To Stud was everyone’s port of call when they decided to choose their first child. Well. It was the first port of call for anyone who was anyone. So when Eduardo and Tonia decided it was time to grow their family they downloaded the book. Eduardo opened it up on his slate and Tonia leaned in as close as she dared to read over his shoulder.
Having a child is a wonderful thing. It is a symbol of the evolution of your relationship with your loved one/s. It is the single most important step you will ever take in this relationship. As such, it must be treated with respect. One does not simply buy a baby off the rack.
There are countless social implications to be navigated when deciding how to have a child, but it has long been undisputed that going to stud is the best course for any self-respecting prospective parents.
‘I’m sure it wasn’t like this for my parents,’ she said.
Eduardo sighed and Tonia wondered what the sigh meant. Was he tired? Was he having second thoughts about a child? Was he sighing simply because he didn’t know what to say? Did he just need to sigh?
Tonia studied his face hoping to discover that he was having second thoughts. She was having second thoughts. She didn’t know how she had let it get this far but now she felt she couldn’t say anything unless she knew he would agree with her.
Eduardo smiled. Tonia straightened up and looked away from him. She didn’t want to engage with that smile of his. She’d gotten used to the embarrassing sensations his smile always caused in her body—the light flutter in her stomach, the involuntary return smile, occasionally an excruciating moistening in her underwear—but she tried to limit the damage. When they were alone she could look away freely, without a care, safe from other people’s observations and extrapolations and inevitable conclusions about her. Eduardo never seemed to notice but she wasn’t foolish enough to presume that meant he didn’t notice. He used that smile on her to great effect. That was how she had let things get this far. That was how he had got her to say ‘yes, of course we should acquire a child’.
‘I don’t think any of this shit is going to help us,’ he said, gesturing to his slate. ‘We need to make an appointment with a baby doctor.’
Tonia kept her face as still and quiet as she could—he couldn’t see her disappointment.
‘Have you any doctors in mind?’ she asked. Eduardo gave a dry chuckle.
‘Plenty, but we can’t afford any of them.’
‘You want Dr Wójcik, don’t you?’ Tonia divined.
‘Of course. Who wouldn’t?’
‘I suppose you’ve let slip to Schuyler about this whole baby business?’
Eduardo smiled at her appreciatively.
‘You know me too well,’ he said.
‘Do you think he’ll actually help us?’
Eduardo shrugged.
‘Probably not, but I thought I may as well prod. We have a bit of time. Let’s see what happens.’
It was Tonia’s turn to sigh.
‘You think I’m risking too much?’ Eduardo asked her.
‘No, no, I’ve seen you in action. Schuyler is good at seeing through things but I trust you to not have laid things on thick. It’s just … exhausting. The hoops that have to be jumped through.’
‘If we weren’t jumping through these hoops we’d be jumping through some others,’ Eduardo said, standing up and walking to the bar that divided the living room from the kitchen. ‘Drink?’ he asked.
‘Please,’ Tonia said, and she leaned back into her armchair and closed her eyes. She definitely needed a goddamn drink.
Madeleine was throwing a party and the thought of it filled Tonia with dread. She wondered if it was Schuyler’s idea. Was this party because of Eduardo? Tonia shook the thought from her head. She was growing arrogant; of course this party wouldn’t be about them. Besides, Madeleine threw parties all the time. It was practically all she did.
Tonia couldn’t refuse the invitation. She sent their RSVP, prompt and polite, and she and Eduardo talked about the event: who would be there, what entertainments Madeleine would procure, what fashions the attendees would be sporting. They worried over what they would wear. They let Madeleine’s party eclipse all other thoughts. They did not talk about a child.
The day arrived and a menial answered the door before they even touched the buzzer. They pressed their coats onto the menial and stepped away from it, taking in the room as subtly as possible, trying to keep their eyes still, their expressions quiet, their joint face inscrutable and all the while trying to appear as though they were not trying at all.
‘ToDdie’ Schuyler said from across the room, and he opened his arms in an expansive gesture that said: These people are special.
Schuyler. The man everyone wanted to know, be, be loved by. And he was calling them special. It was a favour Tonia knew they would never be able to repay. She felt all attention on them for a moment, and it was both excruciating and wonderful.
‘Ooh! Ooh, you’re here!’ Madeleine squealed as she entered the room, and she swooped down upon them and kissed the air dangerously close to their skin. ‘How marvellous that you’re here!’
Tonia smiled, small and gracious. When she looked up she caught sight of Schuyler over Madeleine’s shoulder. He rolled his eyes, almost imperceptibly, and then he winked at her. It took her aback.
