After being left for dead by her mother, dissed by her peers, held responsible for her siblings, and forgotten by society, Murdonna Carter finds herself in one hell of a predicament. With no money, food, or electricity, she learns quickly how to survive. In the ghetto, you either kill or be killed, and grind or you starve! Tired of going to bed hungry, she realizes it's do or die. For the love of family, she puts her own life on the line and does the unthinkable. Will her gamble pay off, or will it open up a can of worms she won't be able to close?
Release date:
October 27, 2020
Publisher:
Urban Books
Print pages:
288
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“Okay, Mrs. Johnson, I’m done for the day. If you don’t need anything else, I’m going to head home.” The time on Murdonna’s watch told her that it was almost ten o’clock p.m. She’d been working since eight o’clock a.m. at Johnson Family Cleaners, trying to make a little money to buy groceries tonight. School was back in session tomorrow, and she didn’t want her siblings to go to bed hungry.
Though she absolutely hated working for Mrs. Johnson’s bougie ass, she desperately needed the money. Murdonna wasn’t a full-time employee, she was just someone Mrs. Johnson liked to call when she needed the bathrooms cleaned, the floors scrubbed, and the merchandise pressed whenever she’d gotten behind on her work. Murdonna basically worked for next to nothing because she was desperate, and Mrs. Johnson capitalized on that.
“Okay, dear, take this.” Stepping from the office, wearing a fly Chanel pantsuit, Mrs. Johnson held out a brown paper bag from Eddie V’s Steakhouse for Murdonna to take.
With confusion on her face, Murdonna didn’t reach for the bag. “What’s that?” She knew the old lady liked to play games from time to time with how she paid for labor, but Murdonna seriously hoped today wasn’t going in that direction. When Mrs. Johnson had called her today to work, they discussed her rate being $8 an hour. By Murdonna’s calculations, she knew twelve hours multiplied by $8 should have put her pay in the range of $96, give or take a few dollars because Mrs. Johnson sometimes took out taxes.
“These are some leftovers from my dinner last night at the steakhouse. I’m not going to eat the rest, so you can have it.” Evelyn Johnson nudged the bag forward, but still Murdonna didn’t take it.
“I don’t want your leftovers, Mrs. Johnson. I want the money we discussed on the phone before I caught the bus over here.”
“What we discussed was the rate I was going to pay you. I never said that rate would be in cash, darling.” Evelyn folded her arms like she was irritated. “The food in this bag cost me a hundred thirty-seven dollars last night. I figured since I ate a little already, the rest is worth about a hundred. So really, you’re getting a little more than what you were expecting,” she stated matter-of-factly.
Murdonna wanted to call this woman all kinds of bitches, but she decided not to. She couldn’t believe that Evelyn even thought that pulling a stunt like this was okay. “Mrs. Johnson, I don’t want your leftovers. I need the money we discussed.”
Before Evelyn could respond, the back door to the cleaners opened, and in walked Evelyn’s spoiled son, Thomas. “What’s up, Ma. I need some cash for this new game that comes out in the morning.” He barged right into the conversation without excusing himself, which was something he often did.
“Wait for me in the office,” Evelyn replied, but Thomas wasn’t having it. With his hand out, he demanded to get some cash pronto, and she obliged. Reaching into her bra, she pulled out five $100 bills and handed him two.
“Thanks, Ma. I appreciate it.” After planting a kiss on his mother’s cheek, he exited the building just as abruptly as he’d entered.
This exchange was nothing new to Murdonna. For the past two years, she’d watched Mrs. Johnson give her ungrateful son the shirt off her back time and time again. Evelyn loved that boy with all of her heart, yet he only seemed to love what she could do for him. Murdonna wished she were in his shoes sometimes. Her life was a far cry from that, though.
“Murdonna, I’ve got to head out. I don’t have time to argue with you today. Either you want the food, or you don’t,” Evelyn said, turning her attention back to the matter at hand.
“How could you possibly think what you’re doing is fair?”
