Catt Chasin'

by Shana Burton

Genres: African American; African American Christian; African American Urban

Synopsis

Head research and development chemist Jamal Ford has narrowed his love-life down to a science through the creation of his 30-Day Dating Plan, a guide intended to weed out the drama queens, gold-diggers, and baby mamas from his ideal: a part goddess, part sex kitten, and part Stepford Wife mate. The shallow, fun-loving 33-year-old knows he’s one of Charlotte, North Carolina’s most eligible bachelors, and he won’t settle for anything less than the trophy wife of his dreams. Catherine “Catt” Cason has never let scheming co-workers, her loving (but overbearing) father, or her full figure slow her down. The brilliant formulating chemist takes being labeled “the cute fat girl” in stride as she fast-tracks her way to a top position with her cosmetic company, Telegenic. While she would enjoy the love of a good man, Catt refuses to risk her career or her heart being broken again just to have a warm body at her side. Besides, why settle for the love of an earthly man when she is the fiancée of Christ? When Jamal is paired with Catt to launch a new product for work, it’s loathe at first sight. She thinks he’s arrogant and incompetent. He thinks she’s a sanctimonious kill-joy. What each believes they want may not be what God knows they need. In this game of love, rules don’t exist, and no heart is safe. The Lord is speaking, but will they all be too caught up in their own agendas to listen?

Release date: June 8, 2011

Publisher: Urban Christian

Print pages: 304

Sample

Jamal Ford only ordered a glass of water and calamari that night. There was no point in ordering anything heavy; he knew how the evening would end before they even set foot in the restaurant. It was 8:12 p.m. when they arrived and by 9:00, he’d be at home, catching whatever was left of the Lakers game. He’d already decided that twenty minutes into dinner, he would offend her, start an argument, then drop his blazer off at the cleaners on the way home because she would predictably saturate his suit with wine, tea, or whatever beverage was close at hand before storming out. He could only hope that she’d grab his drink instead of hers as her weapon of choice. After all, it was a $300 sports coat. A little water wouldn’t hurt it too much.

It was Day fifteen, and Patrice Luke had made it to the crucial halfway point without even knowing it. For the unsuspecting Patrice, the third Tuesday in March simply marked her fifth date with Jamal Ford, the handsome head of cosmetic research and development she’d been dating for the past two weeks. To Jamal, however, it wasn’t just the third Tuesday in the third month of a new year; it was the midpoint of his thirty-Day Plan, a dating guide that he had created for himself to weed out the scalawags, drama queens, baby mamas, and gold diggers.

Jamal met Patrice while having a drink at The Blue, a trendy bar in Charlotte, North Carolina, the city he’d called home for the past six years. He’d gone to The Blue that day to celebrate being named the new head of Research and Development at Telegenic, an up-and-coming minority-owned cosmetic company. It was a definite pay cut, but offered a much-needed change of pace and a real opportunity to make his mark in the cosmetic world. Jamal quickly decided that physical gratification was a more attractive alternative to the evitable amaretto-and gin-induced hangover when Patrice with her curvy legs and supple figure sashayed through the door. While there was no real escape from the sting of losing money, he could take comfort in temporary, yet beautiful, distractions like his jazz collection and Patrice Luke.

So far, Patrice had fared pretty well on her basic tests. The half-Black, half-Dominican stunner had excelled in the looks department. She was twenty-seven, had no kids, and had never been married—all pluses in Jamal’s mental notebook. Although she was a college dropout, she did manage to meet his minimal requirements for intellect, grace, and ability to hold a conversation. Ordinarily, her questionable job status as an aspiring model practicing secretary would have immediately eliminated her as a serious contender for his heart, but after she scored an audition for a supporting role in a Tyler Perry film, he’d decided to keep her around. She wasn’t too much in the kitchen but made up for it with skills in the bedroom. She had been well on her way to taking the top spot on his “team” when she made a fundamental mistake: she suggested that he take her to Aquavina for dinner.

The problem wasn’t that he couldn’t afford an upscale dining experience. His nearly six-figure salary made sure of that. The problem was that she couldn’t afford one. Considering that this made the third restaurant she’d recommended that was out of her price range, Jamal concluded that it was time to officially take Patrice off “person-of-interest” status and place her squarely on “gold-digger watch.” Gold diggers, like insects and rodents, would not be tolerated, and by the end of the night, both he and his bank account would be rid of Patrice.

