For Lovers Only

by Alex Hairston

Genres: African American; African American Women's Fiction; African American Romance

Synopsis

Erin. . . After having my heart broken by my ex, I was all about friends-with-benefits and having a good time. The last thing I wanted was something heavy with my new neighbor, Joel. So my roommate Kenya and I decided to have a little fun with him. But Joel's sensual, romantic side is sparking a hunger in me for something much more than sex with no strings attached. . . Kenya. . . With all the players out there, Erin and I always joked that if either of us ever found a good man we'd share him. And that's exactly what we did when Erin told me about Joel's skills in the bedroom. The only problem now is that I want him to myself. . . And Joel. . . I thought Erin was the only woman for me. But her friend Kenya was just as appealing. When they proposed that we become a threesome, my hottest fantasy became reality. And before I knew what was happening, I found myself falling hard--for both of them. "An erotic tale with a bit of a twist. . . For a fun, sensual book with an added flair, this is one to get." --The RAWSISTAZ Reviewers

Release date: October 24, 2011

Publisher: Dafina

Print pages: 384

Sample

The beginning of the end.

At 3:45 AM, Joel was awakened from a peaceful deep sleep by his girlfriend Renee’s annoying tossing and turning. Their bedroom was shrouded in grayish-black darkness, and the soft glow of pale moonlight seeped in from behind the curtains and partially closed mini-blinds. As soon as Renee stopped moving, Joel was out again, his mind completely at ease. Drowsiness had filtered out any remnants of stress or aggravation.

All of a sudden Joel was awakened again because Renee’s tossing and turning was quickly replaced with moans and groans. In an airy tone Renee softly whispered, “Ooh ... ooh. Ah, yeah.”

Then she whispered another man’s name. His stomach dropped, flooded with acid and then felt as if it was bound in a giant knot. All kinds of wild sexual thoughts bounced around in his cloudy and confused mind. His imagination began to get the best of him. An image popped in his head of a big, black, sweaty NBA-lookin’ brotha totally dominating Renee in bed.

Within seconds Joel dismissed his crazy perverted thoughts because he wasn’t trying to kill anybody or have an argument at this time of night over his overactive imagination and insecurities. This was more about Renee’s subconscious thoughts, secret dreams and hidden desires. Joel just took a deep breath and made a quick mental note of the name Robert.

As always, Joel’s optimism began to overtake his sense of uncertainty. He could rationalize anything and everything. He tried with everything inside of him to convince himself that there was a possibility that Renee could have been dreaming about him. And instead of whispering another man’s name, she could have mumbled something as simple as, stop it. Then again, he was pretty sure that he had heard the name Robert.

In no time, Joel worked himself up to a state of disbelief, staring into the darkness thinking, I know she didn’t just call out another man’s name in my bed. Who the fuck is Robert?

Renee began to fidget between the sheets. Joel felt her legs spasm. Her moans became louder and increasingly sexual. At first Joel was under the impression that Renee was in the middle of a passionate wet dream and he could excuse that; however he quickly realized that she was wide-awake and in the midst of masturbating with another man on her mind. What she was doing was without a doubt inexcusable. In the back of his mind, Joel knew that Renee had to have been cheating, but his forgiving heart refused to believe his judgmental mind.

It was awkward as hell for Joel to be awoken like this, especially since he wasn’t Renee’s motivation or at least playing an active role in making her moan. Joel felt an internal rage and again he thought, Who the fuck is Robert?

Joel was about to confront Renee, but he decided to hold back the anger that raged within because she wasn’t finished with her little show.

Renee continued fidgeting and going through mini-convulsions between the sheets. He couldn’t believe his ears or understand why Renee was doing all this while lying next to him. She knew that Joel wasn’t a heavy sleeper. After a minute or so, Joel realized that Renee didn’t give a damn whether he was a heavy sleeper or not. He just lay there with a big throbbing hard-on, listening to Renee please herself. Renee was driven by what Joel considered an intense case of SSD, selfish sexual desire, and that made him feel more useless than he had ever felt in his life.