“Baby, life isn’t fair,” Evelyn scoffed. “Didn’t your mother teach you that as a child?”
“Don’t bring my mother into this.” Murdonna’s blood was beginning to boil. Already irritated about the situation, the last thing she wanted to hear was something about her mother, especially from a woman who, she knew, looked down on her.
“I’ll tell you what. If you come back on Friday and work for a few hours, I will have cash for you then. Or you pick from the pile of clothes that haven’t been claimed in six months.” Evelyn presented her final and best offer while balling up the steakhouse bag and tossing it into the trash.
Murdonna wanted to holler and scream. She wanted to cry and tell this woman how badly she needed the money right now. She wanted to explain how she and her siblings had nothing, but she didn’t. There was no reason to bring this bitch into her business, because it wouldn’t matter anyway. Evelyn wouldn’t feel compassionate.
“Have a good night, Mrs. Johnson.” Without another word, Murdonna took the invisible blow to her chest but didn’t flinch. With her head held high, she left the cleaners and headed to the bus stop.
During the forty-minute ride, she sat in silence as she pondered her next move. She was tired, hungry, and fed up with the direction her life was heading in. Never had she thought things could be this bad, yet here she was.
“Excuse me, miss, do you got a dollar or some change you can spare?”
Murdonna looked up to see an older woman dressed in a pair of dingy gray sweats and a torn white T-shirt. She was holding a baby in her right arm and a cup of loose change in her left hand. Murdonna wanted to tell this lady that, of the two of them, she was probably in the better financial position, but she didn’t. After looking into the baby’s eyes, Murdonna felt saddened. She knew this baby hadn’t asked for the life he’d been given, just like Murdonna hadn’t. Reaching into her pocket, she pulled out two dimes and dropped them into the woman’s cup.
“Twenty cents!” the woman scoffed.
Murdonna couldn’t believe the audacity of this woman. “Just so you know, I gave you my last. Be blessed!” Standing up, Murdonna walked toward the front of the bus because her stop was approaching.
Through the rearview mirror, the bus driver had seen the exchange and overheard the young woman’s comments. Murdonna reminded him of his daughter, and he could see the sadness trying to hide in her eyes. After bringing the bus to a stop, he reached into his pocket and pulled out a $5 bill. “It’s not much, young lady, but I would love for you to take it.” He held out his hand as Murdonna got closer.
Inside, she wanted to act proud and decline the handout, but without being paid by Mrs. Johnson tonight, her back was truly against the wall. “Thank you, sir. Next time I ride your bus, I promise to give it back.”
“No givebacks. You just be safe out there.” He nodded and watched her exit the bus. Silently he prayed that things would get better for the young girl.
Relieved to have something in her pocket, Murdonna started up the block toward her high-rise apartment building. Living in the low-income projects was something she wasn’t proud of, but she wasn’t embarrassed about it either. Over the years, the slums had provided her family shelter from the elements, and for that, she was grateful.
Just as she approached the end of the block, she decided to step inside of Terry’s corner store to grab a few things. $5 wasn’t much, but it would at least buy a few packs of ramen noodles and a liter of pop. Once inside the store, Murdonna walked up and down each aisle. Though she already knew what she was going to buy, that didn’t stop her from staring at all the things she couldn’t afford. She wanted a peanut butter and jelly sandwich so bad she could taste it. Quickly she contemplated stealing the items she needed, but when she looked up to see the store clerk staring at her like he was memorizing her face, she changed her mind.
After making her purchase, Murdonna stepped back out into the chilly night air. Though it was early September, the temperature in Detroit was forty-seven degrees. It was almost midnight, and the streets were nearly empty. No one was out except for some local dope boys standing on the corner selling rocks, and a few hookers selling ass and blowjobs.
As she walked the last two blocks to the low-income housing projects, Murdonna couldn’t help but notice the various drug transactions happening. Silently she wondered how she could insert herself into the dope game. It looked so easy, but she knew it came with heavy consequences. Yet and still, Murdonna reasoned with herself that the rewards had to be better than the risks.
