Dragged to the Wedding

by Andrew Grey

Genres: LGBT Gay; LGBT Lesbian; Contemporary Romance; LGBT & Pride; Romantic Comedy

Synopsis

The Wedding Date meets The Birdcage in this laugh-out-loud gay romantic comedy from Andrew Grey 

He’s here to slay…but will he stay?  

James Petika is living the single gay life he always wanted. A police officer in Chicago, he has a good job, good friends—and he’s two thousand miles away from his family’s expectations. He also has a problem: he needs a date for his sister’s wedding in Missoula, Montana, but his family has no idea that he’s gay, and he’d like to keep it that way.

The solution? Daniel Bonafonte aka Lala Traviata, the queen of the Chicago drag scene. Lala is the real thing: she can sing, she can dance—and she can throw more shade than a solar eclipse. One drink and plenty of dishing later, Daniel agrees to help James out and be his incognito date to the wedding.

Daniel’s drag-diva skills are put to the test right away, with the bride’s ill-fitting wedding dress, a groom who’s a danger on the dance floor and more drama than auditions for a gay men's chorus. Faking this relationship—and ignoring the very real feelings developing between them—might just be the performance of their lives.

Release date: October 17, 2023

Publisher: Carina Press

Print pages: 267

Sample

Chapter One

“Damn! Hell! Crap! I am so screwed,” James muttered under his breath, running out of swear words he could use while thinking about his mother. There was no way out of this. He was just going to have to take his lumps.

“God,” Randy said as he slipped into the chair across from him. “What has you throwing the world’s biggest pity party? Did your dog die? Wait, you don’t have a dog. It can’t be that damned bad.”

James Petika lowered his hands and raised his gaze slightly. “Screw you.” James knew Randy would give him shit—it was part of his annoyingly quirky personality. “Why are we friends again?”

“Because you love me, and your life would be dull and dreary without my brand of fabulousness.” Randy motioned to the server, who hurried over. “I’m just parched. Could you bring me a dry Sapphire martini, two olives, with a glass of water?” He gave her his signature smile, then leaned toward James. “What are you drinking, darling?” James hadn’t even had time to think about it. “He’ll have the same thing.” Randy added a few watts to his smile and then turned back to James. “You weren’t going to order one of those awful beers you keep in that apartment of yours, were you?” He leaned over the table, lowering his voice, as if sharing a secret. “I know you’re a police officer and all, but there is no excuse for drinking Miller Light.”

James actually felt his lips curling upward. “You are such a snob.”

Randy glared across the table. “Do not confuse good taste with snobbery. It’s just gauche.” He sat back in his chair, thanking the server when she returned with the drinks. He took a sip, then flashed her another smile. “Perfection.” Randy handed her his credit card. “Please start a tab. I think my friend over here is going to need a bit more fortification.”

“Of course,” she said. “Let me know if you need anything else.” She left the table, and James took a second to look around while Randy made sexy noises over his drink.

“Have you been here before?” Randy asked.

James shook his head. The Grand Riviera Club was not the kind of place that James would think of stopping by for a drink. The bar was rich wood, the tables polished, the chairs plush and comfortable, and the prices steep as all hell. “Have you?”

“A few times. Mostly with clients I’m trying to impress. After I got your call for help, I figured you deserved a little spoiling, so here we are.” He motioned around. “I really love it.” He sipped his drink once more and slipped an olive off the pick with his tongue. “Okay, dish. Tell me what has you so broken up.”

James sighed, a finger tapping the stem of his glass. “I have to go to my sister’s wedding in three weeks, and my mother is expecting me to bring a date.”

Randy set down his glass. “What kind of date?”

“The only kind my mother would expect—a female date. One that’s suitable for my sister’s vision in white wedding perfection in Missoula, Montana.” Just thinking about it made James’s stomach churn. He could stare down a suspect without flinching, work a crime scene, and collar a suspect on the run. As an officer on the Schaumburg police force, James had been in numerous firefights, and had even been called in to back up the Chicago PD. But the thought of facing his mother’s disappointment was making him ill.

“You mean to tell me that your family still doesn’t know you’re gay?” Randy asked, his mouth gaping open.

“Of course not. Have you ever been to Montana?” James drank some more to steady his nerves. “I love my family, I really do, but they have expectations... Well, my mother does.”

“I’ve heard the stories,” Randy told him, completely relaxed. “So what did you tell her? Did you promise to bring someone with you?”

