By the Grace of God

by Keshia Dawn

Genres: African American; African American Christian

Synopsis

When Gracie's fiancé, Dillian, suddenly walks out of her life without any explanation and then cuts off all lines of communication, she is left devastated and confused. She agonizes over his disappearing act, feeling like she at least deserves to know why. When Gracie finally finds the answer she's been looking for, the truth turns her life upside down. She's been betrayed in the worst way, and not only by Dillian. Now her life may be in jeopardy. Even with the support of her family and friends, Gracie struggles with her emotions. She turns to God to try to weather the storm, but will she be able to find her strength through all the thick, dark clouds?

Release date: December 1, 2012

Publisher: Urban Christian

Print pages: 304

Sample

Gracie started her day as normal as the next. With the stretches and pulls she forced on her limbs, she led her determined pupils in their warm-up routine at six o’clock in the morning.

“One, two, three, four. Again, one, two . . .” Gracie Gregory loved what she did even if she started her day before six o’clock in the morning. All of the success in her dream job didn’t come by hard work, but by a mere accident.

If it hadn’t been for the pulled and destroyed muscle in her leg that had her admitted into the hospital instead of signed up for the Summer Olympics, Gracie would have never found her career as an aerobics instructor. At the young age of twenty-two, Gracie’s hard efforts suddenly put an end to her life-long dream: she stretched too hard on an already-worn tendon. The ultimate competition that Gracie had forever dreamed of was no longer an option.

That disappointment was four years ago, and soon after, instead of sulking her “should’ve, could’ve, would’ve” syndrome, a determined Gracie put pen to paper while still in the hospital and went to plan ‘B’: her own business.

With a grand idea in mind and money lent from her supportive parents and godparents, Gracie opened her very own fitness workout center two years later and named it Full of Grace Fitness Gym, a place both men and women could frequent. Be it running, swimming, or even wall climbing, Gracie’s gym had it all and gave its consumers their money’s worth, right in the heart of Dallas.

Since she didn’t have the sources to fully staff and run the unique and fulfilling gym alone, Gracie decided to accept freelancing instructors and took on a business partner. Gracie could think of no one better qualified to become partner of her gym than her loyal best friend, Kendra.

For one, both had been health nuts since their track days at the university in Texas, blending perfectly together. But it was more than just their shared interest. It was instinct.

For Gracie, it was more on the level of being able to totally trust Kendra. Since Kendra was a friend through sunny days and gray skies, the support she showed as confidant, more like a sister, had always stayed with Gracie.

Just like when Gracie’s turmoil grew in her committed relationship with Dillian, ‘crazy Kendra’ as Gracie called her, was there to help her through, no matter what.

Walking into the shared office, Gracie greeted a seated Kendra. “Hey, girl.”

“What’s going on, Gracie? I thought you said you were going to change your hours after the summer?” Kendra responded to a half-energized Gracie.

“Yeah, I thought so too. But since things aren’t getting any better on the home front, the more I stay away, it seems to be best.” Gracie took a drink of her bottled water before sinking into the vacant sofa.

“You mean to tell me he’s still acting strange? What’s up with him, yo?”

Gracie smiled and shook her head at Kendra. Even though they were both born and raised in Texas and had Texas accents, Kendra loved to use her bits and pieces of East Coast slang that she picked up from her East Coast boyfriend, Sean.

“Honestly, I don’t know. He paged me and said he wanted to get together during my first break and talk.” With their relationship already on the brink of death, Gracie knew things between her and Dillian were just about over. “I’m wondering if I should even go.”

Kendra, noticing distress in Gracie’s brown eyes, felt that Gracie needed a hug. She rose from her recliner and offered her friend a supportive embrace. Kendra knew even if it was the end of their relationship, Gracie and Dillian needed to talk.

From the beginning, Kendra had seen the love that Dillian had for Gracie and vice versa. She had been thrown for a loop as well when issues developed in their relationship and threw them off course. Yet and still, Kendra knew that she had to be the shoulder when Gracie needed to cry.

“You can’t just not talk to him, Gracie. Whatever it is, good or bad, you need to know. If he is not the man that is supposed to be your husband, you need to know so that you don’t waste any more time on the relationship.” Kendra tried to keep her eyes on Gracie as she picked up her workout towel and CDs.