Joel had nothing against masturbation because he thought it was natural. He had masturbated plenty of times, but he considered what Renee was doing an insult to his manhood because more than likely she did have another man on her mind.

Joel was boiling mad. They hadn’t had sex since the huge argument they had three weeks ago, yet Renee had the audacity to lay next to him pleasing herself instead of involving him in the fun. Joel was convinced Renee’s stubborn ass still held a grudge and just didn’t want to give in to him after their big blowout. He lay in bed, cold and angry, while Renee experienced pure ecstasy.

The thing that pissed Joel off the most was that he had no idea that Renee masturbated. They had been together for two years, and she always said that her mother raised her to believe that it was a sin to touch herself in a sexual way. Joel could see that was a bunch of bullshit.

Renee’s breathing intensified. Her entire body trembled and then she mumbled something totally incomprehensible—it sounded like she was speaking in tongues.

Joel’s tired eyes widened in the darkness. Renee was going for multiple orgasms and Joel was beginning to feel like he was trapped in the middle of an erotic nightmare. He wanted so badly to join in on the fun, she was driving him crazy, but his stupid male pride wouldn’t let him interrupt for fear of rejection, because Renee was so into having a real soul-stirring and self-satisfying experience.

Finally, Renee was done. She really got her thing off. Joel lay still in the darkness and complete silence of their bedroom for a few minutes. He was too shocked to move or even take a breath.

Renee shifted to her left side, reached over to the nightstand and sipped from her bottled water. She lay back down, turned her back to Joel and cuddled up with her favorite pillow. She was oh-so-satisfied, and acted as if Joel wasn’t even lying next to her. He was less than a foot from her physically, but emotionally they were worlds apart.

After Renee’s little episode, Joel lay in bed analyzing their relationship, as if there were really something to analyze. So many different emotions filled his heart and mind. The time had come for him to confront Renee and possibly end things for good. All of a sudden Joel felt Renee scoot her thickness—that soft round naked ass—against his thigh.

All those emotions that filled his heart and mind began to fill his penis. He regained his big throbbing hard-on from earlier. This time it wasn’t going to go away so easily. There was only one cure for Joel’s weakness and he was no match for Renee’s feminine strength. She was much too powerful to resist.

For Joel and most men, sex is much more than a want or a need. Sex is a biological urge or demand that sometimes needs immediate attention.

Before Joel knew it, he had cuddled up behind Renee and began to caress her soft warm body. He had almost forgotten how good she felt, and he had totally forgotten about Robert.

Joel asked, “Renee, you ’sleep?” She didn’t respond. He felt somewhat discombobulated because the blood from his brain had been rerouted and flowed directly to his penis. Joel rephrased his question in hopes of getting a response. “You awake?”

Still feeling the effects of her multiple orgasms, Renee moaned, “Mmmmmmm.”

Joel kissed her on the back of her neck. She grabbed his hand and gently placed it between her thighs. Joel could feel that her warm pussy was still soaking wet.

Renee could feel Joel’s throbbing hardness pressed against her naked ass. Passion was ignited. She turned around and kissed Joel on his lips. The sexual excitement within Joel grew. For the first time in weeks Joel felt wanted, needed and strongly desired.

When Joel tried to return the same attention, Renee grabbed his hands and said, “It’s okay. Relax and let me do you. I know it’s been a while.”

Joel didn’t say a word because he was too afraid of wrecking Renee’s flow. He thought, Lord knows, this girl hardly ever shows any kind of initiative when it comes to sex. I’m just gonna enjoy the moment.

Renee touched Joel’s dick and set his entire body on fire. He soon realized that there was definitely something different in Renee’s touch and her actions, but at that moment she made him feel too good to even care. He wasn’t able to process his thoughts properly because he was too caught up in sextasy. Renee was completely and deeply stimulating. The allure of instant sexual gratification had Joel’s mind stranded on the border between sanity and temporary insanity.

Renee began to create a variety of warm wet pleasures with her mouth. She kissed and sucked Joel’s neck the same way she used to do when they first met. Then she kissed his chest and rippled abs. She surprised him with a few bites here and there.