James hated feeling like a little kid in the principal’s office. “Not in so many words.” It was hard to explain without getting into the screwed-up details. And James hadn’t had enough alcohol for that. “I told my mom I was with someone named Terri a couple of years ago. I thought it would make her happy and keep her off my back. And I never

specified if Terri was male or female, but I knew what she’d assume, so I let her.” He was so screwed six ways from Sunday. But this was all his fault for opening his damned big mouth.

“Okay. So, your mother is expecting Terri to be at the wedding?” Randy was having way too much fun at his expense. “Only you would get yourself in this kind of bind.”

“No. But she is expecting me to bring a date. I asked all of my single female friends. Stacey agreed to go with me because her wife, Phoebe, was going to be out of town. But she tripped over one of Phoebe’s dogs and broke her foot. Apparently she’s going to need surgery, so that leaves me out in the cold.” James finished the martini and was tempted to order another, but it was only four in the afternoon, and starting on a good drunk this early probably wasn’t a good idea.

“Just tell them. Rip off the duct tape from your closet door and be done with it.” He shrugged as though that were the answer to everything.

“How long have you known me? You met my parents, remember? Four years ago. You came with me to my grandmother’s funeral. How do you think they’ll deal with the fact that their son is gay? Do you expect us all to go skipping merrily down the Yellow Brick Road?” He knew he was being flip, but it was true. “Besides, it’s for six days. If I can find someone to go with me, Mom will stop worrying about me being alone forever, and I can come back to my life here. It’s that simple. Or it would be, if I could find someone to go.” James ate his olives, enjoying the alcohol mixed with the brine. “Maybe I could tell them that my date got sick or something. But—”

The smile slid off Randy’s face. “That will probably get you a pass at the wedding, but it won’t keep her off your back for long. She’ll want to meet your girl eventually, and if you don’t come through, she’ll start fixing you up.” Randy understood the situation better than James thought he would. “I can see her signing you up for ChristianMingle.com or something,” he added, finishing his martini. Then he leaned back and stared up toward the ceiling.

“What are you doing?”

“Thinking.” He waved his hands, which told James he wanted him to be quiet and just sit prettily. James drank his water and reached for one of the snack menus.

Randy pulled it out of his hand. “That stuff will sit on your hips and take root.” He leaned back once again, then scratched his head and grinned. Pulling out his phone, he sent a message, stood, and held up a finger to say he’d be right back.

James looked out the large front windows as Randy spoke with someone for a few minutes, before he returned and sat back down. “You owe me big-time for this. But I think I found someone.” Randy motioned for the check, and their server brought over the charge slip. He signed the bill, thanking her again.

“You need to go home and dress up a little. Wear something nice. I’ll be at your place by seven to pick you up.” Randy seemed so damned pleased with himself, and James started to sweat.

“Who is it?”

“Don’t ask questions, just do it. I’ll see you in a few hours.” Randy made shooing motions, and James left the bar. He had learned a long time ago that Randy thought outside the box and had a flair for the dramatic. That was the reason he’d called him in the first place. James was desperate, after all.

---

At seven, he was ready, dressed in a navy blue polo shirt and chinos. When Randy messaged him, James went down and got into Randy’s BMW sedan. “Where are we going?” James asked. “Did you find someone for me? Maybe your sister?”

“Just hold your horses.” Randy pulled out of the driveway and drove toward the freeway. “Do you want to do this or not? If so, then put yourself in my capable hands.”

James sat back. Randy would tell him sooner or later. And there was nothing James could do, short of a formal police interrogation, to get him to talk before he was ready. “I just wondered why I had to dress up.” Hopefully, if he got Randy talking, his friend might let something slip.

“It won’t kill you to wear something other than jeans and a T-shirt. You look nice, by the way.” Randy turned onto the freeway on-ramp heading toward the city. James loved Randy’s car. It rode as smooth as glass and the seats were plush. He squirmed a little to get comfortable and then watched the familiar scenery outside the windows.

Traffic slowed as they approached the bypass and then sped up again when they were past it. Most of the cars were heading out of the city, and Randy exited the freeway, taking side streets to avoid the inevitable tangle of traffic near the downtown exits. “Are we going to a club?”

“Just sit back and put your cop curiosity on hold for a little while. Trust me. We’re going to have a good time.” Randy glanced over at him and

grinned, making James a bit nervous about what Randy had up his sleeve. “We’re going to meet someone who might agree to go to the wedding with you. Just be cool, and I’ll introduce you... I promise. Now chill out so we can have a little fun.”

James put up his hands in surrender. “Okay.”

