He Used to Love Me

by D. Brown-Newton

Genres: African American Urban

Synopsis

When 27-year-old Jakiyah Smith left New York after a failed relationship, she had no plans of returning, but the death of her sister has forced her to come back. Now Jakiyah must help to care for her sister’s child, but she soon finds herself surrounded by drama. German, the man she thought she would be with forever, is still with the woman he left her for. To make matters worse, Jakiyah’s mother is the side-piece’s newest friend.

As Jakiyah struggles to come to terms with what has happened to her sister, she must also figure out whom she can trust. She learns that not all smiling faces are friendly, and now she’s second-guessing the people she would have laid her life down for. Jakiyah’s life has quickly spiraled out of control, and she regrets her decision to move back home.

He Used to Love Me is filled with sex, love, and pain. Sometimes family and friends can be your worst enemy.

Release date: November 28, 2017

Publisher: Urban Books

Print pages: 288

Sample

I couldn’t stop the tears from falling as I got off the phone with my mother. She called to tell me that my baby sister, Cydney, had been found murdered at a gas station not too far from her home. Someone had shot my sister and had left her for dead. My four-month-old niece had been left in the car, unharmed. When they’d found her, she was screaming her lungs out. I was thankful that they hadn’t hurt my niece, but it really hurt that they hadn’t spared my sister’s life as well. My mother told me to wait until tomorrow to travel to New York, since I was just about to leave for work. She didn’t want me to travel right away in the state of mind that I was in. It didn’t matter if I left now or next week; my state of mind wasn’t going to change, so there was no need to delay my departure.

I booked my flight to New York as soon as I hung up with her, and I had a flight that left in a few hours. I called work to let them know that I had a family emergency and that I would keep them updated. I also called my best friend, April, to tell her about my sister’s passing, and she offered to go with me, but I told her that I would be fine. I would never ask her to leave her daughter with her mother just to accompany me, even though I knew she would have.

I packed a suitcase and then waited for my cab to arrive to take me to the airport. I lived in Georgia and hadn’t seen my family since last year, when they came to visit for the Christmas holiday. They used to visit at least once a month, but after my dad got sick, they stopped making the trips. I kind of felt bad that I hadn’t seen Cydney in about two years, but once she married Andris, she kind of distanced herself from the family. None of us really cared for Andris because he had always been a control freak, needing to dictate her every move.

My mom had talked to Cydney and had tried to get her to understand that even though Andris didn’t put his hands on her, he was still being abusive. She had explained to her that being controlling, disrespectful, and hurtful all fell into the category of abuse, but Cydney hadn’t tried to hear anything my mother was saying. After that conversation, Andris had moved her to New Jersey with him. They’d married six months later, and none of her family members had been invited to the wedding. And when she got pregnant with my niece, we’d wanted to be there for her, but she shut us out once again. She really hurt my mother, but it didn’t make us love her any less; we just had to love her from afar.

The detective whom my parents spoke to when they went to identify my sister’s body told them that Andris was wanted for questioning. The police wanted to know why my sister was even at the gas station at that time of night and not at home with him. I swear, if he was responsible for killing my sister, I was going to jail for killing him. I grabbed my suitcase when I heard the cab outside. The cabbie was laying on his horn, annoying the hell out of me. His ass just blew his tip, and I didn’t care if he helped with my suitcase. He wasn’t getting shit but the fare.

I arrived at the airport and boarded the plane, trying to prepare myself mentally to be strong for my parents and my brother, Tyhiem. My sister was only twenty-five years old and didn’t deserve to be gunned down the way that she was. Cydney was a good person, a little stubborn, but still a good person. She would have given up her last dollar, so I knew in my heart that this wasn’t a robbery, which was what my dad had suggested, trying to give Andris the benefit of the doubt. Cydney would have protected my niece, without question, so I knew she would have given a potential robber whatever he demanded to save her daughter. I had to admit that even before my mother mentioned that the detective said Andris was wanted for questioning, my first thought was that he was a suspect. I hadn’t trusted him before this happened, and I wasn’t about to trust that he didn’t kill my sister.

After departing the plane and getting my baggage, I walked over to Avis to get my rental car so that I could head to my parents’ home. I called my father to let him know that I had arrived and would be there soon. He said that Tyhiem wanted to pick me up, but I told him that I had already rented a car when I booked my flight.