“I know,” was all that Gracie could muster up.

Kendra stood beside the door, watching the array of emotions gather on Gracie’s face. “Are you going to be okay, girl?” Kendra asked. “I have a class in about two minutes, but . . .”

“Yeah,” Gracie lied, as she offered Kendra a weak smile. “Go on. I’ll talk to you later, but thanks for listening.”

Kendra gave Gracie a parting smile before leaving. As the door shut, Gracie slid off the sofa and reached for her two-way on the table.

For the next fifteen minutes, Gracie and her beau fought to set up the time they needed to put aside to have their “talk.”

“Is this not something that can wait until I make it home from work?” Gracie paged Dillian.

“No! So are you coming or not?” Dillian responded.

When they couldn’t agree on a time that suited both of their schedules, they both responded with “fine.”

Gracie knew she couldn’t neglect her eight o’clock class with her paying customers just because Dillian didn’t have any clients at that time slot. Her routine was just as important as his.

Six o’clock was her first class: fifty minutes with a fifteen-minute cool down. Next, she had a forty-five minute break that Dillian wanted her to rush home during. That time was consciously set aside for greetings and questions. After that, her next class started promptly at eight o’clock. She had a schedule, and she wasn’t breaking it.

Assuming that he would be at the apartment, Gracie made up her mind to go home for lunch to see if he really wanted to talk. If so, she knew he’d be there at twelve.

Gracie rubbed her face and let out a long, wistful sigh. “How did things get like this?” she asked the empty office. Her mind whirled as she tried to come up with an answer. She couldn’t figure it out. It had only been six months since she and Dillian had made one of the biggest steps a couple could make: accepting that they were meant to be husband and wife. “We need to figure this out,” she whispered, determination in her weary voice.

Despite the melancholy mood that swept over Gracie as she headed to the apartment that she shared with Dillian on Turtle Creek, an upscale area in the Dallas area, she couldn’t help but smile about the positives in her life. She had a parking spot at the fitness center that read “Owner Parking Only” for crying out loud. Her plan ‘A’ might have failed, but her plan ‘B’ gave her an abundance of blessings.

A nice luxury car, an apartment in one of the best neighborhoods and a booming business right in the heart of downtown Dallas, Gracie was a person of most people’s dreams. She’d defied the odds—being an African American plus being a woman. Gracie had achieved a dream for many. Rubbing her thigh with her right hand, Gracie smiled as she thought about her blessings.

Gracie, you are beautiful, whole, and almost complete! What on earth are you stressing about? She reminded herself.

Reaching for her rearview mirror, she stared back at the brown distinctive eyes that were looking at her. She was a gorgeous individual that made a statement, be it in tights or a two-piece suit, her honey-colored skin rounded off her completeness whether she knew it or not.

As far as the gym, with her clientele growing at a rapid pace, she had already begun expanding her business ideas. Now she was focusing on opening another gym and even adding a small spa. That quest alone would make her one of the first young African American women to venture into the fitness world in Dallas, twice over, operating and owning her dream.

Just thinking about the new plans made Gracie frown because Dillian had been number one on her list to run the spa. Now that their relationship was on pins and needles, she had a lot of rethinking to do.

As she pulled off the reconstructed and widened Highway 75, Gracie maneuvered through the narrow streets of her complex. Easing her custom-made champaign interior on champaign exterior Mercedes Benz C-class through the opened garage door, Gracie took off her sunglasses. he was shocked when she noticed the U-Haul truck parked in front of their condo.

Gracie reluctantly eased her body out of the driver’s seat, forgetting to take the key out of the car’s ignition.

Gracie pressed the strands of black lengthy hair that had fallen out of her ponytail back into place. Heading directly toward her boyfriend-turned fiancé months prior with the 2.5 carat engagement ring—Gracie had questions as Dillian continued his walk away from the rented truck.

She didn’t know whether to scream or to cry, so instead, she did neither. Her voice steady, her eyes leveled, Gracie started. “Excuse me, Dillian, I’m sorry to bother you, but what on earth are you doing?”

With his six-foot-one-inch frame, Dillian halted with bags in tow and lowered them to the ground. Rubbing his slightly calloused and now empty hands profusely, Dillian was ashamed that Gracie had caught him in his escape.

