Hard Luck And Trouble: A Landlord's Tale

by Gammy L. Singer

Genres: African American Women's Fiction

Synopsis

From one of today's most compelling writers comes this unforgettable novel set in legendary Harlem, New York--a place brimming with vitality, tarnished glory, and new beginnings. . . Amos Brown knows trouble comes in threes. First off, he's got a notorious West Indian drug lord on his back. Amos isn't into drugs, but he's got a nasty gambling habit. After losing at poker, he owes the drug lord big-time. Second, Amos's bride of six months disappeared when his numbers running business went down the drain so he's out everything except the kitchen sink. The luck that's forced him to sell off his worldly possessions has also made him the owner of two Harlem brownstones, inherited from the father he met only once in his life. . . So while Amos is waiting for the third axe to fall, he'll have to settle into his new life as a landlord. That means dealing with some of 128th Street's most colorful and intriguing characters. Amos has heard of skeletons in the closet, but apparently he's got one in his basement. Resolving to put together the pieces of the mysterious discovery, Amos has no idea that he will also be putting together the puzzle of his past--and working out his future. . . "A suspenseful and emotional ride full of twists and turns that keep you on the edge of your seat." --The RAWSISTAZ Reviewers on A Landlord's Tale Gammy L. Singer is an actress who has appeared on Broadway, in movies, and television. She is also the author of A Landlord's Tale.

Release date: April 24, 2012

Publisher: Dafina

Print pages: 304

Sample

My eyes weren’t fixed on the direction I was driving, but on the words NIGGER LANDLORD slashed in bright neon paint across the ribs of the oak tree that stood in front of my new home. And on the woman who waited with arms crossed and meaty butt spread against the iron railing that led up the stoop to the front door.

I yanked back the steering wheel of my nine-month-old Baby, a ’76 cranberry Cadillac Seville, as it jumped the curb, scraped rubber, and screeched to a halt in front of 247 W. 128th Street.

Shit. The gun tucked inside the waistband of my pants slid to my crotch as the car rocked to a stop. A toaster and a tangle of shirts, jackets, and ties tumbled onto the front seat. I threw clothes off me with one hand and dug around in my pants like a pervert with the other while the woman on the stoop with the ham-hocks butt gave me the evil eye. Jesus, lucky I didn’t shoot my damn nuts off.

I had given up my lease at my Sugar Hill crib. Lack of money was the reason. And I’d just come from Bunky’s Pawnshop where I had divested myself of most of my earthly possessions. The rest I’d piled high in the back seat—now they were in the front.

I hoped Hocks couldn’t see what I was doing. I retrieved the gun and tucked it under the seat and slammed out of the car. Trouble comes in threes, like death. At this moment Harry the Monkey Chaser was number two, which was the reason I was carrying. I glanced at the woman. Was she number three?

I marched around to Baby’s polished chrome bumper and bent down to inspect the whitewalls. Out of the corner of my eye I saw the woman slide her butt off the railing and roll like a tank toward me.

“You the landlord?” she asked.

Her question was as weighty as she was. I reserved my answer. Street life had taught me to be wary. If I’da been a dog, my ears would have flattened back against my head and I would have growled at her approach, but I was an entrepreneur now, owner of two brownstones willed to me by my father, so I was cool. Don’t let her be somebody else I owed.

“I axed you if you was the landlord.”

She was all up on me now. I could see she was frayed around the edges. I stepped back to let air come between us. The sour smell of her breath almost knocked me over.

“You that landlord?” she said, pointing to the tree.

“Why you asking?”

“I’m looking to rent a room is why. Is you the landlord or not?”

I shrugged the woman off, opened my car, slipped the gun into the pocket of my coat, and said, “I don’t rent to no big-butt women.” And hoped that would end the conversation.

“Well, fuck you, too. Looka here, mister, I ain’t the one wrote on your motherfucking tree, so don’t be fucking taking that shit out on me.”

She had a point, but I didn’t let her know that. I set the burglar alarm, locked the car door, and proceeded up the steps to my brownstone. Her last “hey” came at me like a bear breaking wind.