Randy seemed pleased as he pulled up to valet parking near a Greek restaurant. They got out, left the keys with the attendant, then went inside and were seated. James looked around, expecting someone to join them. But apparently it was only going to be the two of them for dinner. “Don’t be so nervous. This isn’t going to hurt, I promise,” Randy said.

“My mother called while I was getting ready. She wanted to know what my girlfriend liked to eat, and if she was allergic to anything. Apparently I neglected to specify a meal for us on the RSVP.” He closed his eyes and tried not to think of the mess he had gotten himself into. “She also questioned me about a number of other things, like what color my girlfriend would be wearing at the wedding. As if I know...” He rolled his eyes. “She’s driving me crazy.”

Randy grinned. “She wants to make sure your girl is real. Your mother has never met anyone you’ve dated, so she’s not taking any chances.” He patted James’s hand. “Don’t worry, everything is going to work out. Now, let’s have a nice meal and then we can go on to the main event.”

Dinner was amazing, James had to give Randy credit for that. And by the time they were done, James needed a walk to settle how full he was, which seemed to be what Randy had in mind as well. He motioned to the right once they left the restaurant, and they ambled down the sidewalk for a couple of blocks.

“Is this where we’re going?” James asked as he craned his head upward to the marquee.

“Yes. A friend is going to be joining us here, so I got us tickets for the show.” Randy took his arm and led him inside the small cabaret and down through the rows of seats, which were already filling up. They took their places one seat off the aisle, with Randy on the inside. “You’re going to love this.”

“Is that seat for—?” James swallowed nervously as he watched the last few couples file in and take their places.

“Yes,” an almost sultry voice said from nearby. Randy turned, and James stood up as a stunning woman in a red dress that fit her like a glove walked over to them. As she got closer, James’s eyes widened. Her makeup was flawless and her eyes sparkled in the theatrical lighting. She was beautiful in every respect, and James couldn’t take his eyes off her.

“Are you James?” she asked demurely, extending her hand. James shook it lightly. “I’m Daniella. It’s a pleasure to meet you. Randy,” she said, inclining her head regally. James motioned to the empty seat, and she sat down. Only then did he sit as well. “Before the show starts and we have to be quiet, maybe we should talk. Randy said that you need a date for a wedding?” She placed her small clutch on her lap.

“Yes. My sister is getting married, and my mother insists that I bring a date. And, well...you don’t disappoint my mother. Not if you know what’s good for you.” He tried to make it seem like a joke, but Daniella simply nodded.

“My mother can be quite demanding as well. Believe me, I understand.” She curled her lips upward, and James relaxed a little. “Randy told me the date of the wedding, and luckily enough, I find myself between work engagements during that period. Besides, I’ve known Randy long enough to trust that he wouldn’t steer me wrong.”

James breathed a huge sigh of relief. Daniella was perfect—she was nice, classy, and seemed to know how to behave. Not that he thought women should need to behave, but his mother was going to love her.

“Let’s deal with the business so we can enjoy ourselves.” She smiled again, and James found his heart beating just a little faster. He leaned forward slightly. There was something captivating and almost intoxicating about her. And it scared the hell out of him, because he wasn’t attracted to women. He never had been anyway. But Daniella drew him closer as she turned slightly in her seat, her dress riding up to show more of the legs that seemed to go on for miles. He blinked

as Daniella cleared her throat, and pulled himself back into the conversation. What was happening to him? “Randy mentioned that you would pay for my airline ticket and take care of the expenses while we’re there.”

“Absolutely. I’ll also show you around and see to it that you have a nice time.” This was turning out better than he had hoped. “This will be strictly platonic. You’d be helping me out and I wouldn’t expect anything more than maybe friendship. I’m a police officer—you can trust me. I’m not going to take advantage of you or anyone.” That was the last thing on James’s mind.

“Of course.” She nodded and lowered her attention to the clutch in her lap.

“James,” Randy added, “Daniella is responsible for her elderly grandmother, and she will be away from work for that week, unfortunately without pay, and...”

James nodded as the lightbulb went on. “Is a thousand dollars for your trouble satisfactory?” Lord knows he wasn’t paying for sex, just her accompaniment on the trip, so there was nothing illegal about what he was doing. But he went through it in his head. The last thing he wanted was to get fired.

“More than enough. Thank you. That will help me out greatly.” She relaxed and sat back in the seat. As the lights went down, a man in a theatrical tuxedo covered with more sparkles than Dorothy’s Ruby Slippers stepped onto the stage. “Excuse me. I need to use the ladies’ room while they make the announcements.” Daniella patted James’s hand and stood, slowly making her way up the aisle toward the back. James watched her go, still not able to pull his gaze away. He’d admired beautiful women before, but none had ever turned his head and made him wonder if he truly was gay before. Women certainly didn’t get him excited...at least they never had, until now. He returned his attention to the stage.