“Gracie I thought you wouldn’t be able to get away from the gym?” Dillian had no choice but to apologize in the awkward moment. “Look, I’m sorry, okay?”

As she searched for sincerity in Dillian’s once honesty filled eyes, Gracie could not believe that her well-groomed, black knight of a fiancé was walking away from her. “Sorry? Sorry for what? I thought we needed to talk, but I didn’t think you meant talk about you moving out! Can you help me more clearly understand what’s going on?”

Through her tears, Gracie took in the blurry images of Dillian’s bags, the U-Haul truck, and then Dillian’s face. She was beyond confused and her heart was breaking slowly. Dillian guided Gracie to the apartment by the elbow.

Dillian sat a despondent Gracie down on the couch in the living room while he took a seat on the sofa opposite her. He took her hands. Opening his mouth to speak, his words were in no hurry.

“I knew this was going to be hard,” he muttered. “I thought about leaving a letter,” he said, more to himself than to Gracie.

“Dillian?”

Dillian looked up into Gracie’s heavy eyes, full of confusion and questions.

“Gracie I know you don’t completely understand what is going on and I may look like a coward to you, but I need to leave. I have to go. I’ve put us in a situation that isn’t good for either one of us.”

“But ... but Dillian, I don’t understand. All relationships have rocky times. You don’t talk to me when I’m here. What’s going on?” Gracie reached out her hands, wanting to throw her arms around Dillian to let him know that things could get better, but he stopped her in mid-air.

Dillian sat back on the sofa and wished he could make this bad dream go away. No matter how many times he closed his eyes, reality was still present.

“I owe you an explanation. I know that.” Dillian offered, “You just need to understand that I will give you one. Just not right now.” Dillian lowered his head, taking Gracie out of his eyesight. It pained him to know that he was walking away from her—the woman of all women. She was close enough to perfection in his eyes, which made it more than painful to do what he had to do.

Not being able to control her shaking hands or the jumping of her legs, Gracie’s attractive face was hidden behind her tears.

“What! You expect me to just let you go?” She looked down at her ring and fingered it, twirling it around her slender finger. “You put this ring on my finger, Dillian. What am I supposed to do, just let it go because you can’t do it? Because you won’t do it? Talk to me. Tell me something I don’t know, because obviously I know nothing! Obviously I don’t even know you!”

After taking in the questions, Dillian ran his hand over his stubble beard. “Just let me go. I’m dealing with a lot right now. Just let me go.” Dillian walked back to Gracie to finish what he started. “I love you, Gracie. I love you with all my being. Please forgive me.” Dillian bent down and placed a kiss on Gracie’s left temple before leaving.

With her last bit of energy, Gracie curled up in the fetal position and cried. Her what about me questions would just have to be answered by her own instinct. She couldn’t—and wouldn’t—do anymore.

Although she wanted nothing more than to run after her “Mr. Right,” Gracie had always told herself that if a man had enough guts to let her know that he didn’t want her, she would be woman enough to accept it. She had seen, time and time again, women throwing themselves back into meaningless relationships all for the comfort. She had made it twenty-six years without throwing herself at a man, and she didn’t plan on making herself a statistic yet.

Gracie was an only child and her parents were nearing seventy years in age. So she felt there was no way she could call them and put her burdens on them, but she needed to talk. The pain that bled inside her was too much to keep in. With a shaky hand, Gracie reached out and picked up the phone behind her on the end table and dialed her godparents’ number instead.

“Hello, you’ve reached the Caleb’s residence. Sorry we are unable to answer your call at this time. If you would briefly leave a detailed message, we will be sure to return your call promptly.”

“Hello? Nancy? It’s me, Gracie. I need you to call me when you get a chance. It’s nothing life threatening, but I need to talk to you. I need to talk to someone.” After hanging up the phone, Gracie decided against her own decision and picked up the telephone to call her parents as well.

After telling her mother that she would be driving down for the weekend, the cheer in her mother’s voice almost made her think twice. All she wanted to do was to cry, and cry some more. Hiding her pain would be a difficult task if she chose to not let her parents in on her secret, which is exactly what she had planned to do.

Knowing that she needed the fresh air to clear her mind, she promised herself tha. . .