Renee focused that same attention down a little lower. She began to lick and suck the shaft of his dick as if it was her favorite hard chocolate treat.

Right in the middle of giving Joel a blow job, Renee said, “What was I thinking ... letting all this good dick go to waste?”

She went right back to satisfying him with her mouth. Renee wasn’t really used to or typically good at giving head, but she started feeling very adventurous. She attempted this new and fascinating deep-throat maneuver until her gag reflex reminded her that Joel was a lot larger and longer than she could handle.

The sound of Renee gagging turned Joel on even more. He admired Renee’s creativity and thought that all she needed was a little more practice—daily practice.

Both of Renee’s hands caressed a different part of Joel’s body, or worked together along with her mouth to create the most intense pleasure she had ever made him feel. As she climbed on top of Joel, Renee couldn’t believe how hard his dick was. Her pussy began to crave the sensation of feeling his hardness inside of her.

But Renee didn’t slip Joel’s dick inside of her right away. Instead she let the passion and anticipation build. She just played around by sliding her wetness up and down his hardness, stimulating her swollen and excited clitoris at the same time.

Joel kept his hands down by his side exactly where Renee had placed them. She grabbed his dick and slowly slid it deep inside of her inch by inch until it pressed against her cervix and beyond. She held her position for a few seconds, enjoying a momentary sensation of pressure in a few of her most sensitive spots. Right after that, the ride began.

Renee yelled, “Ah, yeah! I love it! Feels ... so ... good! Does it feel good to you, too?”

Joel replied, “Yeah!”

This was kind of weird for Joel because they never talked during sex. Renee was never one for comments during sex or talking dirty in general. A few screams, grunts, whines, moans and groans were the only way they usually communicated during sex.

Renee was in charge, feeling good and saying stuff like, “I’m gonna put it on you good. Take this pussy ... take it!” Renee began to ride a little harder and a little faster. The bed squeaked and creaked. “Who got that whip appeal, baby?” With more intensity she asked, “Huh? Who got that whip appeal? Who ... got ... it?”

Joel didn’t say anything. Renee’s aggressive commando-take-charge approach threw him off a bit. He lay there thinking, What the hell?

Renee repeated, “Who got that whip appeal, baby?”

She started putting it on him real good. Resistance was futile. Joel grunted, “You! You do! Ah! You got it! You got it!”

Joel must have said the right thing because Renee began to ride him ten times as hard and as fast. She broke it down, started winding and grinding her hips better than an ATL stripper and then made her booty clap loudly as she slammed her ass against him.

They fucked like it was the weekend. Usually when Joel wanted sex from Renee on a weeknight he had to hear about how tired she was and about how early she had to get up for work the next morning. Renee would promise to hit him off on the weekend and most times she didn’t keep her promise. Renee must have been really horny, because she had forgotten that this was a Wednesday night.

Joel thought about how enthralling and strangely erotic it was having sex in dense darkness. He thought about how easily the eyes could begin to play tricks on someone. When the eyes played tricks it was almost like being with someone else—it made a lover faceless or gave them almost any face someone would like to see.

That’s when it hit Joel. He carefully considered all of the sexually pleasing things that Renee had done to him. The way she took charge, her touch, the kisses, the deep throat maneuver and her overall sexual energy were all fueled by someone else. She was with Joel physically, but mentally she was with Robert. Joel felt as if Renee was rehearsing or doing things to him that she probably had already done to Robert. Although Joel’s sanity had returned somewhat, he was still out for sexual gratification. It was a male thing. In addition to that, it had been so long since he had had sex and things felt too good to stop.

Renee reached her climax first and automatically assumed that they were done. She was so exhausted that she really didn’t seem to care whether Joel had reached his climax or not. Joel knew the deal and laughed to himself because Renee had no idea what he had in store for her. As far as he was concerned they were far from being done. To Joel it was just time for a position change and time for him to take charge.