I pulled into my parents’ driveway about thirty minutes later and said a silent prayer, asking God for strength. I had promised myself that I would be strong, but I needed some assistance with this one. I felt the tears trying to fall already, and I hadn’t even gotten inside yet. I walked inside and gave my mom a hug, holding her tight and not wanting to let her go as my tears fell. Trying to be strong went out the window as soon as I saw my mother. It really hurt that I had stayed away from my family for so long because of my own selfish reasons. I let her go and went and hugged my dad. I’m not going to lie. I was a daddy’s girl. My tears continued to fall. He told me that it was going to be okay, but was it really going to be okay? My brother sat quietly, wearing an expression that I couldn’t read, but I promise you that he had murder on his mind. I walked over, and he stood to hug me, and I really tried not to cry again but failed miserably because the shit hurt and didn’t make any sense.

We all went and sat in the living room, and then we listened to my dad speak about what the officers on the scene reported to the detectives handling the case. He was told that Cydney’s body was badly bruised and showed signs of abuse, causing me to see red. He said that until they received a full report from the medical examiner’s office, he couldn’t say for sure, but if he had to make a guess based on the bruises, he would say that they were inflicted hours before the shooting. Tyhiem got up and walked out of the room, but in that moment, I was having a different emotion. I became upset with my sister because she had said nothing about domestic violence. If she was being abused, why did she say nothing? All she had to do was say something, and my family would have bodied his ass. Now she was gone, and we would never see her again, because she didn’t trust her family to have her back.

I now wondered if her being out that late on the night she was killed had anything to do with her leaving him. But by then it was too late for her. She should have left his ass the first time he laid hands on her. I just didn’t understand why she’d been so weak for this man. Growing up, we never saw our parents fight, but our mother was never a pushover for my father, either. We were raised with the notion that if someone hit you, you hit their ass back. Cydney was always fighting while she was growing up, whether it was against male or a female, so I didn’t understand what he had over her that would cause her to permit him to put his hands on her.

My mom and I arrived at Browne Funeral Home to start making arrangements for my sister. I basically handled all the decisions because it was too much for my mother to have to bury her child. I picked out a coral-blue casket with a silver lining. For as long as I could remember, coral blue was Cydney’s favorite color. I had to close my eyes briefly and take a few deep breaths before completing the process. My heart was heavy: making the funeral arrangements made it all final, drove home the fact that I would never see my sister again. My mom stepped out for some fresh air, but I knew she didn’t want me to see the tears in her eyes. I decided to just wrap it up so that we could leave, because this whole process was overwhelming. I chose to have the viewing and funeral this Friday, and the burial would be on Saturday.

I left the funeral home, not feeling well. We were supposed to go and get the outfit that my sister would be wearing at her home-going ceremony, but I decided to do it another day and without my mother. She looked so broken, and it hurt me that I couldn’t take the pain away. The ride back home was quiet, as my mom and I were both lost in our own feelings of losing our loved one. I wanted to talk to her about what her plans were as far as baby Andrea was concerned. I’d be damned if his family got my niece. Both of my parents were retired and probably wouldn’t be able to care for Andrea on their own, because Dad had some health issues, and Mom would be basically doing it on her own. I was willing to help in any way that was needed to avoid have Andrea placed with those people. I didn’t know if his parents knew that he was a monster, but I was not willing to take any chances by placing her with them.

“Mom, are you okay over there?” I asked her as I saw her wipe at the tears that fell from her eyes.

“I’m not okay, Jakiyah. I can’t stop wondering if there was something that your father and I could have done. Maybe we could have called more to let her know that we weren’t upset with her leaving. We just let our baby girl move hours away with a man she hardly knew, and we did nothing. We made her feel like we had given up on her, and she didn’t have any family support,” she cried, breaking my heart into pieces.

“Mom, please don’t blame yourself. None of us knew that she was being abused or was even unhappy in her relationship. Cydney always insisted that she was okay when I would speak to her on the phone. Yes, Andris was known for being unfaithful and controlling, but none of us knew that he was putting his hands on her. But trust me, he will be dealt with,” I said, getting angry that my mom was hurting.