‘Finally,’ Madeleine said, ‘someone interesting has arrived.’ She laughed a tinkling laugh and spun on her heel. ‘Schuy! Drinks! Where areyou?’
Schuyler held up his hands in apology and left the room. Madeleine turned on them once more.
‘It’s just perfect that you’re here. I was so glad when I got your confirmation. I’ve invited someone that I just know you’ll be thrilled to meet. Of course, she’s not here yet … only second tier so far; you’re the first tops to arrive!’
And there it was. The put-down. The judgement. Madeleine had put them in their place before the party had even really begun.
‘Where are the girls?’ Tonia asked.
‘Oh you know,’ said Madeleine, waving a hand. ‘They’ll be on the In.’
‘They have more virtual existences than I care to count,’ said Schuyler, appearing at Madeleine’s shoulder. Madeleine laughed.
‘Hon, there is no such thing as too many faces,’ she said, turning to him. ‘Where are the drinks?’
‘I’ve ordered,’ he said as a menial walked up bearing a tray of frosted glasses. The buzzer went and Madeleine spun around.
‘What are you doing?’ she asked the menial with the tray. ‘Why isn’t anyone by the door? I told you earlier that I don’t want to hear that buzzer go tonight.’
The menial didn’t reply, just bowed and went to answer the door. Madeleine smiled at Tonia and Eduardo.
‘It’s amazing how they still seem to slip up every so often. You’d have thought, being trained from such a young age … Oh well.’ She shrugged.
She really looked like she wasn’t bothered at all, but Tonia was sure she was seething inside.
‘I’d better go greet the new arrivals!’ said Madeleine, and she was gone.
‘So. Have you made any decisions regarding this child, yet?’ Schuyler asked, skipping all small talk in the way only a really important person could. Eduardo took it in stride.
‘We’re still gathering data. But I think we’re close to making a decision about what we want.’
‘Good. And I think Madeleine has a surprise for you on the child front, too.’
‘That sounds ominous,’ Tonia said, and she immediately regretted it. Schuyler looked at her. The curve of his smile was dangerous. Eduardo was very still. Tonia forced a smile of her own.
‘Can I refresh your drink?’ Schuyler asked her and, without waiting for her answer, he took her glass. He took her glass: put his hand out, reached for it and closed his fingers over both it and her hand. The moment was stunning and Tonia froze.
Skin on skin. His fingers were cool and soft. He pressed the back of her hand with just so much pressure that … it felt like it was intentional. He was touching her hand. He was holding her fucking hand. Wasn’t he? Or was this in her head?
She looked at him expecting to see a reflection of her own shock there but his expression was cool. It had to be in her head. And yet … she stumbled back, pulling her hand away, and in the rush of the movement the glass slipped between them and shattered on the floor. All bubbles of conversation dissipated. Almost everyone turned to look. Tonia kept as still as possible. Eduardo quickly stepped in to fill the vacuum.
‘I’m sorry, honey. You said you weren’t feeling well and I still insisted that we come.’ He looked at Schuyler. ‘I just felt it was bad form not to come after we had confirmed our attendance.’
A menial materialised before them and began to clean up the shards of glass and ice.
‘You’re very thoughtful,’ Schuyler said, loud enough for the room to hear. And then he turned to Tonia. ‘I would hate for you to leave now that you’re here. Perhaps a drink of water?’ Tonia nodded, grateful, and Schuyler walked away.
‘What’s going on?’ Eduardo asked her, and the fact that he needed to ask meant that he hadn’t seen. He didn’t know Schuyler had touched her, he hadn’t noticed the contact. If there had even been any.
The skin on Tonia’s fingers felt like it was burning. That touch was so real, it had to be real, she could still feel the smoothness of Schuyler’s skin, the slight stickiness of a palm that had been moisturised, looked after, nourished. A palm that felt cool and yet hot as a brand. Her stomach felt like it was swimming and her mouth filled with salinic spit—the telltale precursor of vomit.
‘Tonia? What’s wrong?’ Eduardo’s voice broke through her queasiness.
‘Nothing,’ she said, swallowing the spit down, willing her insides to stop writhing.
‘It’s definitely something,’ Eduardo mumbled, but he didn’t push it any further than that. Tonia took a deep breath. It wasn’t real—it didn’t happen—I’m just stressed. She said those words over and over again in her head. Breathe in. Breathe out. Repeat.
She breathed her way back to composure.