Renee assumed a submissive position in the center of the bed. She was on all fours facing the headboard. Having Renee in this position really turned Joel on. He was about to give it to Renee from behind. He had a big long dick and was a master at deep penetration. He loved doing it doggie-style on the bed, on the floor or anywhere.

At first Renee bucked back, throwing her ass at Joel just how he liked it. That’s when the name Robert popped back into Joel’s head and made things get a little rougher. Joel had one hand on Renee’s left hip to help guide her and the other on her right shoulder to help thrust his dick deeper inside of her. Joel was extra aggressive trying to make sure Renee never thought about another man or whispered another man’s name in their bed again.

With tons of confidence Joel asked, “Who’s got the whip appeal now?”

Right away Renee screamed, “You!”

“Am I whipping it on you good?”

“Yeah! Oh, yeah!” She couldn’t really think about anything else because Joel’s dick felt so good to her.

“Who’s pussy is this? Tell me!”

“It’s your pussy!”

“Say my name!” Joel hit Renee’s ass with a nice steady rhythm and shouted, “Say ... my ... name!”

She shouted, “Joel! Ooh, it’s yours! It’s all yours!”

Renee held her position on the bed as Joel lowered his feet to the floor. Standing was all about gaining better leverage, thrusting in and out. Joel’s erection hardened, strengthened and his thrusts became more forceful. He grabbed a handful of Renee’s long, glamorous honey-blond hairweave and wrapped it around his hand forming a fist. He pulled it, making her arch her back and giving her ass just the right lift.

He pulled again.

This time Renee yelled, “Ow! My hair! That shit hurt!”

Joel didn’t apologize. He kept pounding away like a machine.

Renee was used to Joel being rough, but she could tell that this time was a little different. Joel was really enjoying himself and just kept going and going.

Renee moaned louder, hoping that her excitement would make Joel hurry up and come.

Beads of sweat poured down Joel’s face, chest and back. Although his breathing quickened and his muscles began to tense up, his body continued to move with machine precision, pounding and pounding away. Joel was caught up in three very intense emotions: pleasure, jealousy and anger.

Renee continued to moan, “Awwww! Awwww!”

Renee found herself getting wetter. By now she was really enjoying Joel and started bouncing all of her thickness right back against him like she did earlier. He gladly returned the favor by sending forceful shock waves throughout her body. It was a challenge to see who would come first.

Joel said, “Feels ... so ... damn ... good!”

Renee closed her eyes and yelled, “Oh, God! Joel, you feel so good! You ... gonna ... make ... me ... come!”

Joel let go of Renee’s hair, gripped tightly around her narrow waist with both hands and moved in and out of her as fast and as hard as humanly possible.

He asked, “You like that? Does it feel good?”

“Yeah! Awwww! Ooh! Ooh! Yesssss!”

Renee lowered her head and bit down on their Ralph Lauren comforter, trying to muffle her moans. She knew that their neighbors all around their apartment building could hear her. Joel knew it too, but he couldn’t care less.

Joel said, “It’s okay. You can moan and scream for me as loud as you want. I wanna hear ... need to hear you.”

“Mmmmmm! You ... tryin’ ... to ... kill ... me!”

Finally Joel felt himself about to come and it made Finally Joel felt himself about to come and it made him fuck even faster. Within minutes, he gave in to the rush that led to a powerful release. After he came he felt an immediate urge to hold Renee really tight. Insanity had crept back into the picture. He thought of Renee and Robert. But this time Joel began to show Renee a much gentler side by kissing, caressing and hopefully making her fall back in love with him and only him. Joel was sure that Renee could see that he was more than enough man for her to handle and all the man she needed.

They both were literally finished. They lay there sweaty and gasping for air. As soon as they drifted off to sleep their annoying radio alarm clock went off, playing the theme song to Tom Joyner’s morning show. Although the loud music echoed throughout their bedroom, neither of them moved. They remained cuddled up in a spoon position.

Joel was awake and thinking about everything he had just experienced.

He whispered in Renee’s ear, “Baby.”

“Huh?”

Joel really didn’t want to do it, but he just had to ask, “Who’s Robert?”