“Jakiyah, I don’t need for you to get into any trouble. Just the thought of losing another child would kill me. Let the authorities handle what needs to be handled concerning Andris,” she said sadly.

“Mom, I’m not trying to see his ass in jail, still breathing, when my sister is dead. He didn’t care that he was leaving his daughter motherless, so I could give two shits about leaving her fatherless,” I cried, letting my emotions get the best of me.

I had to apologize quickly to my mother. I shouldn’t have been having this conversation with her, because all it did was upset her more, and I wasn’t trying to do that. I was just so angry, and I wanted his family to feel the same pain that my family was feeling right now.

Once we finally made it back to the house and stepped inside, my heart skipped a beat when I saw German sitting in my parents’ living room with Tyhiem and my father. German was the last person whom I wanted to see sitting in my mother’s living room. German and my brother were best friends, and he was my ex. We’d dated for two years before he broke up with me. He started another relationship when he was still involved with me, but he didn’t give me a chance to be mad and end the relationship, because he did it. When I found out he was cheating, I thought he was going to apologize and tell me how much he loved me, but instead, he said that he loved the other woman and that he was leaving me.

He hurt me so bad that I moved to Georgia and hadn’t been back home until now. Had my sister not passed away, I would have never stepped foot back in New York. I loved my New York family, but they knew that if they wanted to see me, they had to travel. I tried to avoid looking at him, but it was hard because he was still fine after all this time. German was of Dominican descent. He had that sun-kissed skin that was blemish free, curly hair, which he had cut low, thick eyebrows, and brown eyes. That tatted body of his always put me in a trancelike state when I looked at him, and now was no different. As much as I hated him, I couldn’t get my eyes to focus elsewhere. That was until my brother screamed in my face, “Earth to Jakiyah,” not only breaking my stare but embarrassing me too.

“You play too much, Ty,” I said, punching his ass.

“Ouch, J! That shit hurt. I had to do something. You were making us all uncomfortable with the way you were just staring at German,” he joked.

“I wasn’t staring. I was just… Anyway, I don’t have time for your jokes, bighead,” I said, deciding not to put my foot in my mouth.

“How are you feeling, Ms. Smith? I just stopped by to offer my condolences. I’m really sorry for your loss,” German said to my mother.

So, he’s really not going to acknowledge me? I thought as I low-key watched him from the corner that I was now sitting in. This nigga must have forgotten that I was the one who should have been acting funny toward him. You would think that he would show me some sign of endearment, the same as he had just shown my mother, considering the situation. It didn’t take long to figure out why he wasn’t trying to show me any love, as his girlfriend descended the stairs. He had the nerve to bring his girlfriend to my mother’s house. Seeing her kiss and hug my mother and offer her condolences let me know that this wasn’t her first time visiting.

“Jakiyah, this is German’s girlfriend, Tamia. Tamia, this is my daughter, Jakiyah,” my mom said introducing us.

So, everybody was going to act like they didn’t know that this was the female German had left me for? Given the circumstances, I decided not to be petty, even though my sister, Cydney, would have been like, “Fuck that bitch.” I spoke to her, accepted her condolences—the ones that German didn’t even have the courtesy to extend to me himself. I excused myself for a second as my mother began telling them about the arrangements and showing my father pictures of the casket that I picked for Cydney. I stood in the kitchen, listening to them interact with one another, and I became even more convinced that Tamia was a regular at my parents’ home. I wasn’t going to lie; I felt some kind of way about it, but what could I really say? After all, I had been gone for two years. It seemed as if my mother had bonded with another female who wasn’t me or my sister, and my mother was not to blame, because neither one of us had been here for her.

I walked back into the living room and saw Tamia holding my niece, and I could hear my sister in my ear telling me to take her daughter from the bitch. I laughed at the thought of my sister, who was a no-nonsense chick when it came to females we didn’t care for. That was why it was really hard to believe that she been too weak to confront Andris’s bullshit. Her ass stayed checking someone, and if she were here right now, she would be checking German and his girlfriend.