In her hood, most of the women only had two options. They could either find employment at the nearest strip club, or they could become some hustler’s arm candy. Murdonna didn’t like either option. Taking her clothes off for strangers was a no-go, and being one of many women, chasing after the same neighborhood dude was out of the question, too. She wanted a way to make her own money and create her own lane. All she needed was an opportunity, and once she got one, it would be all uphill from there.
Finally, she reached her high-rise building. The corridor that was usually filled with people hanging out was now empty. She knew this was partly due to school being back in session tomorrow and partly because of how late it was. Most people made themselves scarce in the projects after dark to avoid the seedy characters who came out at night. Murdonna wasn’t fearful, though. She had too much on her mind to be afraid of what was lurking in the shadows.
After entering the lobby and pressing the button, she waited five minutes for the elevator to arrive. When it did, she stepped on and sighed. It had been a long day.
“Hold up,” someone hollered before jumping on. He pressed the button for the tenth floor while conversing on his cell phone.
Murdonna recognized the young man as someone she’d gone to school with. His name was Payro. She knew he ran with the DCM, Detroit City Mafia, a small crew in their projects. Murdonna wanted to tap Payro’s shoulder and ask him a question, but he was so engrossed in his conversation that he hadn’t even noticed her. Murdonna was used to this type of treatment. She didn’t have name-brand clothing, and she didn’t have money to keep her hair and nails done. Therefore, no one ever looked her way, especially not boys her age.
After Payro stepped off the elevator, Murdonna rode the rest of the way in silence. Once she reached her floor, she trekked down the long hallway until she reached her door. After putting her key in the door and turning the knob, she was greeted by a quiet house. Her brother was asleep on a pallet in the living room, and her sister was asleep on the couch. Silently, Murdonna slipped off her shoes and placed her key onto the table. She placed the noodles onto the counter and put the pop into the fridge. Next, she walked to the back of the apartment and turned on the light in her mother’s room. The bed was still made up the way she’d left it this morning.
So many thoughts flooded Murdonna as she stared at the empty bed. She wondered what the next day would bring. She wondered where the family’s next meal would come from, and she wondered how long it would be before she would crack under all the pressure she was under to figure shit out with no guidance. Yet and still, without a word, she cut off the lights in the bedroom and headed for the shower.
The next morning, without waiting for the alarm to sound, Murdonna rose from the bed, made it, and then headed for the bathroom to brush her teeth. From the sound of the chatter coming from the living room, she knew her brother and sister were probably getting ready for school. Though no one was really excited that school was back in session, everyone typically loved the first day of school. It was the perfect chance to catch up with friends you hadn’t seen all summer, and it was the day everyone flexed their new school outfits. For the Carter household, though, today was just another day. The friends they had were each other, and none of them had any new clothes to flex.
After brushing her teeth and pulling her medium-length hair into a ponytail, Murdonna headed to the front of the small one-bedroom apartment to boil water for the ramen noodles she’d purchased last night, but they were gone. She didn’t bother to ask her siblings what happened to them, because she already knew that they’d probably woken up in the middle of the night, seen they were there, and made themselves something to eat. Murdonna knew that food around the house had been scarce. Therefore, she didn’t make a fuss.
Instead, she headed for the door of the apartment and walked down the hallway and into the trash room. This room was where all the tenants left trash bags when they were too lazy to throw them down the trash chute or walk them outside. Murdonna scanned through the findings, grabbed a bag that looked promising, and quickly ran back to her apartment before anyone could see her.
After setting the bag down on the kitchen floor, Murdonna stared at the State Farm calendar pinned to the cracked wall in the kitchen. “Day forty-two.” She grabbed a marker from the drawer and placed a big red X over today’s date. The image of all the red X’s covering all the days she’d marked on the calendar made her stomach turn.