Renee acted as if she didn’t hear Joel’s question. He felt himself getting angry, but remained composed. He sat up in his king-sized bed and hit the snooze button on the radio alarm clock.

Birds sang a variety of songs outside of Joel and Renee’s bedroom window. Traces of sunlight pierced their way through tiny gaps in the mini-blinds. With every passing second the morning sun’s brightness intensified. The darkness was gone and now it was time to shed some light on the truth.

Joel said, “I asked you a question. Who’s Robert?”

A puzzled expression covered Renee’s face. “What?”

Frustration moved throughout Joel’s body and found its final resting place in his head. He placed his hands at his temples and said, “I hate when I ask somebody a simple question and they play dumb or act like they didn’t hear me.” He paused. When no response came, he said, “See, now you’re playing dumb. Who the fuck is Robert?”

Joel’s typically cautious approach was out the window.

Bright eyed and surprised, Renee asked, “Why are you cursing at me?”

“Because you know damn well you heard me and understand perfectly well what I asked.”

Renee threw the covers off of her and sat up looking for her slippers. “I don’t know no damn Robert.”

Joel yelled, “I heard you say his name last night!”

Renee found her slippers and then quietly slipped into her robe. As she fastened it she said, “You need to calm down ’cause I don’t have a clue what you’re talking about. And judging from your expression, I can see that you don’t really know what you’re talking about either.”

Joel jumped out of bed naked and wrapped his towel, still damp from his shower the night before, around his waist. “Come on. Cut the bullshit. I know there’s somebody else. No need to hide it anymore. We’re both responsible adults. Well, at least I am. Maybe I’m not meeting your needs.”

Renee sucked her teeth and rolled her eyes. She walked into the bathroom and sat down on the toilet. Joel noticed that Renee unconsciously broke her typical morning routine. Usually she would take a good look at herself in the mirror first, but this time she didn’t. Joel figured that Renee wasn’t in the mood to see the guilt in her eyes.

Renee looked at Joel and said, “It’s too early in the morning for this. You need to stop being so insecure. You’re always trying to interrogate somebody. That’s nothing but your guilty conscience.”

Joel stepped into the bathroom. He confidently looked at himself in the mirror and prepared to shave and brush his teeth. “Yup. That’s why you can’t even look at yourself in the mirror and exactly why you’re always checking up on me. I swear to God that there isn’t anybody else in my life except you. You’re guilty and you’re dying to get some dirt on me to help take the heavy load off your conscience.”

Renee was pissed because she hated when Joel scrutinized her actions and more than that she hated to be chastised like a child. She got off the toilet and turned on the shower. Out of habit she closed the bathroom door. She looked at Joel and said, “I don’t know what you mean.”

Steam from the hot shower quickly filled the bathroom, fogging up the mirror. Joel thought that Renee was rude for not considering the fact that he was using the mirror. He wiped a line of fog from the mirror, but within seconds it steamed up again. Since he couldn’t see, shaving was definitely out of the question. He decided to brush his teeth first.

As he put toothpaste on his toothbrush he said, “Since you don’t know what I mean, then I’ll tell you. I mean stuff like our big argument a few weeks ago. When I came home and you were in here looking crazy, color-coding my damn cell phone bill with different highlighters based on numbers that were or weren’t familiar to you. That was some ridiculous shit. I’m not a child and you’re definitely not my mother.” He began brushing his teeth.

Renee sarcastically said, “If I was your mother you wouldn’t talk to me like this, would you?”

With his mouth full of white foamy toothpaste, Joel mumbled, “What?”

Climbing into the shower Renee looked at Joel and said, “Nothing. Just forget it.”

Joel spat the toothpaste from his mouth and then yelled over the noisy shower, “That’s exactly what’s wrong ... communication! Act like a responsible adult for a change and speak up. Your unspoken words are the ones with the most meaning. When your words are left unsaid, your actions speak loudest. Your actions from last night told me a whole lot about you.” He shook his head in frustration because he felt like Renee was ignoring him. He yelled, “I know about you and that punk-ass Robert and you know I know.”