Jamal checked his watch. It was 8:32. He cleared his throat and drove his plan into action.

“I have a friend I want you to meet,” he said casually as the waiter set their orders down in from of them.

“Oh,” replied Patrice and took a sip from her glass of Cabernet. “Is he someone from work?”

“No, she’s an old friend from college.”

Patrice raised an eyebrow. “She?”

Jamal laughed. “Don’t worry, she’s cool. I think you’ll like her.”

She rolled her eyes, then muttered, “If you say so.”

“I do. Tamara is great. She’s smart, funny, and sexy as all get-out. I think you two would really hit it off.”

“I don’t really get along well with too many females, Jamal,” she snapped. “I thought I told you that.”

He nodded. “You did, but she’ll only be in town for a few days. Since she’s staying at my place, I thought you should meet her. I don’t want things to be awkward while she’s here.”

Patrice’s eyes widened. “Did I just hear you say that she’s staying with you?”

He frowned. “You don’t expect me to send her to a hotel, do you?”

“That depends.” Patrice crossed her arms. “Where is she sleeping?”

Jamal smiled a little. “With me, of course.”

“With you!” spat Patrice.

Jamal reached out and caressed her hand. “I’m sorry, baby . . . with us.”

Patrice’s mouth flew open, and she snatched her hand back. “What?”

“Yeah, what’s the problem?” It took every ounce of strength he had to keep a straight face.

Patrice stared at Jamal in total disbelief. “Are you kidding me?” she fired.

He smirked and pushed his calamari around on his plate. “Come on, Patrice. Don’t act like you’ve never indulged in a threesome. You’re in the entertainment industry. Do you honestly expect me to believe that you haven’t engaged in a few extracurricular activities to land a role or an audition?”

Patrice squinted her eyes. Jamal could almost see the blood rushing to her face. “Excuse me?” she hissed.

“See, there you go, getting an attitude.” He shrugged his shoulders. “What’s the big deal?”

“The big deal is that you just basically called me a prostitute and insinuated that I would be willing to sleep with you and another woman!” she raged, pointing a finger at him.

Jamal remained cool. He knew that doing so would rile her even more. “Well, it’s not like you would be the first girlfriend I’ve ever had to be open to that sort of thing. Honestly, sweetheart, with you being an actress and all, I just assumed that you dabbled in a little porn from time-to-time to help make ends meet or to get your foot in the door with certain producers or agents. I didn’t think that adding Tamara to the mix would be a far stretch from what you already do.”

“Just what kind of woman do you think I am?” shrieked Patrice and bolted from her seat.

“Clearly not the kind who’s down for a little ménage à trios,” mumbled Jamal, looking down at his plate.

When Patrice spied the bewildered looks from eavesdropping strangers, she sat down and regained her composure. She took a deep breath. “We seem to be having some sort of disconnect here,” she stated calmly. “Suffice it to say, I don’t do threesomes, and it’s definitely not okay with me that you’re going to have this woman living with you.”

Jamal leaned back in his chair. “I don’t think it’s your call to make, Patrice. I wasn’t asking your permission. I was just giving you the heads-up.”

“You know what—” Patrice fumed and flung her napkin on the table. “I think I just lost my appetite. Take me home.”

“Why? You’ve barely touched your food.”

She reached for her purse and cell phone. “Are you going to take me home, or do I need to call someone to come get me?”

Jamal sighed and shook his head. He pulled out his credit card, more than happy to pay the bill and send Patrice on her merry gold-digging, hyperemotional way. “You’re overreacting, you know that, right?”

“I’m what?” she snarled.

“Overreacting,” he repeated and signaled to their waiter. “Not to mention being childish and petty.”

Patrice rose again, visibly agitated. “You know, maybe we need to take a break for a couple of days and give each other time to reflect on whether this relationship is worth pursuing. We seem to have very different ideas about what’s acceptable and what’s not.”

“So now you want to break up, huh?” Jamal shook his head. “So typical. I thought you were different, Patrice. If I had known that you would flip out on me like this, I never would’ve . . .” He sighed, preparing to bring out the big guns. He stealthily edged his glass of water closer to her reach. If at all possible, he really wanted to avoid that wine stain on his jacket.