With a sigh, she took a seat on the folding chair in the corner of the galley kitchen and began going through the contents of the black trash bag that smelled like shit. Though she wanted to throw up, she tucked her face into her shirt and continued to rummage. She was looking for empty pop cans and bottles she could take to the stores and recycle for money. Though Murdonna hated to dig in the garbage, she knew the contents of each bag could sometimes provide a way to feed her siblings. Therefore, she rolled her sleeves up and went to work.
With her eyes closed, she fumbled around the bag until she felt the necks of two bottles. She pulled them out and saw that they were empty beer bottles covered in cigarette ashes. After rinsing them off and placing them into the sink, she went back to searching through the bag.
As she neared the bottom, her hand was met with something squishy. Instantly she knew what it was and felt even sicker. This bag of trash had come from the Walters’ apartment. She knew this because they were the only people on the floor who used black trash bags with red strings. She chose the bag because the Walters always had pop cans and beer bottles. But they also had a set of twins still in diapers. With that in mind, Murdonna knew for sure that her hand was currently resting in a pile of shit.
Shaking as much of it off as she could, she ran over to the kitchen sink to wash her hands but was met with disappointment when nothing happened. “Come on.” She hit the nozzle with her clean hand. Instead of free-flowing water, it only dripped out tiny drops.
“I hate it here!” she screamed. In all honesty, her apartment building probably needed to be condemned years ago. If it wasn’t one thing, it was always three others. There were continuous water issues, heating and AC problems, as well as other things like mice and roaches.
“Donna, I’m hungry.” Donzell walked into the kitchen wearing a wrinkled, dingy white uniform shirt that was two sizes too big for his seventy-pound frame. With eyes as big as his stomach, he swung open the old, rusted refrigerator, then frowned. “Man, we still don’t have no food?”
Still trying to get the shit off her hand, Murdonna was irritated. She wanted to use this as an opportunity to ask his little ass what he thought had changed since the last time he checked the refrigerator for food, but she decided against it. She knew he was just being a kid. “Didn’t you eat noodles last night?”
“Yeah, I had a pack, but that was last night. Today is a new day.” His stomach was aching, and it was beginning to make his head hurt.
“Did you put deodorant on?” She changed the subject to keep him from thinking too hard about being hungry. This was a trick she’d been using all summer.
“I’m thirteen. You don’t have to keep asking me silly questions like that.” He smacked his crusty lips, hating the way his sister always treated him like he was still in elementary school. He was in the eighth grade, which was practically grown in his book.
“Well, did you?” Raising a brow, Murdonna waited for the answer, because she knew better. Donzell wanted to be treated like a man but consistently acted like a toddler.
“I’ll be right back. I forgot something.” He made a dash toward the back of the small apartment.
“Yeah, that’s what I thought.” Murdonna knew her little brother like the back of her hand.
Their mother had been an on-again, off-again heroin user since Murdonna was 5. Every time she relapsed, Murdonna would have to go stay with a family member or family friend. By the time Murdonna was 10, she had decided to step up and help raise her siblings so they wouldn’t have to be separated. Every time their mother went on a binge or checked herself into rehab, Murdonna kept the house running. She made sure they all got to school or daycare, and she made sure everyone had something to eat. Although Murdonna had turned only 17 two months ago, she was probably 35 in the mind. She had seen more shit in seventeen years than most people would see in a lifetime.
“When is Mama coming back from rehab?” Mya, the middle child, waltzed into the kitchen, still wearing her mismatched pajamas from the night before.
“I don’t know, but she’ll be back soon,” Murdonna lied. She wanted to tell her 15-year-old sister that their mother hadn’t lasted a day in rehab before she’d checked herself out and gone missing with the food stamp card and whatever money she had in her possession.
After two days of their mother being gone, Murdonna noticed that the food stamp card was missing. Thinking that her mother had taken the card with her by accident, Murdonna called Yellowstone Rehabilitation Center. She was going to ask someone who worked there to grab the card from her mother and leave it at the front desk, and she’d catch the bus and pick it up. However, when she spoke with the receptionist, she was told that her mother had checked herself out the. . .
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