the kids, I hadn’t given a thought to the baby. It was only when Mary an’ Vera were talkin’ about it, that it slowly dawned on me.’ Eileen ran a hand across her tummy, her happiness and excitement growing with each second that ticked by. ‘In ’ere, Bill, is our baby! A tiny human being . . . our own flesh and blood. An’ here’s us talkin’ about whether we want it or not. Of course we want it! An’ when it comes, we’ll give it all the love we’ve got to give, eh, Bill?’

Bill could feel the sting of tears behind his eyes and he blinked them away. ‘Of course we will, chick! And we’ll have more time to devote to it than we did with the other three, because they seemed to come so quickly, one after the other.’

‘I’m gettin’ real excited.’ Eileen’s chubby face beamed. ‘Mary’s gettin’ Harry to bring ’er up on Saturday with some knittin’ patterns for matinee coats. An’ she’s goin’ to make me some baby blankets and pillow cases an’ things. She was that thrilled, yer’d think it was her ’aving the baby.’

‘The dishes are done, Mam!’ Edna, her socks hanging round her ankles, sat on the arm of the couch. ‘I heard yer tellin’ me dad that Auntie Mary was comin’ on Saturday. Are yer goin’ to teach me to knit, like yer said?’

‘Course I will.’ Eileen’s eyes twinkled. ‘Tell yer dad what yer want to call the baby.’

Edna pursed her lips, her thin face serious. ‘If it’s a girl, I’d like to call it Susan, and Randolph if it’s a boy.’

When Bill’s jaw dropped in amazement, the room filled with Eileen’s laughter.

And Maggie, putting the clean plates away in the kitchen cupboard, smiled. Everything’s going to all right, she told herself. Then her eyes looked up, and she whispered, ‘Please God.’

‘I’ll cast on for you, then you can take it from there.’ Mary Sedgemoor’s fingers moved rapidly, pausing now and then to pull a length of the white wool from the ball. ‘It’s a dead easy pattern once you get the hang of it.’

Edna sat beside Mary on the couch, her eyes taking in every movement, while Eileen’s eyes were on Mary’s bowed head. Pretty Mary, with her long, blonde, curly hair, vivid blue eyes, teeth like pearls and a figure as good as any film star. They’d been friends since the day Mary had started work in the munitions factory and Harry Sedgemoor, who was the supervisor in the shell department, had brought her along. . .