“Never would’ve what?” demanded Patrice, anchoring her hands on her hips.

Jamal looked up at her with his deep, honey-colored eyes brimming with sincerity. “I never would’ve told Adam about you.”

“Who’s Adam?” she cried.

“Patrice, Adam was my first love and has never stopped being my lover. A threesome with another woman is no big deal, but if I invite Adam to join our bed, it means that you’re someone I could be serious about. I would only share him with a woman I cared for very deeply.”

Patrice froze in horror, as if the world had stopped spinning. This scenario was all too familiar. Jamal began counting down and braced himself. If the slap or the drink in the face didn’t come when he mentioned “Tamara,” it came—without fail—whenever he brought up his fictitious lover, Adam, usually within five . . . four . . . three . . . two . . . one.

Right on cue, Patrice called him a sick bastard and followed up with the proverbial glass in the face before telling him to lose her number and storming out in a dramatic fashion. As fate would have it, she reached for the Cabernet.

Jamal blotted the stain off of his jacket, more upset about the damage done to his attire than the damage done to his relationship. He promptly began contemplating which female currently sitting on the bench would be promoted to Patrice’s now-vacant spot. But that was a matter he could settle in the morning. For now, he had to drop off the jacket before the cleaners closed at nine and, of course, there was a game to catch.

Pastor Jeremiah Cason looked up from his Bible long enough to gaze lovingly at the framed picture on his desk in his church office. He couldn’t help but smile at the snaggletoothed little girl and the beautiful woman who grinned back at him.

The woman in the picture was Ola, his wife and soul mate, who had gone home to be with the Lord ten years earlier. The little girl, his daughter Catt, was now the spitting image of her mother. Catherine, known as Catt by most, had blossomed into a brilliant, caring woman, who’d traded her pigtails for a chic haircut and her dolls for a bachelor’s and master’s degree in chemistry.

With his beloved wife gone, Jeremiah devoted his life to two things: continuing to win souls for God’s Kingdom and his only begotten child. He’d promised Ola that he’d look after their daughter and make sure that she never lacked anything she needed. He rested easily at night knowing that he’d been able to keep that promise. Jeremiah made sure that Catt successfully made it through college and graduate school debt free. He helped her move into her first apartment and was at her side when she closed on her two-story ranch-style home. He coached her for her first big job interview and pled the blood of Jesus over her every day and every night.

Where he had not been so successful was in making sure that Catt had a life outside of the cosmetic lab, where she worked. Jeremiah had envisioned running around with his grandkids and going to football games with his son-in-law by this point in life. Instead, all he had was a few reassuring “I’m still young, Daddy! There’s plenty of time for that” speeches from Catt.

Jeremiah sighed and wiped the lenses of his glasses. He knew what the problem was. They all did. While Catt was cute, she wasn’t what the average man would consider sexy. She was a beautiful, sweet woman of God, but she was also a very full-figured woman. Jeremiah worried that men would be so focused on her weight that they would overlook all of her other wonderful qualities. Whenever he mentioned his concern to Catt, her response was always the same: “That’s their loss, not mine!” But in reality, it was both of their losses.

Jeremiah was resolute and determined that there was nothing his daughter would lack, including a man who loved her as much as he did. After careful prayer and consideration, he found a solution to both of their dilemmas through unassuming and spiritually minded thirty-three-year-old Minister Eldon James.

There was a knock at the pastor’s door, followed by Eldon, who ducked to slip his head through a crack in the door. “You wanted to see me, Pastor?”

Jeremiah nodded. “Yes, come in, son.”

Eldon came in and closed the door behind him. “I have the proposal for the youth lock-in right here.” He placed the folder on Jeremiah’s desk. “Everyone else has signed off on it. All we need now is your signature.”

Jeremiah flipped through the folder, nodding at times, then scrawled his signature across the last page. “Excellent work, Minister! I think one of the best decisions I ever made was putting you in charge of the youth ministry.”

Eldon grinned. “Well, thank you, sir. It’s an honor for me to serve God and the congregation here at Faith Temple.”

“We’re blessed to have you. I think very highly of you, son. I hope you know that.”

“Thank you. I’ll try to be worthy.”

