Chapter1
I’M SITTING ON a beach. It’s a ridiculous proposition. Fluffy white clouds are scudding through a clear, blue sky. Surfers are running around carrying boards, often over their heads. Then they plunge into a sea that looks deadly to my non-surfing eyes. Palm trees are waving, and the air is so neutral, you don’t have to think about it. Soft, welcoming air. You just float right through.
The view is beautiful. It’s like a movie backdrop. A painting. Something skillfully manufactured to look hyper-real. Textbook paradise, that’s what I’m talking about.
I’m sitting on this beach, trying not to think about the reason I’m here. But it’s hard. Difficult. To not think about it, I mean. I’m here, in paradise, because someone has to die.
Someone will die.
I got the assignment a few days ago. I flew to this island to pull it off.
My target is a businessman who lives on this island in the South Pacific. He is the kind of self-made guy who has achieved every goal in life and would seem to have everything to live for. Only now, apparently, someone wants him dead because here I am, ready for business.
So I stake him out. You need to understand at least the basics of who someone is before you snuff them out. This is the idea that I have. I’m not going all sensitive on you or anything, that’s just how it is. In order to do the best possible job in this business, you need to understand a little about who they are.
His name is Gavin White, and I researched him a bit before I got here. He made his fortune in oil and wax, which is an odd enough combination that you perk up your ears. Only it doesn’t matter: the source of the income would seem to have nothing to do with the hit. Would seem to, because there is only so much I can learn about that, really. On the surface, anyway, I can find no direct connection between Gavin White’s livelihood and the death that someone has planned for him and that I am now further planning.
I follow him and his S560 cabriolet all over the tropical island. He makes a few stops. I watch what he does, how he moves, and who he interacts with. Some of it might matter. I’m not doing it for my health. I’m watching him so I can determine when I might best have advantage when I go to take him out. There are always multiple times and different places to fulfill my assignment and usually only one—or maybe two—that are virtually flawless. Sometimes not even that.
And it’s more than an opportunity I’m looking for, though that can play a part. It’s also a matter of identifying what will make my job not only easier, but also safest from detection. And so I watch. And I wait.
As I follow him, he stops first at a bank. Does some business—I’ll never know what. After that he visits his mom. At least, I guess it is his mom. An older woman he seems affectionate with. From my rental car, I can see them through a front room window. There is a hug and then a wave. It could be a bookkeeper for all I know. But mom is what I guess.
After a while he heads to the beach. He sits on the sand, seems to contemplate. I think about taking him there; full contemplation. But it is crude and much too exposed.
More time passes before he takes off his shoes, leaves them on the beach, and walks into the surf. I leave my car and take up a spot on the sand, just plopping myself down not far from his shoes.
I watch him surreptitiously. It is obvious he did not come to the beach to swim. He
is fully clothed and he hasn’t left a towel behind there with his shoes. There is none of the paraphernalia one associates with a visit to the beach, even if this were one that is intended for swimming, which it is not. Signs warn of possible impending doom for those who venture into the water.
“Strong current,” warns one sign under a fluorescent flag. “If in doubt, don’t go out.”
“Dangerous shore break,” warns another. “Waves break in shallow water. Serious injuries could occur, even in small surf.”
I don’t know if Gavin White read the signs, or noticed them, but even though he is still fully clothed, he steps into the water anyway.
First, he gets his feet wet. Not long after, he wades in up to his knees. He hesitates when the water is at mid-thigh, and he stops there. For a while, it seems to me, it is like a dance. He stands facing the horizon, directly in front of where I sit. His shoulders are squared. There is something stoic in his stance. I can’t explain it. Squared and stoic.
Waves break against him, push him back. He allows the push, then makes his way back to the spot where he had stood before.
Before long, he ventures deeper still. The dance. I watch for a while, fascinated. I wonder if there is anything I should do. But no. The dance. Two steps forward, then the waves push him back.
And now he is in deeper still, and farther from shore. I see a wave engulf him completely, and I hold my breath. He doesn’t struggle, but then I see him rise, face the horizon, square his shoulders.
The waves are strong and beautiful. And they are eerily clear, those waves. Sometimes I can see right inside them. Careful glass tubes of water, I can even observe that from shore.
For a while he stands like that, facing the horizon—a lull in the action of the waves. And then he is engulfed once again. I hold my breath, but this time he doesn’t rise.
I sit there for a long time, considering. And waiting. My breathing shallow. But he doesn’t reappear.
After half an hour, I text my handler.
“It is done,” is all I say, just as I know she will expect.
It was not my hand, but the mission has been accomplished regardless. No one knows better than me that there are many ways to die.
Chapter 2
THERE ARE MANY ways to die.
I think I have died many times. Certainly, I’ve wanted to.