“Ladies, gentlemen, and those who have yet to make up their minds,” the sparkly man onstage said. “It is my pleasure to introduce you to our ladies of the evening—Bella Fontaine, Candy Cain, Carmen Merengue, and Creamy Sugar.” The audience hooted as the entertainers paraded down the aisles, each taking a turn and bowing as they were announced.

“You didn’t tell me this was a drag show,” James said as he leaned over to Randy.

“Does it matter?” Randy challenged, and James shook his head, sitting back in his seat and wondering where Daniella was. As the “ladies” gathered on the stage, James checked to see if Daniella was going to rejoin them. She was going to miss the show.

“It goes without saying that no show at Cabaret Candide would be complete without our star,” the man onstage continued. “It’s my pleasure to present the one, the only, the amazing... Lala Traviata.” The curtain in the back of the stage parted just enough for a figure to emerge, wearing an ermine-trimmed cape, a towering tiara, and long white gloves...and James almost swallowed his tongue.

Chapter Two

Daniel, aka Daniella, aka Lala Traviata, loved the applause. It was why he got up every afternoon and looked forward to the day. The room rang with it, and Lala Traviata in all her splendor took a bow, accepted the offered microphone for the closing number, and swept center stage. The music began, and she belted out a signature rendition of “Que Sera, Sera.” It never failed to bring down the house, and as the last note rang through the theater, the curtain lowered, the others stepped off the stage, and Lala Traviata took her final accolades of the night.

Under normal circumstances, Lala would return to the dressing room, change clothes, remove makeup, and quietly leave by the stage door, joining the people on the sidewalk as they hurried home or to their final stop of the night. But not tonight. Lala removed her jewels and slipped off the shoes she’d worn onstage, perching on the edge of the sofa against the dressing room wall and leaning back.

A knock announced the visitors, and then the door opened, with the other ladies entering to talk and discuss the performance. They came in still dressed but without wigs—and in some cases shoes, because the damned things hurt. Lala knew that beauty was a process—painful and a great deal of work.

“I think we were fabulous,” Candy Cain said in her usual bright tone. Sometimes Candy was too perky for words.

Lala sighed, and Bella Fontaine glared before going in for the verbal kill. “Honey, you need to work on your timing, and tomorrow you’re going to be here two hours early so we can go over the ‘It’s Raining Men’ number,” Bella said. “You were all over the place, and if you step on my feet one more time, you’re going to get a high kick and take a flying leap off the stage.” The staredown was priceless, and Lala was pleased to keep quiet. “All you gotta do is count. Looking pretty isn’t enough.”

“Don’t be bitchy with me, Miss Cellulite City.” Candy glared right back.

Lala cleared her throat, and both of them quieted instantly. Being the queen did have its advantages. “Candy, you need the help. And, Bella, your pirouette looks more like a dying bird. I think you could both use some work. Tomorrow we’ll all be here early to make the number perfect and ready for when the place reopens after the renovations.”

A knock paused the chatter of protest from all of them. “I got...” Carmen began.

“We all know what you got tomorrow, Carmen. Your weekly check-in at the clap clinic,” Candy interrupted, and the group snickered.

“Enough,” Lala snapped. “I’m tired of the bitchiness and the sniping. The reading room is closed, and I have some real visitors. Now get out, go home, and get some beauty sleep. You all need it.” Lala smiled, and each of the others kissed her cheek and got a hug in return. No matter what was said or done, Lala’s rule number one was that they were sisters and the camp stopped at the dressing room door.

They filed out, and Lala lowered her gaze as Officer James cautiously entered the room like he was checking it for weapons. Lala stood and embraced Randy tightly when he followed.

“Great show, lovely, and the vocals...amazing.” Randy could gush with the best of them. “You were spectacular. Wasn’t she, James?”

James didn’t seem to know what to say, but finally he smiled. “I will admit that I’ve never heard a Doris Day song with BDSM lyrics before.”

“Thank you, darling.” Lala stepped closer and presented her cheek. James actually kissed it, and Lala’s heart beat a little faster, just like earlier in the theater. And holy hell, James had intense eyes that sparkled in the makeup lights from around the mirror. What Lala could do with those cheekbones. The urge was almost too much to keep from fanning herself. On top of that, as he leaned forward, ...