“You know, Catt thinks highly of you too,” added Jeremiah with a twinkle in his eye.

Eldon smiled sheepishly. “Your daughter is a very special woman.”

“That she is, but she works too hard. I guess she gets that from me,” admitted Jeremiah. “But even I know there’s more to life than work. It’s been on my mind a lot these days.”

Eldon sat down in a chair across from the pastor. “What has?”

“Retiring, handing over the reins to someone a bit younger, stronger. I can’t do this forever. I’m not even sure that I want to try.”

“But, sir, you are Faith Temple Worship Center,” asserted Eldon.

“No, son, God is. I’m just one of His many stewards.” He noted the look of concern registered on Eldon’s face. “Don’t worry—I don’t plan on going anywhere any time soon. But I’ll be fifty-three this year. I’m not the same man I was when Ola and I came here almost thirty years ago. The bottom line is that we’ve got to be able to attract young people, particularly young families. Sometimes it takes a younger pastor to do that.”

“I can’t imagine anyone else leading the congregation but you.”

“Well, I have my eye on someone,” he hedged. “He’s a man of great character and integrity who loves the Lord. Plus, he’s young enough to draw in some young folks but stable enough to keep the church going. He’s also the man I’m hoping will be my son-in-law one day.”

Eldon let out a breath. “That’s a tall order!”

“I’m sure he can handle it.” Jeremiah reeled back in his chair and folded his hands over his protruding belly. “Tell me, Eldon, what do you think about my daughter?”

Eldon smiled. “She’s one in a million. She’s going to make some lucky man very happy one day.”

“I’ve watched the two of you interact with each other. You’re quite smitten with her, aren’t you?” Eldon lowered his head, embarrassed. “It’s okay,” shared Jeremiah with a chuckle. “I’m not going to drag you out behind the church and beat your brains out.”

Eldon’s anxiety dissipated. “Catt is the kind of woman I’ve been praying for my whole life,” he disclosed. “Unfortunately, I don’t think she has a lot of room in her life for a man right now.”

Jeremiah nodded. “Yeah, I know. She won’t leave that lab long enough to meet anybody. I hate to see her making that job and this church her whole life.”

“All you can do is pray for her, sir.”

“I do, but faith without works is dead. Sometimes we have help those we love see what they’re missing.” He stood up and walked over to Eldon, resting a hand on his shoulder. “I’ve watched you for a while now. I know that you’re a righteous man of God; there ain’t too many of y’all out there these days, especially not your age.”

Eldon shook his head to decline the compliment. “Don’t go putting me on a pedestal, Pastor. I’m still human. As they say, I’m not sinless; I just try to sin less.”

“Nobody expects you to be perfect, but the fact that you’re not too proud to admit that you have weaknesses says a lot about your character.” Jeremiah returned to his seat and held up his worn Bible. “You know, Timothy says that an overseer should be a man who is ‘above reproach, temperate, self-controlled, respectable, hospitable, able to teach . . .” Jeremiah turned to I Timothy in his NIV Bible and read aloud. “He must not be a recent convert, or he may become conceited and fall under the same judgment as the devil. He must also have a good reputation with outsiders, so that he will not fall into disgrace and into the devil’s trap.” He closed the book. “Now I think those are mighty fine traits to have, not only in a pastor, but also in a husband. At least the kind of husband I want for my angel. I believe you fit the bill, son.”

Eldon was humbled. “You see all that in me, sir?”

“If I didn’t, we wouldn’t be having this conversation,” Jeremiah told him.

“I know how much you love your daughter. It means a lot that you would trust me with her heart, not to mention taking over here once you retire.”

“You’ve proven yourself to me and to this congregation. When the time is right and with a little more training and experience, I think you’d be the perfect person to take over the helm.”

“It’s a huge honor and responsibility and one that I want you to know I don’t take lightly.” He leaned into Jeremiah. “I don’t talk about this with a lot of people, but I think this church is primed to be the next megachurch for folks in the South.”

“Really?” replied Jeremiah, surprised.

“Yes, sir. God has given me a vision for this church. I see us doing all kinds of outreach ministries, opening up a school, and making a lasting change in this city.” He rose, raising his wiry arms in gesture as he spoke. “Think of all the opportunities available through television and the Internet. There’s no telling how far we could go! I loo. . .