The steam and noise of the shower were too much for Joel to compete with for the moment. He decided to give Renee a few minutes alone to think about what he had just said. After relieving his bladder he headed back into the bedroom.

When Renee was finished in the bathroom, she quietly stepped back into the bedroom.

Joel was calm and very clever. He knew how to get what he wanted out of Renee—all he needed was the right approach. He looked Renee directly in her eyes, gave her a pleasant little smile and calmly asked, “Does Robert make you happy? Does he truly make you happy? Does he fill your heart with joy and make it overflow? That’s all I need to know.”

Renee’s bitter expression gradually changed. She felt warm inside and lit up on the outside with an undeniably radiant glow. She battled like hell to control her emotions and facial expressions. Joel watched closely as the corners of her mouth seemed to spasm. Within seconds a bright smile emerged. Joel couldn’t believe what he was seeing. Just as quickly as Renee smiled, her eyes began to water. Tears streamed from her eyes. She was as beautiful and as messed up as sunshine on a rainy day.

Renee was absolutely unpredictable. She sighed and then put her right hand up to her mouth for a few seconds to help compose herself. She wiped her tears and said, “Robert is one of my co-workers. I said his name last night trying to get a reaction out of you.”

Joel was so shocked by Renee’s open admission that he felt like he had just stepped into the twilight zone. He grimaced and said, “Okay, you got a reaction. Why are you crying now?”

Renee made a face that told Joel that she was still holding back the truth. She took a deep breath and said, “I’m crying because of all of the hurtful things you said. You made me sound like such a bad person.”

Another round of tears began to pour from her eyes. This time Joel wiped them away. With a hint of sarcasm he said, “Poor little misunderstood Renee. Look at you ... still lying. Always bending, contorting and redirecting the truth and the blame. Where’s the truth? It must be hidden under your tongue or somewhere in the back of your mind. It might hurt me, but just think about how much you’re hurting me by lying. C’mon, I know you better than you know yourself. Are you fucking Robert or what?”

Renee yelled, “No!” She stared at Joel for a few seconds. “Since you wanna know the truth so badly, then here’s the truth.” She paused again to collect her thoughts. “Things did get a little heated and out of control between me and Robert once, but that’s it.”

Joel raised an eyebrow. “Exactly how heated and out of control did things get between you and him?”

Renee appeared to be somewhat embarrassed, but Joel could see that a huge weight had been lifted off of her. She turned away from him and started to talk to his reflection in the bedroom dresser’s mirror. “A couple of kisses and some light fondling—that’s all.”

Joel spoke to her reflection. “That’s more than enough, don’t you think?”

Renee stood in front of Joel nude. She finished drying off with a pink towel and then slipped into her fancy underwear. “I know and I’m sorry. You were right. You win. I am a bad person. Hope you feel better knowing the truth.”

“Nope! I don’t feel any different because I knew your ass was lying the whole time. And this isn’t about winning, losing or who’s right or wrong. This is about us and this stagnant and troubled-ass relationship of ours. Things won’t ever be the same between us regardless.”

“What do you mean by that?”

“We had something special in the beginning, but now it’s completely gone. I have no idea what happened.”

Renee sat down at her vanity and started styling her hair. In a real nonchalant manner she said, “I know exactly what happened. We happened, and time revealed our true selves. Now, here we are two-and-a-half years later.”

“Yup, and this is as good as it gets.”

“That’s sad, but it’s not all my fault.”

“Who cares about whose fault it is? You went out looking for attention from another man and had the audacity to call out his goddamn name in my bed. See, I’m really getting pissed now. The more I think about it the madder I get.”

“I was wrong for saying his name in our bed. But you can’t even see your own faults, and you’re too self-righteous to even ask why I did what I did.”

Renee attempted to turn the blame on Joel. He picked up on her trick and shook his head in disbelief. He laughed. “You’re right. I didn’t ask, but I was about to.” Joel put on a fake melodramatic voice and asked, “Why? Why, Renee? Is Robert’s dick bigger than mine?”. . .