“Hey,” she repeated, “you got a dollar on you? Since you ain’t renting, Mr. Nigger Landlord, whyn’t you give me some change so’s I can ride crosstown to check me out a room over there?”

I turned. The woman was crazy.

“The name is Amos Brown,” I said and shook my head in amazement at her audacity. And then, I don’t know why, but I busted out laughing—at her, at me, at the tree, at the whole fucking mess I had got myself into. If it had been her that owed Harry the Monkey Chaser six thousand dollars, would she care? Hell no. It’d be Harry’s problem, not hers.

There she stood, hands on hips, expecting me and the universe to cough up her daily bread. And we would.

I said, “Hell, woman, you ain’t even got money for transportation to get across town. How you think you going to pay for any room?”

It was her turn to laugh and I saw the parking space where her front teeth had been.

“Social Services, they help me out. Now, honey, believe me when I tell you I can get the rent. I knows how to do that.”

“I’ll bet you sure enough do.” I dug into my pocket, extracted a silver dollar, and flipped it to her. She flapped her hands together like a trained seal, and caught the coin between her lips. Amazing. Tucking it into her bra, she grinned her appreciation at me.

“What you say, Nigger Landlord. You all right,” she said. “Yes, sir, you all right.”

“Amos.”

But she didn’t hear me. She was stepping fast. Probably beating a path to Sam’s Liquor Store located around the corner on Lenox Avenue.

I stood there for a while, hands tucked in my pant pockets. Life hummed along the length of the busy block. It was late spring, and sprouting cherry blossoms graced the branches of the trees on both sides of the street. Children played catch, and rode their bicycles and scooters in and out of the spaces made by cars parked along the street. Looked like Anytown, U.S.A., except it wasn’t. It was a suffering Harlem. Beyond the trees ornamented with blossoms were signs of a decaying community. Abandoned buildings and boarded-up houses with locked-away memories of Harlem were scattered among the occupied residences. I breathed the street. This street was me.

My Harlem. Born and bred here and proud of it. The facades of the buildings were weathered, but there was a grandeur that lingered, waiting to be revived, spruced up, ready to go again. Like me, I guess.

I glanced up at the tree. A child’s drawstring purse, colored red, dripped like blood off one of its branches. I reached up and pulled it down and inspected the contents—a collection of feathers and small stones. I smiled. Play money, I’d bet, and didn’t I wish I had some. Money to play with. I slipped the tiny bag into my pocket. Probably belonged to one of my tenants’ kids.

Hard luck had been on my butt like a dog in heat, and I didn’t have anybody to blame but myself. That’s the natural truth. Trouble Number One, like a gathering hurricane, knocked me off my feet and wiped my ass out. My numbers operation crashed and burned, my bride of six months disappeared soon as the money went, and my gambling spun horribly out of control.

Now Harry the Monkey Chaser and his boys were looking for me. Number Two, no shit, the man wanted his money. Simple. And I didn’t have it. That was simple too. So like Job, I wondered when the next axe would fall—Trouble Number Three. All I needed was a little time; I’d get it together. I had never chiseled on a bet before, and I wasn’t starting now. But Harry was impatient. He didn’t want to wait for leaves to blossom.

In my mind, a guitar twanged, and a bluesman sang, “Blues, stay away from my door.” I touched the weapon in my pocket, looked to the right and left, then entered the three-story brownstone. News travels fast in Harlem. How soon before Harry caught up with me? How soon before the next axe fell?

The parlor room of the brownstone was the office because it faced the street, and every gambler knew that was the best place to be. I stood inside the room with its detailed antique molding and high ceilings, and looked through a tall window onto the street below. The window and its twin extended from floorboard to ceiling and faced the front. Lodged between the two was an ornate gilt-edged mirror, running the full length of the windows.

I watched, as I suppose my father did before me, the people passing by. I could also see the comings and goings in my brownstone across the way. My father left me that one too. Although 128th Street wasn’t an artery, for nearly all hours of the day foot traffic was as steady as a heartbeat and always interesting to watch.

School children and hookers, lovers old and young, the employed and the unemployed—all did their stroll down 128th Street. The destitute and the homeless? Yeah, them too, you could see them any time of the day, wandering or weaving up one side of the street and down the other. Nobody bothered them much.