I died when I lost my child. Died later when I lost my husband, even though by then there was little love left between us. Still. I died.
I died the first time I took someone’s life. At the time it felt like living, but I didn’t yet know the difference. And then there was the time I had to kill someone I loved. I died that time, too.
Sometimes I believe I have died so much that I’ve forgotten how to live. That I should most correctly walk into a waiting undertow just like Gavin White did. I don’t know what stops me, honestly. I don’t. Though there are days when it’s a very close thing.
This isn’t one of those days.
When my phone rings, it tells me the call is coming from Kiribati, a place I’ve barely heard of before. All of her calls are like that. Routed through some other place. They might be chosen for their convenience, but I think they are also selected for the mirth they might provide. I’m not certain she has a wicked sense of humor, but I suspect it, pretty much.
She never used to call me. For a long time, it was text and email only, secure channels always. And then the calls began. I imagined that it meant we had developed some sort of connection. I no longer wonder about that now.
Whatever the meaning, the calls have never been from normal places; they don’t come from the places one might expect. And none have been from the same odd place twice. They are chosen for some reason I don’t understand. Some inside joke I stand outside of. She can be cryptic that way. Another reason I guess I imagined for a while that we belonged.
“That was efficient,” is what she says by way of greeting.
“What do you mean?” I figure I actually know, but it makes no sense to admit that going in.
“He walked into the sea,” she says. How does she know that? It makes me wonder, but not deeply. It would not be the first time I’ve wondered if there is someone who watches the hunter. It would even make a dark sort of sense.
“Yes,” I say, unquestioning. She has her ways. “That’s right. He did.”
“Hmmm,” she says. And then again, “Hmmm.”
“There are many ways to die,” I say, and by now it feels like gospel. Something sacred. And more true than true. “What I really don’t understand,” I say, sailing in a different direction, “is that you said things weren’t going to be like this anymore.”
“Excuse me?” I am put off by her tone. Surprised. It comes to me from a new place. Unexpected. And she doesn’t back away from it. Goes on just as strongly, instead. “What do you mean by that?” It’s a challenge.
“I’m trying to think how you put it,” I say. “Something about how things have been wrong with the world. How we could … how we could make it right.”
“Did I say that?”
“You did,” I reply.
“I do maybe remember something like that. Maybe.”
I feel my heart sink a bit at her words. And why? I can’t even quite put my finger on it. It felt like I might be part of something. Again. And now? Now I’m not.
“You did say that.” I say it quietly though. Almost as an aside.
“These things take time, as it turns out. One can’t just flip a switch.” I can hear her pushing
on, rushing through. “Meanwhile, I’ve got another one for you,” she says, and I’m relieved that she has tacitly agreed to leave the drowned man to sink or swim. Disappointed by how easily the hopeful words she’d fed me not so long ago could be pushed to one easy side. Disappointed and relieved all in one gulp. It’s an odd thing to feel. I find I don’t like it.
“So if you’re ready,” she says.
“Another what?” I ask it, but I suspect I know.
“Job,” she replies, and I wonder why I wasted breath.
“I’m ready enough,” I say, though I’m struggling. I struggle every time.
“Good,” she says. “I’ll send you the details, but I think the juxtaposition of these two will amuse you.”
“How so?” And I try not to digest the irony around any aspect of a contract killing being amusing.
“Well, you’ve just been in the Pacific. Water, water everywhere. And now you’re heading for the desert.”
“I am?”
“You are. Right out into it, in fact. The target is in Arizona.”
“Phoenix?” Which is all I really know of Arizona.
“You’ll fly to Phoenix, but, no: the target is near a national park. Rural. A place you won’t have heard of before, I’m betting. I’ll send the details once I’m off this call.”
When I first get off the phone, I try not to think about it too much. It’s like my brain doesn’t want me to pay attention. Or something. But I put off checking my email. I’ll do it later. Right now, there are things that need my attention.
Okay. “Need” would be an overstatement. There are things. I choose to give them my time. Walks in the forest with the dog. Cooking succulent meals for one. And recently, I have taken up plein air painting, simply because it was there.
When I want to paint, I take the dog and my gear and we hike out to some remote spot and I set up my stuff and I paint what I see. Try to paint what I see. The dog, meanwhile, amuses himself—chasing squirrels, digging holes, sniffing his own butt. He’s very skilled at self-amusement. I’ve never seen anything like it.
In less clement weather we hunker down and brave it out. I make a fire in the fireplace because it’s beautiful, not because we need the warmth.
There is something idyllic to this life. Easy. After a while it gets even easier
to forget … forget what? Everything, really. It gets easier to forget to remember.