I knew that Jakiyah was going to come home for her sister’s funeral, but I never thought she would be here so soon. Ty hadn’t even given a nigga a heads-up that she was here, even though he knew that I was stopping by with Tamia. I was really caught off guard when I saw her walk in; she was still as stunning as I remembered her. She still wore her hair bone straight, but she was rocking honey-blond highlights in her hair. They were similar to Tamia’s highlights. The only difference was that Tamia’s hair was in a short hairstyle. Jakiyah was still built like a stallion, causing my dick to get hard, so I did the wise thing and ignored her.

I didn’t need Tamia to come downstairs and find me staring at another female, with lust written all over my face. Jakiyah wasn’t making it any easier for me by staring at a nigga like she was ready to ride the dick the way she had in the past. Ty’s ass was foul for calling her out in front of everybody, but that shit was funny. He was always in joke mode, and I wasn’t mad at him, because he did take all of us away from how we were feeling about Cydney—even if it was only for a minute.

“So, was that her?” Tamia asked me after she walked into the room and sat on my lap.

We had just gotten home from Ty’s mom’s crib, and I’d been sitting in the living room, chilling, while Tamia had been upstairs, doing what she did best. She’d been on the phone, gossiping with her friend Raven, probably telling her about Jakiyah.

“Stop acting like you didn’t know that was her, babe,” I responded, lifting her off my lap.

“She’s pretty, but she doesn’t have anything on me,” she said, swinging her head from side to side like she had some hair on her head, causing me to laugh.

“You’re too much. That girl’s not thinking about you.” I continued to laugh at her because she was being really comical, showing her insecure side, which I didn’t see often.

“I’m not stunting her ass, either,” she said, rolling her eyes and jumping on my back as I stood.

I swung her ass around until she was begging me to put her down. I lowered her onto the couch, then lay on top of her and kissed her lips.

“Babe, you don’t have to ever worry about another woman, because I’m with the woman I want to be with,” I admitted, then kissed her lips again, slipping my tongue in her mouth this time and causing her to moan.

She had just awakened the monster inside of my pants, and I wanted to fuck the shit out of her right there on the couch, but she shut me down.

“German, let me up. I want to get out of these clothes and shower before dinner,” she said, pushing me off her, smiling.

“You’re such a tease,” I joked. I slapped her on the ass before she walked away. She headed upstairs.

I had loved me some Tamia from the first time I laid eyes on her. She had been working downtown, at the Westin Hotel that she managed, and I’d been there for a luncheon that my job was having in one of the conference rooms. I had stepped out to take a call from Jakiyah, and that was when I saw Tamia and quickly ended my call. I walked over to her, then asked her a stupid question. I believe it was something along the lines of where the men’s room was. It just so happened that we were standing right across from the sign that read RESTROOMS. She smiled and asked me if that was the best that I could come up with, causing us both to laugh. We spoke only for a few more minutes, as I had to get back to the luncheon. She gave me her number, and we talked later on that night, agreeing to go out that following weekend.

Tamia was a few years younger than I was, but she was great at communicating. I found myself wanting to talk to her every chance that I got. I knew that I was wrong for seeing her behind Jakiyah’s back, but I started to fall for her, to the point where I got careless, and Jakiyah found out. I had never meant to hurt Jakiyah, because I did love her, but I had fallen in love with Tamia, which led me to choose her. Jakiyah was so hurt that she moved away a month after I broke things off and never returned—until now.

After the breakup, my relationship with Ty was strained for a few months, but we got over it and were back like we had never fallen off. Tamia didn’t know that I was still with Jakiyah when I first started seeing her; she just knew that Jakiyah was my ex. I let her think that Jakiyah and I had dated in high school. I fudged the details about the relationship that I had with Jakiyah only because I didn’t want Tamia to know that I was that type of dude. Seeing Jakiyah again had stirred up some old feelings, but I would never take it there. Tamia was the woman whom I wanted to be with. If I didn’t, I would have never left a relationship to be with her.

After Tamia showered and we had dinner, we called it a night, but not before I put that ass to sleep by banging her back out. I hopped in the shower before she awoke the next morning because I had to be at work early. I worked as a technician for Time Warner Cable, so I started in the field as early as six most mornings. Tamia’s ass ended up waking up when I turned on the water, and she joined me in the shower and we had round two.

We were now leaving the funeral home where my sister’s funeral had been held to go to the church for the repast. My heart was heavy, and I just wanted to go back to my mom’s house, get in bed, and cry. I knew t. . .