One thing I couldn’t take, though, was the drug dealers and their strung-out clients. Anybody else and their mama I could pretty well accommodate in my world, but those fiends ... man, they slinked in shadows like ghouls and gave me the fucking heebie-jeebies.

I’ll tell you this—their ass was grass if I caught any of them hanging around. Drugs were eating up Harlem and it wasn’t pretty. Hell, drugs were as much the reason for boarded-up buildings as anything else going on in Harlem, no matter what those muckety-muck black politicians wanted the world to hear.

People I used to deal with every day in my numbers business just weren’t civilized anymore, because of drugs. That’s why I quit. The criminals and even the cops didn’t act like they used to back in the day. Both sides had gone crazy. Street rules were murky. All of Harlem had turned ugly with drugs. I was thirty-eight and through with it.

Thanks to my dear departed father—so what if the fucker was a bastard—I had the opportunity to turn legit and I took it.

I eased my large frame into the swivel chair in front of my desk and heaved a sigh. Now if I could just get this gambling jones off my back.

I heard a knock on the door, and without so much as a looky-here, a grizzled dwarf burst into the room and announced, “I ain’t trying to get into your business, but I wouldn’t leave them things you got in your car too long out there on the street. Harlem-town ain’t what it used to be, you know.”

“Who the hell are you and how did you get in here?”

“I’m the super of your buildings and I used my key, that’s how. Name’s Seltzer. I come by for my pay, and to tell you that some varmint done made off with my dog Susie and I expect to be compensated. Though, dang it, there ain’t enough money in the world that can replace my Susie.”

“What the hell you talking about? Wait a minute, wait just a minute, how come this is the first time I laid eyes on you?”

“I expect it’s ’cause you a night bird, and I rises with the chickens.”

“I ain’t never seen you do nothing around here.”

“That’s ’cause you ain’t been looking. You damn sure can’t see what you ain’t been looking for. Who you think been sweeping up, clearing up, and cleaning up around here?”

That got me.

“To tell you the truth, I hadn’t thought about it.”

“Yeah, well, time to think, and time to pay up.”

I guess he was right about that, but cash flow was a problem now, and I told him so.

“What, your daddy didn’t leave you no money ’long with these houses?”

I shook my head.

“Well, shit, best you start collectin’ some rent, ’cause my wife, my children, my dog, and me all need money to live on. I ain’t worked for your father for free, and I damn sure ain’t working for no pup like you for free.”

“Well, Mr. Seltzer—”

“Selzter ain’t no last name. Name’s James. James Pope, I just go by Seltzer.”

“Okay, Seltzer then, I wish I could fix you up, brother. I really do. I’ve been a landlord for two months and five days, but so far only two people have been by to pay any rent. The fag upstairs and Miss Ellie across the street.”

“Son, is you crazy? They ain’t going to come to you—you got to go to them. Rise up early in the morning and knock on their door. Some of these folk be working, you know. If you don’t know nothing, you better ask somebody. You don’t look stupid, boy, but you sure is acting stupid.”

With that remark, he crossed the line. My eyes tightened. I wasn’t used to no dwarf insulting me.

“Just so you don’t forget, I’m the one paying you a salary, remember?”

“Uh-uh, not yet, you ain’t. And looka here, you a big tree, but big trees can be cut down, hear me?”

He frothed a little at the mouth as he spat out the words. I suddenly understood why he was called Seltzer. And then, can you believe it? This little cat whipped out a switchblade on me. I knew it had to be for effect. He couldn’t be for real. He hiked up his pants and revved his engine.

“I don’t play, see? I’m a country boy from West Virginia, but I can slice me up a nigger as quick as I can gut a pig.”

He was spinning and churning like a wind-up toy. The whiskers on his face bristled, and his big nose started twitching. For the second time that day, I laughed my ass off. The little shit looked so funny I laughed until tears rolled down my cheeks.

He said, “I ain’t playing with you.”

That’s when I gagged on my saliva. “Yeah, yeah, I hear you, old man.” I kicked my right leg up in the air, and knocked the knife out of his hand, and grabbed for it before he could. “And I can ram this knife up your ass quicker than you can say ouch, don’t hurt me. Now what you got to say about that?”