I paint the dog. My online classes have gone well enough, and I have proven to be a good enough student—and the dog a good enough subject—that I end up with a pretty credible representation of him; something I am proud to hang. And even if I wasn’t, it’s not like anyone is ever going to see.
***
It’s a sunny day, and after dealing with several things that are important to me even though I know they don’t really matter, I take my laptop out onto the patio and get to work.
While I set out my computer, I get the foolish and unlikely feeling that I am being watched. And why is it unlikely? Well, that forest, for one. It is all around me, my house occupying a bit of clearing, but in other directions, there are trees as far as one can see. The trees are more sparse over by the lonely road that runs near my property. And, honestly, though it legally carries that title—road—it is ambitious to call it that. There is never much traffic, and on this day, I have observed even less than the normal share.
The feeling of being watched persists, so I observe keenly for a while. There is no motion, no anything to disturb that deep country peace. I glance at the dog, happily snoozing at my feet. He is as undisturbed as the peace. While I watch, a breeze ruffles his coat. He stretches out his legs, sighs contentedly, and slips into an even deeper slumber.
Looking out over my sad and desolate garden, I put that watched feeling aside because I know it has no merit. It can’t. There is simply no one who would be watching. I focus instead on opening my laptop and loading the Tor browser that gets me onto the dark web. From there I check an entirely unhackable email account for the details of this impending desert hit.
The name of my target is Cameron Walker. A quick Google search reveals that there are more than fifty people of that name in the Phoenix metro area. And based on the name alone, the Cameron Walker I’m looking for could be a woman or a man, black or white, old or young. It’s a name with a lot of possible outcomes. Fortunately, though, I have the latitude and longitude of the primary location of the target. And I surprise myself by wondering, for the first time ever, why they don’t just send me the goddamned address. Why dick around with secret codes when there is a perfectly good civic method of sharing someone’s location?
Instead of an address, though, I use the latitude and longitude to find the location, which proves to be a place so far out in the desert it barely has a name. Lourdes, Arizona, pop. 12. Twelve! The town rests practically within the Cathedral National Forest, which I have never heard of, but I don’t doubt exists.
In a place with a population
of—twelve—I’m going to have to give some serious thought to how I take him out. That is, I of course always give it serious thought, but with no one around, it’s possible everyone and anyone might see. I feel as though I’ll have to be extra careful and watch my front as well as my back.
I give the dog extra skritches that night. He leans into it, but I imagine he does so warily, like he knows something might be up. Especially since, between skritches, I toss things into a suitcase distractedly. I’m not expecting to be gone a long time, but with jobs like this, one never knows.
When I fly, my gun travels within its own special locked container that fits inside my suitcase, which will travel in the hold with all of the checked baggage. I never pack ammo because the stuff makes airlines even more nervous and it’s always easy to pick it up on the other side, particularly when my destination is a gun-happy place like Arizona. Between the rattlesnakes in the desert and the scoundrels at the statehouse, there’s plenty of hardware to go around.
Of course, flying means that I can’t take the dog. Hence the extra skritches. Of course, I could take him—although it’s more difficult to travel with a dog than it is with a gun, something I’ve never fully understood. And I’ve fixed things so that leaving him is no challenge at all. He has an automatic waterer that levels up when he drinks it down. And he has a special feeder, purchased at great cost on Amazon, that dispenses his proper rations three times a day. To take care of his most basic needs, a dog door leads out into my carefully fenced yard. My own property is twenty acres, but just at the house, he’s got a whole half acre to go out and sniff around and do stuff. The yard is big enough that he can even run around or take himself for a little walk.
Even with all this doggy luxury, I feel guilty as hell whenever I leave him behind. Something in those golden eyes. No matter how comfy he is at home and how uncomfy he’d be on a trip, I know he’d rather hang out with me. Always. It’s just how he’s built.
“Sorry, pup,” I tell him during a particularly good skritch, “it’s just better you stay here. I have a sense of things. This isn’t going to be a ride for a dog.”
He doesn’t understand the words. I don’t think he understands the words. But he feels them. And do I see reproach in those lovely golden eyes? I imagine I do. But I keep fixing to leave, just the same.
In the morning I drive away. Near town, I leave my car in a commuter lot, as I always do, and take the bus to the airport. I imagine I am untrackable/untraceable. I certainly work hard enough at it that I should
be. Even so, I feel a shadow behind me. I find myself looking over my shoulder more often than I would have thought. More often than a shadow would warrant.
And then I’m at the airport and I forget everything else. Is someone following me? I can’t imagine. And the airport is filled with people. I feel suddenly safe and lost in the moving mass of people. Secure and invisible in the crowd.
It’s not a big airport, but this time I only have one hop. I go straight to Phoenix, as I always do. There’s a difference this time, though. When I get there, I know I’ll stop. ...
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