Time stuttered forwards and Tonia found herself stiff, attached a bare inch from Eduardo’s side, negotiating a series of precarious conversations, almost all of which were about children. It seemed like Schuyler hadn’t been shy about telling people their news. And every time Tonia looked up she felt as if Schuyler was there. It wasn’t real—it didn’t happen—I’m just stressed, she repeated, but it was as though that moment of contact had linked them. He was always there, always looking. And she wanted to look back, to study him, to dissect his face, to work out what he was really thinking. He had touched her. The thought was sickening.
Then came Madeleine’s surprise. It was less a gift for Tonia and Eduardo than it was a demonstration of Madeleine’s importance. Her facevalue. She had invited Dr Vidya Wójcik to the party. Tonia looked at Eduardo and she could tell by the tightness around his eyes that he was furious. He had wanted to be put in touch with Dr Wójcik, he had not wanted her publicly presented to them like a gift. Madeleine might as well have just told the whole party that Tonia and Eduardo’s future child was only going to be a success because she, Madeleine, had made it possible. For the first time that day Eduardo was at a loss for words. Tonia was just grateful to focus on something that got her out of her thoughts.
‘It’s such a pleasure to meet you,’ she said, gliding over Eduardo’s discomfort with an ease she hadn’t known she possessed. She saw Dr Wójcik appraise her favourably.
‘The feeling is mutual. SchAddie have told me so much about you.’ She turned to Schuyler. ‘You weren’t exaggerating,’ she said. ‘They have a perfect aesthetic. Really. You’re a stunning couple,’ she told them. ‘And I understand you’re thinking about committing to a child?’
‘You’re very gracious,’ Eduardo said. ‘We try our best, but our aesthetic is far from perfect.’
‘Our hosts have a monopoly on perfection!’ Tonia added, and she smiled prettily at Madeleine. Madeleine kept her face quiet.
‘You’re too modest,’ Schuyler said. And was he looking at Tonia with emphasis? Was she imagining it? It wasn’t real—it didn’t happen—I’m just stressed.
‘I’m glad you came, Vidya,’ Schuyler continued. ‘We should leave you to talk, but do come find us later. It’s been too long, we’re due a catch-up.’ Schuyler steered Madeleine away, a hand hovering close to her shoulder, but of course he never touched her. The doctor, Tonia and Eduardo watched them as they all calculated their next words. The doctor spoke first.
‘It’s fairly unsubtle as far as faceplay goes,’ she said. She was talking about Madeleine and her game of one-upmanship. ‘Don’t worry, I’m not trying to trick you. I don’t indulge in it myself,’ Dr Wójcik told them. That was impossible to believe. ‘It’s an important aspect of my work; I have to build trust with my clients and I take that very seriously. The best way to develop trust is through honesty. I take confidentiality seriously, too. Anything you say to me is in the strictest confidence, even at a social gathering.’
Tonia resisted looking at Eduardo.
‘Clients?’ he said. ‘Isn’t that a bit premature?’
Dr Wójcik smiled.
Tonia felt nervous as they walked into Dr Wójcik’s office. She didn’t let it show. She just focussed on the doctor, who was, naturally, beautiful. You couldn’t attain her level and be anything less.
‘Your parents did beautiful work with you,’ Tonia said, before they had even sat down. Her mouth was running away with her, giving away what her face had not. Dr Wójcik smiled.
‘My parents popularised the current trend of contrasts. Starting with me.’
‘I’ve read about them,’ said Tonia.
‘What have you read?’ Dr Wójcik asked. She didn’t seem particularly curious about an answer, however, and Tonia hesitated.
‘Well, everyone wants a Wójcik baby,’ Eduardo jumped in. ‘They practically invented the boutique baby shop. The way the In tells it, your mothers had a preternatural ability to create the most perfect children. An ability they developed in you…’ he added.
‘Schuyler Burroughs was one of theirs, wasn’t he?’ Tonia asked, and as the words came out she wished she could swallow them back up, erase the thought, forget Schuyler Burroughs existed. It wasn’t real—it didn’t happen—I’m just stressed.
‘Yes, his baby blueprint came out of this very office,’ Dr Wójcik said. She was smiling. Her voice was coloured with amusement also. ‘And of course, after him, there was a rash of other baby shops copying his look. So many beautiful, dark-eyed, black children everywhere…’ Dr Wojcik’s voice trailed away, but her smile remained. Then she gathered herself together. ‘So. Let’s get to it. Why are you two here?’
Tonia tried not to look at Eduardo, tried not to let her confusion show. What did she mean, why? Wasn’t it obvious?
‘Everyone wants a Wójcik baby,’ Eduardo said again.
‘Why not go to the Hú centre?’
Eduardo laughed. Dr Wójcik didn’t.
‘You aren’t serious?’ he asked. ...
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