He looked at me.

“I guess I ain’t got nothing to say. You big, but you quick.”

I wiped tears from my eyes and was still chuckling when I closed the knife and tossed it back to him.

“Don’t wolf at the wolf,” I said. “Don’t mess with the big dog, because I’m ready for your ass.”

Then I patted his shoulder and said, “And if you don’t know, you better ask somebody.”

I roared again. I was six three, dusting the underside of two hundred pounds, and this termite’s head hardly reached my chest. But I liked the old man’s style and the game we were playing. He was letting me know I should respect him. I was okay with that.

“I can tell, Selz, we’re going to get along just fine.”

Then he twisted up his face as if it hurt and said, “Never mind that, big dog—just collect some rent, youngster, and get me my money ’fore I be forced to hurt you.”

“How much you worth, old man?”

“How much you got?”

“If you worth what I got, you ain’t worth much.”

“Well, I expect two hundred a month for my services, and you owe me for two months.”

“And what would those services be?”

“I fix what’s broke, put the trash out on collection days, and generally clean up around here.”

“Then the next rent I collect is yours. If I can figure out who owes what for how long and who’s actually living here. Montcrieff was bad at record keeping.”

I picked up a ledger from the desk.

“I found this under a pile of junk, but it doesn’t do me any good because he’s put different rent amounts for the same person and the man stopped making entries in here three years ago. And lease agreements? Forget about it.”

“I tell you what. You make up a figure, high as you want, and ask your tenants for it, and I’ll bet a dollar to a doughnut, every last one of them will dig up their lease agreement to prove you wrong.”

“Good idea, old man.”

And then we laughed and chimed together, “If you don’t know, you better ask somebody.”

“Speaking of that—you have an idea who loves me so much they want to write love letters across a tree?”

Next I indicated the room.

“And got any ideas what I can do with this mess?”

“No to the first question—probably some drunk with nothing to do. I’ll try to get something to take it off. This here junk gonna have to wait. I got too much else to do. Anyway, you got the rest of your life. What you doing with it? Why don’t you clean out a room?”

He smirked and I rolled my eyes at him. I had organized the desk and bought a new filing cabinet. But the rest of the room looked as if an explosion had taken place. A dusty filing cabinet stood against one wall, stuffed with everything except the paper you’d expect to be in there—string, wire, canned foods, rat poison, everything. Buckets of paint, tools, rusted pipes, an old commode, lightbulbs, doors, fuses, condoms, and a bit of everything else was jammed into the rest of the space, in every nook and cranny and spread across every surface.

“It’ll take the rest of my life,” I replied.

Seltzer started to leave, then turned at the door and said, “Tell you what, though, I am going to cut me the somebody who walked off with my sweet Susie. I know that dog. She wouldn’t have gone easy.”

He paused.

“Maybe they killed her.”

He turned his head away from me and drew his sleeve across his nose.

I thought, oh, shit, if he’s crying, I’m leaving.

“Had her guarding the basement across the street for the last two days,” he said, then looked back up at me. “You know a squatter’s been living there?”

I nodded, overjoyed that he’d pulled himself together.

And then he held out his hand, palm up. “Pipe’s busted across the street. Water’s leaking. Need to replace the pipe and replaster the wall.”

I reached into my back pocket. Yes, I knew about the squatters. Empty take-out boxes of Chinese food and trash lay strewn on the floor alongside filthy mattresses that still carried the stench of wretched humanity. I put locks on both doors, only to see the rooms trashed again the following week, and the locks broken.

“Yeah, locks didn’t do no good,” I said.

I also knew about Susie. It was me that called the ASPCA to come get the vicious mutt. A fucking Great Dane. Can you believe it? Her paws were as big as my feet. The animal had lunged at me when I entered the basement apartment. I thought the squatters had left the dog there. Since I’m not a fool I didn’t mention this fact to Seltzer.

I looked down at his outstretched hand, sighed, peeled some bills off the roll from my pocket, and gave them to him. I had hocked ten of my three-piece suits at Bunky’s for a lousy three hundred bucks—custom-made, too—and that accounted for what money I possessed at the moment, and was all that stood between me and the poorhouse. I h. . .